Electronic Sex

The world is full of people. People coming and going. People talking, arguing, doing all kinds of interpersonal things. Why, then, is the world such a lonely place? More to the point why are so many people looking for some diversion to fill their leisure time?

I’m an all right looking guy. I have a good job, an X-wife, a car, an apartment I can say is all mine and a number of “things”. One of which is a rather good “state of the art” computer complete with an AOL (A.O. HELL, in the current vernacular) account with a dial-up connection to the internet. And I suppose I fit my own description of the world because I spend countless hours sitting in front of my computer monitor surfing the internet looking for … what? Company? I’m not sure.

But, at least, as I said before, I’m state of the art with an ultra fast Pentium architecture, Bombing Speaker System, Web Camera, 19 inch flat screen monitor. I have the whole thing. I am clearly set up to “communicate”.

So one night I’m sitting in a chat room in some service listening to the inane chatter between the other bored people in the room when YouWantMe wandered into the room. At first I didn’t pay much attention. Then I notice a number of “peeps” knew her and showered her with greetings, “(((Hugz)))” and so on.

Who the hell is that? I wondered. But out of some dismal hope of breaking the boredom I began to pay attention to the conversation. There were the usual “LOL”s, “LMFAO”s and “Byte-Me”s. But interspersed were an occasional bright, sparkling, jewel emanating from YouWantMe such as “I cybered GrayButt last night… it was great!!!” and “we cammed until I was sooooo sore”. What the hell have I missed here?

Now I’m not exactly a virgin. After 6 years on overseas military bases and 15 years of marriage I thought I’d pretty much been around the block. Apparently I was wrong. “Cybered”? I had no idea.

After a few minutes of careful consideration of my total lack of education and the high potential ridicule emanating from my stupidity I ventured to ask someone in the room whom I considered a “friend” what this was all about in the privacy of a “Whisper Box” so as not to expose my ignorance to the rest of the room.

BigOne: What the H. is Cybered??

KnotyNutz: What??

BigOne: you heard me… What is Cybered??

KnotyNutz: Dip shit!!!! You don’t know shit, man

Now KnotyNutz, aside from his rather ridiculous and disgusting “nic” is generally a fairly decent individual and, I understand from others in the chat world, somewhat worldly. In fact, KnotyNutz was the author of my own “handle” where previously I was known by the (I imagined) rather racy screen name: ArnoldH. KnotyNutz, however, was kind enough to show me the error of my ways and hung BigOne on me, a reference I supposed to a rather tasteless AC/DC song. However, my friend seemed to have known his stuff, so to speak, because I actually became (if not popular) at least a recognizable figure in the crowd of certain select chat rooms. Therefore, I was not really surprised at “Nutz”s rapier wit and response.

BigOne: Well WTF is it, A-WIPE?

KnotyNutz: Fuckn-A Man…. You really are Dip-Shit, ya know? LOL

BigOne: Fucking … What?

Knoty Nutz: Each other Asshole…. Who ya think?

I looked at the screen an popped a quick look at YouWantMe and DrippnWet, the two “ladies” who were discussing this marvel as well as their “bf”s, HardNLong and BigDaddy4U. YouWantMe was in England. Her boyfriend HardNLong in California. DrippnWet in Florida and BigDaddy4U in Canada somewhere. I’m confused. As I recall sex, there is this thing about humping and grunting, sucking and licking and other such things. But the real point is both participants are in some close proximity to each other… like the same ROOM! These people aren’t even in the same COUNTRY!

Obviously I have either “Zoned Out” and dreamed this whole thing or I was still somewhat clueless.

About that time I noticed my friend, KnotyNutz remarking in the room about my somewhat uninformative “Whisper”.

KnotyNutz: Yah...LMFAO… the dip fuck actually asked me what cyber was… hahahahahahahaha

WombBroom: Hahahahahahaha ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Easy_La: No Shit….. hehehehehe…. F’n dork!!!

And so it went on for some time. Sure makes one glad to have a real “friend” with whom you can confide your ignorance, I think, rolling my eyes. I believe I made the correct choice and decided to retire for the night.

The following night I found myself in a different room populated by total strangers (assuming that I should allow my regular room to calm down for a while). I found it rather interesting to note how the “conversation” was really pretty much the same so I just sat back and “lurked” for a while.

About that time a new window opened in the right upper corner of my monitor. Aha! A private message from IlickU2, obviously some fine lady from Michigan or someplace, wanting my expert advice on some complicated technical problem or other. So I opened the window.

Ilicku2: How big is it, baby?

BigOne: How big is what?

Ilicku2: Ur dick, silly. Ur nic … member?

BigOne: Oh yeah…. They its very large.

Ilicku2: You wanna pic?

BigOne: Oh sure… you want to send one?

A new window opened and I pressed OK. The picture began to download to my computer. It finished within just a few seconds. I opened the picture and saw a somewhat blurry image. I stared at it for a moment thinking this was the strangest woman I’d ever seen. Then it hit me. It wasn’t her face. I was seeing what appeared to be a very large and erect nipple. OMG!

BigOne: Nice pic.

Ilicku2: You gonna send me one?

BigOne: Oh yeah… ok…

I fumbled with my mouse and got a picture of me without a shirt uploading the Ilicku2. It took only a few seconds again.

Ilicku2: Nice chest… got anything else ya wanna show me?

So, feeling somewhat engendered by her obvious interest in me as unique person I sent her a picture of my apartment, my car and my computer. She was, however, unimpressed.

Ilicku2: Ok…. Look… send the salami… OK?

BigOne: Salami?

Ilicku2: Yeah.. Dick… Pocket Rocket… Whatever you call it... Baby… I wanna see it!

BigOne: Oh… Ok… why?

Ilicku2: You don’t do this often … do ya?

BigOne: Well … um… not a lot.

Ilicku2: Virgin Huh??? <>

BigOne: Oh… I wouldn’t say that, exactly…

Ilicku2: Ok… but… um… maybe you’d like a better pic??

BigOne: Um… ok

I downloaded the picture and opened it. The quality wasn’t really much better than the first. I stared at it for a while. It looked rather like a … OMG. That is BUSH!

BigOne: Um … Yes… um… very nice…

Ilicku2: Would ya like me to lick ya??

BigOne: Well… um… where are you?

Ilicku2: Dallas.

BigOne: Ummm… are you catching a plane? Want me to pick you up at the airport?

Ilicku2: Hey I don’t know you that well.

BigOne: Ok…. How...umm…. OK

Ilicku2: Running my hands down you chest. Do you have a cam?

BigOne: Yes, of course.

Ilicku2: Well turn it on for christsake and your mic too.

I turned on my web camera sending out a rather good picture of me down to my shoulders wearing my usual Oxford shirt, sitting in my chair.

Ilicku2: “Ok baby… lower the cam a bit.”

BigOne: “Lower the cam?”

Ilicku2: “Yeah baby…. I wanna see ya stroking that package.”

BigOne: “Oh… Ok… wait a sec.”

I looked around frantically finally seeing a large, padded envelope that had arrived the day before. I pulled it close to my chest, turned the cam down to show my chest and began stroking the envelope, thinking this was really rather odd.

Ilicku2: “Hahahahaha laughing my ass off over here…. Ok baby.. put that away and let’s see what ya got.”

BigOne: “What I got? Um….”

Then it struck me. She wanted to see little Willie. I began to sweat.

BigOne: “Oh… yeah… um… sure… um… just a minute.”

Ilicku2: “Hey sport, hurry up… I’m all wet over here…. Ya gotta get it while I’m in the mood… OK?”

BigOne: “Oh… uhh ok… brb”.

I leaped from the chair and ran into the dining room thinking, “God. What am I going to do now?” I knew that little Willie was somewhat, shall I say, unimpressive even when standing at attention to his full 3-1/2 inches. But what could I do?

From the speakers I could hear someone (Ilicku2) thrumming their fingers. “Hey hurry up will ya?”

“Ok…. But just a minute”. I was desperate. To “show” or not to “show” that is the question. To suffer the slings and arrows of an outraged cyber queen or… Gawd. Shakespear. What am I doing?

With resignation, I began to remove my clothing. Here I am. Butt naked in my study, some stranger waiting for me on the other end of a camera internet link, and little Willie so shriveled up from fear I could almost pass for a female. Trapped like a rat.

I sat in front of the camera in all my humiliation waiting for the rain of laughter I knew was coming.

Ilicku2: “Hey, ya gonna stroke that thing for me?”

BigOne: “Oh… I thought you were going to lick it?”

Ilicku2: “Later baby. Right now I wanna see ya making him hard.”

BigOne: “Well… um… he is hard.”

I braced myself for the laughter. Silence. Silence. Silence.

I stared at the screen. CURSE YOU AOL! A notice was plastered across the screen : YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION HAS BEEN RESET BY THE REMOTE HOST. But at least I was saved the total embarrassment and humiliation of the physical display of my non-existent hard-on. And also… at least it happened in a room where I’m not known so none of my “friends” will ever hear about my humiliation.

Later that night I went into my regular boring room where I was roundly greeted by all the regulars.

CumSac251: Hey there he is…. THE STUD!!!!

SlityLicker: Hey yah dudeeeeeee… WTG!!!

2Boobs2U: Hey slick… hear ya got ya some CYBER man….

And so it went for some time….

I was open mouthed. How did they hear? Who told? Who else was in that room? Oh God… I’m going to die.

Then in whisper,

KnotyNutz: Way to go dude…. And one of my cyber girls too…. You dog.

BigOne: Uh… you know Iliku???

KnotyNutz: Yeah… did her yesterday… then I hear she was getting it on with this hot stud. So we all went over to that room to take a look… and Wow it was YOU dude….

BigOne: Uh… I … uh… got booted and stuff and us…

KnotyNutz: Ya well that happens. But ya still got ya some…. WTG

That night, I packed up my computer, monitor, speakers, Web camera… the whole thing and dropped it in a dumpster on my way to some real entertainment downtown at another boring singles bar I’d heard about. There’s not place like your own home town. And these folks are about to meet a real Cyber Stud.

Gawd I hate my life. lol.