Driving in Snow Ch. 06

I said: "There is a funny aspect to trust. It seems that trust in your partner is central to a truly loving relationship. Yet at a deeper level the trust really becomes trust in self and trust in process. Trust in process is becoming aware of how everything in our lives, both things that are painful and things that are joyful serve to guide us and teach us. These things are actually awareness of our internal divinity."

We talked about this for a while before returning to the topic of sacred sex.

We talked about the meaning of the word 'namaste' and how sex can be a very intense way of saying namaste.

Connie was very intrigued by the idea of sex as 'sharing the sacred flame.'

Barbara commented that "Sharing the sacred flame can take other forms" and proceeded to describe her experience during her dance.

Connie asked lots of questions. Barbara gave some profound answers. Obviously Barbara was in a very spiritually connected space.

The conversation finally wound down.

Another Dance.

Cindy turned to Connie and asked: "Shall we do a belly dance together for Matt?"

Connie smiled and said: "Barb asked me to bring a costume and I did, even though I really was not expecting to actually use it, but OK, let's do it." She turned to Cindy and asked: "Do you have a costume?"

Cindy smiled and said: "Barb and I will share hers."

Connie raised an eyebrow but didn't say a word.

Connie, Barbara and Cindy left to change. The rest of us moved to the living room. Mary loaded a CD. I put the battery back in my camera. Ann took it and said to me: "Just enjoy the dance. I'll take the photos" I gave her some quick instruction in using my camera.

The girls returned. Barb was wearing the bikini top, the coin belt and her harem pants. Connie was wearing a costume which was similar to the one she had given Barbara. Cindy was wearing Barb's harem top, Barb's bikini bottoms and the modified half slip. Cindy's nipples were clearly visible.

While Ann, Cindy and Mary were on the thin side, Connie was pleasantly well padded. Not fat, just well padded. Her breasts were larger than Ann's but smaller than Barbara's. She was showing a deep navel, very pretty.

Samantha came in and jumped into my lap. She rolled onto her back and I started to rub her tummy. She purred.

Ann said: "She's never done that before."

Connie just stared. She was well aware of Samantha's normal behaviors.

Mary started the music and the three girls started dancing. The dance was similar to the one Cindy had done solo during our photographic session. The girls were trying to do the same moves at the same time, but were only partially successful at this. Nonetheless, they were doing a beautiful dance. Ann stood next to the sofa, clicking away.

Samantha rolled over and watched, still purring.

At one point each girl danced a solo number.

Cindy's dance was very energetic and included several twirls which caused the skirt to fly out. At one point she turned her back to us and then bent backward until her hair was sweeping the floor and her top had fallen clear of her breasts. She smiled broadly as she rocked her arms, shoulders and breasts back and forth.

Connie did a very beautiful solo, with a really amazing shimmy.

As Connie danced, Cindy noticed that one knot on her bikini bottom was coming untied. She unobtrusively reached down and untied the other knot allowing it to fall to the floor. She was just as unobtrusive as she flipped it under the sofa with her toe.

Barbara began by holding her body perfectly still, moving only her head and arms. Slowly, she started adding more and more of herself until everything was in motion. She ended the number again holding still with one hand at her side and the other above her head.

Barbara then signaled her mother to stop the music. The three girls had a whispered conversation and then Barbara announced that they would do one more cut together.

Barb nodded to her mother who restarted the music and the three girls began to dance. This time Barbara was calling out instructions and the three were moving together. The result was magnificent. Cindy occasionally flashed her lower curls or her butt, but neither Barb nor Connie noticed.

As the song ended, Mary, Ann and I applauded loudly and the three dancers all bowed low.

Hugs.

I stood and Barb stepped into my arms for a hug. She ground her body into mine as I stroked her back and butt. She sighed loudly and finally we let go.

I turned to Cindy for a similar hug. She was every bit as passionate as her sister.

Connie stepped into my arms and we melted together as I ran my hands up and down her back under her harem top. She moaned and started to also grind herself into me. She squeezed me tight. Finally we released.

I thought: "Wow."

She said: "Wow."

I almost had it.

We all sat down. When Cindy sat down her skirt fell to either side of her legs such that she was showing her 'lower curls.'

Connie stared at Cindy, looking first at her pubic patch, up to her breasts, then her smiling face and back down again. Then she looked at Mary and back to Cindy. She said: "I'm amazed at this since you have always been the most body shy of all the cheerleaders."

I thought: 'Body shy - Cindy?? Well, if you say so, but that sure isn't the Cindy I know - and love.'

Cindy replied: "It's OK if you are with real friends, like I am now. As I said before you should try hugging naked."

Connie looked at Mary and asked: "What do you think of naked hugs?"

Mary replied: "I had my first one this week, had lots since and they have been wonderful. You do, however, need to be with the right person."

Barbara interjected: "Calling them wonderful is an understatement."

Ann and Cindy nodded.

Connie looked at me and asked: "Do you want to hug me naked?"

I replied: "If you will be comfortable doing so."

She pulled the harem top over her head and unhooked her bikini top. Saying: "I don't believe I'm actually doing this."

Connie's nipples were dark brown and fully erect, very beautiful. Magnificent breasts - large but pert.

As she stood to remove her remaining costume, the rest of us started undressing also. When we finished undressing we smiled at each other.

Connie was beautiful. She was radiating innocence. I found that looking at her was both a sexual experience and a mystical one.

She stepped into my arms again. She began somewhat tentatively but soon melted into me again. At first we stayed motionless, just holding each other. Then she started to grind her bosom into my chest and her mons into my upper thigh. I stroked her back and butt and was developing an erection.

I knew, I just knew, Connie was my mystery girl!

I asked her if anything unusual happened Wednesday afternoon and evening and again last night.

She responded: "Oh my God yes. I've never felt so loved. It was overwhelming, overwhelming and wonderful, like a warm fuzzy blanket. You were doing it, I just know, YOU were doing it."

I looked over at Barbara and said: "Here is my mystery girl."

Barbara replied with the high sign and a big grin.

We continued hugging.

I found something very strange was happening. We seemed to be at the center of a multicolored flame which swirled and danced around us. There was no heat, just light, beautiful light. I had always considered the phrase 'sacred fire' to be symbolic or metaphorical, not something capable of psychic manifestation.

Something weird was going on within me also. All the sexual activity of the last week, in fact all of my sexual activity in my entire life was fading away and I was forgetting what sex was about. Somehow none of it mattered. Connie was all that mattered, all I wanted. I just wanted to explore sex with Connie.

She murmured: "oh, ... Oh, ... yes, ... yes, ... Yes, ... pl, ... oh, please, ... please, ... sacred fire, ... please share, ... the sacred fire, ... with me, ... please, ... yes, ... please, oh, ...don't stop, ... Oh, yes, ... Oh, ... Oh, ... OHHH, ... YES."

I wondered if she had just had an orgasm.

She started to kiss me, she plunged her tongue into my mouth. I reciprocated, while I massaged her butt.

The Wells girls looked on with open mouths.

My penis, being bent downward, was getting uncomfortable so I rocked my hips back and to the side enough to move it up so it was between our bellies. She ground herself into it.

The flame seemed to be getting bigger and brighter. It was pure colors and brilliant white, swirling and dancing.

Connie shuddered and moaned loudly. Then she relaxed, breaking the kiss. We held each other gently and looked into each others eyes. Her eyes were shining. They looked like pools of melted chocolate. We smiled softly.

The flame subsided but did not disappear.

I kissed Connie again, softly, lightly.

The flame flared brighter than ever. It swirled faster and faster.

I brought my hand up and caressed her cheek. She kissed my finger, then she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me tenderly. I ran my hand down to her breast and caressed it gently.

My member was poking her in the navel. We laughed, she wiggled and I squeezed her breast.

She nodded, then giggled slightly. She whispered: "That's the wrong hole. Put it in the right hole. Let's really share the sacred fire."

I responded: "Are you sure? - This is a big step and remember we might not ever see each other again."

She nodded: "I'm sure, I'm very sure."

She turned to Barbara and asked: "Can we borrow your bed?"

Connie.

Barbara glanced at her mother, then back at her friend and agreed.

I felt a wave of love wash over me. It came from Ann. It was awesome. As it receded I was hit with a second one, just as awesome. This one was from Barbara. I knew that they really approved of what Connie and I were about to do.

Cindy and Mary were both smiling.

I felt a third wave of love, even more powerful than the first two. This one was from my wife. Here too was a strong feeling of approval. I found myself wondering if she knew just what she was agreeing to.

Connie and I started to walk upstairs and I asked her if she was on the pill. She said no but that she did have a package of condoms in her purse.

The flame was still with us. I asked her if she could see it.

She said yes and wanted to know if this was normal.

I told her that it was a first for me.

It seemed to really be a first in other ways also. I really felt like a virgin, happily about to share myself with my true love.

She had a shy smile on her face. I suspect that I did too.

We lay on the bed and necked, moving on to petting and eventually we made love. It was all gentle, sweet and loving. Connie had several orgasms. Our flame flared and subsided but did not extinguish until the very end.

There is something extra special about your first time, especially if your partner is also a virgin. I had just had that experience twice in one lifetime. I found myself feeling that something very important had just happened. I wondered what it was.

We cuddled for a while. She was really nice to cuddle with.

She said: "I didn't know it but I was waiting for you."

I replied: "That's what Barbara said."

She asked: "What else did she say?"

I answered: "That when I meet my mystery girl I should bed her."

She then said: "Barb is a true friend."

As we were starting to get up she bent down, removed the condom and licked me clean. Then she took my member into her mouth and swirled her tongue around it.

She smiled up at me and said: " Now - that's nice."

Finally we got up and started back downstairs. As we reached the top of the stairs I found myself being totally aware of all the women in my life: loves consummated and unconsummated, actual and potential. All so sweet. All so beautiful. I found myself squeezing Connie's hand.

Ann was waiting for us with my camera. She took a number of photos, starting with us descending the stairs. She had us stop on the stairs while she clicked off about a dozen shots.

I would later discover that Ann had taken several pictures showing drops of blood running down the inside of Connie's thigh. These would be very special to me.

We joined the Wells family in the living room. We sat around nude. I had Connie on my lap and continued to gently stroke her back, side and legs.

We first discussed sending love.

I described what I found happening during Barbara's dance and later. I explained about all the people I was sending love to and about my 'mystery girl.'

Connie pulled her hair across her face just below her eyes, like a veil, batted her eyelashes, looked incredibly seductive and said in a throaty whisper: "I like being your mastery girl."

I kissed her.

We went back to discussing sending love in general and then the experience of making love as a spiritual activity.

Most of the time Connie had a real 'cat ate the canary grin' on her face.

We described our flame and talked about symbols and manifesting symbols.

The conversation slowly morphed into a discussion about spiritual journeys and the role of symbolism in understanding the process.

I found myself quoting William Butler Yates' poem "The Song of Wandering Aengus." This poem has been very meaningful to me for a long time, in some ways reflecting my journey, my quest. I concluded: "Being here has been 'plucking the golden apples of the sun.'"

When I had finished quoting the poem Ann had tears running down her cheeks. She hugged me tight around my shoulders as best she could without displacing Connie.

She pointed out to me that in several mythologies golden apples provide immortality.

Ann and Barbara both talked about examples of symbolism in their lives.

Somehow this morphed into a discussion about decision making and the role of logic and the role of intuition in decision making.

Connie said: "I may sometimes give the impression otherwise but really I have always assumed that I would be a virgin on my wedding night. Likewise I would only wed after a long courtship, really getting to know my future mate. I assumed that I would be cooly logical in making my decisions. Historically, I thought you talking about trusting intuition to be sort of silly. What happened today tossed all that out the window. I've never been in a really intuitive space before. I guess I've never been in love before either. My mind wants to say this is totally crazy but my heart says otherwise."

She kissed my cheek.

She continued: "I never would have thought that I could be seduced by a hug and yet that hug opened a door within me. A door to a truly wonderful place. A door to my soul. Before this I really didn't believe I had one, far less was one and yet that's what I discovered today."

She looked me in the eye, saying: "My soul met your soul. Our souls touched. That touching became caressing. I want to say our souls danced. My soul then showed me, or maybe I should say the real I showed my personality, what love could be about and that led to discovering the joys of sex. That sex was a symbolic act, an honoring of love. That love was coming from my soul and to my soul. All I can say is: Wow."

I kissed her and hugged her close. One breast was crushed into my chest. I caressed the other.

We talked about living as soul for a while.

We also talked about the dynamics of being in love with someone before the personalities involved had even met. That discussion got more than a little wild. Barbara brought a unique perspective to it. I channeled some of it. I learned a lot.

Connie felt very moved, very loved. At one point she was shedding tears of joy.

Eventually it was time for Connie to go. Ann took some more pictures, both single and some group shots, as well as several portraits. She photographed Connie and I hugging. The pictures featured big smiles and great eye contact. Connie was radiant.

We shared a really big hug. She didn't want to end it. Neither did I.

As Connie was about to head upstairs to dress she turned to Barbara and said: "I'll drive you guys to school tomorrow."

While she was dressing I dug into my bag of spiritual writings and gathered a set to give to Connie.

When Connie came back down, Mary asked: "Would you like to join us for breakfast tomorrow?"

Connie's face lit up. She replied: "Oh yeah."

I gave Connie another extra big hug. With this hug she whispered to me: "You'll always be welcome in my bed."

I gave her my writings.

She took them and said: "It looks like my physics homework won't get done tonight. I've got more important things to study. Thank you - Thank you my love."

It was sad to see her go.

Sunday evening.

I talked about all that had happened and what was likely to follow, how the feelings of euphoria, of bliss, would fade away, we would go back to normal. Later the psychic stuff was likely to fade away too, but that the love was real, our history together was real, and how this week had made me much more aware in terms of experience that I was really a spiritual being living as a human, how we were all spiritual beings working together, loving together to unfold a beautiful experience.

We continued discussing how we were becoming aware of how this lifetime fit into a much larger picture. We were starting to appreciate the incredible beauty of that larger picture.

I talked about the different attire at Wednesday's breakfast and how I felt that they symbolized my whole stay. Each was unique and it was not really possible to compare them. I had shared love differently with each of them and in each case it had been a mystical experience as much or more than a sexual one. Likewise each improved my experiences with the others.

We discussed these topics for a long time.

I said that these experiences were really beyond words but if I had to use words then I would describe Ann as sweetness and pure love even as she displayed her brilliant mind. That purity of love was itself a profound spiritual connection. Barbara was incredibly deep, amazingly connected to her higher self and the entire universe. Cindy was expressing a powerful spirituality as playful joy. Mary was loving completion. Mary was also about recovering innocence, rediscovering innocence, re-experiencing innocence. Connie was about awakening to spirit, loving from spirit, personality trusting spirit and honoring spiritual love. Connie was also about creating a place where I could re-experience my own innocence.

We found ourselves coming to see the profound rightness of my sharing myself sexually with all of them. This was very meaningful to all of them but especially for Mary. It was also very meaningful to me.

I commented that: "I am an old man, any one of you would more than satisfy all of my sexual desires, actually any of you would have more than satisfied all of my sexual desires when I was twenty, but each of you brought something more to it, something transcendent, each in a unique and wonderful way and I am just so thankful for each of you. You are each my beloved." I bowed to each of them.

I complimented Mary on the wonderful job she had done raising her daughters.

This time she was willing to accept my compliment.

We talked more about just how special each of the girls actually was and how fate had given Mary the opportunity to work some real magic in raising them.

Mary talked about how all the pain in her life had fueled a transcendence. How it had pushed her or maybe pulled her into spiritual exploration and how that and the love and loving that comes with that was what living was really all about.

Mary was beginning to see the rightness in her life. Another Taoist farmer story.

I found myself hoping that she could hold onto some of this insight.

I then said: "The Hindu tradition has lots and lots of gods and goddesses starting with Brahma, the creator, Vishnu the preserver and Shiva, the destroyer. Yet each of these is seen as an aspect of the one God Brahman. Brahman is too much to be viewed directly like '...The light of 1000 suns, shining at midday...' Each of you, actually all of the women in my life from Susan to Connie, are likewise aspects of the one goddess. There is a profound connection here and a profound teaching for me and I thank you all for it."