Erica and Jillian

* Erica and Jillian continued... *

I've been in my new life and surroundings for almost a month now finding the freedom of being a girl as nice as I had hoped it would be...could be. I love the way boys look at me and though tempted I've come to realize finding a special person isn't always so easy and if it weren't for my feelings for Jillian things would be different. I can't let a day go by without seeing her and being in her company as she still proves to be an enigma to me...for me. Admittedly for the first time in my life I feel I've fallen in love and in a sense it doesn't matter if she's male or female. Well, it matters a little since if she's a female, then I could never love her completely; the way I'd like. I've been trying to get more information out of her regarding her past but she keeps deflecting me.

I have my own checking account for the first time now. Most of the settlement went to mom and dad to help them and to pay back all the money they spent on helping me with my transformation. I'm not as frugal as I should be, spending more on clothes and jewelry than I should and with Jillian on my mind I have a hard time not buying her gifts. Sometimes I give her flowers, perfume and anything else I think she might like. Our friendship has become what some would call "touchy-feely". I like holding her hand, hugging her and kissing her on the cheek a lot. It makes her laugh and it's clear she likes it but not without misgivings since she is concerned about others. Needless to say teachers are under constant scrutiny and though she has a growing business as a physical trainer, she still doesn't want either of us to get in trouble. Her girlfriend Ellen turns red with anger when she sees me and I think she knows about the connection and attraction Jillian and I have for one another.

I want to tell Jillian what I overheard but don't know if I should. One day I was entering the gym when there were two girls coming out almost hitting me with the door. I heard a part of their conversation,

"Do you think Jillian was born a male like others are saying," one of them asked when the other said, "Like duh, of course silly but does like it really matter."

* Why do echoes repeat themselves? *

It's Friday night and Jillian has invited me to have dinner with her. Maybe I was late as I entered the gym hearing the thump of the circuit-breaker when the gym was thrown into a sudden darkness as only the dwindling light from outside filtered in. The darkness caused me to stop before I got my night-vision. Thinking Jillian had turned off the lights I waited for a sense of her presence before proceeding. As usual my heartbeat accelerated with the thought of seeing and being with her. After a few moments I heard the bouncing of a basketball as it echoed in the gym. Silently I walked to where the sound was coming from expecting it was her. When she came into view I sat down to watch her thinking this was a private moment for her; a way to let out all the stuff that happens to people during the day when they reflect on things. It was fun watching her in her black gym-shorts as she faked one way and then the other before dribbling to the basket to score. The intensity and competitive nature made her look so much like the male I had hoped she was. After awhile she turned looking startled when she saw my darkened outline watching her until she realized it was me.

"Say pip-squeak; have you been there long," she asked smiling.

"Long enough to see the ferocious competitive and exciting male inside you and to know I love him," I said.

"Careful, you're going to get in trouble with that kind of talk," she scolded me as she tossed the ball off into the echoing darkness before joining me. She sat beside me with legs bent locking them with her arms. She nudged me with her arm and then kissed me on the cheek saying, "So you think I have a man inside me, do you?"

"It's one of my favorite fantasies about you," I told her feeling excited in knowing the time had finally presented itself for me to do so. She looked at me as I put my left arm around her shoulder and then leaned my head against her right shoulder. I thought she wanted to say something but when she didn't I placed my right hand under her right knee feeling the warm smooth skin there. I moved it higher to tease her and to see what she would say as I moved higher. I was surprised when she didn't object and when my fingers touched her panties she said,

"You really are looking for trouble aren't you?"

My hand was so close to the truth for what had gone unanswered was suddenly within reach. It was both exciting and frightening me. I don't know if she would've let me continue or not but even if she did I just couldn't move my hand anymore as it felt paralyzed.

"We best get going. I hope you're hungry and I've some things to tell you; things overdue and things I want to know about you too; things I want you to tell me," she said.

* Jillian's apartment... *

Entering her apartment I asked where Ellen was...

"That's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. We've decided it was best for her to move on in life. We are no longer a couple for various reasons...for reasons regarding sexual incompatibility for the most part. Neither of us find the fulfillment and gratification we desire and our sexual contact has become forced, as opposed to natural. And then there is you and what I've come to learn about you recently and my growing attachment to you..."

She took me by the hand saying we should sit on the couch. She looked so beautiful with the gravity showing in her expression; a seriousness suggesting what she was about to say was all that mattered in life. I couldn't help smiling knowing I could read her very soul and how much I loved her. I suspected what she had discovered about me; feeling vulnerable in her knowing about me and how she would relate to me in her new found knowledge.

"A girl I know at school has a brother who attends the school you last attended and has told me you were asked to leave for personal reasons...reasons about your...transformation," she said without being accusatory. I smiled and shook my head in affirmation waiting for her to continue. She did so saying,

"From the very first time our eyes met I felt a chill in knowing we were kindred spirits; to the point I found myself obsessed with you. I never knew if what I suspected was the truth until I was told about you and I just want you to know I'm okay with it. In fact I'm more than okay with it; I welcome it and if it's the truth I don't know what to do about it...us I mean...my feelings for you and my desire to be with you.

"When I told Ellen you were in transition she just looked at me and said, 'Well, I guess that's the end for you and me then.' She knew me that well and what had been missing in our relationship and you were what I wanted...needed."

When she asked me if indeed it was the truth I told her it was and softly kissed her on the mouth; it was so soft and beautiful making my head spin in the dizziness it caused.

"Now you really are in trouble," she said causing our laughter. I didn't press her about whether or not she was 'anatomically correct' having the strongest feeling she was born male. It was funny since it was the most obvious question for either of us to follow up on yet it was avoided. I wondered if she would allow it to hang in the air festering until she blurted out what I longed to hear. Instead she unexpectedly stood to go into the kitchen leaving me to linger in doubt. I followed her into the kitchen sitting at the table as she began to prepare dinner. Letting her know I was still in her midst, I started drumming my fingers on the table; like my mom does when she expects an answer.

"Damn her she's not going to budge and just look at her face as she appears so nonchalant," I thought allowing her time to reveal the obvious. When it was clear it wasn't forthcoming and noting she was no more interested in eating than was I; I snuck into her bedroom removing my clothes before getting in her bed. I lay there chuckling in my daring wondering what she'll do when she discovers me.

"Oh I'm so bad," I thought mischievously.

She didn't call to me as I thought she would've but looked in smiling at me before turning off all the lights. She entered the room carrying a single candle placing it on the dresser before disappearing only to return shortly with nothing on while using both hands to conceal that hidden part of her. Quickly she slid into bed beside me as I heard little sounds of delight coming from deep within her throat. We lay there looking up at the ceiling with the covers below our chins. Like in that episode of Friends when Chandler and Monica were in bed for the first time together and they both quickly ducked below the covers to check each other out...remember? With my peripheral vision I saw her smiling when she asked,

"Aren't you curious to know about me?"