Driving in Snow Ch. 20

The hugs at the end of this party were especially erotic. I had the feeling that every one of them was hoping I would take them. I am not sure that I necessarily like the reasons however.

There was definitely quite a bit of sexual energy present with the hugs. Most of the time this had been totally absent from our pool parties even with all the nudity.

Ann drove everyone but Joan back. Then she was off to have dinner with Fil.

Joan and I talk.

Joan and I were back on the couch. I suggested that this time we keep our pants on.

She agreed saying: "That is a good idea. I just started taking birth control pills and I want to give them time to be effective."

We alternated between necking and talking about reincarnation. I explained some of the evidence for it. She was surprised that there was so much and that it was so strong. She was especially surprised to hear that it was part of early Christianity and was removed by a Byzantine emperor in the sixth century.

I also talked about a number of past lives that I had discovered before meeting the Wells family. I pointed out how that information dovetailed with Ann's material. Joan found that to be somewhat persuasive.

The necking turned into light petting. Her top and bra again came off. We made out for about a half hour. We were past hot. Finally we just cuddled.

We started discussing the journey of souls.

At one point she said: "You are beginning to convince me that I really do have a soul."

I replied: "I would like to get you to a state where you experience the fact that you are a soul. You are a soul that has bodies, not the other way around. As you experience life as soul you will find that it becomes a happy place, love becomes more central, fear just drops away and things make more sense."

She responded: "Umm. Interesting thought."

We kissed gently, no tongue.

We continued our discussion. Much of the time I held one breast in my hand, not playing with it, just feeling its softness.

I said: "By coming into my life you have caused me to give a great deal of thought to Jean. For the first time in my life I find that I am glad things turned out as they did. I still regret that we never went dancing and that I never took any pictures of her but those are minor things."

I explained that in trying to get her back, I did and said a great many things which insured she would stay away. I proceeded to give a number of examples.

I said: "Most of the really important decisions in our lives seem to be trivial at the time but they set up the ones we see as important. It is often a choice between coming from love or coming from fear. Making these decisions brings home the importance of living mindfully, all the time. Of course none of us can really do that. If we could we would not need to be here. The spiritual laws work in subtle ways.

Continuing: "I didn't date in high school. Wanted to but somehow never got up the courage to ask a girl out on a regular date. I did take girls to the proms but I didn't even get a good night kiss from the girl I took to the senior prom. We were both shy. I watched the cool guys, the guys who were successful and listened to what they said when they were with just guys. I did not see myself as ever being that callous.

"An aside: Many years later at a high school reunion one of the girls said: 'All the guys in high school were assholes.' She was given applause by most of the other women present. I thought: 'No we weren't all assholes but the ones that weren't didn't get dates.'

"Anyway I went to a number of mixer dances freshman year of college but seemed to always end up with girls from far away colleges and I didn't have a car. Freshman year I read a book on sacred sexuality and I found that the idea really resonated. I really didn't have any idea as to how to get there but the seed was planted. Sophomore year I met Sally and we dated for months. We went to movies and usually ended up necking and light petting back at my apartment. I still remember her bright smile the first time I removed her bra. That spring I met Juli, an incredibly sexy young woman. She was the first girl to proposition me. I sometimes wonder how my life would have turned out if I had taken her up on it. Three girls propositioned me sophomore year and two my junior year but none felt right so I stayed a virgin. I did not admit it however, that would be un-cool. I always tried to pretend to be cool.

"Being cool was really fear driven but I was not admitting that, even to myself. The idea of spiritual sex was always in the background, something I really wanted. But spiritual sex seemed to be totally un-cool.

"Then I met Jean, at the end of spring term junior year. She was attending a nearby college. We got together a number of times over the summer. I was getting the internal 'Yes' with Jean. "People didn't talk about soul mates back then but I certainly felt that I had found mine. Our making out rapidly progressed to heavy petting. I found that I enjoyed giving her orgasms even more than I enjoyed having my own."

Joan said: "You are the only man I've ever gotten a 'Yes' about. I can't say it is from my soul, only my heart."

We kissed.

She said: "Back to your story."

I continued: "I called her often and we wrote each other many letters. During this time I had started to open up spiritually including exploring reincarnation. In one phone call I told her about a past life discovery. She laughed at me. I thought: 'Well maybe she isn't the girl for me.'

"I am sure that Jean assumed I was an experienced lover. That seemed to be what she wanted. I played the role of the worldly sophisticate. I suspect that I overplayed it. I was living a lie. I wonder now what would have happened if I had been honest as to who I really was and what I really wanted, notably a twenty year old virgin by choice who now wanted to have sacred sex with her. I am just now beginning to see the extent that she was also living her lie."

Joan asked: "What was her lie?"

I answered: "I don't have it all. In any event I think it would be best just to leave it as her business. I don't need to start blaming her."

I sighed and then went on: "The universe threw me a real curve ball on what turned out to be our last date. It was a double date and she had fixed a friend of mine up. I don't remember anything about the other girl except her psychic energy. She and I had been lovers in a lifetime one hundred years before. I did not get this consciously at the time but I sure did subconsciously. Talk about synchronicity. Later Jean would accuse me of making a pass at her. I probably did. Later in the date I found myself coming to a point of total clarity: Jean was my one and only love. When I came to that she seemed to be wrestling with something, something she did not want to share. I talked her into sharing it, saying something like: 'Whatever it is WE can work it out.' What she said was: 'Good bye.' "

Joan said: "Wow.

Continuing: "My world had fallen apart. I saw her as my only soul mate and I had lost her. I was emotionally bleeding from many wounds and not seeing them as self inflicted. It would be decades before I discovered the truth about soul mates: We have lots of them and our interactions may not necessarily be blissful or even pleasant.

"There was a second wound: My best friend was pulling away from me, far away. I had not only lost my soul mate but my best friend too. It was only much later that I found out he was dating Jean.

"I now find myself wondering if she had already foreclosed her dharmic mission when we were dating. If so that would explain a great many things."

Joan asked me to explain.

I did.

I then said: "There were some things I saw as odd at the time which seem to have a more serious flavor today. Her ultimate insult for somebody was to call them a 'farmer' and whenever she did that I always heard the word 'bauer' echoing in my mind. 'Bauer' is German for farmer or peasant. The most recent past life of her's that I know of is one where she was male, a Prussian aristocrat who could be a really cruel bastard. He was especially cruel to the peasant stock in the army which he considered to be fit for use only as cannon fodder."

Continuing: "I don't remember anything that she did that was particularly mean to me while we were dating but I do remember a story she told of hanging out a dorm window one warm day and having a young man who was walking by ask her for a date. She readily agreed and told him her name was Alice. She thought it was hilarious when he later showed up asking for Alice. A small incident perhaps but then why do I still remember it fifty years later?"

Joan asked: "Is Ann a soul mate and how much of this story does she know?"

I replied: "Yes she is a soul mate and she knows this story in far greater detail than what I have told you. You see sometimes we are telepathic. Being truly telepathic allows no secrets. She knows it all and loves me all the more for it."

She asked: "Do you have spiritual sex with her?"

I answered: "Yes, right from the start."

She then asked: "How do you get to a place where sacred sex is possible?"

I replied: "One starting place is meditation."

We talked about meditation. I pointed out that the medical community was starting to recognize its health benefits. I took time to explain various ways to meditate. At one point I sang the "Gayatri" to her in Sanskrit.

She said: "That is so beautiful. What does it mean?"

I answered: "Let us meditate on the glorious splendor of divine light. May God illumine our meditation. Amen Peace peace peace."

She said: "It is beautiful in English too."

She asked: "I've heard of group meditation. Do I need to be in a group? Would being in a group help?"

I replied: "Some people find it helps, others don't. Mostly I prefer to meditate alone. Ann used to meditate with her sisters sometimes but she can't do that now. I think Janet meditates with Ann sometimes."

She said: "Do you think Ann and Janet would like me to meditate with them sometimes?"

I responded: "They might well. Ann is a serious meditator."

She put her head down on my shoulder and sighed contentedly.

We necked and light petted for the next hour.

I gave her a copy of our expanded history before I drove her back to campus.

That evening Ann and I made love.

Then we had a long telepathic conversation about Joan. Joan had asked to join in meditating with Ann and Janet. She was not put off by the fact that they started at 6:30 AM. One thing we discussed is how all three of us were assuming that Joan would soon be joining my harem. Ann's opinion was: "Of course she will."

To be continued.