Duty, Honor, Country

"I wasn't sure how many weeks until they can tell the sex of the baby," Sarah said on the way home.

"Twelve, right?" Richard said with a smile.

"Yes. That's what she said," Sarah replied with a smile of her own.

"Hey! Was that a real smile I just saw?" he said still smiling himself.

"That's as close as I get for now," she told him. "But...I feel like I've gone from utter despair to feeling almost...hopeful in just a couple of days."

"Well, I'm glad," Richard said. "And it's so good to see you smile. You have a beautiful smile, you know."

"Thank you," she told him. "It's a lot easier to smile when you have a friend to rely on."

"That you do," he assured her.

He glanced over at her and said, "It's funny, but I guess I feel the same way. For the last hour of so, I managed to think about something other than losing Rick. Something...hopeful."

"I'll never forget him, but I do know what you mean. I got so focused on having this baby, I also forgot about how awful I've felt for a few minutes. Even that short little break was so refreshing or something."

Richard reached over for her hand and when she gave it to him he said, "We're gonna get through this. You and me. And the baby."

"Yes. Yes, we are," Sarah agreed squeezing back when he briefly squeezed her hand.

"Oh, we need to stock up on healthy food, too. The vitamins are important, but you need to eat well," Richard said.

"I...I have stuff at home," she told him without looking at him.

"Sarah? I've seen your cupboards, sweetheart. My grandchild can't live on Ramen noodles and mac and cheese."

"Well, I know you want to help, but until I get a job, I can't really afford the quality of food I need. But once I'm back at..."

"Okay. This is crazy. I've got this huge, five-bedroom home, and you live in a...no offense...a dumpy little apartment. Why don't you move into my place so I can help take care of you and the baby? That way, you'll have access to good food and if, God forbid, you need real help, I'll be there for you."

"I gave up believing in God a long time ago, but I'm beginning to think maybe He exists," she said trying not to cry again. "How else can I explain this...this...miracle?"

"Miracle?" he asked not sure what she meant.

"Yes. Miracle. Godsend. Whatever."

She looked over at him and said, "You, Richard."

"Me?" he said pointing at himself with his free hand. "I've been called a lot of things but never a miracle."

"Well, you've never been pregnant, unemployed, heartbroken, and the daughter of parents too poor to buy a pot to piss in."

He looked at her funny then for the first time since Rick's death she laughed.

"I do not believe I just said that!" she told him with a smile that was close to the real thing.

"It was kind of funny," he told her leaning his head her way.

He could tell she was looking at him so he turned to look at her.

"My miracle," she said again.

"My...pleasure," he told her smiling back.

By the time they got to his place, the cupboards and the refrigerator were stuffed to the proverbial gills, and Sarah had everything from the pharmacy she needed.

The next day, she was out of her dank apartment and moved into a clean, recently-remodeled bedroom with her own bathroom and was finally feeling a little bit better.

The following day, Sarah heard Richard come home and realized she hadn't even heard him leave.

"What's all the commotion?" she asked when she saw him. "And why are grinning like that?"

"Right in here, fellas!" he said. "Excuse us, will you?"

"What in the world?" she said as four young soldiers came in carrying a huge flatscreen TV, DVD player, and a home theater system.

"Richard? What on earth is all this?"

"It's...a start," he said still smiling.

"This room!" he told two more soldiers. "Right. In there."

She peeked into the other bedroom and saw them setting up a treadmill and another smaller television in front of it.

"When I said I needed to start exercising, I meant I could go outside and walk. You know—for free," she said as she watched the 'busy beavers' doing their thing.

"For someone who grew up here, you seem to have forgotten how cold it gets," he said pretending to lecture her. "No one in their right mind would go walk in the winter."

"Um...how many times I've I seen you go running here in the winter?" she said thinking she had him.

"I said 'in their right' mind." Richard pointed to his head and that made Sarah laugh again.

"Okay, thanks men!" he told them after everything was set up.

"Hooah, sir!" they all said.

After they left Richard said, "And whenever you're ready, we can go look at baby furniture. You know. A crib, a changing table, a..."

"Um, Richard?" she said. "I'm not moving in here, you know. This is just temporary so please, please don't spend any more money on me. Please?"

"I can make no such promise where my grandchild is concerned," he announced with a silly grin.

She'd never once seen his playful side, and didn't really know if it even existed, but she had to admit it was a side of him she very much liked.

"Well, how about we at least wait to see if we're going to have a boy or a girl first, okay?" she said before she realized she'd said 'we'.

"Sorry," she said getting quiet. "I didn't mean it like that."

"It's okay. I know what you meant. And I enjoy helping out in some small way, okay?"

She leaned against him as they looked at the new TV and said, "You're more than a small way. You're pretty much...my everything."

He put his arm around her and said, "You know, I can't remember feeling this happy...ever. Please don't misunderstand. I miss Rick every minute of every day. It's just that..."

She put her arm around his waist and said, "No. I...I get it."

She looked up at him and said, "I get it because I feel the same way. I guess I almost feel guilty for ever feeling anything but miserable."

He smiled at her then kissed the top of her head.

"Rick wouldn't want that," Richard told her.

"I know. But it's hard not to feel guilty for being alive knowing he can't share any of this or..."

She stopped talking so Richard spoke.

"I'm just so glad you're here, Sarah."

She sighed then said, "Me, too."

She looked up at him again then said, "But at some point, I will need to get my own place."

"Not until after the baby's born, though, right?"

"No, I don't suppose that would be a good idea," she said. "But if you get tired of me, you have to tell me, okay?"

"That's not gonna happen," he told her in a more serious tone.

For the next several weeks Richard basically waited on Sarah hand and foot, as she dutifully protested about how unnecessary it was while secretly feeling thankful he there for her. She walked when it was nice outside and used the treadmill when the weather was bad. Richard did his thing either at the West Point gym or out running on one of the many trails regardless of the weather.

Sarah was now beginning to show a fair amount, and it also was time for her 12-week appointment.

"I can't stop wondering if it's a boy or a girl," she said on the way to the clinic.

"What's your preference?" Richard asked.

"Honestly? I don't care as long as the baby is healthy. Sounds cliche, but that's how I feel. Do you care?" she asked.

"Me? No. Of course not. I'm with you on the healthy part."

He drove along a while then said, "Then again, I've never been around a little girl, and that seems like it would be pretty amazing."

"Yeah. I could live with that," Sarah said thinking about how fun it would be to do up a bedroom in pink and lace.

The doctor had her all lubed up and asked, "Are you ready to find out what you're having?"

Sarah smiled happily and said, "Ready or not, right?"

The doctor laughed and Sarah reached for Richard's hand as the doctor lowered the device onto her tummy.

"Well, well. What do we have here?" she said.

"Is it a boy?" Sarah said assuming she was referring to a 'winky'.

"Well, maybe, but look at this. Both of you."

She moved aside and they all saw a head and nothing else.

"Is that unusual?" Richard asked.

"No. Just watch."

There was movement and then...another head.

"Wait! What was that?" he asked.

"That was another baby," she said smiling at them both.

"I'm...having...twins?" Sarah said not sure she heard correctly.

"Yes, you are," the doctor told her.

"But why didn't we hear the other heartbeat?" she asked.

"Well, it's unusual, but sometimes the second baby is in the exact position to mask its heartbeat. Evidently, he or she has moved around making his or her presence known. So now we have to look very carefully."

"Oh, my gosh! Richard! We're having twins!" Sarah squealed forgetting about 'me' or 'we' or anything else.

"This is SO cool!" he said as though he was back in the 1970s.

"Well, if you look right here..." the doctor said.

"Is that..."

"It is. This one's a boy. And let's have you turn like this..."

Sarah turned her body until she was told to stop.

"Perfect. Ah-hah! Right there. See that?"

"No. What is it?" they both wanted to know.

"You mean, what...isn't it," she said.

"It...it's a girl?" he asked almost too excited to talk.

"Yes, it is. Fraternal twins. How 'bout them apples, folks?" the doctor said with a smile.

"Oh, my goodness! Twins? I can't believe this!" Sarah said on the verge of crying again, but this time they would be tears of joy.

"This is incredible!" Richard said. "We've gotta go celebrate. You know, before you're too big to celebrate."

Sarah laughed then asked the doctor what this meant for her pregnancy. She explained the basic concerns of having twins then assured her that for now, all she needed to do was keep taking care of herself.

"He won't let me do anything," Sarah said pretending Richard was driving her crazy.

"It's true," he said holding his hands up in the 'I'm guilty' way.

"He thinks this is some kind of religious calling. I'm surprised there isn't a baby shrine in his room or somewhere."

Richard put a hand up to hide his mouth as though he was telling a secret.

"There is. She just hasn't seen it yet," he said to the doctor while looking at Sarah getting rewarded with yet another laugh.

That evening, Richard took her to the nicest restaurant within miles.

"This is way too expensive!" she complained as soon as they walked in.

"Hey! You pipe down, and worry about eating for three, okay?" he told her drawing both a smile and the laugh he was hoping for.

"Is it too early to ask if you've thought about names?" he asked during dinner.

"No, not at all," she said.

Her smile faded as she told him, "I think Richard is the only possible choice for our son."

"I mean Rick and my son, of course."

"And the girl?" he asked ignoring her self-correction.

"That's up in the air," she told him. "Do you have any suggestions?"

He thought for a moment then said, "No. Pretty much anything but Marie works for me."

Sarah covered her mouth after she inhaled sharply as in 'you did not just say that' and then she laughed again.

"Speaking of Marie, have you even talked to her?"

"No. But my lawyer spoke with hers. She's now a half million dollars richer thanks to Rick's SGLI and other benefits. Money that should be yours, in my opinion," he told her.

"Beyond enough to live on, money's never motivated me. She can keep it for all I care."

"Oh, she intends to," Richard said before realizing he knew more and would never say that Marie had said via the attorneys she'd never give a dime to the worthless bitch who stole her son from her.

"She's never liked me," Sarah said.

"But you're having her grandchildren, Sarah," he replied knowing that probably wouldn't matter to Marie. "I swear I don't know what's happened to her. Sometimes I can't imagine how I ever loved her."

Sarah reached for his hand then said, "I'm sorry, Richard. I cry and whine about my loss all the time, and never stop to think how much you've lost, too. In many ways it's far worse than what I'm going through. You not only lost a son but your wife, as well."

She stared into the distance for a moment then said, "When I really stop and think about that along with how you've dealt with all of this, I feel pretty foolish for being so...pathetic."

"Pathetic? Sarah. Please. You waited patiently for a lot of years to find someone you could love and trust, and just when you found him, he was taken from you without warning. Hurting and grieving isn't pathetic. It's human."

The sad look on her face slowly faded as she said, "I'd do anything to bring Rick back, but, well, please don't take this the wrong way, Richard, but as long as I have you in it, my life is good. Maybe even pretty great."

"I put on a strong front, but losing Rick...it's torn a huge hole in my soul. I thought having my wife walk out on me was unbearable, but it pales in comparison," he told her in a rare moment of baring the soul she rarely saw. "Having you here—and my grandchildren—makes it not only bearable but even...dare I say...pleasant?"

"I like when you let me get a glimpse into who you really are. You know, beyond the hard exterior."

Richard smiled a half smile before saying, "I don't do that very often. In fact, other than Marie—and it's been many years—I don't think I've ever let anyone else see that part of me."

He squeezed her hand and said, "You must be pretty special to me."

"You always say the sweetest things," Sarah said before leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. "And you are very special to me. I...I can't even imagine doing this on my own."

Richard knew better than to tell her she had her parents. After meeting them, there was no doubt they wouldn't be able to care for Sarah let alone two children. They were very nice people. It sounded awful to say, but it was as though they weren't quite all there, something Sarah had tried to convey in the kindest possible way. She loved them dearly. They just weren't meant to handle much in the way of stress.

Suddenly aware he was daydreaming, and more importantly, that they were essentially holding hands, Richard slowly pulled his hand away as Sarah looked down when the same realization hit her, too.

They chatted politely during dinner, but avoided any further mention of things like loss or hurt, and did their best to steer clear of feelings of any kind.

On the way home Richard said out of the blue, "How about Rachel?"

"For?" Sarah asked.

"The name for your daughter. You know. Two 'Rs'. Rick and Rachel."

"Hmmm. I kind of like that," she said. "Let me think about it, okay?"

"It's just a suggestion. I'll support whatever you decide," he told her.

She looked over at him long enough that it caused to ask, "What are you staring at?"

"I don't know. It's just that you seem to support everything I do."

"Naming your child is important so of course I'll support you," he replied.

"Unless I name her Marie, right?" she teased.

Both of them laughed together and neither one realized how wonderful it felt to be sad and grieving and wondering if there'd ever be another happy day. And yet for both of them, it was by far the best they'd had since tragedy struck.

"No, seriously. t's not just that, Richard. It really is pretty much everything," she said once it got quiet again.

Back at home an hour or so later, Sarah said, "I was thinking about watching a movie. You know, on this huge flatscreen someone bought for me."

"Yeah, that's a big TV. Someone must think you're pretty special," Richard said picking up on an earlier theme.

"Maybe so. He also bought this really nice Blu Ray DVD player and well, I was wondering if you might like to watch it with me."

"In here?" he asked looking around at the size of the room.

"What's wrong with in here?" she said pretending to be hurt even though it was his TV, his DVD player, in his room of his house.

"Okay. Okay. Don't get all touchy!" he said as though he'd been duly chastened.

"That's more like it—General," she teased.

"Two questions. The first is what movie are we watching and the second is would you like some popcorn?"

"Oh. Um...it's kind of chick flick I'm sure you won't like it," she told him.

"As long as it isn't Steel Magnolias, I'll give it a whirl."

"I sense a story there somewhere," she said as she got the movie out.

"Yeah, it was you-know-who's favorite movie."

"Ohhh. Now I get it."

"Okay, I'll go make the popcorn and you can surprise me with the movie," he said before excusing himself. "Oh, can I get you something to drink or bring you anything?"

"Maybe a bottle of water?" she asked sweetly.

"Coming right up!"

Richard not only endured The Notebook, he found himself touched by the sappy plot and couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to fall in love again. When it was over, he saw tears in Sarah's eyes again.

"You okay?" he asked tenderly.

"Yes. I know it's way too early, but I was wondering if I'll ever fall in love again."

Richard looked at her with kindest eyes she'd ever seen and said, "You will. I promise."

During the next four weeks, Richard continued to dote on Sarah, making sure she took her vitamins, exercised, and ate only the best and healthiest foods.

One morning, he glanced at her and said, "You can wear whatever you like, but didn't you wear those same sweat pants yesterday? And the day before? And the day before that?"

"Oh. Um, I guess so," she said without looking at him.

"Do you need some maternity clothes?" he asked.

"I'm okay," she said still not looking at him.

"Why didn't you say something?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

"Because you already do everything for me, Richard. I feel like such a mooch. How could I..."

He put his hands on her shoulders and said, "Why would you deny an old man the chance to be happy?"

She looked up at him but couldn't hold his stare.

"You're not old, and how am I denying you the chance to be happy?"

"By not letting me take care of you. That's how," he told her in a gentle voice with an equally gentle smile. "Come on. We're going shopping."

"Richard. No. I can wear these for..."

"For a few more hours. I agree," he told her still smiling. "Now go get your purse and let's get on the road."

"Richarrrrrd!" she said drawing his name out.

"March, little lady!" he said sternly pointing to her room.

"Okay. Fine! Be like that!" she said pretending to be offended.

She stopped before going into her room and Richard said, "Um, what do you think you're doing, Sarah?"

She turned halfway around and looked at him then said, "I...I've never told you this before, but...I...I love you, Richard."

She saw the look in his eyes then quickly said, "Like a father, of course."

"Oh. Well, I um...I love you, too, Sarah. Like a daughter, of course."

She smiled at him then said, "I'll be right there. I just need to pee. Again!"

Richard not only took her shopping, he went crazy buying her new things and for the first time, she didn't complain or try and stop him. She just watched him brimming with happiness as he kept asking her to try things on or suggesting cribs or other baby items.

"You look great! That's perfect! Oh, that is so you! Wouldn't this look great in the girl's room?" were the things he kept saying.

When they were done, he took her out for a late lunch, then helped her remove tags and put things away back at the house.

She knew her body was flooded with hormones which wasn't something she controlled, but as she sat there watching him do so much for her a single tear fell and then another. She hoped he wouldn't see, but he was too observant.

"Hey. Are you okay?" he said as soon as he noticed

He sat next to her and put an arm around her shoulder, something he did quite often now when they watched a movie or just sat together on the couch.