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Drops of sweat were sliding down his rugged face as he kept pummeling her groin with a malicious grin, "Tell me more."
- COMMENTS
Anonymous4 months agoYou wrote:
"After drying themselves off, they both wearily stumbled naked into bed and enclosed their arms around the other."
(then, moments later, after never having left the bed...)
You wrote:
"He took his clothes off and then embraced Xanxaa..."
THE mantra in real estate is 'location, location, location'.
In writing, the mantra is 'continuity, continuity, continuity'.
Oops... LOL
Bodhi1978about 4 years agoJust one thing (and maybe you've answered it), but I thought Xanxaa was contemplating killing our hero...
Anonymousabout 4 years agoHey! First story I've ever commented on and I love it! Great plot for a porno and don't listen to your haters, the only thing that the story needs is titty fucking, maybe it's like her ultimate way to heal or something (for life) but Adam goes on about how huge her boobs are so I think he should fuck them!
bobrobertsonabout 4 years agoAuthorI appreciate all the feedback I've received so far, both the thoughtful and less-than-thoughtful. I take all constructive criticism as a way to improve my writing, so thank you. I hope everyone continues to read more, and I hope you enjoy it!
