Exploring

"I think I want so many things that I doubt they exist in just one man. But I'm not quite jaded enough yet to really accept that"

She added a little more sugar to her coffee for the kick and also to stall a moment while she thought about how to answer the question. It was rare for one person to keep asking her things that required thought before she spoke, though she was finding it a pleasant surprise.

"I want a friend, someone I can sit and talk with for hours on end about anything or nothing at all. Maybe it makes me a snob, but I want a man who is educated, refined, has a good career and ambition."

It occurred to her that what she was starting to describe was her ideal match, but then, why should she have to settle for less than that? Bill had been open and honest about what he wanted right down to a woman who was attractive, why shouldn't she be just as honest? She was at the very least, enjoying the company, so when her cell phone went off, she merely reached over for it and silenced it before putting it back down.

"More than that, though, I want someone who truly gets me. As much as I might be setting back feminism here, I want a man who has some old fashioned charm, pulls out chairs or open doors, someone who isn't afraid to take charge because it's what we both want and need."

So much of what he'd said spoke to her. The idea was that someone else could know her so well that they knew what the best choices were. She thought she understood where the comments about freedom came in. She could see the appeal there.

"I never really thought of it in terms of labels. Submissive, slave, master, whatever labels you want to put on it, in essence, I want someone who will be the best they could be, because they have me, and who will make me the best I could possibly be."

Bill sat back in his chair when she made the completely innocuous comment about a man who would pull out her chair or hold a door for her. He didn't know why that spoke to him in the way it did. Perhaps it was because he was so accustomed to thinking of his ideal partner as a slave that the thought of her as a lady, too, was something he hadn't considered. Yet it was something that he very much insisted on.

He was very much a take-charge sort of man. In real life, he wouldn't force it on a woman but it was what he was used to and wanted. And then she ended by saying she would make him the best he could be just because he had her. That shook him to his core.

He sat there dumbfounded, just looking at her. For once he didn't know what to say.

"Paige, what you have said is giving me the creeps because as ludicrous as it sounds, you have just described me. I don't know how refined I am but I do have a good education and I am ambitious at work but even more so, I am ambitious in terms of the kind of woman I want in my life. I want someone who will listen to me and be interested in me as a man. I want a woman who will consider herself a friend but who will also serve me totally when that's what I want.

"And what's weirder is that I think I understand you as well. What you said about wanting a gentleman spoke to me. You are a '50s woman who wants a man who wears the pants in the family. I suspect you want to come home from work at the end of the day and relax into being a woman, not a pretend man. That's fine when you are working but it isn't what is at your core. You want to reveal that core and have it prized and appreciated and, more than that, loved.

"I would love to stay and hear more but there is something in you that calls to me and I just have no idea if I am just imagining it or if it is real. I am a gentleman and so I will leave you with your virtue intact and I will call you tomorrow after we have both had a chance to think about this and see where we want to go with it. Regardless of what else, I would like to be friends. If you decide you are up for something more, that would be wonderful but I don't want to rush it or push you. So I just offer you my hand in friendship and will say very honestly, I would really like to get to know you more. You are quite a woman Paige Ryan."

And with that, he stood up, ready to leave.

* * * * * *

Was it even remotely possible, she thought, that somehow they had each stumbled upon someone who was the counterpart for what they wanted? It seemed almost too easy. Of course, if you put in the fact that they worked together, that put a huge dent in the easy portion, she mused.

She may have freaked him out by the things she'd shared with him, but somehow, in the middle of all that, he'd expressed an interest in getting to know her better. Expressed an interest without actually asking her out, she noticed, but didn't say anything along those lines when he got up to leave.

"Bill..."

Paige walked over towards the door and stopped him from just leaving. It seemed too bland a note for them to end this night on. After all, they had just shared something with each other which had been an extraordinary eye opener for her. She felt as if there had to be more said than that.

"If I can be completely honest, from work I didn't really think much of you. But I can see that my opinion was based on a lot of assumptions and I'm really glad that I got to know you a little better tonight."

She opened up one of the drawers on the little table at the entryway and wrote down her cell phone number for him before handing him the paper.

"If you're going to call me tomorrow, you should have the number."

Bill glanced at it and said, "Paige, let me be equally honest with you. I'm feeling a little like asking someone if they got the license number on the truck that just ran me over. I need to get a grip on what's going on inside. I would really, really like to know more about you to see if we are actually having a meeting of our minds and souls. Frankly, I'm a little afraid of it."

He took a deep breath. "You seem too good to be true. I'm afraid to ask you what I really want to know because I have a memory here that I want to carry with me unblemished. You are very, very special and an extraordinary woman. I look forward to working with you even if we are no more than casual friends."

He took the paper she held out. "Thank you for the phone number. But it's silly for me to leave and then call you later. I will deal with my feelings." He fell silent as he thought for a moment. He wanted to take her somewhere where they could just talk.

"Perhaps we could go to Avalon Park together." He grinned. "Pretend we are a couple of teenagers. How would Saturday be for you? We could have lunch or dinner there."

She was far from too good to be true, she thought. Paige was well aware of her many faults. The fact was, she didn't believe that anyone was perfect, but that certain people were perfect for certain people. No one was too good to be true. More than anything, she hoped that working together wouldn't be awkward now though she doubted it would be. They, if nothing else, seemed to have a mutually high opinion of one another on a personal level.

As she was reaching for the front door to let him out, he asked her about Saturday and the park. Smiling, she turned back towards him. It was almost as if he'd read her mind again. It was a casual afternoon or evening in the park, but he'd still asked her out.

Saturday was the day after tomorrow and she realized that they were still going to have a day at work together as well although the only time she ever saw him there was during department head meetings or, once or twice, when she'd run in to him in the break room by the coffee machine. Somehow, though, unless one of them was unusually busy, she had a pretty good feeling they would run into each other at some point during the day.

"Well, Saturday is usually a good day for the park. I'd love to. As it happens, I'm rather free Saturday, so the afternoon or evening works for me."

"That sounds wonderful," he replied. "Then let's make it afternoon and then, if you want, we can have dinner." He said goodbye and headed back to his car.

* * * * * *

She was amazing, he thought. He knew she probably had faults just like everyone else but he was very prone to overlook them if things worked out. Unfortunately, he didn't really expect they would. That would be too much to hope for. There was one thing that wasn't negotiable as far as he was concerned. He was a passionate spankophile and spanking for him was a major part of sex. Most girls, even those who were slightly masochistic, would, if they tolerated it at all, not really enjoy it. But as far as he was concerned, sex without spanking was like romance without kissing. It just didn't make it.

He wondered how her desire for respect, holding a door for her, pulling her chair out, would fit with her being a slave. What was interesting was that some of the girls he had known found that in itself to be rather submissive. They had to wait while he did that for them and he insisted that they do. A major part of submission was humiliation play but it was play and it actually had the opposite effect. Instead of running them down, it served to build them up, to strengthen their egos. They reasoned, correctly, that he would not play with them that way unless he was confident that what he was saying wasn't really true. He would never dream of telling a girl struggling with her weight that she was a fatso but a girl with the kind of stunning figure Paige had, he might. Not until he was sure she wouldn't take it seriously, of course.

She certainly was beautiful. But it was more than her spectacular figure and face. She had a beauty of her soul that he could sense and liked very much. He wondered if her desire to have a man in charge, have one who would take care of her, would extend to one who would also discipline her physically. He couldn't bring himself to ask because when she said, "no," it would shatter his dreams. Better if he lived with the fantasy a little longer before moving on.

*****

If there is any interest, I will do more on this story and post it.