Enslaving Chloe Ch. 09

Even when you're not in the mood when you own someone you have to make decisions for the person you control while at the same time ensuring their interests are looked after, not just your own. A Master does not have the luxury of taking a few days off, and can't even say they have a "headache". It took me some time to fully appreciate all this and it's only now looking back on my sometimes impetuous behaviour in the beginning of my submission that I can fully understand what Master was up against.

Of course, Master was under no illusion about how difficult I could be at times. Everyone has their moods, and they're not always totally co-operative, even if usually they are no trouble at all. I have come to admire Master's determination to train me in the way he wants, no matter how frustrating that must have been for him occasionally. Unlike Master, I'm not very focused and it's not unusual for me not to be paying attention to what he is trying to teach me. I can be a really vexatious little cunt at times.

After years of being together I have come to appreciate Master's continuing willingness and ability to teach me to be a better slave and a better person. This is one reason why I have so much respect for him. Anyone can boss you around when they're so inclined, but to consistently teach and train and discipline a fractious little bitch of a girl who wants her own way -- even if she is submissive -- can try the patience of anyone. And most men are not good at dealing with the intimate (and sometimes irrational) thought processes of a woman, submissive or not.

Master always displayed a lot of self discipline and even when I was being particularly stubborn he never got angry. I could tell if he was displeased because he would go a bit quiet and give me a certain look which I learned to recognise. But he never closed himself off to me or threatened me with punishment. A lot of *fake* doms just love to find any excuse to punish a slavegirl, and they think that such a response displays their manly power and "mastery". Actually it only displays their own lack of self control and absence of real maturity.

If you have to punish a slave all the time and she only obeys you out of fear of punishment, what kind of basis for a relationship is that? I know that some people claim that a slave should be punished whenever their owner is displeased with them for any reason or even for no reason at all, but Master taught me that it's my own sense of duty and dedication to him that should inspire me to obey. I always felt a lot happier when I could see that Master was pleased with me, and if he pushed me to go further than I had initially thought was possible or was comfortable with I always felt a deep sense of satisfaction from seeing how proud he was of me when I did as he wanted.

That approach was a much more effective way of motivating me than always being threatened with punishment. I did not want to end up like a fat cat that although a valued pet is overfed and spends its days asleep in the sun, and I told Master so. I needed to know that I would gradually be pushed deeper into submission and made to expand my limits because otherwise even an extreme lifestyle like slavery can become predictable and lacking in stimulation. Just being taken and fucked whenever Master wished, or taught to serve him in whatever routine way he desired was not enough to keep me totally involved indefinitely. I made Master promise that he'd encourage me to endure and explore more than I thought I could, and that once I was comfortable with a certain level he would continue to raise the bar even higher.

When I began to tell Master of my desire to go ever deeper into submission under his care and protection he was totally supportive and very understanding. Now that I look back, when I first became Master's slave I was still only a silly young girl. It was hard for me to distinguish between my fantasies and what I really wanted. I had all kinds of deviant thoughts, but at the same time I was very nervous and timid about even the smallest things...

For example, I was very self-conscious about people (anyone!) being aware that I was a slave. I did not like to wear my collar in public or act in a submissive way to Master when others could see or hear us, and I was terribly concerned about what other people might think. Even in private I was nervous about anyone seeing me naked, and of course having to totally expose myself in humiliating ways to others when ordered to do so was very hard for me. I always obeyed, but I was sometimes quite literally in a cold sweat. It was only when my psychological responses to these things kicked in and I became highly aroused that I no longer cared any more who was watching.

Master already knew all this of course, so he was always very gentle and considerate even if I didn't think so at the time. I can smile to myself now when I think of what a naive girl I must have seemed to him to get all fussed about what I can now see as very trivial matters. I no longer really care what others think of me, or if they see me displaying myself to some some quite obscene degree. I even enjoy the fact that some people are shocked at what a shameless little slut I can be.

Actually, I'm the same person as I always was. I'm still quite shy, and I still worry that I'm not much more mature than I was years ago when I frequently acted like a silly schoolgirl. At the same time it does seem that I've come quite a long way under Master's guidance and now I don't think twice about doing things that made me quite nervous at the beginning. I do understand why my Owner thinks I should approach things gradually and that my yearning to go deeper into slavery is something best done step by step, so I have become more comfortable with allowing Master to make the final decision about each new stage of my submission or when serious issues and decisions are involved.

My Master is really very protective of me and always thinks of my welfare and best interests in regard to any situation. All these thoughts were swirling around in my head after such a stimulating phone conversation with him. At the same time I was also extremely drained after what had been a very eventful day and reluctantly I told Master that I felt I needed to get some sleep soon. He agreed, and after thanking Master for owning me, as was our ritual each night, he ordered me to get some rest.

"Yes Master", I said and I hung up the phone.