Drummer Boy - Back Into Hell Ch. 10

"Yeah," Jason said, "great as that sounds, I'm gonna have to pass."

"What's the matter?" Palladia said. "You a wuss?"

"No, it's 'cause it sounds like you're being nice to me," Jason said, "and I've learned to get real suspicious when demons are nice to me."

"Man, those bitches got you all kindsa fucked up, don't they?" Palladia said. "Look, I got no beef with you."

"You don't?" Jason said.

"Naw. Now those two maniacs," Palladia said, nodding toward Pearl and Kristin, who had almost reached giant Palladia, "them I got beef with."

"You all brought it on yourselves, though!" Jason said. "Your whole system-"

Palladia cut him off. "Eleven thousand, seven hundred and forty-two," she said. "That's how many of my daughters those monsters slaughtered to get here. Slaughtered and drained their soul essence. Ask me how I know." She paused. "Go ahead, ask me!"

"How do you know?" Jason asked sheepishly.

"Because I felt each and every one," Palladia said. "Including the ones that died here. You know what this was up until a few hours ago? An abbey. My favorite abbey. Four hundred of the sweetest, most devoted nuns on all of Tarterus, and not a warrior in the bunch. Your little playmates ate 'em up, spat 'em out, and didn't even bother to clean the bones. So spare me your sideways moralizations. I'm on solid ground here."

Jason didn't want to admit that Palladia had a point, even though, well... she kinda had a point. Instead, he said, "You're not what I was expecting at all."

"That's cause you're dumb as hell," Palladia said. "Well, we'll work with what we got. But for now, let's enjoy the show."

So they did, little Palladia sitting on Jason's shoulder, while Pearl and Kristin fought giant Palladia a couple of miles away. At this distance, all Jason could really see was the girls pew-pewing out bolts of energy. Palladia mostly blocked these with her hovering shields, all while calling down bolts of lightning, trying to zap the girls.

From Jason's shoulder, Palladia supplied frequent play-by-play commentary of what was going on.

"Let's try a little neuroelectric disruption, break up their telepathy..." she said. "Huh ... they converted the direct to alternating, nice trick ... and here comes a percussive thermal assault, I was wondering when they'd get to that ... and boom! ... that's right, ladies, lick your wounds. And while you regroup let's give you a little taste of this..."

A group of the metal plates converged on Pearl. Before she could flee, they surrounded her, and sealed themselves up into an octahedron.

"That's one down," Palladia said. "Now let's ... hmm ..."

The battlefield was suddenly obscured by a dense green fog.

"How're they dissolving ... charged covalency? ... when did you jerks discover acid-base reactions?"

"I, uh ... probably shouldn't say," Jason said. He honestly didn't know, but didn't want to appear ignorant in front of the little Regent.

"Fine, be that way," Palladia said. "Salt it is, then. Not like anything was gonna grow here for a while, anyhow."

There was an excruciatingly bright flash of light, and then the green mist was gone, replaced by slowly-settling brown dust. Palladia's metallic plates were gone, and Pearl was free again.

"Your girls are clever, I'll give 'em that," Palladia said.

"They can be," Jason said. "You worried yet?"

"Hah! Naw," Palladia said. "I mean, look at them."

Kristin and Pearl had resumed blasting Palladia with force bolts.

"See," Palladia said, "their mistake is that they think they're gonna win on power alone."

"Can't they?" Jason said.

"Honey," Palladia said, "I draw power from the Brilliant Antipode itself. I never run out, I never get tired. Their power is borrowed. That means that every shot they take, every trick they use, they get a little bit weaker. Like Aurica would say, 'Ze mathematics is clear'."

Jason shrugged, inadvertently earning him a poke in the jaw from little Palladia's horns.

The bolts of energy, from both parties, were flying fast and furious now. Giant Palladia mostly just stood there, with her mace still on her shoulder, while the girls' force bolts pinged off her skin.

Jason began to worry that Palladia might be right. Even though they'd absorbed the energy of eleventy-million-whatever Spines, Palladia had thousands of years of power and experience to draw on. Plus, she wasn't even all there. Sitting on Jason's shoulder like she was, she was almost literally phoning it in.

"Okay, I think I've seen enough," Palladia said to Jason. "Should I finish 'em off now?"

"Um..." Jason said. "I'd rather you didn't?"

"Hah! You're fun!" Palladia said. "Gravitons away."

The battlefield suddenly went weird. Everything in a sphere around the combatants sort of smeared inward. For an instant there was abrupt silence, centered around a scintillating point of light. Then the point exploded into a silent, bright flash that sent rocks and dust everywhere, including towards Jason.

The little Palladia on his shoulder raised her hand, and the debris parted around them. When the dust settled, and he could see again, giant Palladia was the only thing remaining.

"That's that," Palladia said. "Now, let's get you back to Ellie so we can..."

Palladia's words faltered, as another bright flash lit up the battlefield. It its aftermath were two glowing, human-sized figures.

"No fucking way," Palladia said. "They shouldn't be able to do that!"

Jason had no idea what "that" was, but apparently they were able to do it, and Palladia wasn't too happy about it.

Hovering over giant Palladia, Kristin and Pearl faced each other, and an oblong spheroid appeared between them.

"Hey!" Palladia said. "That's my subspace bubble! Give it back, you jerks!"

Kristin and Pearl had the same idea, it seemed. The bubble descended onto giant Palladia. Where it came into contact with her she began to sparkle, like mica in sunlight.

"NNNNNNNAAAGHhhhh!" the little Palladia on his shoulder grunted. "You ... little ... shits! That hurt!"

Jason suppressed a smile. "Problem?" he said.

"Shaddup, you," Palladia said. "Anyone can get lucky once..."

And then little Palladia fell off of Jason's shoulder.

Jason looked down at the doll-sized, apparently lifeless figure, and then back at the battlefield. Kristin and Pearl hung still in the air, working some kind of magic.

Something was happening to the giant Palladia. Her eyes went wide and her stomach heaved. It looked to Jason like she was going to vomit.

She stumbled, and her mace dropped to the ground with a sound like thunder. Bulges appeared all over her body. Then her skin split and, all at once, Palladia turned inside-out.

Her dark crimson skin was gone, replaced by glistening muscles and exposed bones. Fluids of various colors oozed out from between organs that Jason didn't recognize. Her head looked like a striated pudding, with a vaguely face-shaped assortment of fruits and nuts mixed in. She started falling apart, right where she stood.

On the ground next to him, the little Palladia had regained her feet, if not her composure. Her horns blazed with electricity, as she concentrated really hard on the giant version of herself.

"OH ... NO ... YOU ... DON'T ...!" little Palladia said.

Big Palladia's body started to glow. She flexed, starting to reverse what had been done to her, but Kristin and Pearl were resisting her, and not making it easy.

Palladia was so focused on what she was doing, she'd forgotten about Jason. If she was putting all her effort into putting herself back together...

Impulsively, Jason kicked her, as hard as he could. Why not?

The instant his foot came in contact with the action figure-sized Palladia, Jason was jolted by what felt like a bajillion volts of electricity. He felt it zap from his toes all the way to the top of his head. It happened so quickly he didn't even really feel it, except as a hot, sharp flash that blasted him backward. He landed a good thirty feet away from the tiny Regent.

"ARE YOU ALL STUPID?!" Palladia said. "HOW MANY TIMES ... DO I ... HAVE TO TELL YOU?! I'M ... FUCKING ... PALLADIA!!"

Things happened very quickly. Palladia's mace lifted itself off the ground, and rocketed towards Pearl. Pearl, still in the middle of casting her spell, either didn't notice or didn't care. When the mace hit her, she shattered into a million tiny, crystalline fragments.

Palladia's insides slowly started to rearrange themselves, moving back to where they should be. Meanwhile, Kristin projected some sort of shimmering energy net, which gathered up all the Pearl fragments before they dispersed.

In no time at all, Pearl was reincorporated, whole and golden as before, and Kristin caught her in her arms. Then she released her, and they retreated to a safe distance, away from Palladia, who had now also returned to normal.

The little Palladia stood, bent over, with her hands on her knees, and was now breathing hard.

"Anatomical inversion," she said. "Oh, it's personal now. You all wanna play dirty? Then let's get in the mud, motherfuckers!"

"And you," Palladia said, glaring at Jason. "I'll deal with you later," she said, and then vanished in a flash of light.

Then the real fighting started. Palladia became more active, swinging her mace around and sending bolts of electricity everywhere from her horns. Pearl and Kristin were in constant motion, seeming to be in several places at once, streaking around, striking at Palladia with their swords, shooting out bolts of energy, and casting spells that, while they certainly looked impressive, Jason couldn't always determine the effect of.

Now that Jason was alone, he didn't know what to do. He couldn't participate in the fighting, that was for damn sure. He realized that his sole purpose in coming here was so that Granny could use him to give Pearl a supercharge in this battle, not just against Palladia, but for this whole alien revolution. And that was great and all, but now that his role in all this was done, he simply had to wait for the end, and hope his side came out on top.

"Cause if they don't," he mumbled, "I'm gonna end up like those brainwashed Maidens."

Looking around at the ruins of what Palladia had called her favorite abbey, the rubble and ruin, the body parts carelessly strewn around, he thought back to Thumper's question to Granny: "You're one o' the good guys, right?"

Pearl and Kristin had killed thousands, many of them apparently civilians, just to get a shot at Palladia, so Palladia certainly had good reason to be pissed off. And though Electra was pretty callous, her explanations came down to pragmatism more than anything else.

Even if Pearl and Granny were the "good guys", was this the way to do it? And what if they did win, and succeeded in defeating the Three? They'd still need to survive on Tarterus, and that meant farming humans. Would they just end up creating the same system all over again? It all felt wrong.

"I'm not built for this," Jason said to himself. "Someone a lot smarter than me needs to work this shit out."

A tremendous peal of thunder drew his attention back to the battle. He looked, just in time to see one of Palladia's horns tumble through the air, down to the ground. Kristin, it seemed, had gotten her good, and was speeding away from the livid Regent.

But she wasn't fast enough to avoid Palladia's wrath. Palladia reached out with one hand, like she was using the Force, and Kristin was sort of sucked back toward Palladia's giant palm.

Kristin quickly reversed direction, and headed full speed at Palladia. She struck at the most tantalizing target: Palladia's eye.

Palladia didn't even flinch. Kristin's sword bounced harmlessly off the Regent's black eyeball, and Kristin went skittering awkwardly aside.

This time Palladia did catch her in her hand, and without the slightest hesitation, popped her right into her mouth, and crunched down.

Then Palladia yowled. The sound reverberated throughout the desert, grating against Jason's eardrums and making even his testicles vibrate. Pearl had dived sword-first into Palladia's armpit and emerged from the other side, tearing a ragged hole through her clavicle in the process. Kristin was spat out like a rocket-powered spitball.

Palladia turned to confront Pearl, her limp arm flinging around as she did so.

Pearl, though, wasted no time. She reversed direction and torpedoed herself at Palladia's lower abdomen, punching another hole through her.

But Jason turned his attention to Kristin. She'd hit the ground about a half mile away, and hadn't moved since. Knowing it was crazy to get any closer to Madame Cloverfield than he had to, Jason nevertheless set off at run toward Kristin.

Merely walking across this landscape, even under ideal conditions, would have been a tricky prospect. Running was significantly more dangerous, but he had to try and help Kristin if he could.

So, blinking dust out of his watering eyes, and trying not to think about what those squishy bits under his feet were, Jason ran on. It was honestly a miracle he didn't break his neck within the first few steps. He kept on running, kept on not thinking, until a plain old rock tripped him, and he went sprawling onto the ground.

"That's it!" the giant version of Palladia said, speaking for the first time in a voice like angry, rolling thunder. She was clutching at the hole in her abdomen with her good arm.

"I don't care what my Sisters want," Palladia said. "Fuck saving your head... I'm putting you down for good!"

Palladia rose up to her full dizzying height. Her remaining horn blazing into incandescence, seeming to ignite the very air around her. A dark tower surrounded by crackling light, her glittering eyes full of menace.

To Jason's surprise, Pearl also grew. Taller and taller, until she was a twin in size to Palladia. But where the sky-high Regent was dark and surrounded by light, Pearl was bright gold and wreathed in darkness, the same darkness that had hurt Jason's eyes when he looked at the Darkling Antipode. They were like negative images of each other.

This seemed to enrage Palladia even further, and she charged at Pearl. They came together with a sound like the world cracking, and then they were grappling. Giant hands grabbed giant bodies, each looking for purchase, any sort of advantage. Energy crackled around them, and their light and dark auras ebbed and flowed against each other as they wrestled.

Jason didn't hang around to watch the show, though. He'd spotted Kristin laying on the ground. And though the ground beneath Jason's feet rumbled and vaulted, feeling more like water than solid earth, he continued to make his way toward her.

Picking his way across the landscape was even more perilous now than before, but he got lucky a lot, and was soon by Kristin's side. She lying face-down, and seemed to be out cold. Her wings, Jason noted, had been utterly destroyed. The metallic frames were mangled, and only tiny bits of the multicolored glass remained in some edges.

Jason knelt down and cradled her in his arms. She was, fortunately, still breathing. A good sign.

"Kristin!" he said, shouting to be heard over the noise. "Kristin! Wake up!"

Kristin's eyes fluttered, and then opened. She stared blankly for a few seconds, and then seemed to realize where she was. Frantic, she rolled out of Jason's embrace and struggled to rise.

"Take it easy!" Jason shouted. "You're in no shape to fight!"

Kristin's sword appeared again. She tried propping herself up with it, but kept falling over. Her ruined wings flapped piteously, little pieces of what stained glass that remained falling off as they waggled about.

"Dammit Kristin, knock it off!" Jason said. "You've done all you can!"

Kristin managed to stand up. She lifted her sword at him, but very unsteadily, with the tip wavering in the air. Then, recognizing him as a friend, proceeded to dazedly look around. She stumbled, and fell again.

Jason managed to swoop in and catch her in his arms. "Nuh-uh," he said. "This is Pearl's fight now."

The ground gave a cataclysmic lurch that tossed Jason and Kristin several yards away. When the dust settled, Jason saw that Palladia had bodyslammed Pearl, and now stood over her, mace raised high, poised to bash her head in.

Twin bolts of intense darklight shot out of Pearl's eyes, and Palladia's mace exploded into red-hot, glittering shrapnel. An incredulous Palladia was blown backwards quite a ways.

Fragments from Palladia's mace rained down around Jason. With nowhere to run, Jason panicked. Then Kristin began chanting in that babbley magic language. An opaque, multicolored dome shimmered into place around the both of them. Suddenly, everything was quiet and still, save for the sound of little metallic tinks impacting the outside.

"Thanks," Jason croaked, once he was able to speak again.

Kristin said nothing, but instead sat down on the ground, cross-legged, and closed her eyes. Figuring it was probably a good idea not to disturb her, Jason sat down too.

Inside the bubble, they were mostly cut off from the outside world. Jason couldn't even fathom what sort of terrifying things were taking place out there. The ground trembled constantly. There were unnerving sounds, like metal scraping against metal, or screeching animal noises. At one point Jason felt incredibly sick, as a wave of nausea overtook him. But it passed when Kristin chanted some new spell. Then it was back to the rumbling and crashing for what seemed like forever.

All at once, there was an enormous CRACK, and then complete silence. Jason looked at Kristin. Kristin opened her eyes, and the dome dissolved.

The landscape was devastated. Even the rubble had been reduced to dust, a quarter inch deep as far as Jason could see.

Palladia lay on the ground, her body bent in half, backwards. Pearl stood above her, breathing hard, but golden and whole, glowing with that dark light, eyes wrathful.

"Holy shit..." Jason said. "Did we just win?"

Kristin said nothing.

Then Pearl's eyes flashed into brilliance. Her sword appeared in her hand, looking even more ridiculously proportioned now that she was a few hundred feet tall. She raised the sword, and then brought it down, cutting Palladia in half.

"Oh god!" Jason said. "Is that fucking necessary?"

Pearl seemed to think so. She swung the sword again and again, going to town on Palladia's body like she was chopping firewood.

"Pearl!" Jason yelled, not knowing or caring if she could hear him. "Pearl, for fuck's sake, knock it off! You don't need to do this! The fight's over!"

"Oh, it eez very much not," said a voice from behind them.

Jason looked, and Aurica was standing there. She apparently hadn't had time to change, as she was still wearing the loose wrapped robe thing that she'd been wearing before. She was, Jason was almost relieved to see, only about six feet tall. Her tail lay on the ground beside her, the diamond tip glittering with a light of its own. She had a distant, almost bored look on her elegant face.

"Aurica," Jason said. "Um, hey."

Aurica narrowed her eyes at him, and then turned her attention to Pearl going ginsu on Palladia.

"It appears I have arrived in ze nick of time," Aurica seemingly talking to herself.

"I think we're past that," Jason said, with the sound of Pearl's rhythmic chop-chop-chopping echoing around them. "Your sister's a hundred metric tons of carne guisada by now."

"This shall be a blow to her pride, certainly," Aurica said. "Nonezeless, I shall aid her."

"You?" Jason said. "No offense, but you might be fighting above your weight class."