tagIncest/TabooEscaping the Darkness

Escaping the Darkness

byXarth©

As I parked my car in the driveway after getting home, I could see signs of someone still being up. The living room light was on and there was the occasional flicker from the television. Amy probably, she was the only one I could expect not to be in bed as late as it was.

I had fairly odd hours at the job I worked. I started my workday in the afternoon and didn't get home until after midnight most of the time. My days off were very rarely on the traditional weekend either, tending to be more in the middle of the week instead. This meant that, despite still living at home, I could go days without actually seeing my parents or sister. It made my social life pretty difficult as well. I liked the job though, and I didn't mind a little solitude. Maybe someday I'd make it onto a more 'normal' schedule, but I wasn't too concerned about it.

After getting inside the house and kicking off my shoes I peaked into the living room to confirm it was my eighteen year old little sister curled up on the couch. She looked asleep and I quietly turned away toward the kitchen, trying not to wake her.

"Mom left a plate of food in the fridge for you," Amy mumbled before I could even take a step.

Not asleep after all.

"Thanks," I called over my shoulder.

Mom was usually good about leaving me something to eat and I probably would have checked the fridge even if Amy hadn't said anything. I took a couple minutes to heat it up in the microwave and grab a drink, after which I returned to the living room.

"So what are we watching?" I asked.

I sat down on the couch beside my sister, taking advantage of the coffee table to set my food on. I didn't recognize whatever show, or movie, was on the tv, but from what little I'd seen the plot didn't look overly hard to follow.

"I dunno. There's this guy who killed some other guys. Now these two guys," she said as she pointed at the screen," are looking for the first guy. I think."

I smiled at her description of events and watched for a couple minutes as I ate. Amy was clearly tired but was trying not to show it now that I had joined her.

"You know you don't have to stay up and wait for me," I said.

"I know, but I hardly get to see you if I don't."

"Don't get me wrong I like having some time together, but I don't want you exhausting yourself for it."

"Oh I'm a little sleepy, that's all." Amy sat up straighter and stretched. "Just need something to wake me up."

I hadn't finished eating, but that was alright. I knew what my sister was up to and, despite my concern for her well-being, I had been looking forward to it.

Amy and I had a somewhat different relationship from what anyone else knew, a relationship modified by our time spent together in the middle of the night. As far as we allowed other people to see we were purely a brother and sister with all that entailed. But we had our secrets.

I watched as Amy stood and walked slowly past me to the light switch on the wall. She continued stretching as she moved, only for show now as she made sure to pull her shirt tight across her chest for my benefit. Soon the room was dark except for the faint light emanating from the tv. Sometimes she would leave it on to give us the small amount of visibility it provided, but only sometimes. She found the remote on her way back and with the press of a button all the light in the room was gone.

It wasn't completely dark or anything. There was still the moonlight from outside which was enough that we could make out some basic shapes, but that was about it. This was how Amy preferred it, and I didn't disagree. The darkness gave a sense of comfort, a protection from the prying eyes that existed only in our imaginations. We weren't hurting anybody but we had no illusions about what kind of reaction we'd get if anyone ever found out.

Amy knelt in front of me and I scooted forward a little on the couch. Her practiced fingers were in my pants and extracting my cock quickly and with hardly any difficulty despite the lack of light. She had done this enough times it was second nature.

"So did you jerk off last night?" she asked.

She hadn't stayed up last night, leaving me on my own. I didn't mind that much in some ways since I really did want her to get the rest she needed, but I still felt disappointed every time I came home and didn't find her waiting for me.

"Nah, it's not the same doing it on my own," I said. It was more or less the truth.

"You just like getting other people to do everything for you."

"I do when they're so good at it."

I could sense Amy's smile even if I couldn't see it. She wasn't hesitant about fishing for compliments and I didn't mind giving them. Besides, she really did do a good job and the last thing I wanted to do was discourage her.

My cock was coming alive in her hand even though she wasn't yet doing much more than just holding it. I sometimes wondered how I would find it if I could see more of my sister while we did this, if she took her shirt off or something. It probably would get me harder faster but it would almost certainly be at least a little weird at first. Plus it would mean pushing the unspoken lines that we both did our best to stay inside.

Despite the lack of visual stimulation I did gradually become fully hard as a result of my sister's touch and what I knew was to come. Amy probably was legitimately better than I was at getting me off at this point, all the nights of practice having paid off. Part of that was just the feeling of someone else's hand doing the work, not to mention a distinctly female hand. I couldn't manage anything that compared to that sensation.

I groaned softly as she started stroking me, her small, soft fingers caressing my sensitive skin. Truth be told she was pretty much the only one who got me off these days. I didn't have a girlfriend or anything and, as much as I joked or avoided really answering the question when it came up, I really didn't masturbate anymore. I preferred letting Amy do it. It was kind of fucked up, and I understood that, but it worked out okay and we both enjoyed ourselves so what the hell?

Something warm and wet touched the tip of my cock, Amy's tongue. It used to be she would use her hands and that was it. At some point that changed and she had started using her mouth as well. Things had remained roughly the same since then, though I knew if she ever tried anything new I would probably let her. That's how we'd gotten where we were now after all.

Amy's lips parted and wrapped around my erection, slowly engulfing it. Her hand still gripped the base, squeezing tighter now and beginning to move in rhythm with her mouth. Strands of her hair brushed me as her head bobbed in my lap and I wanted to brush them back for her. I kept my arms firmly at my sides though since I had to be very careful about touching her. I never knew if something I did might scare her off, even when I was fairly certain she would see it as harmless. There was no telling which straw might break the camel's back.

"Oh fuck Amy," I breathed.

I felt the back of her throat bumping against the head of my cock on every down stroke, it drove me crazy when she did that. Her tongue played over the bottom of my shaft and her fingers were always there to fill the gap when her head pulled back. She kept up constant but varied stimulation on me as she built me up to the point of orgasm.

"I'm cumming," I said, providing what warning I could.

My sister's lips retreated to seal off the very end of my cock while she continued pumping it with her hand. My cum shot into her waiting mouth and I could feel the slight movements as she swallowed it as fast as it came out. She told me that it was easier this way, that it didn't make a mess. I didn't really believe that was her reason but I wasn't about to call her on it.

Finally I was dry and Amy disengaged from me after a couple last strokes to make sure I was done. I got myself pulled together and covered up while she settled back in on the couch beside me, not quite close enough to be touching. There was a lamp on her end of the couch and she turned it on instead of going back to the switch for the main room light.

I could make out my sister's features again, all the familiar details that were lost in the dark. She looked pleased with herself as she often did afterward.

"Amazing as usual," I said before she could even ask. And I knew she would ask.

"Of course it was," she said as though it was a foregone conclusion. She still beamed at the compliment though.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, out of things to say. It felt good just being with her sometimes, just hanging out. It made me wonder how long we'd be able to get away with our relationship in its current form. We rarely talked about it period, let alone what the future held.

"So how are things?" I asked.

"What things?"

"You know, like how's school going, how's life, stuff like that."

"I dunno, same as usual I guess," she said with a shrug. "Why?"

"Because we don't talk about that stuff much, maybe I've missed something important that happened to you."

"Or maybe you want to ask me something specific and don't know how," Amy said with a calculating look.

"It really does me no good trying to be sneaky around you, does it?"

"Nope, I know you to well."

I shifted around in my seat uncomfortably.

"Alright, I guess I'm just wondering about relationships with, you know, other people."

"You mean am I seeing anyone?" she asked with a slight edge.

"I think you would have told me if you were," I said, which seemed to placate her a little. "But we never talked about what we're going to do when it happens."

"Maybe it won't happen."

"Look Amy, I don't really want to think about it either, but do you really want this," I said, gesturing around us with my arms, "for your whole life?"

"Could do worse."

She looked upset now which I had hoped to avoid. I knew I shouldn't have tried to talk about the issue, I should have just left it alone. Except that it would have led to problems down the road anyway, possibly much worse problems.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to be a huge deal. I just thought we should talk about it sometime. Believe me, I'm not trying to get rid of you or anything."

"I think you were right earlier," Amy said after a brief pause. "Maybe I am more tired than I thought."

She stood up and turned toward her room. I couldn't see her face and perhaps she really was just feeling tired, but it could be more than that.

"You're not mad at me are you?" I asked softly.

Amy stopped and looked back at me.

"No, I'm not mad," she said. "You were probably right about us needing to talk. I just can't handle it right now."

She walked back to stand in front of me and leaned down to kiss me gently. She only held it for a second or two before straightening up.

I waited until she left for real then let out a big sigh and leaned back heavily on the couch, tilting my head up toward the ceiling. As much as I loved my sister, nothing about her was simple anymore.

****

I didn't see my sister again the next night, or even the night after. I started to worry that she actually was upset with me despite her protestations otherwise. It wasn't clear to me however whether I should make a point of talking to her again or if I should wait for her to come to me. If she didn't want to see me then pushing her might not be a good idea, however it would at least let me know what was going on.

It turned out I didn't even have to make a decision. I woke up the morning after the second night without Amy to find her still at home. I didn't notice right away of course, it wasn't until I happened to be walking by her room that I saw her lying quietly on her bed reading.

"Hey," I said.

Amy jumped and turned to me with wide eyes before calming down.

"Shit, I forgot you'd still be home," she said.

"I don't go to work until later," I said.

"I know, I'm just usually gone by then and... oh whatever."

Until she said that I actually hadn't put together all the pieces.

"You're supposed to be in class aren't you?" I said, finally cluing in.

"I decided I didn't really want to go today."

She said it as though that was all there was to her decision. Not that I was planning to argue about it, that was our parents' job if they so chose. Or maybe if they ever found out, more to the point, which I had no intention of helping them do.

"So, do you want me to leave you alone?" I asked, thinking I should probably figure that out.

"What? No, why would I... oh, because I was avoiding you the past couple nights."

"That'd be it alright."

"Listen, I'm really not mad at you." Amy patted the bed beside her in an invitation to sit down, which I accepted. "You made me think about things I didn't really want to think about. But I guess I have to face the fact that we're not going to be, you know, together forever. Or whatever the equivalent is for us."

"It got kind of comfortable, didn't it," I said.

"Yeah, maybe that's a good word for it. It felt like there was something good in my life that I could depend on. Doesn't mean it's really the best thing for either of us though."

I took Amy's hand and squeezed it gently, trying to be reassuring.

"You know I'm not taking that away," I said. "But when you meet someone you want to be with, we'll stop right? It would have to end then."

"You'd pretend for me wouldn't you?" she said in a odd voice. "If I met someone tomorrow you'd be supportive and everything, and you'd be upset too. Maybe just a little. But you'd pretend you weren't."

"Amy...."

"And I'd do the same." She looked at me sadly. "That's why I didn't want to talk about this. Because no matter what happens, one or both of us is going to feel guilty about it. I wanted to ignore it and hope it went away on its own. I wanted it to stay in the dark."

"It'll be okay," I said, fooling no one.

****

I thought a lot about what Amy had said over the next few days. Somewhere in my mind I think I had decided I would wait for her to find a guy before I put any effort into getting a real girlfriend. She was right, I didn't want that guilt of abandoning her. But of course she felt the same and wouldn't want to be the one to break off our nights together. And if neither of us ever found someone else then we'd both feel guilty about ruining the other's chances of a normal life. Why was nothing simple anymore?

Things went back to normal to a certain extent between Amy and me. She started waiting for me to get home at night again and it surprised me just how excited I got every time she was there, now that I could no longer take it more or less for granted.

It was also different than it had been before, there was more of a need between us. Once the lights were out Amy would sit closer to me, sometimes leaning in enough that I could wrap my arms around her and hold her. We didn't speak mostly, just sat together with our thoughts.

And of course there were the blowjobs. The only part of our relationship that was sexual and the only part we really needed to hide. Anything else could be passed off as normal sibling stuff if it ever came up. I only wished there wasn't such an emotional aspect to it, that it was purely sexual. That would have made it easier to stop what we were doing.

I remembered back when it started, back to one of the first times Amy had essentially masturbated me. It was a little awkward for us at first, but she was determined.

"You don't have to do this you know," I'd said.

"I know, but I want to. You can pretend it's someone else if you want," had been her reply.

She'd had her preference for the lights being off even then so I couldn't see her face, but I didn't need to. I could hear everything I needed to in her voice.

"No Amy, I don't want you to be someone else," I'd said.

I'd always loved my sister but I didn't necessarily spend very much time with her for various reasons. Maybe that's all she'd wanted at first, to give me a reason to actively want to see her rather than just accepting it when it happened. Whatever the case, now it was our link, our secret connection to each other. It remained to be seen what would happen if and when it was gone.

****

Even at work I spent a lot of time absorbed in the problem of what to do about the situation with Amy. On my breaks in particular, when I had nothing better to do, I would stare off into space wrapped up in my own thoughts. It wasn't all that surprising that someone caught me at it.

"Enjoying the view?" I heard from over my shoulder.

"Yeah, the wall's a really nice shade of beige today," I replied without missing a beat.

Getting caught intently studying the wall as I had been meant I probably couldn't get away with pretending I wasn't deep in thought. What else could I possibly have been doing?

I turned to the new arrival, gesturing for her to take a seat beside me. It was Nicole, a girl I worked with who was a couple years older than me, but similar enough in age that we could still relate to each other pretty well. We talked about semi-important stuff sometimes although nothing as big as my current issue. Still, discussion with someone other than myself might not be a bad idea.

"So what's up?" she asked. "You've seemed a little off the past couple days."

"I am. Girl troubles, in a manner of speaking."

"Huh, I didn't even know you were seeing anyone."

"I'm not. Not exactly anyway."

"Oh."

Nicole managed to say that one syllable in a way that made me suspect she instantly understood the problem, or thought she did.

"What do you mean 'oh'?" I said.

"Well, let me ask you this. Are you and this girl at a point where your relationship may have... changed, shall we say?"

"You could say that."

Had it actually changed? Maybe in the sense that we were now consciously aware that it would have to. I remembered hearing somewhere that merely observing an event can change it. Or something like that.

"Are you worried about what that change is going to mean?" Nicole asked carefully. "Do you think you're getting too close."

"More like we both know we can't get too close and I went and made it an issue. We were both comfortably ignoring it until I said something."

"Why, is she married or something?"

"No, and please don't try guessing," I said, preemptively bringing her next question to a halt. "It's not something I'm ready to let anyone else know about."

"Right, whatever."

Nicole gave me a funny look and I wondered if I had given it away by being too defensive. Could she know I was talking about my sister? Probably not, but she could suspect. Maybe talking hadn't been such a good idea.

"So basically I don't have a clue what to do," I continued regardless. "I don't want to hurt her, but maybe breaking it off is actually the best way to go in the long run. I can't help feeling like we're both going to get hurt no matter what we do."

"How do you feel about her?" Nicole asked, not responding directly to my last statement.

"Um, I don't know. I definitely lo... care about her."

I almost slipped up by saying I loved her. Not that it wouldn't be true, but it had different connotations for someone who wasn't my sister. It could give Nicole the wrong impression.

"Then maybe you need to figure out what you want for the two of you and worry about how to make it work afterward," she said.

I was tempted to dismiss the advice on the basis that the situation was more complex than that. It was, however, a new approach and that could be what I needed.

"That might be something to consider," I said.

"Think about it at least. I have to get back to pretending like I'm busy."

I gave Nicole a small, mostly genuine smile before she left. I appreciated her trying to help regardless of whether the advice turned out to be any good or not.

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