tagHumor & SatireDream Police: Sphincter Division

Dream Police: Sphincter Division


The phone rang.

Lance Meadows stared at it for a moment, then leaped across the desk, startling his partner, Derek Anthony. “Dream Police, Sphincter Division.”

“Oh, thank God you’re there!” The woman’s voice was shaky, filled with unshed tears. “I’ve been having the worst dreams lately and I need your help!”

“We’re on our way!” Lance slammed the receiver back onto its cradle. “Come on, Derek! It’s an emergency!”

Sirens blazing, Meadows and Anthony sped over to the cozy house tucked on a side street in the more expensive part of town. The woman who answered the door looked as if she’d been crying and hid her face behind a long fall of black hair.

“Thank you for coming. Please come in.”

The two officers stepped into the home, taking a summary look around before turning their attention back on the woman. Lance noticed that she was pretty, with cornflower blue eyes and a mouth shaped like a bow. She was of Asian descent and was built on the small side, her chin just reaching Derek’s chest and he was the shorter of the two officers at 5’11”.

“So, what can we help you with, ma’am?”

“It’s my ass.”

Lance and Derek exchanged glances. “Your ass, ma’am?”

“Yes.” She began to cry again. “It’s … it’s too small!”

Derek took her arm and led her to the sofa, patiently waiting for her tears to dry while Lance looked at photos perched on the mantel. In most of the pictures, she was sharing an embrace with a large black man. “Why don’t you start at the beginning?”

She took a breath and pushed the hair back from her face. “My name is Akiko and that’s my husband, Gerald. At least for now … “ A new round of tears started.

“What do you mean?”

“He told me that he wants a divorce because he can’t get his huge cock into my tight asshole!”

Again, the officers looked at each other, enduring yet another bout of tears. This was going to take a long time. “So the problem is that you have a small asshole?”


“Have you tried getting a toy or anything like that?”

“I’ve tried but it’s just really hard!”

“Hold on a moment.” Derek motioned Lance over to the mantel, casting an eye back on the distraught woman. “Lance, we’ll have to help her with this.”

“Are you sure? We could call for backup.”

“No, we won’t need backup and besides, the captain would be upset if we wasted man hours for a problem like this.”

Lance turned away, his face turning red. “I-I don’t know, Derek. Last time … “

“Last time, you were sick with a cold. Anyone knows that influenza can directly affect the cock’s ability to stay hard.” Derek patted Lance’s shoulder. “You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Lance released a hard breath. “But I was just so embarrassed. And then when you had to blow me … “

“Hey, what are friends for?” Derek gave his partner a playful punch. “Now come on. Don’t think about it. Remember out motto? ‘Serve Them Erect.’ This woman needs our help and it’s our job to help her! Now, can you do it?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can. And Derek?” Lance stopped Derek as he turned back to the teary woman. “Thanks.”

“No problem, man. Now let’s handle this call.” Derek led the way back to Akiko. “All right, Akiko. We can help you.”

“Oh, thank you!” She launched herself into his arms and both officers giggled. “Let’s go upstairs and see if we can’t solve your problem.”

Akiko immediately undressed when they reached the bedroom and sat on the bed, watching as both officers undressed, Lance reaching for his utility belt. He extracted a tube of something and set it on the nightstand, his other hand stroking his cock into hardness. Derek sensed his partner’s anxiety and took the lead, bringing his eight-inch cock to bear in front of her.

“We have to start with a witness statement.”

Akiko nodded knowingly and curled her small hand around Derek’s thick, veiny rod, her rosebud mouth opening and sliding over the head. Derek balled his hands into fists and gritted his teeth to withstand her soft lips. He nearly shouted when she lazily dragged her teeth across his super-sensitive crown.

“Okay. That’s good. Now my partner.”

Lance fought past the lump in his throat and the uncertainty in his heart and stepped toward her, his six-and-a-half incher hanging, half-flaccid. She ignored his apprehension and went straight to work, awakening his cock and bringing it into glorious, rigid life. The smile on Lance’s face was as large as his ego now.

“All right, miss. This might be a little difficult but we want to make sure that we do a good job. Time to do the report.”

Lance laid down on the bed, smiling widely as Akiko crawled over him, pausing to sink his stiff pole into her wet pussy. Derek moved behind them, rubbing his pre-cum dripping prick on her creamy ass globes and reaching down to give his partner’s balls a reassuring squeeze. Lance’s eyes met his over her shoulder and he winked. Good. Everything was going well so far. The next part of the procedure was going to be the toughest, but he, Derek Wayne Anthony, hadn’t lost a citizen yet and he wasn’t going to start now.

He squeezed a small amount of lubrication onto his finger and gently rubbed it on her ass hole. Akiko flinched, throwing a look of absolute terror back at him, but Lance grabbed her jaw and pulled her eyes back to his, letting his hands move down and caress her breasts. Pinching her nipples caught and held her attention while Derek slid one finger into her asshole. Immediately, she shouted in pain, trying to pull away from him and escape.

“Ma’am, please don’t move. We won’t harm you.”

“It already hurts!”

“You’ve asked for our help, ma’am. We can’t help you without completing the report.”

Akiko seemed to rethink her actions and nodded to Derek. “Okay.”

“Breathe deeply, bear down a little and think about my partner’s cock in your pussy.”

“Yes, sir.”

Derek kept his finger inside her and waited until Lance had found a steady rhythm again, then slid two in. Akiko screamed again, this time from the combination of his invading digits and her second orgasm. Lance whimpered, feeling her cunt muscles gripping him and fighting to stave off his own climax. Sweat boiled on his forehead and his jaw muscles were beginning to ache but a wink from Derek let him know that he was doing a superlative job. That gave him the strength to carry on. He wouldn’t let his partner down!

Another finger slid in, bringing the total to three and Derek worked them down to the knuckles. Akiko’s scream was muffled this time, her mouth filled with Lance’s tongue. He kept working them, adding more lube when it was needed and finally satisfied, he stepped behind her and pressed the head of his cock inside.

“No! No, officer! I can’t do it!”

“Yes, you can, Akiko. You’re a strong woman! Do this for the sake of your community!”

She screamed. Her nipples and her filled pussy couldn’t keep her mind off of the pain that coursed through her loins and up her spine. So imagine her surprise when the ache melted to a dull throb and an undeniable surge of pleasure racked her body from pussy lips to nipple tips. Derek held absolutely still, knowing, through long experience, what changes were going on in Akiko. Lance didn’t move, either, waiting for his partner’s signal that all was well. Akiko gave the signal, pushing back into Derek’s body and accepting his entire fat prick in her tiny hole.

“Now, Lance. Now!”

Lance started slamming into her pussy, shivering at the feeling of his partner’s prick through the thin membrane of her body and Derek matched the rhythm, grasping her ass and ramming himself into her. Akiko came first and her clutching pussy set Lance and Derek off, both spewing hot ropes of thick cum into her pussy and ass holes. Derek pulled off first, then helped Lance up, leaving Akiko covered with the sheets and blankets.

“Oh, my God! That was fantastic! You’ve saved my life!”

“No problem, ma’am.” Derek flinched as Lance sucked his limp prick clean. “It’s our job.”

While Derek licked his cock clean of Akiko’s juices, Lance gave her one of their cards. “Here’s our card. If you ever need our help again, please don’t hesitate to call.”

Akiko took the card and watched the officers finish their dressing. “Dream Police. Sphincter Division? I never knew that there was such a division.”

“There are a lot of divisions in our force, Akiko. There’s a world of people with a world of problems.” Derek gave her his best official smile. “Well, we’re off.”

“Good bye! And thank you so much!”


When they arrived back at the station, the captain called them into his office.

“You guys did it again!” He hung up the phone, wearing a big smile. “I just got off the phone with Akiko Myers and she said her husband was fucking her ass three ways to Sunday. In fact, he was doing it while I was talking to her!” Derek, Lance and the captain broke into laughter. “You guys are the best!”

“Thanks, Captain!” Derek clapped Lance on the back and they gleefully went back to their desks.

“Hey, Derek?”

“Yeah, Lance?”

“You’re the best partner a guy ever had!”

“Same to you, guy.”

They sat smiling each other until the phone rang again.

Lance smiled and snatched up the receiver. “Dream Police, Sphincter Division.”

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