East of Eden

Big Brother is watching the wrong couple.

Paradise Vacations
1411 Rainbow Road,
East of Eden, Florida

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Smith,

We managed to get your names from our exhaustive market research program that is connected to the keystrokes you agreed to have your homepage record, monitor, and analyze, when you first made Sex For Married Couples your homepage. As a couple who obviously enjoys the finer things in life, such as the sexuality of an open lifestyle, all those stories you've written for Literotica under DirtyOldMan, and that Sybian machine you bought your wife for Christmas, you are the type of couple we target.

How is Mrs. Smith enjoying that sexual toy? My wife would love one. Don't worry, if you haven't given it to her already, I promise not to tell and spoil her Christmas surprise. Besides, it won't be until after the holidays when you receive this letter of introduction.

By monitoring the sites you visit, analyzing the things you buy Online, and recording the Online reviews and surveys you participate in, we couldn't help but notice that you have attended FantasyFest in Key West Florida for the past several years, drive a classic Buick Regal 5,000 miles a year, live in a 4 bedroom, 3 bath house, and earn in excess of one hundred thousand dollars. There is much we already know about you, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Isn't it time you found out more about us?

We are a new, young adult community of professional people just like you. Our property owners enjoy shedding their clothes along with their inhibitions. The average age range of our gated community residents are 35-45 years old. We do not allow children, but we do allow small dogs, twenty pounds and under, and cats. All of our residents are heterosexual, with many of the women being bi-curious. As it is for you and your wife, this is the second marriage for most of our resident couples, as well.

We have a clubhouse with a full gym, clothing optional, with a 12 person Sauna and a 12 person hot tub. We also have a nine hole, clothing optional golf course and a private half mile long nude beach with an uninterrupted view of the water. We offer other activities that you can enjoy and participate in without clothes, such as nude volleyball, naked swimming races in our Olympic sized pool, our in the raw Frisbee tournament, and indoor peek-a-boo Peter ping pong, and big boob Bertha billiard table tournaments. We no longer offer the nude, dangling David, dangerous dart, competitive tournament for obvious safety reasons, after one of our guests accidently pierced and attached the appendage of another guest to the wall with an errant dart. We still offer dart tournaments, but only when fully dressed.

We would like to offer you and your wife an invitation to visit our facility for an all expense paid weekend of your choice. All you will need is to pay your transportation costs to Florida, the rest is on us, accommodations in our guesthouse, activity fees, and meals. If we are a place that you'd care to visit and hopefully like to make your home, you may read more about us Online and make your reservations by visiting us at EastOfEden@aol.com.

We have two, three, and four bedroom homes still available, many with their own private beach and all with ocean views and access to our main, private beach and clubhouse privileges. We shall look forward to meeting you, Robert, and your lovely wife Ruth.

Sincerely,

Jonathon Briggs
VP Marketing

Dear Mr. Briggs,

It is with deep regret that you have the ability to monitor my computer keystrokes in my own home without my knowledge and/or authority. I am saddened that my privacy has been compromised and can continue to be invaded by such invasive software programs. Now that I know, I shall take the appropriate action in the future to remove you as my homepage provider and install a better firewall, as a move to better protect my privacy.

I am shocked that you know so much about my personal life. Only, what you don't know is that I have my elderly parents living with me. I suspect it was my Dad who made Sex For Married Couples his home page on his wireless laptop. The information that you have is on him and my mother and not on me and my wife.

By the large box that was delivered to the house a few days ago and squirreled away in my garage unopened with a big red bow fashioned to the outside, he apparently is the one who purchased the Sybian machine, as a surprise for my stepmom, his second wife. Perhaps, she'll be riding that after the holidays instead of her power mobility scooter.

Although I am sure my Dad is up for it, I fear that many of your residents would lose their appetite for nudity and/or sex should they see my naked, octogenarian parents participating in nude volleyball, naked swimming races in your Olympic sized pool, in the raw Frisbee tournament, indoor peek-a-boo Peter ping pong, and big boob Bertha billiard table tournaments. Please sign my Dad up for your dangling David dangerous dart tournament, however. Although with his poor eyesight due to his cataracts, I'd leave him alone in the room to play, for obvious safety concerns.

Both my parents suffer from incontinence and wear Depends diapers. I can only hope that they can control their bodily functions long enough to take full advantage of your hot tub, although the warm water may motivate things along, if you know what I mean. For hygienic reasons, I'd probably have them go in the hot tub alone, just in case of an accident.

I thank you so much for the invitation and shall give your web address to my Dad, so that he can make his reservation to stay a weekend at your facility.

Sincerely,

Robert Smith, Jr.

I walked out to the guesthouse where my parents were living.

"Dad! What the Hell? The home page on my computer is Sex For Married Couples."

"I know. Isn't it great? They store all my personal information for me and so long as I don't erase my cookies, I can revisit the web sites I was at before. It's getting difficult for me to remember where I've been and how to find them again."

"Oh, never mind. I give up. Here's the address of a site that contacted me, East of Eden, looking for you and Mom. Maybe you two can make reservations to take a trip down to visit the place. All expenses are paid, except for your transportation. By the way, they are restricted to couples between the ages of 35-45."

"Yeah, I know. Your Mom and I don't look our age."

"Dad, you're both 82-years-old. Granted you don't look 82-years-old and you certainly don't act your age, but I don't think you can pass for 45-years-old."

"I'll wear my baseball cap and sunglasses. They'll never know I'm that old."

"Yeah, until you take off your clothes."

"If Huge Hefner can get away with not acting his age, then so can I."

"Okay, Hef."