F Is for Fiona

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Stories with transgender themes which I hope will be of interest to those who like women, or would like to be a woman. Which includes me!
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I drove into the store car park. Stopped in my usual place, the one which said 'MAN' in bold letters on the tarmac, short for manager of course. Just for a moment I shivered despite the warm spring weather, this was honestly the first time the incongruity of that label struck me.

I pulled on the handbrake, looking down at my hand as I pulled. The three rather fancy rings, the long nails, brought home to me the true realisation of just what I was about to do. I did wonder at that moment if I'd taken leave of my senses, OK, I'd done my homework, given Human Resources a full period of notice of what I planned to do, as required by law. Not criminal law, that is, there was no way what I'd planned could be described as actually 'breaking the law' as in committing a crime. But civil law or employment law. I'd needed to be sure they couldn't take any action against me, sack me or suspend me or anything like that.

When I told them they'd been surprised. Hell, of course they were. But I'd quoted the precedent, the case which had gone through the courts. Jenny Tucker, her name was, or rather is now. She'd done the same thing as me, the first case like that in the UK. She worked for a rival chain store, in Gateshead. But I'd carefully read the judgement, I knew damn well my situation was similar, nearly identical even. OK so a different store but the same area, a similar employment level, she was a section head in their store. I was a manager but the same rules had to apply.

I reached across for my handbag, still thinking, still wondering if I could back out. Save face in some way, there were going to be problems ahead, I knew. Not everyone on my staff would agree, I'd get the whispers and so on. But I so wanted this, I'd taken the plunge. Head Office had sent three different people down that previous fortnight. The first two were all for persuading me not to go ahead, they were threatening me almost. But I'd just thrown the case details and my own doctor's comments back at them. By the end of the second guy's visit they knew that if there were problems they could be liable. The company had an obligation to look after my 'Health and Safety at Work'.

It's great stuff, this Euro-legislation. And when the lawyers start to get out of implementing it in the UK they nearly always lose.

The third visitor from on high had been a woman. An attractive woman. I know she saw me looking at her but I'm damn sure she didn't realise why.

"Mr Fletcher. Or can I call you Fred?"

"Sure, Ms Harrison, for the moment, anyway," I grinned.

She appreciated the humour in the situation and smiled slightly.

"Thanks, and I'm Emma. Now, Fred, I need to be sure about this. And you need to be totally sure. The company can support you, and indeed will do so, just as Safe-Save supported Ms Tucker in her situation. But I'm sure you appreciate, we have responsibilities, to our other employees, the directors and shareholders, the customers too, all twelve million of them. If there were to be any adverse publicity, our client base could suffer, the share price...."

"Er - excuse me. Emma, look, you've been very understanding and I do appreciate fully your comments. But you manage the publicity stuff and so on at Head Office. We do very little of that sort of thing here at the local level, even with a big store like mine. Now, what I'm going to be doing, and I do assure you I am determined about this, from Wednesday week, is totally legal in every respect. I certainly don't want bad publicity, you must realise that. I just want to get on with my own job, and to do it as well as I have up to now. I'd appreciate your help, not just yours personally, Emma, but Head Office too. I don't want any publicity at all, in fact though I realise it is inevitable, as it was with Jenny. Ms Tucker, that is."

After which Emma was much more agreeable. I really had done all the checking. There was at that stage absolutely nothing the company could do to prevent me, I was well within my rights. For the rest of the meeting, another hour or so after that, she was much more supportive.

"So, apart from your doctor, have you told anyone else? Any of your colleagues maybe?"

"Well, Emma, one best friend, a mate of mine since way back, and my parents obviously, and one other doctor and one therapist I was referred to. And Kate. My secretary, she's the only member of my staff I've told."

"Your secretary!? She knows? What was her reaction, what did she say when you first told her?"

"Kate is a very loyal secretary, Emma. She's worked for me, actually I'd prefer to say with me, for almost four years now. She came just after I was promoted to this position. She's very efficient, and very pragmatic."

"Pragmatic? That surprises me, I'd have thought she would have been against this, then. As impracticable, maybe."

"I didn't tell her here, Emma, I invited her back for dinner one evening. And before you begin thinking the wrong thing, we have never been in any way romantically involved, not at all. I know she's had a couple of boyfriends in these past four years, I only ever met one of them. But to get back to the point, I told her after dinner one evening. As you suggest, she was very surprised. But then I explained, and got changed, to show her. You can ask her yourself if you like, maybe on your way out. I don't want to sound dismissive, Emma, but I have a supplier coming in at three, we've gone over time as it is. Look, how about coming down here again next week, say on Thursday, for lunch. We can discuss how things have gone then?"

Emma did discuss things with Kate, but as I expected my secretary was very supportive. I like to think I'm a good boss, and that all my staff were going to be equally positive. But I wasn't sure. However many were on my side some were bound to be wary, or even opposed, even in these enlightened times.

However, Saturday had been D-day. Or F-day rather, or G-day maybe. W-day more probably. I'd broken the news to my department heads in our lunchtime meeting, and then gone off-site, I'd booked a long period off which must have surprised them. I'd always been a bit of a workaholic, rarely going through a weekend without popping in to the store to see how things were going. So I'd left them to tell their own people during the afternoon before we'd closed that evening, and I'd taken ten days off. The whole of the following week, and the Monday and the Tuesday.

Now was Wednesday week. Ten very busy days, preparing and sorting. Kate had come round to my house the previous afternoon to see how I'd gone on. She'd probably have come earlier and helped out more but I hadn't wanted her to. This I had to do on my own.

I looked round. I should have guessed. Kate was there, at the store entrance, chatting to one of the security guys. He was probably glad to have someone to talk to. He'd been there about two hours, since just before seven. My deputy had opened up, I'd said I'd be later that morning, in at nine o'clock. I looked round again. The car park was full-ish, quite good for a Wednesday morning. Lots of shoppers, Mums with kids in trolleys, older customers, men and women trying to eke out their pensions. Some families too, not many, most of the kids would be at school.

But this wouldn't do. There really was no going back. Now or never, and never wasn't an option, not after my amazing announcement the previous week. So, it was now. I opened my car door and reached across for my handbag. I lowered one stiletto-heeled foot to the floor and, as daintily as I could, got out of the car. I blipped the alarm and set off towards the store.

Kate was obviously expecting me, but she didn't see me at first. She was giggling with the security guy, Phil, I remembered his name. Nice man, not married I think. I wondered if Kate ... maybe, they looked 'good' together, similar ages. And he was into progressive rock, I think. He'd mentioned something about that to me one day while we were inspecting the CD storage, trying to work out how to minimise pilfering. Kate and he definitely shared that taste.

As I got closer to the store front I glimpsed my reflection in the large, dark, almost mirror-like plate glass panel by the cash machine. That reflection, seen in that location for the very first time. I looked as I walked. Always the legs first, I'd always been a 'leg man'. Had been that is.

The black stilettos were standard business-wear or course, all my female senior staff wore them or something similar. Black stockings, not too outré. Dark grey business suit with a rather tight-ish skirt. Kate had said it looked too tight when she'd seen me in it, but when I had insisted she'd just shrugged her shoulders.

"OK then, too tight, I still think so. But definitely sexy!" she said.

The white blouse had been her choice and I had gone with her on that, just a little frilly, mock silk texture, I'd liked that. One gold chain round my neck as well as the three rings on my fingers.

I knew they looked good, and the neck chain colour and pattern picked up the style of the gold earrings. They had been an extravagance but I'd treated myself when I'd had my ears pierced, that was where I'd shot off to the previous Saturday afternoon. Time enough for the holes to heal enough, anyway as far as I was concerned they were an essential part of how I wanted to be seen.

And the hair, a wig at this stage. I had my doubts as to whether I'd ever be able to grow my own hair long enough, not when I thought of my father's bald head, and when I remembered my grand-father, similar hair problems. So a wig was essential. I'd already chosen the colour, Kate had no say in that. I was to be a redhead. My own colouring leant a little towards the red, from my mother of course. I'd actually borrowed four different styles and lengths from the hairdressing salon I'd been to, once I told them why they had been incredibly accommodating. Kate had agreed with me that the half-way-down-my-back wig was going too far, but we had agreed on a long, fairly full wig, not 'big hair' but heading that way. Shoulder length, maybe just a little more.

I couldn't see my make-up very well reflected in the mirror, but I'd done that oh-so carefully that morning. I knew I'd have to speed up. I couldn't take over an hour every day, but on that Wednesday it had to be good. And it was. I'd studied the magazines, the videos, I'd done that for years like most trannies. I'd come up with a look which suited me, not too much eye-shadow or mascara. The lipstick was a colour Kate had chosen for me when I'd explained what I was aiming for. And the nail varnish of course, both a deep cherry red, I'd been in a state of excitement applying the colouring to my lips that morning. Funny, in some way the two things that identify 'female-ness' - deep-coloured lipstick, and seamed black stockings. Not that I was wearing the latter of course, not for a work day anyway.

As I got nearer to the store I was distracted. Well, we're all vain aren't we. Not 'ggs' that is, genuine girls, some are and some aren't. But girls or women like me, we really are vain, always pay such an awful lot of attention to our appearance. I was still looking in the mirror, not properly paying attention to where I was going. Which is why, it wasn't his fault at all, a young man in a hurry almost rammed his trolley into me.

"Shit! Sorry, darling," he muttered, quite loudly.

"That's all right," I replied, a little embarrassed.

'Darling' indeed. He grinned at me, and carried on past me.

Kate had noticed our near collision. She looked a little alarmed, probably disappointed at not having spotted me earlier.

"Good morning, Ms Fletcher."

Nothing special, just an ordinary matter-of-fact greeting to one's boss. Polite, respectful really, absolutely nothing in her tone of voice to indicate anything out of the ordinary. Not that this was going to be in any way an ordinary day.

"Good morning Kate," I replied, giving her 'that look'.

I didn't know if I could still do it, give the look through the hair and the make-up, but she got the point. I had always encouraged nearly all my staff to call me Fred. That would have to change.

"Sorry, I mean Fiona."

Matter of fact again, she really is a damn good PA, not just a secretary.

Philip had noticed, he seemed puzzled at first despite the fact he certainly knew the sort of thing to expect. But I like to think he was taken aback - not so much by the sheer beauty of his new boss, rather by the fact that I didn't look like a man in drag. He recovered quickly.

"G' morning Fiona."

He was quick, he realised what his reaction should be.

I smiled a greeting towards him but I didn't have time to speak. Kate was by my side. She reached across and clipped my ID badge on the lapel of my jacket.

"Ms Fletcher, you look sensational. I mean, I was surprised when I saw you yesterday but - well - you really do look gorgeous today. Exceptionally good if I may say so. The red hair is right, it suits you wonderfully, and that IS the right style. Welcome Fiona, to the first day of the rest of your life."

And she reached across and, very quickly and very quietly, kissed me on the cheek.

Philip was watching, I'm rather glad he didn't consider kissing me too! I could just see the badge - Kate had used a small image pasted from one of my photos. She had stuck it onto the badge and probably done the typing herself. I looked.

'Ms Fiona Fletcher. Store Manager.'

I glowed.

"I thought of putting manageress, Fiona, but that's not done these days is it? 'Manager' is generic now, I think."

As the manager I'd been the only member of staff allowed not to wear my badge. Basically, as the boss, nobody could tell me off for not wearing it! Sometimes I had, especially when dealing with visitors or with customers, but when I'd taken my jacket off in the summer, working in shirt-sleeves and so on, I'd never bothered to move my badge. But this one, this was different. Not just a badge, this was a statement. This time I actually wanted to wear it.

Philip was still looking at me, a little open-mouthed. Fiona noticed him and reached across to push his lower jaw up a little. And all the while, as we were chatting, customers came and went. And - nobody noticed!

"Right, Fiona. Do you want to sneak in the side door this morning?"

"No, Kate. I don't see why I should. But I'd like you to go up to the office first, please. I need to do this on my own."

She walked in ahead of me. I could almost sense, as I stood there just for a minute or so next to Philip, everyone looking towards her, wondering where I was. Luckily Philip had to deal with a customer, he was distracted for a while. He was probably glad - I could see he was somewhat embarrassed. I expected quite a bit of that during the day. However. Enough of this. It was time. Time to go in, to do my job, to show myself to my staff.

I turned and walked in through the big open double-doors, not consciously looking round but aware. The eyes I had sensed a short while ago would certainly be on me now. I steered myself, my usual routine, towards the Customer Services desk, my first port of call always. Jackie was there. She at least had spotted me. I smiled.

"Morning, Jackie."

That was all I usually said. She looked at me, not really unsure, she knew me all right despite the long red hair, the make-up and the outfit. She was just unsure how to react. Understandable really. I mean, it's not every day your boss 'suddenly' becomes a trans-sexual, and walks into work in black stockings and high heels, together with all the other accessories. She really couldn't speak. Luckily there were no customers waiting. Jim at the other end of the counter was dealing with a young woman, he really hadn't noticed. I smiled at Jackie.

"It's all right, Jackie. It's still me, you know."

Which really was a rather pathetic way of 'introducing' the new me. I regretted my choice of words as soon as I'd said them. But Jackie thought quickly, she was good at that, that was why I'd appointed her.

"Good morning, Fiona. Nice to see you. Had a good holiday?"

Which was exactly what she would have said to Fred, just the name change.

"Busy, and a bit different from usual!"

Jackie reached out and handed me - my mints. I always, every morning, took a small pack of mints from stock, manager's perk. I didn't have many vices but that was one. She knew this was in one sense the old 'Fred', albeit in radically different packaging, if you like. And the packet of mints was one thing she knew wasn't going to change. I reached out a hand and watched as, red nails glistening a little in the store's artificial lighting just inside the door there, my hand took them. I almost automatically moved my hand down to my suit pocket, then realised. I smiled. Jackie giggled, she had realised. I opened the gold clasp on my handbag and dropped them in.

"Fiona. You look great. Well done," said Jackie, quietly, in nearly a whisper.

And turned to deal with a customer, exactly as she knew I would want her to do. Social chit-chat is OK in the workplace, but customers have to come first.

I turned towards the staff lifts. I could see Gavin, my Assistant Manager, looking towards me and talking with Mary Hodge. She is the Catering manager, runs the In-Store café. I knew - of course - they were discussing - me. I walked up to them.

"Morning, Mary, Gavin. Are we OK for the 11 o'clock meeting, the promotions for next month? OK?"

Very matter-of fact. I just had to be. In some way or other this day had to go well, but it still had to be an ordinary working day. Or at least the ordinary things, like meeting staff to discuss projects, these things had to be done.

"I'll see you later, Fiona. Coffee at 10.15, first. Must go."

Mary did seem embarrassed, as Philip had done. Though I'm sure she did have things to sort out with her staff. Gavin turned, much as he had always done, we walked together towards the staff lift. He pushed the button, we waited.

"Fiona?"

I'd left clear instructions the previous week, that was to be my name. Absolutely no-one was to use the name 'Fred'. Gavin knew enough about me to realise that in a situation such as this, unusual though it was, the 'name' thing was crucial.

"Yes?" I replied, looking across to him as we waited.

Only then did I realise that in my heels I was three inches nearer to his height, he's about 6 foot 4.

"Fiona. I just thought you'd like to know. You look fucking gorgeous!"

We walked into the lift and I turned towards Gavin.

"Thanks for the compliment but - watch it. Comments like that and I'll have you up for sexual harassment."

It took a moment for Gavin to realise that my comment was intended to be humorous. Only once had I had to do that, to discipline and eventually to sack, an employee for use of inappropriate language in the company of female staff. Pity in one way, he'd been a good worker, good prospects. But he just couldn't calm down his extravagant vocabulary, the second time he used the c-word in the presence of a woman I had to let him go.

Yet my comment to Gavin had a serious side to it. I needed to make the point early on in our renewed relationship, manager and assistant that is. OK, so I had been Fred. But now I was Fiona. And I wanted, indeed I demanded the respect accorded to my status, even though I was 'manageress' instead on manager.

We left the lift, Gavin waiting as he should to allow a woman to go first, and walked up to Kate's desk in the foyer to the office suite. She looked up and raised an eyebrow as if to say 'OK? How did it go?'

I smiled positively, I didn't need to say more. She followed me into my office. Gavin waited outside while I got the basics sorted.