- NonHuman
- Eternal Ch. 03
- Page 2
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"Be careful Dantè. You don't want to make things worse."
"How? By trying to find some happiness? I'm not going to go out and jump into anything, but if I can find someone I can be happy with then I will mate with her." he said. "I'm sorry if that makes you sad, sister, but I'm getting tired of being alone. Bram and Marcus' deaths showed me that life, even ours, can be cut short. Simonè's last rejection shows me that she just doesn't care." he said ending the conversation.
He called the kids to his cabin to say goodbye. The Omegas came in and told him that the last of his stuff had been loaded into the SUV. They turned to leave after giving him the keys.
"Thanks for all your help guys," he said.
"Your welcome," they responded as they continued to head toward the front door.
"Wait!" Dantè called. He spoke to Padrick quickly through their connection.
With a nod of his head Padrick spoke to everyone in the room. NO ONE IN THIS ROOM WILL TELL ANYONE THAT DANTÈ HAS LEFT FOR GOOD. IF ELDER SIMONÈ ASKS YOU KNOW NOTHING THAT IS AN ORDER. UNDERSTOOD?"
The Omegas left with a nod of their heads and a "Yes Alpha"
As the kids walked into the room Padrick turned to Rosa "That means you too, Rosa. No exceptions. It's up to Dantè to decide, not us,"
Rosa sighed but bowed her head and said "Yes Alpha." Knowing that even as his mate she could do nothing to break his command as Alpha
Dantè turned to the kids and slowly explained that he was leaving and that he was leaving to go live with Michael's pack. As he had expected Rohaynna started to
cry, so he held her as he finished telling them.
A tearful Rohaynna spoke quietly saying "It's cause Auntie won't mate with you right?"
"How do you know that?" Dantè asked
"Cause I sawed the pink squiggly stuffs"
"What do you mean sweetie?" asked Rosa puzzled.
"Just like you and Da, and some of the other mates, there's squiggly pink stuff," she said with a shrug. Dantè chose to drop it and let her parents figure it out.
"Yes, that's part of it. When someone we love doesn't want us, it hurts a lot and sometimes the only thing to do is to leave. Okay?" At her nod he continued, "You can connect with me at anytime though. I love you guys," Dantè said and he left.
Padrick looked at all the solemn faces and said that it would be okay. As they all left Padrick gave them the same order that he had to the Omegas knowing that nothing would break an Alpha's command.
- COMMENTS
MizTover 13 years agoThanks for the longer chapter. I think in this case you were able to have a lot more dialog with the characters. I thought the longer chapter more entertaining. One more chapter to go and I'm all caught up!
gw0313over 13 years agoWe are waiting. I am checking back daily, for more....Please post soon.
cantfightfateover 13 years agoand I can see that you've tried to make the chapters a bit longer. It could be longer still and posted regularly. I appreciate the authors who are on a schedule. Some post a new chapter every week. Some every month. That way, readers know what to expect. Waiting for months for just one page isn't very nice.
Keep up the good work with the storyline. Although it could use a bit of editing, taking a close look at punctuation and run on sentences, the story itself is intriguing and the characters are sympathetic and endearing. If you make each chapter longer, you could go into more detail with the characters and the plot. The brother's death happened very quickly, for example, and the two week transition time was glossed over. We jumped from focusing on Rohaynna and her dream friend, to her uncle and mate, to her cousin and the deaths, to the cousins protecting Roh, several times over a page and a half. You could have spent a page and a half on each of these things and with skill and detail, readers still would have been engaged.
All to say, keep working on the story. I definitely see some improvement and I can see how you can turn this good story into a great story. Post more frequently, in more detail and with more length and you'll be off to a good start.
Thanks for writing.
canndover 13 years agoI'm enjoying the story alot. It is very emotional. Rohoyanna is just precious. Of course the thing with Simone is sad...I was hoping her father would forget to tell her not to talk to Simone but he covered that. Simone is a bitch huh :) Anyhow, I think you're doing a great job of developing the plot and characters. Obviously there is a lot more to Rohyanna than we know. I look forward to finding out more about her friend. Of course I'd love to see stuff work out with Simone and Dante but I guess there can't always be a happy ending for everyone.
