tagExhibitionist & VoyeurEveryone Fucks Outside

Everyone Fucks Outside


"Obviously it's spring, and clearly everyone has been waiting for it. Lord knows I have. Spending five months trapped in cable knit sweaters and down parkas is enough to drive anyone insane. Have you ever tried to pick someone up wearing rubber boots? Rubber boots! You'd have a better shot getting laid at a seminary."

The college senior looked expectantly at her guest. The guest, an eighteen year old refugee from a campus tour, backed away slowly.

"Wait. Sorry. Oversharing. I overshare. It is my best and worst trait. What I am saying is that I am so excited to be your guide and mentor this weekend." The blond girl tilted her head, as if rewinding. "Well, that was not what I was saying, but it was definitely what I meant to say." She smiled. "And it is said. Come on!"

And with that the perky blond grabbed the elbow of the prospect and pulled her forward, heedless of the prospect's heels dragging on the ground.

"We are going to have such an awesome time. Kilton is such an amazing school. They call it the gem of Minnesota, which is funny because obviously we have no gemstone industry. I mean, there are jewelry stores, but no mines. We did have a mime once, but he was super boring. And this is going to be your room. My room. Our room. For the weekend."

The blonde waved her hand, as if it could barely encompass the enormity of a ten by eight room.

"So...Huh. I was so excited to see you and grab you and get you up here that I completely forgot to ask you your name. Which is the worst obviously, because I did not tell you my name was Kate, which is obviously an old person name, though I am obviously not old. But I guess compared to you I am, which is neat. So?"

The prospect stared as if watching a monkey speak.

"So?" Kate asked.

"I'm sorry. I think I missed the question."

Kate blew an errant strand of hair from her face. "What is your name, silly?"

"It's not Silly. It's Susie. I think there might be some confusion. I am looking to transfer here and--"

"And you wanted to take a tour and experience the campus. I completely understand. Kilton is so amazing and progressive, and surprisingly affordable, especially if you're rich." Katie looked down at Susie's shoes and narrowed her eyes for a second. "Or, you know, even if you aren't. I'm not. My dad is though. Super rich. He is an alumnus. There's a building somewhere around here with his name on it, but I've never been in it." She winked conspiratorially. "It's an STD lab. Kind of an inside joke between him and the dean. This side of the bed will be yours, and this side mine. Or one of us can take the top and one can take the bottom. I used to be a gymnast, so I can make it work. And there is barely any of you, so obviously not a problem on that end."

"I brought a sleeping bag." Susie said, lifting it up as if to affirm such a thing exists.

Kate blinked, then charged ahead.

"Of course you did. You're pretty country. What are you, 4H? Dairy farmer? One stop light?"

"Yes, pig farm, three stoplights. Also a Dairy queen and a pizza place."

"That's so country! I'd call you country, but if you spend enough time here you get to meet a dozen girls and boys with that nickname. It is super confusing. So I am going to call you..."

"Susie. Please. That is my name and I am pretty partial to it."

"Susie! That is what I'll call you."

"Pardon me Kate," Susie paused, then rushed ahead as she watched Kate inhale. "I'mStarvingAndWouldLoveToGetBreakfastBeforeTheHallCloses!"

"No problem. Why didn't you say so. Just leave your stuff here and then we can roll out."

Susie dropped her things, and then start walking as Katie's wave of words washed over her. She felt a little bad about not paying attention, but she was almost certain that Katie made up in volume what she lacked in depth.

Kilton had been her first choice out of high school, but despite amazing grades and scores they had not wanted her. She didn't take it personally. Being the valedictorian of a seven person senior class is not going to impress an elite private school. After a year at State, with her success continuing on a larger stage, she was pretty sure she could get in now.

She listened to Kate, and was amazed. Most people give cues for when you should weigh into a conversation. They take a second to catch their breath. They make meaningful eye contact. They pause, a leave a space for you to fill. Kate did none of these things, and seemed to be completely ignorant of there being any sort of social contract that would require it. Susie wondered if it was because of the money or the looks, both of which Kate obviously had in spades.

And then came silence, which snapped Susie out of her revelry.

"What?" Susie asked.

"Your hair? Is it always that color of red, or do you dye it."

"No. This is the color of my hair."

"If it isn't you can tell me. I'm your roommate this weekend, and roommates have a way of finding these things out."

"Why would I bring hair dye to a school visit?" Susie asked.

Katie stared for a second, then giggled. "I like you, country. You crack me up. Anyway, about those waffles..."

"I think we're here." Susie said.

Kate looked around. "Oh, right. We definitely are. Let's grab a tray and then find somewhere to eat."

Susie followed Katie's lead, which was almost as random as her speech. They zig zagged across the cafeteria, ending up with waffles, cereal, milk, and fruit.

After Katie scanned in her card and Susie turned in her voucher Katie made a beeline for a table with a couple of girls already sitting at it.

"Susie, this is Marla and this is Ethel."

Both girls stared at Susie. After a moment the one identified as Ethel let out an exasperated "Well?"

"Well what?" Susie asked.

"Ethel. My name is Ethel. You're supposed to comment. Everyone comments."

Susie shrugged. "It's a nice name. I have a cousin and an aunt Ethel."

Ethel blinked. It was a slow blink, the sort when you make when you think you may have something in your eye stopping you from seeing what is there in front of you.

"Right. Of course you do. I just got Ethel because I'm Chinese, and we take our assimilation seriously." Ethel paused, appraisingly. "My brother's name is Hubert. Hubert Wang."

"Hubert is my second cousin on my dad's side. Raises dairy cattle." said Susie. Then she took a bite of her waffle.She felt like she had taken a test, and was not quite sure if she has passed or not.

"You are so country!" Katie squealed. "She's my mentee for the day. And the night. And the next day."

"You are going to love the Katie experience." Said Marla, the words filled with a level of sarcasm appropriate to her black eyeliner, black dress, and jet black hair.

"Oh you." Said Katie, waving a hand in Marla's general direction. "Marla was my mentee last year. Except she was called Hope then." Katie blinked. It was like watching a computer reboot.

"Though I am not quite clear, are you Hope or are you actually Marla?" asked Katie.

"My mom calls me Hope. Everyone else has given up. My dad likes to say she is trying to keep Hope alive." said Marla.

"Oh. And he thinks that is funny?" asked Katie.

"No. He thinks it is hilarious." said Ethel. "When we were at her place for spring break he said it no less than 10 times."

"So, Susie, why Kilton?" asked Marla.

"Because I want to be a doctor, and Kilton is the best pre med school in the state." said Susie.

"And?" Marla asked.

Susie frowned. "That's the whole reason. I don't have another one."

"Well, our anatomy classes are first rate!" Katie bubbled.

"Right. Pretty much all of your biology track is excellent." said Susie. "And your faculty is amazing."

"Have you started calling her country yet?" asked Ethel.

"I am on top of it." said Katie. "Are you two hitting the quad today?"

"Of course! It is the first real spring day. How about you?"

"Definitely. Country and I are going to make that our first stop."

"We are?" Susie asked.

"That is where the biology building is." said Ethel.

"And Chemistry." said Marla.

"And some other things." said Katie. "But first we have to go get ready."

As Marla and Ethel packed up Susie turned to Katie.

"I was really hoping to see the labs today."

"Let's make that a tomorrow thing. It's supposed to rain then, and besides, classes are only one part of the experience. Campus! The atmosphere! The student bodies! These are all things you will remember long after you forget Biology 7044 with Devinson."


It was only when they got back to the room that Susie thought to ask the obvious question.

"So what are we going to do on the quad?"

"Nothing. We are going to do nothing. We are going to wear our swimsuits, soak up the sun, and check out the guys." Katie gave her a sidelong glance "Or girls. No judgement."

"I don't have a swimsuit. I don't swim. And anyway, what is that going to teach me about the school?"

"Everything. Not the least of which is to always bring a swimsuit. For god's sake, you can fit them in a sandwich bag."

Katie reached into her bureau and rustled through it, before coming up with something red and stringy.

"Here. Try this on." Katie said, handing Susie a couple slivers of nylon.

"Oh, I can't." Susie said.

Katie looked her up and down.

"I see it now. You have a giant rack. You just pin those puppies down with an industrial bra and baggy shirts." She rifled through her drawers. "How about this. It's a halter. It isn't perfect, but it should keep the girls mostly under wraps."

Susie looked at it, and silently weighed her options. After a moment she grabbed it, turned her back to Katie, then pulled off her shirt and bra. The straps parted with an audible twang. She pulled the halter over her head, and then pulled it down, stuffing as much of her chest into it as it could hold. She turned and caught sight of herself in the mirror.

"This looks ridiculous."

"That looks hot."

"I am literally busting out of every part of this thing. The top, the bottom, and the side are all going to get way more sun than I am comfortable with."

"I think you'll be pretty comfortable with how this goes." said Katie. "Just put your shirt on over it for now. You can always change you mind later. Now try on the bottom."

Susie waited. Katie waited.

"Turn around." Susie said.

"Oh, right!" Katie said, and promptly turned her back to Susie.

After a moment Susie said "This is not going to work."

Katie turned back. "Why not?"

"Because I did not know I was going to wear a bikini." Susie said.

Katie's eyes went straight down to the problem area.

"Huh. So you really are a redhead."

"Not helping!" Said Susie.

"Here, put a pair of my gym shorts on over it."

"Why not just put my jeans back on?"

"Jeans and a swimsuit suck. And you might change your mind." Katie said, as she pulled her shirt over her head.

It was only when the bra came off that Susie realized that Katie did not possess the modesty that she did. In front of her were two absolutely lovely tear drops, attached to a woman who clearly did not give a shit. When Katie pulled her pants off Susie felt every part of her own body blush.

"I'm going to go with something a little more interesting." Katie said.

Waving her hand at the bare area between her legs she said "And clearly I prepared for wearing a bikini. Or less."

As she pulled the bikini up one leg then the other, Susie saw a brief flash of pink

"You like to look, but you sure don't like to show." Katie said with a wink. "Now let's go."

Katie headed to the door.


Katie turned back and huffed out a sigh. "What is it Susie?"

"Your top. You aren't wearing it."

Katie looked down at her chest as if seeing it for the first time, then giggled.

"I believe you are right." She said. "Let me fix that." And with that she grabbed a top that was barely there and pulled it over.

"To the quad!" She said.

"Right. To the quad." Susie mumbled.


The quad was bright and sunny and crowded. Susie had never seen so many people wearing so little clothes. It was like Minnesota Baywatch. Guys with six packs tossed a Frisbee around. Some wiry stoner guys kicked around a soccer ball wearing nothing but jean shorts and dreadlocks. And all around were girls. Girls on towels. Girls on sheets. Girls just laying on the grass. Some pretended to read or study. Most just looked around, taking in the boys.

"This is campus culture." said Katie. "And you are here at the best time for it. We've been cooped up too long. Too long we've been wearing--"

"Parkas and cable knit sweaters." Susie interrupted.

Katie stared. Susie shrugged. "I pay attention."

"Clearly. Today is officially Kilton's first day of spring. So you know what that means?"


"We lie down." Katie spread out a small sheet.

Susie could not quite stand up to the hurricane of personality that was Katie, and sat down.

'Perfect." said Katie. Then, with a big yawn, she lowered herself, catlike, to the ground. She lay on her stomach and rested her head on her arms.

"Absolutely perfect."

"So what do we do now?"

"We open our eyes and see what we see."

Susie pulled her knees up to her chest and looked around. There were so many things going on that it was hard to find any one thing to focus on. An athletic boy in front of her pulled a football out of the air, before landing gracefully on bare feet. A thin pair of gym shorts were all that were between her and some very interesting swinging.

On her left a blond surfer guy played guitar to a small crowd of impressionable coeds. Most of their attention was focused on his ruggedly handsome face, and not on his weak cover of a Jack Johnson song.

Maybe this would be nice, Susie thought. State was all studying all the time. There was not a lot of time for fun. There was even less time for boys. Maybe she should try to experience college and--

"Katie. There is a guy over there with his cock out." Susie said quietly, like she might warn an arctic explorer about a polar bear who had until recently escaped notice.

"Oooh! Where?" asked Katie, lifting herself up to her elbows.

"Straight ahead and to the right." said Susie, nodding her head in the direction of the offending genitals.

Katie focused and smiled. "That is a very nice one. And the first of the year. It's like a sexy groundhog day."

"Should I call the campus police?" Susie whispered, her eyes locked on the dangling flesh.

"Is anyone else calling the campus police?" asked Katie.

"No." said Susie.

"Then it's probably fine." Katie put her head back down. "First day of spring."

Susie felt herself get hot. The combination of shirt, sun, and bared junk was a bit too much for her. She pulled off her t-shirt, then tried and failed to not stare at the completely naked man who, she just realized, was juggling. Juggling his clothes. But juggling all the same.

"Our jugglers wears clothes." she said, not expecting a response from Katie and not getting one.

She looked around, trying to find something else to see. Staring would make her as much of a pervert as the naked man.

There was a studious looking man wearing a beret and compression shorts, reading a book by Camus held in an such an artful way that anyone would looked at him could see the cover.

There was a guy walking on this hands in front of a sheet with three very excited coeds. His arms were ropey and strong, and his long hair fell almost to the ground.

There was a pale brunette with no top on, squeezing a nipple with one hand while staring at the juggler.

"Katie." said Susie, in an even quieter voice. "There is a woman playing with her breast, where everyone can see her."

Katie barely looked up.

"Yep. That's Elana, my physics TA. If you look close you can see her nipple is pierced."

Susie stared. Katie was right. The woman was pulling and twisting a barbell piercing as she licked her lips.

"Wait, how did you know--"

"First of spring" said Katie.

As if that explained anything. Susie closed her eyes and turned her head.She took a deep breath and pulled off her shorts. Then she rolled over and lay on her stomach. She opened her eyes.

In front of her was a pretty girl reading a math book, wearing a very modest two piece. A few feet away was a girl practicing yoga in what looked like very expensive dental floss. And on a sheet nearby lay Marla, with her jet black hair, ivory skin, and blonde pubic hair parted by a slow moving finger.

"Katie?" Susie asked, voice barely audible.

"Yes country?"

"I see Marla."


"And she is not wearing any clothes."


"And she has her finger in her cunny."

"Really? Well, whatever you do, don't wave."

"Ok." Susie whispered. "Wait, what?"

"Don't wave. Her hands are busy. She won't wave back. Is Ethel there?"

Susie tore her eyes away, only to find Ethel right by Marla's side. "She's right next to Marla. She is sitting on her heels, rocking back and forth on a big black--"

"Cock?" Katie said, her head lifting up in interest.

"Oh. That's just a big dildo." Katie watched Ethel frig herself as she rocked. "Damn. Look at her fingers go. Ethel, I mean. She's a piano major. Honestly, I'm not even sure Marla is a dyke. I think she just really likes to come and Ethel does good work.

Katie shivered for a second."Really good work."

"Katie." Susie said, transfixed by the sights in front of her. "What the hell is happening."

"I keep telling you, it's the first day of spring."

"No. It isn't. That was a month ago."

"The first day of real spring. This is how we celebrate here at Kilton. We get out on the quad and relax." Katie smiled. "And you need to relax. Probably three or four times."

Susie buried her head in her hands. This was not happening. This was not a real thing. This was some sort of prank, or movie set, and she was just very very lost, and what was that rhythmic noise? It was a sort of tight drumming sound, alternating between fast and slow.

"I won't look." Susie whispered to herself. "I will not turn around and see where that sound is coming from."

"Or you could." Katie said. "I'm watching it, and it isn't hurting me at all."

Susie lowered her hands, and turned to face Katie. She kept her eyes on Katie's blue eyes, not daring to blink, not willing to risk looking anywhere else.

"Please take me back to my dorm room." Susie said. "I think Kilton may not be the place for me."

Katie was paying her no mind, her eyes looking at something behind Susie. Susie took a deep breath. She lifted herself to her feet. And she turned towards the sound.

It was a drumline.

But it was a curious drumline. Every drumline she had ever seen before had been wearing a band uniform. Or pants. Or something.

This drumline was naked. Completely and absolutely naked. And male. Unmistakably male. And, for all that they generated a rhythm, there was not a drumstick in sight.

"Are they..."

"Dick drumming? Yep. It is a tradition. Right up there with solo cups, jello shots, and oil orgies. Did you know we have the number six ranked band in the country?" Katie frowned. "Honestly, we'd probably be better if we didn't require them to be able to drum with their dicks. You'd be surprised how much that limits your recruiting pool."

Susie heard Katie say the words. But not one found purchase in her brain. Years of trying to be the best, of putting education first, and now, at what was to be the fruition of all her work, she was confronted with giant throbbing erections. Erections so hard that every slap on a drumhead rang clear across the grass. Erections able to bang out a hundred twenty beats a minute. And at the back of the line was a man who could slap a bass drum with the side of his cock.

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