Drummer Boy - Back Into Hell Ch. 04

"No thanks," Jason said. "I'm totally fine with no honor."

"As you have repeatedly demonstrated," Granny said. "But our customs demand a ceremony, for which your presence is required, followed by a celebration."

"I'm really in no mood to party, G," Jason said.

"Silence," Granny said. "You appearance will be nominal. Even so, I must re-examine my handiwork. Remove your garments, please."

"Do I really have to-"

"NOW!" Granny said.

"Okay, fine, geez," Jason said, mumbling, "don't hafta bite my head off..."

He stripped naked, tossing his jeans and t-shirt onto the floor. Granny laid a critical eyeball on him, up and down, frowning while Jason stood there feeling more humiliated than usual.

"Hmm," Granny said. "You should pass. Although I am somewhat concerned about your penis. I thought I had removed it."

"Thank god for small mercies," Jason said.

"It will take but a moment to rectify the situation-" Granny said.

"Oh, no you don't!" Jason said. "I swear to god, if you even try I'll-"

Jason faltered, knowing that he didn't really have anything he could threaten Granny with.

"Look," he said. "I'll keep it under wraps, okay? No one sees the penis, no one touches the penis, no gratuitous penis partying. The D stays on the DL, alright?"

Granny searched his face for sincerity, and found enough for her to nod her assent. Jason let out a sigh of relief.

"I will also caution you to avoid using human slang," Granny said. "It interferes with your Demonic vocabulary."

"What are you talking about?" Jason said. "I don't have a Demonic vocabulary."

Granny raised an eyebrow, and there was a glint in her eye. "Did you not find it odd," she said, "that everyone around you suddenly began speaking English?"

"What? Wait..." Jason said. "The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog ... every good boy does fine ... the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain..."

Jason knew what he was saying in his head, but when he actually listened to the sounds coming from his mouth, he found that they in no way resembled his native tongue. If the sounds coming from his mouth resembled anything familiar to his understanding, he found they were more akin to the sound of a kitchen garbage disposal unit trying to masticate an entire thanksgiving turkey, while complaining rather angrily about it the whole time.

"Oh," Jason said.

"It isn't perfect," Granny said. "To my kind, you sound, shall we say, a bit slow."

"That's why they keep calling me stupid," Jason said.

"An imbecile," Granny corrected. "It is the designation for those of us who are, for whatever reason, unable to fulfil all the functions of the Aerie. Technically, Purleen was also considered an imbecile, though she had redeemed herself somewhat."

"Not that I wanna give you any suggestions here," Jason said, "but I thought you got rid of your ... slow ones. Y'know, the whole furnace thing."

"In most cases, yes," Granny said. "We do, however, retain a few. As servants, or for ... personal amusement."

"You mean like pets?" Jason said. Granny nodded. "Well, can't you, you know, fix me so I don't sound like an idiot in front of your sisters?"

"Certainly," Granny said.

"Waitaminit," Jason said. "Is it gonna hurt?"

"To be in time for the ceremony?" Granny said. "Quite a lot."

"Pass, then," Jason said. "I'll be your dummy."

"Imbecile," Granny reminded him. "Remember that."

Jason rolled his eyes. "Fine," he said. "This is doing wonders for my self-esteem, y'know."

Granny seemed okay with this. "You shall need to dress yourself as our kind do," she said.

She shoved aside one of the stone slabs, revealing that it contained a storage space underneath. Inside were several of the leather garments the Wings loved so much.

"I shall return shortly," Granny said. "Be clad appropriately when I return." And then she swooped back out the window, leaving Jason to figure out his wardrobe.

Jason sighed. "Time to say yes to that dress," he muttered, and began disrobing.

* * *

"I really coulda used your help there, Leanne," Jason said.

"Naw," Leanne said. "For an imbecile, a messed-up wardrobe is all part of the package. I'm sure you sold it fine."

"Thanks?" Jason said.

* * *

Granny? Jason sent. This stuff's kinda ... snug.

As it is intended, Granny sent back, sounding irritated.

Once Granny had returned, she led Jason out the window, and they were now doing laps around Pinnacle's Peak along with several dozen other Wings. They were all spiraling down toward a courtyard below, waiting their turn to land and join the ever-increasing crowd gathering there.

I trust that your ... appendage is not on display? Granny sent.

I'm wearing underwear, Jason sent, if that's what you're asking.

Good, Granny sent, let us hope there will be no need for explanation.

Jason just shook his head and kept on flapping. At last it was their turn to land, and following Granny's lead they did so, closer to the center of the congregation than Jason would have preferred.

There were perhaps a couple of hundred Wings here, more than he'd ever seen up close and personal before. And, he thought ruefully, a bigger audience than he'd ever played to as a musician.

Jason couldn't help but notice that, although they all looked a lot like Granny, and thus like Pearl, there was some differentiation. Some taller, some shorter. While none were skinny, some were slimmer, and many were downright voluptuous. Subtle and not-so-subtle variations in facial features, proportions, even ways that they carried themselves. They were definitely cut from the same mold, very much like siblings tend to be, but even in the case of identical twins, once you spot the differences, you always see them.

Jason supposed that, now, he sort of fit into that mold, too. Maybe not one of their "beautiful sisters", but if Granny was to be believed, he was more like "that weird cousin who you kinda hope is spending Christmas day with her Mom's relatives this year, cause I really don't wanna deal with that whole thing today."

When Granny and Jason touched down, a big cheer went up, and the crowd raised their wings up high in salute.

Granny went down to one knee, turned her face toward the ground, and folded her wings into an almost demure little package behind her.

Everyone seemed to be looking at Jason.

Jason, Granny prompted mentally.

Jason noticed that it wasn't just Granny, but a line of about a dozen Wings were kneeling like she was.

"Right," Jason said. He knelt. Another Wing promptly landed next to him, and knelt in turn.

Remain thus until your name is called, Granny sent.

You got it, G, Jason sent back.

So Jason waited. A few more Wings settled down into the courtyard. Then the whole assembly got quiet. Then a woman who sounded a lot like Granny spoke up. She started talking about fighting. Fighting with honor, fighting with valor, fighting til the dying breath. Then she started going on about the Spines, and how they were bad and wrong, and they were stupid, and how they had no honor and didn't even deserve to be fed to the animals, and, almost incidentally, were hideously ugly. And then came the praising. Praising the Bright Lady, praising the Three, praising the virtues of truth and power and love, and...

How much longer is this gonna go on? Jason wondered to himself. This is worse than a high school assembly.

Jason felt himself nodding off. Little bits of Pearl's thoughts started seeping into his own. A slice-slice here, a punch-punch there, here a rend, there a rend, everywhere a rend-rend...

Granny kicked him, and he was back at the assembly. He looked up.

One of the sisters, apparently the bigwig, stood in front of Granny. She held her hands out in front of her, horizontally, with the palms up.

"I, Garanetta, Grand Wing Mother of Fist-of-Night," Granny said, "formally present myself in humble service to the sisters of Pinnacle's Peak."

"Rise, then, sister Garanetta," the bigwig said. "Rise, so that you may die another day!"

Granny grasped the woman's hands, and stood up. The bigwig addressed the crowd.

"Sisters!" she said. "We have lost much today. Yet, even in adversity, we triumph! In our hour of need, the Bright Lady hears our prayers, and sends us a gift." She raised one of the hands holding Granny's.

"Rejoice now for the death of Garanetta, Grand Wing Mother of Fist-of-Night," she said. "Our sister in arms, cleaver of skulls, avenger of the slain, and burner of minds!"

A big, respectful cheer went up. When it had subsided a bit, the woman spoke again.

"And lift your voices again for her imbecile!" the woman said. "May her death be drawn out over centuries!"

The crowd cheered again, and this time Jason could hear them howling "Imbecile!"

Figuring that was his cue, Jason stood. They kept cheering him, and he forced a grin, but he couldn't help feeling a bit embarrassed about all this. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, until he put his finger on it.

There is a subset of movies that involves extraordinary animals. Like a dog with incredible tracking skills, or the ability to play basketball, or possibly even limited understanding of human speech. At some point, going against its natural instincts and sense of self-preservation, this plucky dog helps the humans out in a big way, inevitably saving the day. At the end of the movie, all the humans gather round and praise the little beastie, with special treats and love, maybe even a medal if it's some sort of professional dog. The dog doesn't really understand what the fuss is all about, and seems a little confused by all the attention. But the humans, the ones who really matter in all this, are very pleased with themselves, and their ability to appreciate a creature so obviously below themselves on the food chain.

Jason realized that he was their plucky dog.

He grinned, and silently prayed that they didn't wanna put a medal around his neck.

Jason remained standing as the bigwig went down the last few remaining heroes of the battle, including, near the very end, Sugil.

"And now," the bigwig said, "let the celebration begin! Bring forth revelry that shall echo throughout time, and light the blind eternities beyond death itself!"

Shit immediately got real. The demon women flew in, crowding around in the courtyard. Cheering, chanting, the general sounds and sights of warriors getting rowdy. Jason caught snippets of conversations, but it all seemed to revolve around the same stuff that the bigwig had been going on about: fighting, and cheering, and the Bright Lady and a whole lot of "oo-rah" kinda stuff.

For the most part, Jason found that he just got buffeted around while the Wings went about reveling with each other. Occasionally he'd meet another Wing's eyes, and when he did she'd shoot a sort of patronizing smile his way, and then the Wing would slap his ass. He supposed that it was a friendly kinda thing, but even so...he kinda wished he was somewhere else.

After one of these ass-smackings, he turned to look who'd done it, but when he did, another unseen person pressed a leather bag into his hand. It was closed off with a drawstring and, judging by the smell, he was pretty sure it was alcohol. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to drink it now, or-

"Imbecile! Attend me!"

That was definitely Granny's voice. Jason looked toward it, and saw her beckoning to him. Grateful to see a familiar face, he made his way to her through the crowd, accumulating a few more pats on the ass en route.

She was conversing with the bigwig, but stopped when Jason was next to her.

"Excuse me, Wing Mother," Granny said. "I must retire my imbecile for the evening."

"Overstimulation," the Wing Mother said, nodding with understanding. "Of course. There is room for her in the stables, if you wish."

"Due to her exceptionally delicate nature," Granny said, "I would prefer that she shared my quarters."

The other Wing Mother nodded. "Aye, it is well."

"Come," Granny said to Jason. Granny beckoned to him with her wing and went airborne. Jason, grateful to finally get out of there, was right behind her.

He followed Granny up around to the other side of Pinnacle's Peak, and then back inside to their room.

"You are to stay here," Granny instructed. "And this time I mean it. There is too much at stake tonight, and I shall be unavailable to monitor your shenanigans."

"Hey, I'm with that," Jason said. "Hundreds big-titted demon women, drunk and looking for a good time? Hell, I know how much trouble that could cause, and I still wouldn't trust me. I'll be good. Promise."

"I am glad you comprehend the situation," Granny said. She unshouldered the harness containing Fuck-Bringer, and rested it against a wall. "Much hinges upon my actions this eve."

"Really?" Jason said. "I thought it was just a party."

"Aye, after a fashion," Granny said. "I believe you would call it 'schmoozing'. Many social interactions, demonstrations of prowess, and contests of strength. The intention being to assure all here of both my provenance and our need."

"Sounds like schmoozing, alright," Jason said. "Never could get the hang of that. I usually leave it to Percy." An idea came to him.

"When you said demonstrations," he said, "did you mean like wrestling? Like maybe naked wrestling? With mud?"

"You are an imbecile," Granny said, "and that is why you must remain here."

She walked toward the window, but turned around to face him once more.

"You would be wise to conserve your energies for what is to come," Granny said. "This eve promises to be both tedious and perilous, but if all goes well, we shall have our audience with Electra on the morrow."

"Well, don't stay out too late yourself, scamp," Jason said.

Granny actually shot him a smile. "I do recommend using the suspenders for sleeping," she said.

"I dunno, man," Jason said, eyeing the chains with suspicion. "Seems kinda risky."

"Not at all," Granny said. "I suspect you will find them quite relaxing."

Jason shrugged, unconvinced. "We'll see," he said.

Granny nodded. She spread her wings, leapt into the air, and was out the window.

Jason waited a few seconds, and then walked over to the window. The redderblue of the sky had shifted to the bluer side of things, which Jason took to mean it was getting "dark". Granny was well gone by this point, and judging by the steady roar coming from the other side of the Peak, he suspected that she was already there, getting into schmooze mode.

Jason ambled back to the center of the room, sat down on one of the stone slabs and rubbed his temples. He'd suddenly developed a nagging little migraine. In fact, his whole bod was sore and worn out from the day's activities.

"Cheer up, dude," Jason said to himself, "you been through a lot. Just take it easy for a change. Maybe meditate or something."

He caught another series of flashes from Pearl then. Images of them fighting and fucking their way across Tarterus. He felt himself getting sort of entranced, Pearl's mind pulling at him. At the same time it felt like her thoughts were less fuzzy and emotional, becoming linear and mechanical, and she was trying to drag him along for the ride.

He fought against it, shutting the images out of his mind, staring around at the room, to ground him in the here and now. Steady breathing, a firm grasp on the stone slab beneath him, and a grim determination to not be sucked in eventually did the trick.

"I think it's getting worse," Jason said, letting out a sigh. "Good thing we're almost done with this shit."

He got undressed, taking off the vest and the skirt and tossing them over by the rest of his Earthly clothes. He was glad to be rid of the leathers. Although they'd become a bit more comfortable as he'd gotten used to them, the feel of them against his skin was a constant reminder of his drastically changed physiology.

"I fucking hate this place," Jason said. "Everywhere I go I'm attacked, fucked with or just plain fucked, and when that fails, I'm just patronized. When Pearl does it it's one thing, but she's not here. This sucks."

Jason spied the flask he'd been given, sitting where he'd left it next to one of the stone slabs. He walked over to it, picked it up, and looked at it wistfully.

"At least I got you," Jason said. "I probably shouldn't, but..."

Jason undid the drawstring and took a cautious mouthful. He swirled the liquid around in his mouth, and then swallowed it down.

"Whoa! That's some good shit."

He took a bigger mouthful. This sure as hell weren't no Lone Star. It was an odd mix of flavors, but if he had to pick one, he'd compare it to spiced rum, but with the high-class smoothness of Frangelico. Easy on the taste buds, and went down his throat as silky as a milkshake.

Then his eyes went out of focus, and a Mack truck hit him. The room vaulted side to side a few times, and he spun around, looking for the license plate. There wasn't any semi, which was something he realized when he found himself on his back and staring at the ceiling.

"Huh," Jason said, forcing himself upright again. "Guess they don't fuck around on Tarterus. I definitely need to lay off this stuff."

But he didn't. His experimental taste tests had taken away some of the ache in his body. The throbbing in his head was gone, although now it was replaced with a friendly wobbling. Even better, his mood had improved. His thoughts, and only his own thoughts, effervesced to the surface and jostled playfully about.

"Looks like I got my own party right here!" Jason said. Feeling brave, he waltzed over to the window, tossed a leg over and sat on the stone, one foot on the floor of the room, the other dangling off into empty space.

There was a nice little breeze blipping about. Jason just sat there, drinking his booze. He could hear the occasional fits of cheering from below, where the Wings were doing god-knows-whatever to each other.

"Sorry ladies, no imbecile on the menu tonight," Jason said. "Fuck, this magic booze got me like whoa!"

By the time Jason finished off the flask, squeezing the last few tasty drops into his mouth, he was silly drunk. He still had enough sense not to do anything stupid, like go down and join the party, but he was feeling deliciously slinky.

"I mean, who'd wanna be trapped in a rave with a bunch of busty demon women, anyway?" he mused. "Watching 'em wrestle ... all oiled up and slippery ... big titties bouncin' and slidin' all over the place..."

Jason tossed the empty flask carelessly back into the room, and grabbed his own boobs.

"Man, my boobs are freakin' huge!" Jason said. He gave his breasts a few playful bounces. "Fuckers are heavy, too. Not quite on Pearl's level, or even Granny's, but damn, I've got hooters for days."

Jason was acutely aware of his dick, throbbing expectantly in his boxers.

"You don't have to tell me, buddy," Jason said to his penis. "I never thought I'd say this, but I kinda wanna fuck my own tits."

His dick thumped around even more insistently at this prospect.

"Whoa there, big fella," Jason said. "You need to calm down. Maybe it's time to call it a night, before I start getting crazy ideas."

Jason looked back into the room, and eyed the chains hanging from the ceiling. Talk about crazy ideas...

"Granny's been right about a bunch of other stuff so far," Jason said. "May as well give 'em a try."

Jason got off the ledge and walked back into the room, feeling only a bit unsteady as he did so. The leather cuffs at the ends of the chains were at approximately head height. He reached up and grabbed each of the chains in his hands.

"So I guess I just gotta pull myself up, flip upside down, and..."