Everything for the Career Ch. 07

I looked at him then steadied my voice.

"Perhaps not for lon... I mean... " I started.

His face took on the realization of the last sentence.

"It's the bank again. Is it not?"

Astute.

I wondered how he did that.

"Yes." I said, looking directly at him. "And I don't know what to do."

"Are both of them important to you?" he asked. Voice steady.

"No." I said.

The only perceptible change was the raising of his eyebrows. And as all good listeners are wont to do, he waited for me to continue, instead of pushing me by asking a question.

"No." I said; my voice barely a whisper.

"My Arthur is important to me. In the whole world. Nothing else is." I said softly.

"And you think there is nothing wrong in staying with your precious Arthur, even when you know that only 4 days of your life are needed?" he asked.

I was stunned.

"How did YOU know?" I asked.

"I keep track of what's happening Jenny." He said somberly.

"Like... spying?" I asked, quite astonished.

"No. But I do have people in FCB whom I know." He said.

"And what did they tell you?" I asked.

"That you would probably not go to the negotiations. Because they know now how dedicated you are to Arthur." He said.

"And...?" I probed further.

"And..." he hesitated. "And they think that you are a big hypocrite and a liar." His eyes were solely focused on mine.

He paused. Then continued.

"Because all these years you treated him... well, you put him in the doghouse, did not pay any attention to him, ignored him. And all of a sudden he's the light of your life?"

I could sense the beginnings of the tears in my eyes.

"Yes." I said. "I did. And I am now trying to redeem myself in his eyes." I said.

"You mean, even at the expense of the bank?" he asked.

I nodded in agreement.

"At the expense of thousand employees?"

I affirmed by nodding my head again.

"By making them jobless, homeless, and ... and... and God knows what else?" He seemed to like twisting the knife.

"I don't care about the world Bernie." I said. "For me Arthur IS my world. And I don't mind taking on the world because of him."

"And you will be able to live with the consequences of your actions?" he asked.

"I don't know whether I can live with the consequences of NOT going to this negotiations and saving the bank. But I DO KNOW that I CANNOT live without Arthur." I said.

He fell back on his chair. His frown disappeared. His hands behind his head, as he relaxed.

I knew.

He was thinking.

"THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TAKING SO MUCH TIME IN DECIDING?" He yelled.

I jerked back in my seat.

"I..."

"WHAT?" he was still screaming.

"Because... I don't know Bernie. It seems there are 3-4 people living inside my head. All of them telling me to go in different directions. I don't know. I don't know!" I said.

My face was still passive as stone. But I think the tears on my cheeks gave me away.

"Jenny..." he said softly, leaning across the table, "Jenny, why are so feeling so guilty about loving and making it up to your husband?" he asked.

"Because... because I think I will be doing it at the cost of a thousand people." I said. "Because Edwards, who is like my father, will be broken if I don't go. Because its just 4 days from my life. Because... because it's the right thing to do!"

He stared at me steadily. The room had grown pin drop silent. I looked at him. And I saw. The steel. Return in his eyes.

And I silently thanked God for that.

And then he asked me a question:

"What if the negotiations fail?"

The question.

My God!

It was as if he had gotten up and SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE!!!

"Wha... WHAT?" I asked. Not quite sure what he was asking.

"Jenny. What if you sacrifice Arthur? What if you show him that ULTIMATELY, it IS the bank that is the most important? What if you break his spirit by going to these negotiations? What if you take this opportunity to prove to the employees that you are their savior? What if you prove that you DO consider Edwards your father figure and decide to go to the negotiations? What if you think you have a GOLDEN HALO at the back of your head!!?? What if you go to the negotiations with the intention to SAVE THE WORLD, Godammit!! BUT THE NEGOTIATIONS FAIL?"

My mouth was open in sheer shock!!! I had NOT EVEN CONSIDERED THIS ANGLE!!!

"You think this is a movie?" he asked steadily. "A book, perhaps?" he continued. "Where the hero or heroine makes a supremely correct decision, sacrifices her or his love and things ULTIMATELY GO THEIR WAY? You think that after this is over, things will somehow MAGICALLY become alright? That you guys will ultimately, run towards each other in a field of sunflowers in slow motion and the end credits will roll!!!???"

I was shell shocked. THIS was a completely new revelation even for me!!

"You think, just because you are on the side of righteousness, just because you have SACRIFICED your husband on the altar of DUTY, just because you have executed your dues as a good human being, you think you will WIN the negotiations?'

The tears began. This time, I made no attempt to wipe them.

"What if the negotiations fail? Every nightmare you have conceived will happen. People will STILL point fingers at you and say you were not in the correct frame of mind. Edwards will STILL be disappointed. People will STILL lose their jobs. And you will ALSO HAVE LOST ARTHUR!!"

I could not move. Could not breathe. Could not think. All I could do was have that feeling that hits you in the brain that THIS! THIS is the solution you were looking for!! THIS is what WILL happen. And the feelings made me realize how much I was wrong about this whole thing!

"What if the negotiations fail Jenny?"

For the first time since the conversation began, I saw a slight hint of wetness in Bernie's eyes.

"What if?"

And to tell you the truth, I had no answer. And I cried. This time, I took my face in my palms and cried.

I looked up only when I felt his hands on my shoulders.

"Jenny... child... " he said.

I looked up at him in hope.

"Do the correct thing Jenny. Not what you THINK is correct." He said in a fatherly tone.

"The bank. Its employees. Their futures... they mean NOTHING. NOTHING! But yours does. Arthur's does. Do what you were meant to do. And leave everything else to God. God gives each one a soul. THAT is the most important part. You are responsible for your own soul and no one else's. Your duty is not to take care of the bank. Or its employees. Or Edwards. Your duty is first and foremost to saving and redeeming your soul. Because that is the only important thing there is. Because THAT, that is the ONLY thing on which you will be judged. Save the world, but lose your soul. And you will be no better than anyone else who lives his or her life in sin. And if your soul is Arthur, as I know it is, then I need not clarify more. There is nothing else to say." He concluded.

The room went silent again. The only sounds were the hum of the air conditioner and our breaths. Mine ragged, his steady.

To say that this conversation cleared everything would be a lie. To say that I was now full of hope and my guilty feelings were washed away would be a falsehood. To state that I was now completely confident about my course of action, inaccurate.

The fear... the fear of HURTING your loved ones was STILL there.

But now, I did KNOW the action I had to take now. And while I was sure there would be pain, both of the heart and spirit, I knew there would be no HESITATION this time around.

None.

----------

I drove with a purpose.

I had reached my decision.

It would be most difficult decision of my life. And I was sure of losing my closest. But I realized one that its best to leave the consequences to God.

And I prayed to God, that Arthur would understand why I was doing, what I was doing.

He was not my mate. My life partner. He had grown far more than that. He was a part of me.

I wanted him to know that no matter what happened in the future, he would always remain the center of my Universe.

I stopped for a few minutes on the roadside. My tears were getting in the way of my driving.

And I remembered the very first time when I was in a similar situation.

When I was made VP. When I had called my parents from the traffic. When I had cried on the phone with them. And then... then what my father had asked! My GOD!!!

No.

I would *never* forget Arthur again. Ever.

I wiped my tears and drove purposefully towards our home.

----------

He was there on his desk, reading his old book again. He saw me and stood up. His face was passive. No emotion on it. But I knew. Inside, it had to be a storm.

I smiled wistfully.

He got up. I moved towards him. I ran the last part of the foot and embraced him tightly. He was very surprised at that. And I felt my tears coming. This time, he ran his hand through my hair. And kissed me on the forehead. I pressed my head into his chest again.

I felt it again. Our hearts. They were one. Meant to be one.

"Jenny..." he began.

But I cut him off with a kiss full on his lips.

"Arthur," I said, "Arthur... I love you."

"And..." he said hesitantly. Waiting. "And... I love you too Jenny. And I want you to know... know that... that I" He said, haltingly. His voice was choking up and his eyes were misting.

I looked up at him. My face was light. Tears were coursing down my streak. And I felt as if a big burden were being lifted from my shoulder.

"Jenny..." he said, still holding me in his arms, as if I would be taken away if he did not, "I... have...I..." he started to say, but I cut him off with another kiss. This time, I am sure he felt my saliva and the salty tears.

"Arthur. Just know one thing. I love you the most. I had not realized it all these years. But I say it this time with my body and soul. Arthur, I love you."

He sighed and smiled wistfully.

"Then Jenny, I guess you are going to go for the negotiations" he said. The sadness had returned to his eyes. And his smile did not touch his eyes.

I looked at him as tears filled my eyes too. And our lives, our lives flashed before my eyes.

"No Arthur. I am NOT going to the negotiations." I said simply. "I am not leaving my husband for anything in this world."

----------

For the first time in our entire life, I saw Arthur collapse.

He collapsed. In my arms. Went down on his knees. He shuddered. And then let the tears burst from his eyes. Even as he sought to cover them up. Even as he sought to hide them from me, he could not. He heaved, and shook. And the tears did not seem to stop.

And my GOD! His tears!! Looks like I had broken a DAM!!

"Oh God! Oh God!..." was all he repeated as I held him, my husband in my arms and in my embrace, as I gently rocked him.

"Arthur," I said again, "I love you. And I am not leaving your for anything in this world." We were holding each other for emotional support. On the floor.

I repeated that again and again until I was sure I had penetrated his tears.

He continued sobbing and heaving, for quite a long time. If I had known he had so much pent up sorrow, I would have reached this decision a lot sooner. Hurting him was unimaginable. He sobbed, then took some time to control himself. Then he wiped his tears and looked at me.

"And...and the bank?" he asked, his sobbing abating.

"Will take care of itself." I said.

"But the people..." he asked.

"I'll leave it to God to judge me on that." I interrupted.

"Jenny..." he said softly, "Jenny, am I being an unreasonable fool for this?" he asked.

"No Arthur. You are just being my husband." I said.

He looked up, then rubbed his eyes. The light seemed to be coming from inside his eyes. He smiled tentatively. Then fully. Then he took my face in his arms and wiped my tears on his sleeve.

"I never knew you loved me this much Jenny." He said. Almost embarrassed by the big decision I took in his favor.

"I've always loved you Arthur. Always. It's just that for the past years, I had forgotten it myself." I said.

He kissed me again on my lips. And this time, I could feel his tears still on his lips.

"Arthur..." I asked. My full body inside the cocoon of his arms. His warmth reassuring me.

"Yes?" he responded.

"I've just made the biggest decision of my life." I said. "Do you think it was correct?"

"What do you think Jenny?" he asked.

"Not fair. I asked you first." I said.

"Okay Jenny," he said, "I think you've just taken the best decision of your life. Ever." He concluded.

"You think I've saved our marriage Arthur?" I asked.

He smiled.

"More than that Jenny, more than that." He said. "You've actually saved our love."

"Thank you Arthur." I said. His reassurance meant more to me that anyone else's in this whole world.

"And you?" he asked. "What do YOU feel about this Jenny?"

I looked at him with love in my eyes. With a feeling that I had felt only for him. Arthur. My husband. My life. My Universe.

"I think, Arthur," I stated, "that I've saved my soul."

I smiled, even as he engulfed me in his embrace and I went into them willingly.

EPILOGUE

15 years ago

The negotiations were a failure. As expected.

Life made me relearn the lesson again. Life, is not a movie. It's not even a book. And things are not always satisfying in the way they result. Or occur. No matter what your level of want. Or dedication.

The shockwave that resulted had a universally destructive fallout. Most people went out of a job. Livelihoods were lost. The perimeter of this shockwave extended to families and generations -- old, and the yet to come. A few, moved elsewhere. Some, rare numbers, stayed back or were assimilated.

A few of them also went homeless.

There was no sign of Charlene and her two waifs. Sterling III suffered a relapse, but survived. A hollow shell of what he once was. He stopped contact with the outside world. He had aged.

Bernie cried. With me. With Arthur. For the events in this world, beyond our control. For things that did not go our way, and for things that will not, no matter what we do or try.

For the death of something good.

I could do nothing, but stare in helplessness as the events unfolded. With tears in my eyes and Arthur by my side, I could only watch, as my world, my life, slowly ceased to exist. As the stable of my memories were erased. As the warm fire of my youthful memories slowly died out, leaving only the embers glowing.

And a new guard appeared in place of where I existed. And I was non-existent in this world.

The world I knew, existed and had lived in, had disappeared forever.

This tree had no more leaves left on its bare branches.

Christopher and his team took over FCB.

FCB had just ceased to exist.

----------

14 years ago

Bernie passed away.

In the morning, with the first rays of the Sun, when the dawn casts a soft light upon the world, in spring with flowers swaying softly in the wind, and when life renews, he went away. Far away from us.

His business had no heir. He donated the entire proceeds to charity. Into a special fund created for old men and women.

Julie was there.

And this time, I held her as she heaved and racked with her sobs. I tried to hold her and comfort her as much as I could. And when they lowered the coffin in the grave, I joined Julie on the ground, weeping.

Even as Arthur kept his hands on our shoulders. As we mourned the loss of someone who was like a father to us.

----------

13 years ago

We took a trip to Switzerland. AGAIN. With my family. My dada, my mother, Arthur and myself. Our family.

The first one was... too fraught with memories. Bad ones.

Strangely, we did not enjoy it very much. The air was heavy. And we tried. We TRIED to. Make love. Smile. Have fun.

We could not.

The tension hung heavy in the air, like a black shroud. It never left us. Even after all these years. And I could not help but cry one night, as we were huddled together, me and Arthur in our room. As the snow raged outside and the fireplace crackled softly, I cried. And again, Arthur did not say a word. He just held me as the storm passed. Till the early morning light finally shone through the window.

We cut our trip short. The remaining four days... we did not even bother to get a compensation. It was not necessary.

----------

Good news awaited us when we returned.

Arthur had won the businessman of the year award by the local publication. And there were a few heads of international companies who had nothing to do with piping, but were in the ancillary industries, and could use a solid business like ours to do their work, also present during that award. It was then that I realized just how much well-known and important man my husband was in his circles.

I cried as Arthur walked on the stage and got his award -- that looked like a cross between a pipe and a garbage can. But I was not complaining.

And when he spoke his speech and thanked me for being a wonderful wife -- I broke down. He had got everything right. Except for the wonderful wife bit. But he was happy. And that is all that mattered in the end.

Business soared. And I accompanied him on many of his business and social commitments. Just as a wife would. And always, ALWAYS, whenever I returned with him after an exhausting commitment or a social do, I hoped that life would remain like this only.

----------

It was a big night.

We also had the local media following us. We were two states away from home. As part of the group which Arthur was a member of, we occasionally provided safety education to prostitutes and street workers.

We were in this street that was in a very bad area of town. While there was media and police accompanying us, I was still nervous. Arthur was talking to prostitutes. Street workers. Telling them about safety. Theirs and their clients.

The street workers and prostitutes in that area were not the escort kind you hear. They were beaten down. Worn out. And their souls crushed by the weight of life. The kind that really lives day to day. The kind that does not know where their next meal would come from.

I tried to keep a low profile.

When I saw her.

My God. OH MY GOD!!!!!

I could not stop. COULD NOT STOP! The tears came running hard from my eyes. In the full glare of the local media, the police and even a surprised Arthur, I cried HARD. Arthur started to ask me when I just got down from our car, ignoring the requests from media and police alike to care for my safety. And I started running towards her. The tears blurred my vision. She saw me. And hiding her face began running. But I did not stop.

"Charlene!" I called out. "CHARLENE!!" Again and again.

I could see from whatever vision my tears permitted that she was running away from me too. In failure. I knew then. She did not want me to see her that way. Did not want my memories of her to be that way. But it was too much. Many things, life had taken MANY things from me... FCB, Bernie, not this. NOT THIS!

I ran. And caught her hand. She struggled. Struggled to free herself. Struggled to hide her face. Struggled to cope with this. Struggled to run away. Struggled to keep my memories of her the way they were. Struggled. And I held her. In an embrace. And I could feel. Feel her crying. Shaking. And then the tears. As they wet my shoulders.

I broke the embrace and looked at her from arm's length. She did not look at me. Then, when I did not stop looking, she slowly turned up. Our eyes met. And they just said one thing in silent plea to me: "Not like this. Please. Not LIKE THIS! Please Jennifer madam, don't see me like THIS!"

I did not care. This was one thing from my past I had found. And I had no intentions of letting go.

"Charlene..." I said. And embraced her again. And I was sure that THIS time, my tears were the ones wetting her shoulders.