Esther and Star Ch. 01

Is it weird that I've never seen my wife's asshole?

I think it is. A husband ought to know what his wife's asshole looks like—as a sign of intimacy, I mean. Through normal, healthy, married living, a husband and wife will probably, at some point, catch a glimpse of each other's assholes, right? Multiple times, I would imagine. I should be able to, if Esther's asshole ever went missing, describe it to a sketch artist so they could print it on the side of a milk carton.

I barely know what her pussy looks like. In fact, if I had to pick it out of a police line-up, with my wife's pussy and four other random ones, I don't think I could do it.

"Well, this shouldn't take too long, sir. Please, just tell us which pussy belongs to your wife," they'd say.

I'd glance from one to the other, confusion and embarrassment written all over my face. "Fuck," I'd sigh, dropping my head, "I don't know."

I also don't know what her pussy tastes like, which sucks. Right now, if someone came to me and said, "Fuck your wife and I'll give you a thousand bucks or eat her pussy and you get nothing," I'd totally eat her pussy. It would be instantaneous, too, my decision. I wouldn't think about it for a fraction of a fucking second. Boom!—my face is up her crotch.

Esther has never sucked my dick. I've asked. I've tried quite a few strategies. I'd have dressed my cock up like it was going to prom if I thought it would help. Put a little bow-tie on it. A fucking cummerbund. Top hat. Give it a cane and do a dick dance number for Esther.

***

Geez, I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I should never have married Esther. It was just—I had so much invested in her at that point. The fuck was I going to do? Break up? That wouldn't have been me.

My Mom once described me as "fiercely independent." I liked that.

One of my teachers called me "obstinate." I didn't even fucking know what that word meant at the time.

This was the problem: I don't like people telling me what I can and can't do.

When Coach Newhart, an assistant for Boston College, told me I couldn't play quarterback for a power five school and that I ought to list myself as an "athlete," I told my high school coach to list me only as a quarterback. Fuck Newhart.

The head coach of Georgia Tech came to see me play during my junior year. Had one of my best games that night. I fucking dominated. He wanted me to play quarterback for him.

But, he told me he wouldn't offer me a scholarship unless I got my grades up. He said, "Hit the books, kid. We don't offer scholarships to fools."

I knew right then that I would never play for Georgia Tech. Fuck him.

It's not so much that I can't be told what to do. It's more like I hate people thinking they know me, know what I'm capable of. When they do that, this impulse to prove them wrong just seizes me.

So, when my high school pals called me an idiot for trying to date Esther—that there was no way she would ever go out with me—I decided that I was going to be her boyfriend no matter what the cost.

Later after graduation, when all kinds of people told me I shouldn't marry her, I went out and bought a ring.

***

I met Esther in high school. She was a Jehovah's Witness, and she wasn't supposed to interact socially with non-Witnesses like me, but I made her laugh in class.

Esther was the church freak that everyone avoided. To her own classmates, she didn't exist. You only remembered she was there when you heard her name during roll call.

My interest in her began in PE during my freshman year. Esther and I had gym together, and during our warm-ups, her mat was right in front of mine. Every day, I watched her stretch and do calisthenics. By October, I began to look forward to PE and those five or ten minutes.

There was a calmness about her that appealed to me. She was completely at peace with herself and her outcast status. She stretched like she was the only person on the entire gym floor. She would hum some churchy-sounding hymn to herself and stretch as if every movement were of critical importance. She breathed deeply and contorted herself without inhibition. I liked how she didn't give a fuck. She stretched like she was saying, "Fuck you. Laugh at me. I don't care." Of course, she'd never say anything remotely vulgar.

Esther had a heart-shaped face—big cheekbones and a tiny, pointed chin. She had brown eyes and thick eyelashes. When she smiled, which was rare, her teeth shined and her eyes became little crescents. She was pretty, and when she smiled, she was gorgeous. She didn't wear make-up.

Her white-blonde hair was insanely long, almost down to her ass, and very straight. It looked so silky and smooth, Esther's hair, like a waterfall. It was mesmerizing.

A line from an old movie came to me at some point later on: we begin to covet what we see every day. This seemed very true of how I felt about Esther.

We sat next to each other in English during our Sophomore year. I always greeted her, always asked her for help, and always tried to make her laugh. She became my obsession.

I didn't love her. She loved me. Her church wouldn't like us being together and dating, so we kept it a secret.

We made out, but that's it. Nothing more. To go any further, I knew I would have to marry her. By the time we were both eighteen and seniors, her pussy became this lock that I had to get the key for—no matter what the consequences.

A three-year starter at varsity quarterback, I should have been nose deep in pussy. All my friends were getting laid. They gave me shit about it.

Senior year, her parents figured out about us and told the church. She was "marked by the elders," which apparently was a pretty big fucking deal. It sounded to me like a bunch of old assholes jerked off on her face or something.

She cried a lot about being marked, but I managed to keep seeing her. She loved me.

After graduating, we got married, and she was given a formal "reproof" by her church. She was allowed to continue to attend, but no one could socialize with her—even her own family. She was not allowed to talk at meetings. People wouldn't even look at her. During the hearing, she explained to the elders that she was witnessing to me, otherwise they might have kicked her out.

Teams of Witnesses came to our shitty little apartment to speak with me about their faith. The minute they saw me, I could almost see them deflate.

I am a motherfucking predator. No point in trying to be modest about it.

I look like a fucking gladiator: lean, but stacked with rippling muscles.

Witnesses are non-violent. They're all pacifists, getting kicked out if they join the military.

Anyways, my physical build was the opposite of the average male Witness. My body looked poised to wreak havoc. Their bodies looked eager to surrender to any invading force, including one comprised entirely of chinchillas.

They looked at me and said their words. They gave me their books and pamphlets, then left. Really, giving a book to me was like handing a laptop to a baboon. They knew. One look at me, and they understood how I would never fit. It was useless.

So, to finally get some pussy, I married Esther and put off college. When I say college, the best I could have done would have been a community college. No university offered me a football scholarship or even admitted me because of my grades and test scores. I barely graduated.

I also married her because, like I said, people told me not to. So I married her out of pride, lust, and fear—all the worst reasons to get married. It was selfish of me. I took her from her own family. I knew it would create problems, and it did.

On our wedding night, I discovered that oral sex was not an option—for religious reasons. I probably should have done some research. Shit. Well, I put five loads of cum in her little pussy.

Fuck her pussy was tiny. Couldn't tell you what it looked like or how it tasted, but Esther's pussy was a carnival ride for my cock. It barely fit in that silky slit of hers.

My wife never had a conventionally sexy body. It was one you had to study and figure out to see its beauty.

Her tits were neither small nor big. They sloped out and up, like little ski jumps.

Her most prominent feature were her jutting hips. She almost looked like she was wearing football hip pads. Her hip bones were high and forward, shortening her torso, lengthening her sleek, sexy legs, and making her seem like she was always thrusting her waist forward. It was like she was walking around saying, "Have you seen my pussy today?"

I love girls' asses, and Esther's jutting hips kind of hid her ass from view most of the time. But, when it emerged, when she bent over...fuck me. Esther had a secret weapon. Her ass, though low and small, popped out in a gloriously sexy curve when she wanted it to.

Esther is a sweet, sweet girl. She's totally shy but in that attractive, feminine way. And she's strong—not physically—but in her beliefs and how she'll fight for them. But, Esther is fragile. You sense it the better you come to know her. You realize that you could never, ever say a cross word to her or give her a dirty look. When she looked at me, she saw the best in me. She saw me as a learner, not an idiot. She saw my fierce independence, not my obstinacy. How could I not have married this girl? How could I have broken her heart like that?

Despite my stubbornness about not becoming a Witness and her own shaky status in the congregation, Esther kept the faith in every way. She prayed, she read her Watchtower and her New World Bible daily. She abstained from banned substances, foods, and drinks. She would not engage with me in anything other than vaginal sex.

She never let me fuck her doggy style. I asked her where that one was in her New World Bible. She got upset, and I felt really guilty. She's fragile.

We married right after graduation. To keep us both fed, clothed, and sheltered, I found a maintenance job at the CSX railroad, repairing ties and replacing ballast (the rock that the rails and ties rest upon). During my second year, they started hiring conductors like crazy. My foreman liked me, and so I had his recommendation. I went through the program, graduated, and ran trains for a time.

I had zero seniority, so when things got tight for the railroad, I was furloughed. The economy was shit, and I couldn't find work that would keep us going.

Then, my older sister, Star, called me.

***

Star is hard to describe. Three years older than me, she's like a combination of a Disney princess and a frat boy.

During my freshman year of high school, I was sitting on the sofa in the basement watching a movie one afternoon. She came running down the stairs.

"Hey, dickhead!" she called, "You know those big brown sausages they hang from the tops of the meat shelves in supermarkets?"

I turned from the show. "Huh? Yeah."

"I just shit one of those. Had to have been sixteen inches long," she said, smiling, and walking down the steps.

"Fuck, Star! That's fucking sick!"

She started giggling and walked over right beside me. "Smells like buffalo wings, go up there and check it out."

"Aw, fuck, you're going to make me puke. Get away!"

"Should we see what happens if I fish it out of there and put it in the microwave?"

"Star, that is the most disgusting..."

Before I could even finish, she spun around, sat on my arm, and farted on it.

"Star! I'm going to fucking..." I chased her up the stairs and slammed the door behind her. She was laughing the entire time.

Some people teach themselves how to burp; Star taught herself to fart. I don't know how she did it, but she could kind of lean to the side, move her stomach, and then sit back down and fart, and she could do it repeatedly.

One time, Star pissed in a ziplock bag and put it in my backpack with all my books. I found it before it busted open. A few days later, Mom screamed for Star from the kitchen. Mom had found a bag of Star's frozen piss in the freezer. How did she know it was Star's? She knew Star, that's why. Star told me: she was going to use that frozen piss do a kind of delayed piss-bag attack on me at school while it thawed in my locker.

I chewed out Star one time for not wrapping up her tampons well enough in the bathroom trash can.

Big mistake.

Next day, she'd put a used one on the door handle of my bedroom. It was grisly, that fucking thing. I only found out later that it wasn't real; she'd dipped it in chunky salsa.

So there's that part of Star's personality—the raunchy side.

On the other side, she's a total girly-girl. She jumped into make-up at an early age. She loves pink. She did ballet for years. She loves ponies and kittens. She watches romantic comedies and cries during those abandoned pet commercials. There's a gigantic poster of a rainbow unicorn in her room. I'm not shitting. She took it off to college and had it in her dorm room.

She had an athlete's body. Star was a hell of a basketball player. So graceful. She'd go between her legs twice with the ball, fake inside, then drive outside, under the hoop, and do a reverse lay-up. So smooth. I only ever admitted it to myself: Star was hot, just hot. Not pretty or beautiful. Hot. I denied it to my friends, who drooled over her until I punched them in the gut.

She stunned us about half-way through her senior year when she called the entire family into the kitchen and announced that she was a lesbian. She was the prom princess junior year. She had all kinds of boyfriends. What the fuck?

She went off to college, and I continued through high school, pursuing Esther. Guaranteed: my sister got more pussy than I ever did. And she had more fun than I ever did. While my sister and her college friends were partying—hell, while my high school friends were partying—I was watching Esther read the Bible and trying like hell to muster the courage to put my hand on her leg.

I loved Star, but I kind of resented her, too. She just had so much fucking fun. Star was irresistibly fun.

***

Star called me from Boston and told me about a job working for the "T"—the transportation authority up there. One of her friends worked in the Commuter Rail department, running trains from the suburbs as far as Providence into and from the city. The T paid well, and they had a fucking amazing pension plan. They needed crews; they were expanding.

I drove up there, filled out the forms, interviewed, and got the job. Star had a decent place in the Longwood area that she rented. She persuaded her roommate to move out, and she offered the second bedroom to us.

Esther, ever a traditionalist in matters of marriage, deferred to me, and I took the job and the apartment. We were going to live with my sister until I could afford a place of our own.

Of course, Esther let her parents know. So, the church knew. The day before we left, the elders called her in, assembled a judicial committee, and "disfellowshipped" her. Esther was no longer a Witness. She was shunned.

She was fragile; it crushed her.

***

We had been married slightly less than two years on our first night in Boston; Star let us have some privacy.

Esther was quiet on the drive up, quiet during unpacking, and quiet next to me in bed. The lights were out, and in the complete darkness, we laid there. I listened to her breathe.

"Esther?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you hate me?"

"No, sweets."

"You should. Because of me, you've lost your family and your church. I lost my job. Because of me, we lost our apartment. Now, the best I can do for you is rooming with my sister."

I heard her start sniffling.

"I'm so sorry, babe."

"It's not your fault," she whispered. "They furloughed you."

It wasn't what I wanted her to say. She needed to tell me it was all my fault and that she hated me. I wanted her to leave me. That way, I could divorce her.

Part of it was for her own happiness. Esther should have married a nice Witness boy, spent her time at Meeting and prayer, and raised a bunch of believers for kids.

She would never divorce me; I knew that. I wouldn't divorce her, not unless she left me or cheated. But, she wasn't going to have an affair. She was too good for that.

I might have had an affair, except for Esther. I could never break her heart like that.

No, the decision had to be hers. I could never initiate it; that would be like telling the world I'd made a mistake. I'd die before I went that route.

She put her soft little hand on my back. "And you got a new job. And I like your sister. This will give me a chance to get to know her a little better."

At first, Esther really wanted children, right away. I didn't want any kids. Not yet, at least. We hadn't been able to conceive, and not for any lack of cum in her pussy. It was the only fucking place I could put it.

But, within weeks of our marriage, for reasons beyond my understanding, Esther's enthusiasm for sex began to diminish. She began to say she didn't want kids, yet, and she used that as an excuse to avoid having sex with me. I tried to ask her about it, but Esther's faith and her upbringing made sex conversations extremely uncomfortable for her.

The fewer and fewer times we did have sex, it was because I was insistent and she, always dutiful, would let me, asking that I not finish inside her.

So, there'd be a wet spot on the bed, separating us, when we went to sleep.

It was incredibly frustrating for me; I wanted to fuck her every night. I was constantly ready for sex. It surprised—no, alarmed—it alarmed her, my unrelenting desire.

Truth is, I began to feel like I had some kind of problem. Remember, I was almost totally inexperienced in these things, and I was no big reader or learner. I figured I knew how this shit worked. So, I started to feel guilty about how horny I was. Nothing crushed my spirit more than being refused by my own wife, being made to feel like I was some disgusting, sex-crazed maniac.

She never said those things. She probably didn't even believe them. It's just how I felt.

Laying with her in bed, our first night in Boston, I wanted to fuck her. Shit, I was hard.

She was still sniffling. I rolled over and held her, keeping careful not to jab her little ass with my boner.

She fell asleep right away. I laid there and considered jerking off, which I rarely did, despite my hunger for sex.

Then, I heard Star roll in. It was late.

I got up and went out to talk to her. I couldn't fucking sleep.

She was in the kitchen, scrounging for a snack when she heard me. "Oh, it's you," she said, "Where are the chips?"

"I put them in that cupboard there."

"Here?"

"No, that one."

She opened it and pulled out the bag of Lays. "Put them in the pantry next time."

I nodded and collapsed into the couch of our shared living room.

"Can't sleep?" she asked, walking over and sitting in the lazy boy beside me.

"Nah," I responded, "What did you do tonight?"

"Met up with some friends, danced, and had some drinks."

"Meet anyone?"

"Wasn't really looking," she responded, shoving a handful of chips in her mouth.

I listened to her munch.

Then, she asked, "What's being married like?"

"Why? Are you thinking about it?"

She shrugged. "Everybody thinks about it. I mean, is it nice to always have someone? A partner? Someone to always do stuff with? Someone to snuggle with every night?"

"Esther is very nice, very sweet. I don't know. You get used to it, I guess."

"That's not really a ringing endorsement of marriage."

"There's a lot of good things, okay?"

Star smiled at the lie. Then, she said, "Can I ask you something?"

I looked up at her.

"Is it true that you guys don't have oral sex?"

My face contorted into a grimace at her words. "Have you two been fucking talking behind my back or something?"