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Grabbing his phone, jacket and keys, Julian walked out of his apartment dialing Derek's number. As soon as he made it off the elevator, he bumped into Derek. Looking into his eyes, Julian was taken by surprise. Before he could say anything, Derek covered his lips with his own.
The kiss was gentle and tender, but left them both breathless. Derek spoke first. "We need to talk. Here or we can walk."
Julian turned and got back on the elevator waiting for Derek to join him. When they were both inside, Julian hit the button for his floor and looked over at Derek who, although the serious expression on his face, wore a smile.
Once back in his apartment Julian said, "Were you serious about what you said yesterday?"
Derek moved to stand in front of him and said, "You tell me how serious you think I am?"
Before Julian could respond, Derek's lips were fused to his in a passionate kiss. Ignoring his need for an answer, Julian wrapped his arms around Derek and deepened the kiss. It seemed to go on forever and when they couldn't do without air, the two separated.
Julian's face was flushed with heat and he was panting. Derek smiled smugly and said, "Bedroom?"
Julian smiled and grabbing his hand lead the way.
- COMMENTS
canndover 12 years agoI wrote you a message just earlier on ch. 1. I feel like you may have hurried this chapter. You mentioned feedback that almost made you not finish the story. That would have been a shame. But, I think that part of you that was unsure about continuing made you rush to get it done. The improvement was that you let us in on conversations like with Callie and him and Derek so that we got some more info on the characters. But, I hope we'll learn more about his past with this Grayson. The parts I felt were hurried were not involving time passing with him and Vic. When Derek showing up to kiss him at the end and them going to the bedroom, that didn't feel right. We're talking about a guy who was surprised he kissed Vic on a first date. He hasn't slept with Vic after a month. Maybe that is b/c he was into Derek, but I still think you made him move too fast. Extreme attraction to Derek could account for anything up to sleeping with him, but I think it would have been in the living room since bedroom means sex usually. Whether you write for this genre again or not, just work on developing characters, using more of the senses to allow the character to experience it on more levels and feel drawn into the story and don't rush it. Let it develop at a slower pace. You built up the Petey thing and then threw it away by having him see him before it. So we missed the crazy scene it would have been with Derek not only shocking his friends by bringing a guy but the two of them being jealous of each other.
Hope this helps as you write more. I hope you'll keep writing and not let feedback disuade you from doing so.
