Eric & Will make a B Movie

I couldn't help but grin when I read that. Maybe it was time for Issabella to get a little more risque.

Apparently, making a movie was pretty hard work. We had our producer, our screenwriter, a good lawyer, and a business manager, just to track the money. Leah, the writer, was a joy to work with. She was short, five one, a chunky little ball of fire with cheeks that dimpled when she smiled, flashing blue eyes, and long auburn hair that she usually wore in something I think was supposed to be a ponytail. Her usual attire was skintight jeans and a tee, with a movie logo or book cover on it. And the tees tended to be pretty tight. Sometimes she even wore a bra.

Eric was enthralled, and being the horndog he was I warned him off. "Don't fish in the company pond, Eric. Make a move on her and we lose our producer and screen writer in a flash. Don't you notice how Dorian tends to hover? Go bang one of those bimbette actresses or something and leave her alone."

Leah seemed to like me, though. Maybe because I was older, or maybe because I didn't drool when she was around me. Usually, after we got started, we tended to zone anyone else out and work. I liked her approach, and she reworked several things for translation to the screen that I would have never thought of, but worked really well. During breaks, she would tell me a little about their life.

"We grew up in the industry. Dorian's mother is a sound editor, and his father was one of the most sought after second unit directors around until he died in a car crash. In case you don't know, second unit directors were usually the ones that did all the action scenes, working closely with special effects people and stuntmen. He was one of the best, doing things that scared most directors to death.

My Mom was one of what I call professional pretty people. She could rock an evening gown, and looks good in a bikini, even now. As an extra, she was in big demand, for party and beach scenes. Even got a few lines in a couple of classics. She still does it. She met my dad on a shoot. My Dad, well, my Dad is Jerry Webber."

Jerry Webber was a pretty successful comedian a couple of decades back. He did the talk show circuit, even made a few movies himself. He was semi-retired now, and worked primarily in Vegas and Atlantic City.

"The fame got to him, and he got out of control, drugs and numerous affairs, until Mom just couldn't stand beside him anymore. The divorce shocked him, he thought she'd be there forever. Twelve years now, and he still sends her flowers, gifts, takes he out occasionally, but she hasn't forgiven him. Although since he's been clean for the last five years, I'm detecting a thaw. She kissed his cheek the last time they went out, and he walked right into a wall. Then she kissed his bruise, so he walked into the wall again. They were laughing like mad when they said goodnight."

I saw the wistfulness in her eyes, and decided to change the subject. "Well, honey, I'd say we've about beaten this thing to death. I'm declaring it done, except for the on the fly rewrites you'll have to do as we go. Ready to make a movie?" She was indeed.

Chapter six

Well hell, what was I doing in Canada on a pretty May morning?

Working, of course. While Eric's enthusiasm had waned when faced with the innumerable things it took to make a movie, I was enjoying the hell out of it. We were in Winnipeg, one of several places we were considering using as home base, and the government officials on all levels were trying to come up with a more enticing way to kiss our asses. Movies are big business in Canada, especially since costs had skyrocketed in the States. Many popular American series are actually filmed here. We were wined, dined, escorted every place we wanted to go. A few offered us extra incentives, anything from drugs to women. We dropped those places pretty quick. Well, Dorian and I did, I think Eric was a little tempted.

To be honest, if I had known how much work went into a movie, my million bucks would have never left my hands. What was called pre-production was pretty much done, and we were finishing the casting stage now. We had a casting director, and Leah and I tagged along to a few of the 'cattle calls', me just to see what it was like, Leah because she had a certain criteria she wanted met for the leads.

I was amazed at the first two. It was open auditions, and the crowds were tremendous. We'd decided to pretty much cast in country, maybe bring in a few better known character actors, but the bulk would be fresh faces, to Americans, anyway. Some were downright horrible. Some were pretty good. I sat at the table watching Leah and the casting guy compare notes, bored out of my mind, when THEY walked in. I knew who they were instantly. Kathy Kumms and Crimson Red.

Not their real names, of course. They were porn actresses. Pretty good porn actresses. I'd spent many a lonely night after my wife dumped me with one of their videos and a bottle of lotion. They'd made movies hot and heavy for about four years, then disappeared without a trace. I still pulled one up once in a while, because they were so damn hot. Both were on my bucket list.

Kathy was a willowy blonde with a nice rack and a killer ass. Besides the smoking hot body, she had a beautiful face and a great smile. Crimson Red was a natural redhead, and unlike most porn actresses, didn't go for the bald look. Her body and looks easily equaled Kathy, and their girl on girl action probably sparked more bi-sexual and lesbian adventures than alcohol, date rape drugs, and Viagra combined. Why the hell were they here?

I flagged down Leah while they were filling out their paperwork. "See the redhead and the blonde over there?"

She giggled. "Yeah. So did every guy in the room, and most of the women. Why?"

"I think I know them, but I'm not sure. The redhead would be perfect for the biologist's sidekick, wouldn't she? And the blonde, put a lab coat and big glasses on her, and she's the biologist, almost exactly the way I described her in the story. Can you get Jerry to have them read before I leave?"

"Sure. Jerry had the same thoughts when he saw them. How bad do you want them?"

I looked at her expression. "Get your mind out of your panties, girl. I've never interfered with a casting decision yet, and I'm not about to start now. If they can't act, out they go. I just find them...interesting."

She colored a little bit when I spoke, but recovered nicely. "All right. But tell the truth, you think they're hot! And if the opportunity came up, you'd be all over them."

I grinned. "Faster than you could ever imagine. But let's be clear here. There will be no 'casting couch' decisions on this set. It's one of the reasons we picked Jerry to start with, and why I'm just an observer here. Thinking with your little head leads to some pretty poor decisions, just ask Eric."

Eric was back in the States, nursing bruises and a cracked rib for screwing somebody's wife. I always told him sooner or later he was going to run into some guy who took marriage vows seriously, whether the wife did or not. I hope it taught him something. There's just too many willing girls who are unattached out there. A few dates, a little attention, most times that was all it took. But then again, it's human nature to desire what you can't have. Never ends well, though.

So I sat through several readings, spectacularly unimpressed with most. There was one guy who impressed me as the nerd in the story. I saw Leah and Jerry making notes, and knew he'd get a call back. Finally Kathy got to read.

It was surprisingly good, for a cold reading. She was hoping for a minor part, and was really surprised when they had her read for the biologist. I could see her in her lab coat, lecturing the other characters. Again, judging by the notes, there would be a call back.

The redhead was quite good, reading for the sidekick part. They were almost done when I asked a question, the first ever in the time I'd been observing.

"Can you scream?"

They looked at me blankly. "This character does a lot of screaming. We need to know how good her scream is."

The redhead just grinned, drew in a big breath, and let out a scream that sent chills down my spine. I nodded and thanked her, while Jerry and Leah scribbled furiously.

Chapter seven

They got a call back, as well as the guy we thought would be perfect for the nerd, and a few more they thought would be good for minor parts. I made sure to attend. They'd studied the script by then, and both were very good. When I saw Kathy(her real name, Cathy Wiggins)in a lab coat, hair in a bun, large glasses perched on her nose, giving a serious lecture about the discovery of a new breed of bear, I almost believed her. If anything, she was too good. Crimson Red(real name Victoria Cross, like the medal, she'd say) was almost as good, but since a good bit of her dialogue was screaming, it really didn't matter.

We hired the guy for the nerd part, as well as a number of native actors for bit parts, and the sweat lodge scene. We explained it would involve full nudity, and while a few refused, most were all right with it. It made me realize just how far people were willing to go to get parts. We also hired two more natives for pretty sizable parts, integral to the story.

Eric was back, healed, and eager to go. I hoped he'd learned something, but I had my doubts. He was especially keen on Cathy and Tory, as Victoria asked to be called. I knew if he ever found out about their porn background it could get a little sticky. He was also smitten by one of the natives, a cute little woman even more petite than Leah. I got a bad vibe watching him chat her up.

I caught her after he'd left, and asked for a word with Leah and I. I found out she was just barely eighteen, and her name was Sylvia Shining Elk. Her parents thought she was still in school, but she'd dropped out to pursue acting.

"I just want you to know you already have the part, and you don't have to be in the sweat lodge scene if you don't want to. I know you're of legal age, and can make your own decisions, but I urge you to think about it. You don't want to be labeled, and end up typecast, getting naked native parts and little else."

Leah put her hand on her arm. "He's right. Take it from someone who grew up in this business. Actresses are a dime a dozen, honey, and producers know it. They feed on desperation, and many times the poor girls make decisions that affect their life for years to come. Free advice here. You're good, or you wouldn't have gotten the part. Maybe this will lead to bigger things. But if I were you, I'd continue my education, have something you can fall back on if the parts dry up."

She looked back and forth, trying to judge our sincerity before she let out a sigh and a tear trickled down her cheek. "Thank you, for the advice and for giving me a choice. I would prefer not to do the nude scene, I'm not to the point in my career that I'm comfortable with it. Let me ask a hypothetical question. If someone connected with the movie, someone pretty high in the food chain suggests that me 'being good' to them would help my career and I refuse, do I still have the job?"

"Absolutely. If something like that comes along, tell Dorian, Leah, or me if I'm around. We'll take care of it. Understand?"

She nodded shyly, hugged Leah, and left. She looked over at me. "You need to talk to him. He's letting it go to his head. You're not from this world, but it can be very ugly, especially if you let the power get to you. Producers are like minor Gods, they can have complete control over your career. And sadly, most people bitten with the acting bug, male as well as females, will do just about anything to attain stardom."

I looked at her and sighed. "I don't think I like your world very much. Has it ever happened to you?"

"Twice. I lost one job because of it, I managed to finish the second, but I made it clear neither Dorian or I would ever be interested in working with her again. Luckily it didn't affect our careers, she isn't very well thought of."

It was a depressing conversation, so I stopped it, promising to talk to Eric.

Chapter seven

I cornered Eric at our hotel, telling him I needed a quick word about possible locations. He let me into his suite, grinning. I got right to the point. "I talked to Sylvia Shining Elk. Don't deny what you're doing. The poor girl is only eighteen. What were you thinking? And just so you know, there will be no date with her."

He actually got a little pissed at me. "Listen DAD, what I do with willing females is none of your business."

"You're absolutely right, but I think you've blurred the line on willing. Ease up a little, you're young, good looking, rich, you can get most any woman you want. But you need to be a little more selective. How's the rib?"

He touched his side, wincing slightly. "Still hurts if I bump it. I don't know why he was so pissed, it was only a little sex. I was no threat to him or his marriage."

"I can't believe you said that. She was married, and you knew it. When you get married you make certain promises, promises you're supposed to keep. I can tell you from being on the other side that it hurts. Was the pussy worth the ass kicking you got? Are they still together?"

"Separated. She calls me constantly, whining about what we did. Says she still loves him, then asks when we can get together again. He threw her out with nothing. I'm not a complete asshole, so I gave her a little money, paid for an apartment for six months, shit, I'm even paying for the marriage counseling. I eased her down, apologized for messing with her marriage, and thought it best we not see each other until she resolves things with her husband."

Well, that earned him points. "Good. Now back to what I was saying. Stop it. You're putting pressure on those poor girls, whether you mean to or not. Every time you talk to one of them they're wondering if today is the day you make them a proposition."

"What about you? You didn't see at least one of them you wanted?"

"I see a bunch of them I want, but I'm not going to make a move on them. When this thing is over, and it's wrapped, I may ask one or two out, but that's months down the road. Besides, I've got Dolly, and she keeps me pretty busy."

He couldn't help but grin. Dolly was the girl he stood up to read the script. I enjoyed her company so much I asked her out again. And again, until finally we settled into a semi-serious relationship. She wasn't quite moved in, but she spent most of her time at my condo.

Her real name was Cindy, and at twenty-four she was way too young for me, but she was intelligent, good looking, and fun to be with. And as a bonus, the sex was really, really good. She had come with me, I'd even gotten her a job as an assistant to the business manager. My one act of nepotism. Not many knew of our relationship, and while I didn't care, it was probably best. She was smitten by the business, was even trying to talk me into paying for acting lessons. When she said that I knew I had a limited shelf life. Reflecting, it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I think the experience with my ex had burned me out on permanent relationships. I had made peace with it.

I hoped Eric got the point, as as the days passed I forgot about it. We had pretty much filled all the parts, got everything we needed to go forward. There had even been some filming, which I got to see. It was on an island off the coast. They had gotten a bunch of Polar bears and after dying their ears and paws, turned them loose. I wondered how that managed to happen, until I saw three wildlife agents and a real biologist, there to make sure the bears weren't stressed. I wondered how capturing the bears, tranquilizing them, dyeing their fur, and turning them loose in a strange environment didn't stress them, but kept my mouth shut. They filmed carefully, they were after all very large, very dangerous animals. After three weeks, they declared they had enough footage, and transferred the bears back to their home territory.

It was confusing to me because the film wasn't shot chronologically. They might spend two days filming scenes that took place in the middle of the movie, a week filming the ending, then spend the next on the beginning. The whole thing was monotonous and boring, sometimes they'd do twenty takes(sometimes twice that) of the same scene. The director we'd hired, on the recommendation of Dorian and Leah, was pretty good. He wasn't a prima donna, but he wasn't all business either. I remembered the interview.

"I don't know how other directors approach a film, but this is how I do it. I'm like, say, a plumber you hire to fix your pipes. I'm not there to change your whole system, I'm there to fix your problem. If there's a better way I'll suggest it, but in the end it's not my pipes, so I'll do it the way you say. All I can hope for is that it holds water when I'm done."

We interviewed three more, just in case. I wasn't impressed with the first two, and the third was a total nut job. "IF I agree to do this, I'll want complete control. If I don't like an actor, a cameraman, the scriptwriter, they're gone. I may even change the direction of the movie if I don't like it. No one, absolutely no one, may override one of my decisions. And what you're offering isn't enough, I'll require at least a third more. I also want..."

He stopped because I had started laughing. When he asked what I found funny I told him.

"You. You're the most hilarious thing I've seen in months. Tell me, how do you avoid bumping into things when you walk around with your head so far up your ass? I checked on you, you know. Fired from your last two jobs. If your father wasn't such a powerhouse in the industry, you wouldn't be working at all. You need to get a grip, and realize the world doesn't revolve around you. You're interviewing for a job, dumbass. A job you don't have a chance in hell of getting with that attitude. Have a nice life."

He flew into a rage, threatening to have his father ruin me. I laughed until I had tears streaming down my cheeks. Dorian and Leah, as well as a few others in the room couldn't help it, and laughed along.

"Think I give a fuck who your father is? This is a vanity project for us. We supply all the money, so we get a big say in things. I probably don't have as much money as your father does, but I'm not broke. And this isn't my world, once this is done I'll walk away from it. So get up and walk your self important ass out of here. We're done."

In the end, we had to have him escorted out. He was still ranting when they left him on the curb. Interestingly enough, I got as call from his father a few days later. There was no preamble, he got right into it. "I hear you were pretty rough on my boy."

I agreed, which I think surprised him. "Yes I was. He needed a good dose of reality, so I gave it to him. You know, whether you'll admit it or not, that with his attitude he has a limited future. Oh, a few will hire him as a favor maybe, but if he has to stand on his own he'll never get a job."

I was kind of shocked when he thanked me. "I'm glad you did it. Everyone else would have been gentler, because of me. I hope he learned a lesson from it. I refused to do anything when he whined to me, but I did check you guys out. I know how your partner got his money, but there isn't much of a paper trail on you, or how you came by your money. I find that interesting, but see no reason to pursue it." What he said next surprised me.

"When you get done with your little project, give me a call. I have a distribution company, and we might be interested."

Well. Never expected that. I told Leah about the conversation and her mouth flew open. "That would be wild. He's a major player, this would open doors and get us a lot of press, and press translates to dollars."