Dying Brings Her Fulfillment

Sherrie seemed insatiable sexually. She began to talk of a huge black cock fucking her while we made love. I never brought that up but she did so every time we had sex which was now twice a day or even more. She became more insistent that my cock was that huge black cock that was supposed to satisfying her. Obviously my cock was not black as I am not black yet she referred to it as "that big black cock". I gradually became more and more concerned with her mental status. Then one night she had gone to bed before me. She appeared to be resting peacefully in our bed when I came in clothed only in my boxer shorts. As I eased into bed beside her, she rolled over toward me and said "Fuck me Jerome. Make my pussy tingle with that huge black cock."

I gently reminded her I was not Jerome, the imaginary man of our fantasies, but her loving husband, Jon.

"Jerome, don't keep telling me lies. I know who you are. Suck my clit then drive your cock in to my pussy. I need a big black cock and I need it now."

I decided to turn on the bed side light to prove who I was and who I was not.

"Jerome, turn out that light. I want your cock now." She had looked straight at me when she said that. I was a little pissed and muffed.

"Sherrie, You are in bed with your husband, not that Jerome person of your fantasies".

"Please fuck me Jerome." Was her only reply as she grabbed for my soft penis.

I was not in the mood to fuck. I was not in the mood to pretend to be Jerome. I was trying to figure out if she was hallucinating or fantasizing.

"Sherrie, Where are you right now?" I was determined to go through the place, time orientation interview to determine her lucidity. "Jerome, I am yours. Put it in me. Hurry! I am so wet and my pussy needs you now". I turned on the overhead light. Now the room was brightly lit. Sherrie appeared perfectly normal as I moved in to kiss her.

She moaned, "Oh Jerome. Please, put your huge black cock in me hot pussy right now. I'm ready for you to fill me up with your baby making sperm". She had never used those terms before. We had always avoided any reference to making babies in our fantasies. I fingered her now dripping wet pussy. She moaned and pressed against my finger.]

"Oh yes, Jerome. I feel your huge hot cock filling my pussy".

I knew she was not in reality but didn't know what to do so, being who I am, I rolled her on her back and proceeded to fuck her. She moaned appreciation and I felt her enlarged clit rubbing my shaft as I rode her high. Her clit was like a tiny penis protruding from it's hood a full inch. I came hard and quick as Sherrie shook with a massive orgasm. I thought that would be it for the night but Sherrie was not done. She pulled me back so that our pubes rubbed and I felt her enlarged clit hardening as she moaned for "more of that huge black cock". I just didn't have it in me. I needed a rest at least but I could at least rub my softened cock over her clit which, in just ten or so strokes brought her to a series of smaller orgasms, Then she was spent. I rolled off next to her. Her hand moved to my soft sticky yet slicked cum covered cock and she tried to masturbate me but to no effect. I pushed her hand off me and tried to snuggle but she was having none of that.

"Jerome, I don't snuggle with you. We just have sex". She turned over away from me, her back to me, which was very uncharacteristic as we always snuggled after making love.

The next morning she was up before me. At breakfast together I asked her about last night. She vowed as to how she remembered nothing about any reference to Jerome or even having sex. I pointed out that there was cum stains on her matted pussy hair. I had pulled her night gown back and fingered her pussy.

"Here," I offered. "take a whiff and then try to deny that isn't left over cum on my fingers." I grabbed her hand and put her fingers on her matted pussy hair. "Feel that, Sherrie. it's dried cum matting your pussy hair."

She mumbled something in Swedish, then something in German but I couldn't understand what she had said. She just pulled my hand away, closed her gown, took her coffee and sat down at the breakfast table.

I knew something was wrong with her, now, for sure. How was I going to tell who she really was. Was last night all a huge hallucination? She appeared to be very lucid this morning.

I reached over and asked her to take my hand which she did.

"Squeeze my hand, Sherrie" She did. Then I took her other hand and repeated this. Her other hand was considerably weaker than her left hand. The lesion had been on the right side which would have produced weakness in the left side of her body. I knew something serious was going on. Maybe she had another metastasis in the other sites of her brain? I called for a neuro appointment.

We were sent for a stat MRI and then up to our neurologist office. After a short wait, he had Sherrie in an exam room near his office. He checked Sherrie somewhat superficially then asked me to come in to his office to review the MRI. He pulled the MRI up on his 26 inch flat screen in his office. He examined it intently, scrolling back and forth across the sequential images. He turned to me and motioned for me to come over and view the images with him. He pointed out several suspicious lesions in various parts of the brain

"Jon, she doesn't have long to live. The first lesion has not grown but there are now several other lesions. Although they are not classical for mets, they were not there before and with her now obvious development of objective neuro deficits, there is not much to else to explain." I knew the end was imminent.

"How long does she have?"

"You know I'm not God, Jon. Based on my best clinical judgment, I would estimate not more than three months. Be prepared as she is soon going to need 24 hour nursing care at some point. Have you contacted the hospital's hospice program. If not, I urge you to do so right now".

While Sherrie was still in the adjacent exam room, with an aide, I called the hospice. They sent a representative up immediately. The papers were signed. I told them of the living will and me as the decision maker. We arranged for care in our home as soon as we needed it. They could have someone there by the next shift at any future time.

It was my sad duty to again tell Sherrie of the bad news. She was taken off the research protocol. I took her home. That's where she wanted to be and where I wanted her to be. At home, she called her parents and after some tears and even some laughter I had my turn to call my parents. The day ended on a solemn note.

The next day her grip was even less vigorous and she was a little weak in her left leg. I called hospice. That afternoon a rep came out to evaluate our home setting. Some changes were planned but none implemented immediately. We did not need hospice care yet.

Sherrie wanted more sexual gratification but I just couldn't get it up for her. She began to tell me that If I couldn't satisfy her she would have to get someone to do that for her. I couldn't tell if she was mentally alright or having mental problems but it irritated me for her to talk like that. I told her so.

"Sherrie, we have always shared honestly with each other about our sexual needs and preferences. We agreed to keep our fantasies just as fantasies. Now you are talking about taking a real life lover to satisfy your needs. I'm having a hard time with that". I looked at her as we sat on the side of the bed together after a marathon sex which left me drained but now I was deeply concerned and worried and therefore dissatisfied.

"Jon, I'm being perfectly up front with you. Since I had to take all those drugs my clit has grown, my nipples are bulging and my need for sex has gone out the ceiling. I love you. Please be sure of that but I need a big cock and plenty of it. I have only a short time left in this life so please don't deny me a basic biologic need for sexual release. You have granted me everything else I wanted. We have traveled to places I wanted to see before I die. Now I want to experience something else I want. Please understand and give me a final wish". She seemed perfectly lucid which made me very more uncomfortable.

"Sherrie?" I queried her, "Surely you know about our vows we made to each other. How can you do this to me? How about we use the vibrator?"

"I'm not doing anything to you, Jon," she parried back. "This is about the side effects of the medicines I have been taking. It's all and only about relieving the side effects. You are a wonderful lover and always have been but I have changed as a result of those medicine side effect. I don't' want those side effects anymore than you want me to have them but it's a fact we have to deal with. The vibrator just isn't a substitute for a real lived hot huge black cock. I have even tried the dildo you bought me and we have kept hidden but it's not the same as having a real sex with a sexy black man with a huge cock."

I saw her logic but felt inadequate and trapped. I wondered how much was side effects and how much was her need to experience a big black cock and was using her mortality as a means of justification. I couldn't tell. I wondered if I could live with either outcome.

"Sherrie?, How are you going to arrange to get your needs cared for then?" Please don't ask me to help with this. You know how much it will hurt me if you do this." I pleaded with many other words for what I called sanity.

"You don't have to watch us, Jon." was her reply.

"Well glory be, what a consolation to me. I presume you only want me to arrange for that big black cock, huh? Well no way in hell or heaven is that going to happen." I commanded.

"I have my contacts from the hospital just like you do. I already know who I want and, in fact, he has agreed to help me. All he needs to know is when you won't be here and to be sure he remains anonymous to." She had made plans I didn't even know about.

"So you have it all planned? Is that it then?" I was now really worried and even more confused. She seemed perfectly rational yet she had obvious brain disease and the mets were in the areas of her brain that affected reason, judgment and libido. All this plus the continuing late side effects of the previous medicine was growing what was now almost a hermaphrodite type of clitoris / penis.

"Yes." She did not blush or flinch. Her reaction was much like telling me she had bought a new brand of coffee for her taste.

"Have you done it already, Sherrie? Have you fucked him already?"

"No! but I know how big he is because he rubbed himself on me several times over the last several years and I felt him through his scrubs. I even got hold of him and could tell he is not circumcised like you. To be honest, Jon, I wanted him really bad but you and I had to much going to jeopardize us so I never went any farther. Now I know our family is going to break up and you will have Diane and I won't be a factor much longer so I'm going for it in a BIG way." She grinned and squeezed my hand. "I love you, Jon and I know you will provide for my daughter. We have been together these several years in total bliss and harmony. Now that is coming to an end and I want, no need, to pay attention to myself for just a little while longer. Please try to understand me. This is just for sex, not love. We will neither cuddle nor kiss. It's just pure raw sexual outlet. Please keep loving me and taking care of me as I die happily in your arms but satisfied by his huge black cock." She stood and pulled me to her and kissed me tenderly. "Those lips are yours only but my other lips need lots of huge black cock."

I pulled back and stood rigidly at attention in front of her wondering what was happening and if I could manage this.

"Sherrie?. Are you absolutely sure you must do this. Have you thought of the consequences? Have you thought about how much this will hurt me and our relationship? Do you know that this may mean the end of our living together? Do you know how deeply hurt I will be? Do you know that I might not be able to handle your behavior? Do you know I might try to...." My voice trailed off. I looked at her with tears in my eyes. My eyes were begging her to back off of this.

"Jon, I have to do this. I know it may hurt your ego but you will get over it and my need is so much bigger that I will take the risks and bear the consequences. I know you love me and will never leave me destitute so I am going to do it. He knows if I call him that I will have sex with him. He even could come right away, right here where we have just shared great sex in this very bed you. All I need to do is dial his cell. He will see it is me. He doesn't even need to answer. We have it all arranged. He will be here within half an hour of when I call him."

I took a big breath, straightened up even taller, to my full stature, and in my best rough and tough command voice I addressed Sherrie as I had never done before.

"Sherrie, If or when you dial him tell him if he comes to this house this paratrooper will kill him. Be sure to tell him that. I will only kill him in my house and in my house only. What he does anywhere else with you is his business and yours, not mine any more." My eyes glared at Sherrie. Never before had I had to do that. I was not going to back down.

""Sherrie, I so wanted these last few weeks or months to be with you but I just can't do it your way. I will not live with you if you do this. I will not share my daughter's mother under any circumstances. I will arrange for you to have a one bedroom apartment nearby so our daughter can see you often but she will be staying with me. I will stand by you financially. You are already enrolled in the hospice program and will receive all the bodily physical care you need for your terminal needs. The only thing you will lack is your loving yet principled husband at your bedside. Your family may not understand your decision but I suspect they will not reject you. It's another risk you are taking. Do not expect 'welcome home' from me if you come whining back to me wagging your tail between your legs once you find out that your big black cock fantasy is just a like a kid blowing bubbles. Once it breaks it leaves you with nothing. You are going to kill the only really important thing you have in life: your relationship to your husband. You will surely die alone just as surely as that cancer will kill your body. Sherrie, Is your soul worth selling for a few days of 'big black cock'?"

"Sherrie I can have an apartment for you within two days. If you want to go somewhere before that and have sex with him, then be my guest....at his expense, of course, as I am taking your credit cards immediately and freezing our bank account to take away your access to any funds there."

As I rifled through her purse, I removed all her credit cards, house and car keys but left her with two hundred dollars in cash. I showed her what I had done. Then I continued my little speech as I flicked her wallet over beside her hip.

"When you leave to be with him, you cannot return here ever. Be sure to tell your proposed big black cock lover that if he comes to my house to fuck you, he will leave in a body bag. That is a promise, not an idle threat. I am going to take Diane for a ride. We will return after while to find your answer."

I picked up her cell phone from the night stand, pushed her back onto our bed so she was sitting and handed it to her. "You can make your call now in private. I'll let you use my suit cases to pack your stuff in when I return. I'll even carry them to my car to drive you to where ever you want to stay. I'll be back in fifteen minutes to help you pack if you decide to leave me".

I left the bedroom, closing the door silently on my marriage with a painful sigh. I gathered Diane in my arms, holding her to my heart. I was leaving only a part of my soul to a stoic but determined looking Sherrie to decide the course of her own short future and to a crushing finality to our idyllic marriage memories. I cried inside even as I hugged my cooing daughter close to my heart then entered my car for the worst but careful drive through the darkening skies.

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EPILOG

The growing darkness reflected my depressed mood. My precious daughter Dianne began to fret so I headed home early. Time passed me by. How long had I really been gone. I didn't really know and didn't seem to care.

Upon entering my house I put Dianne in her playpen with some animal cookies. Going to my bedroom I noted the door was still shut. I opened it quietly to see Sherrie still sitting motionless but leaning on the head board.. She had obviously had moved about some. The cell phone had fallen to the floor. She looked up at me with her sweet smile. Tears were streaking her face.

"Sherrie? Did you make that phone call?" I inquired softly. Seeing her tears of obvious repentance, my anger abated and turned to compassion for my darling dying wife. She made no reply. She held up her right arm to me and tried to stand up. In trying she tumbled forward but I caught her. She clung to me with one arm. The left arm hung useless and her flaccid left leg paralyzed. I lifted her and held her to me, her warm body trembling in my strong embrace. She tried to lift her chin, succeeding only partially and formed a kiss with her lips. I noticed that her right side of her face began to droop and her lips and eyelid were growing weaker even as I held her. With monumental effort, she finally got her head tilted back enough for us to gently kiss. She responded as best she could. It was to be our last embrace and kiss.

I laid her down on her back and she sighed. With only one eye open she heroically whispered, "I love you".

She took a long deep breath. Her body quivered, her entire right side trembled in tiny seizures as even more paralyzed and flaccid. Her breathing slowed and took on an intermittent deep labored sighing quality. This was the first time I had actually witnessed a person dying of a progressive stroke. No one could have done anything for her. She was at home and going home to.

In only a moment more, her body totally relaxed. The seizures relented. The bed became wet with her urine and I smelled the smell of bowel gas as her sphincters gave way to death. I sat next to her. My left cheek covered her chest as I noted the absence of a heart beat. Totally gone was the rigid stoic face of only a few minutes prior. Her face had the peaceful smile I knew so well. I stayed with her for quite some time. I prayed for her peace. With tears in my eyes, I stood up and pulled the sheet over her body up to her face. I could not cover her beautiful face. \my last memories had to be of her face on the pillow in our bed, beckoning me to love her. I kissed her goodbye for the last time.

I picked up the cell phone to call the funeral home. Looking at the readout, I noted the last number she had dialed was our home phone. I almost ran to our land line phone and was greeted by the red flashing light of a single missed call.

Hurriedly I mashed the call button. The number was from our cell phone. It had to be Sherrie calling me. Now the call was from her "grave".

Her soft voice was almost unintelligible. "Honey, I'm going home to be with Jesus. I love you. Forgive me for thinking only of myself these past few". Her voice trailed off. I cried. I forgave her.

Dianne called for me, "Daddy! Daddy? Mommy!"

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