Facing My Demons Ch. 02

"But what a difference those two years make." I laughed and then smiled warmly at her. "Nikki is 25 and you have yet to celebrate your 23rd. Give it time, kid. Everything will work itself out. You were 19 when I let you run me out of town. It was my own mistake. My own error. You were in the end, just a jealous kid and I was a grown woman. We come from different worlds, you and I; things between us are just a bit strange."

"How can you not hate me?" she asked. She was more quizzical than emotional. Her body leaned forward as she waited for an answer.

"You are how old now? 22? You're just a kid. Frankly the reason I don't hate you is because I could never hate someone who Nikki loves so much. I was thankful for the way you protect her. While I was gone, I knew no one would hurt her with you here to keep an eye on her. Two years younger or not, you can still fight like an animal." I laughed and pulled her to her feet. We headed back towards the house when she turned to me and laughed.

"I really must be young because I think that you talk like an old person sometimes." she giggled again.

"I'm a lawyer, it happens. Now get your ass inside and make up with your best friend. Hug her and tell you love her and that you're sorry." I pulled Roxy back and I stopped her from going inside. I made her look into my bright green eyes as I spoke. "Even if you don't mean it, and you aren't sorry for asking me to leave apologize anyway. She will forgive you and everything will be okay. Don't stress so much, if you can't fix things then I will. She will come around. I give you my word."

"I am sorry. Truly sorry."

She kissed my cheek and walked back inside. I was relieved that I would no longer have to fight with her. I'm not sure how much my body could take of it anyway. I followed Roxy but I stayed out of the way when I saw her talking to Nikki. It wasn't my place to get in the middle of that. I went back upstairs and got back in bed. My hand was throbbing, my ribs ached like all hell and on top of that, I felt a headache coming one. I stripped and crawled into bed. The nice, big, warm bed.

It was amazing how amazing the sheets felt against my abused flesh. I hurt all over. After a few moments Nikki reentered the bedroom. I could tell that she had cried. Her eyes were red and I could see where the tears had fallen down her face.

"Mind if I get in there with you?" She asked.

It wasn't what I expected her to say but I readily accepted. She removed her clothing then joined me. She cuddled her body against me. Her head on the crook of my arm. Her smooth leg tangled with my own. It was wonderful to feel her glorious legs against my own soft skin. She made light patterns with her fingers against my neck.

"Did you forgive her?" I asked with a kiss to the top of her head. "She misses you, Nikki."

"I already had, only I hadn't wanted to see her. She seems to have learned her lesson. We'll be okay." she whispered against my side, sending shivers through me. "She said you were nice to her."

"I was... it was weird... I felt like her sister or something. I just wanted her to be okay. She reminds me of a little kid." I mumbled. I had already lost all real interest in talking about Roxy.

"I'm glad you are being nice to her. It means a lot to me." She leaned down and kissed my side.

Moments went by in silence but I knew Nikki was thinking about something.

"Tia?" she said softly against me. "We haven't talked about your offer yet."

I knew what was coming. Make it or break it, I suppose. Everything would depend on how I handled the next conversation. I couldn't get angry when she turned me down, but I knew she would. She was far too smart to agree. I had only been back for a few days, we had only been together for like 36 hours, what kind of idiot would agree to marriage after everything I had done to her. She was being smart and I commended her for that. But it didn't take the sting out of it. Rejection hurts, no matter what.

"Alright." I sighed and sat up, so we could have a proper conversation. I could sense her apprehension. It filled the air in a thick fog, almost. I grabbed her hands in mine and pulled them to my chest. "I love you, Nikki. It doesn't matter if you don't want to. It was stupid and irrational of me to ask and although I don't regret it, I do understand why you don't want..."

I thought I had a pretty good argument for my position but Nikki stopped me.

"Baby, it's not that I don't want to, it's just that it's a bit too soon." She started to cry and it broke my heart. I wanted to grab her and tell her everything was okay, but I let her try to finish. "I'm sorry, I just cant..."

Her sob picked up and I did pull her into my arms.

"It doesn't matter, cara. It was my mistake. I'm sorry for springing it on you like that. I won't do that to you again." I stroked her hair as I spoke. The smell of her vanilla shampoo flooded my senses. I was slightly taken aback when she pushed away from me.

"I do want you to ask again, just not now. Give me a couple years, 6 months at least. I just... Please don't be mad at me." she words came out between sobs and I forced her into my arms again. I couldn't bear the thought of her in pain.

"I'm not mad and the offer still stands. I would gladly marry you this minute if I could but this isn't about me. This is all about us. And if we aren't ready then I can wait until we are."

I started kissing her neck and I became too enthralled in that to keep talking. I was too busy trying to comfort her to worry about trying to find the right words. I continued to kiss around her shoulder, neck, jaw and cheek until she calmed. My lips found their way to hers and I could help but kiss her. Our lips molded together and I felt her resignation. She still felt guilty. I knew it. I could tell by the way she kissed me.

"It's okay, beautiful." I told her as I let her sit back. "Let's just lie down."

And lie down we did.

After four weeks Nikki and I were better together. There were no fights, or arguments, just love. There was no topic we couldn't discuss and no problem we couldn't face...for a while. Our first real problem came 27 days after I had returned. It was late one Saturday night, probably well into Sunday morning, and both of us were sitting at Roxy's bar having a few drinks, well I wasn't drinking at the time since I was driving home. I noticed a woman staring at Nikki from across the room. She was tall-ish, about my height or so. She was in no way attractive and I'm not just saying that because she was checking out my girlfriend. She was overweight and had a short haircut that seemed more out of butch requirement than actual preference. Her attire did little to help her weight issues. She wore baggy jeans and a large t-shirt with a vulgar slogan about loving pussy. Needless to say this woman was a lesbian and definitely rough around the edges.. I ignored her, the way I knew Nikki wanted me to but then this bitch walked over to us.

"Hi there, beautiful." She said to Nikki in a manly voice. I would've laughed if I didn't find the situation so irritating.

"Hi." Nikki replied curtly as she rested more into my shoulder, trying to keep me anchored in my chair.

"Do you plan on leaving with her or would you be willing to have some fun with a real woman?" She sat back on the stool next to Nikki. That was the last straw for me. I had put up with this bitch's shit for long enough, even though she had only been there for like a minute. She was beyond annoying.

"She likes women, that is why she's with me. If she wanted a man then she would go and find a real one." I laughed and hopped off my barstool to confront the woman but Nikki stood in front of me.

"Let's go home." Nikki told me as she pushed me backwards towards the door. I agreed.

"What's wrong, honey, afraid you'll like it?" The 'woman' said as she reached out and grabbed Nikki's ass. Nikki spun around giving me just enough time to snake around her and push that fat bitch off her chair. She fell backwards onto the ground.

"Hey bitch, you have anything else to say?" I asked the woman on the ground. She struggled to get up.

"You'll regret that." she warned. I couldn't help but laugh at her.

She might've severely outweighed me but I could kick her fat ass. I had been in all sorts of boxing and self defense classes since I was a kid, due to an over protective father. She lunged at me but I easily dodged her before grabbing the back of her shirt and throwing her into the bar. I couldn't believe what that fat bitch did next. She actually tried to hit me. She missed, obviously but she immediately followed it with another on that hit me right in the lip. I hit her a couple of times and she was soon lying on the ground. Too bad in the mean time we had broken several glasses and at least one table.

"Sorry about that, Roxy." I said as I licked the blood from my lip. "Let me know how much I owe you."

Another woman, much like the first, walked up to me, while the first was being kicked out by the bouncer. At first I thought she was going to try to hit me but she didn't look too aggressive.

"My uncle is the chief of police. He is going to hear about this." she threatened.

I couldn't help but laugh in her face. "Tell him that Tia from the district attorney's office says hi. He knows where I live if he has any questions."

I know the chief of police well from the time I had gotten an internship in the DA's office when I was a teenager, a position my father got me. The second girl stormed off in an angry fit. She did know shit and her uncle certainly was not the chief of police.

I wiped at my bloody lip with a napkin while I flexed my hand, no broken bones. That's always a plus. I reached out for Nikki's hand but she pushed me away and headed towards the door.

"Go after her. I can deal with this." Roxy told me as she walked around the bar to clean up the broken table.

I did as she said and I chased after Nikki. She was seated in the passenger's seat of my car waiting. She refused to speak to me on the whole ride home but she sure as hell had a lot to say as soon as we walked into the house.

"What the fuck were you thinking!" She yelled at me as soon as she had slammed the door behind us.

"Jesus, Nikki, I just hit her. What the hell did it look like I did?" I wasn't angry at her for being upset but I definitely didn't understand her either.

"You had no reason to..."

"The fuck I didn't." I said before she could finish her sentence. "She grabbed your ass and you don't think I had any reason to hit her. She is lucky she got to leave that place on her feet. If this had been before she would've been out of there in an ambulance or a hearse. I couldn't believe the nerve on her."

"You don't get it do you?" She asked in bewilderment. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about.

"No I don't, actually." I was calm. I couldn't fight with her. I didn't want to.

"Tia, I can't have you hitting anyone who starts a problem."

I could see tears about to fall from her eyes.

"I don't know what to say, Nikki. I can't let people hurt you like that. I won't. I'm sorry if you think that I did the wrong thing but I thought what I did was for the best." I walked towards her to hold her but she backed up, kind of like she was scared of me.

"No, Tia. This isn't just going to go away because you're sorry." She turned on her heels and went towards the bedroom.

I was torn. I had one of two options. 1) I could follow her to the bedroom and risk continuing the fight and making her upset more upset. Or. 2) I could go to one of the guest rooms and risk letting the whole thing continue on bad terms. Either way I was probably fucked, and not getting fucked, but I decided to go make things right, even if I still thought that I was right. So I went up the bedroom slowly. I didn't chase her or run after her. I walked slowly, giving her time to calm (and me time to formulate a plan).

"Nikki." I said gently as I reached the door. She was sitting on the bed crying. I was glad I had decided to follow her. "Baby, I'm sorry. I should've thought more about what you wanted. It was wrong of me."

I walked over and I knelt in front of her before taking her hands in mine.

"I don't care that you hit her, Tia. I care that she could've hurt you. You can't beat everyone and one day you're going to learn that the hard way. I was afraid for you." She pulled her hands from mine and turned around in the bed.

"Baby I didn't mean for you to get scared but I do understand now. Please forgive me." I spoke but I got no answer so I got in the bed behind her.

tried to hold her but she pushed me away. So I gave up, yes I gave up. There was nothing left for me to do. So I went to the closet and changed out of my outfit like she had. I decided to actually put clothes on since I didn't think she'd want me naked. I pulled on a pair of short cotton short and a simple tank top before crawling back into bed. I made one more attempt and I was slightly more successful. I got my arm all the way around her before she told me she wasn't in the mood to cuddle or anything else. I sighed but went to sleep.

The next day didn't go much better. I made breakfast but she didn't speak to me except to say 'thank you'. After that she coldly reminded me of a list of chores that needed doing. Pick up dry cleaning, change the oil in both cars, hang new curtains in one of the guest rooms. All the chores were mundane enough but they were time consuming. After I did each thing, Nikki would thank me, then remind me of the next thing. After hanging the curtains I headed to our room to talk to her.

"There is nothing else to do." She said bleakly. I was starting to get frustrated.

"Nikki, I don't know what you want from me. I said I was sorry. I told you why I did it. I know why you are upset but holy fuck could you give me a break here?" I said, my anger coming out of nowhere. Well not out of nowhere, it had been accumulating.

Nikki turned away from me. "Like I said, there is nothing else on the list so you can go do whatever you want to do."

I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her. She fidgeted a bit but I held her tight. "You are what I want to do." I whispered in her ear. I could feel goose bumps cover her body. "I'm sorry, Nikki, I really am but I can't fight like this. Let me make it up to you."

She turned her head away from me when I tried to kiss her. I sighed and relinquished my hold on her. I placed a kiss on the back of her neck before leaving the room.

I sat in the backyard while I thought about what had happened. I thought about how something so insignificant had become such a problem. I had hit that woman for her. For Nikki. Well, I guess I did it for me too. She had insulted me by insulting Nikki so I had hit her. I did understand Nikki's point, I wouldn't argue with that. It made sense. Nikki was never a fan of violence, even though we spent most of our early years fighting. I understood that she was afraid that I would've gotten hurt, I could've, but I hadn't thought of that. She was right, I had been careless. I stayed in the backyard without moving for only God knows how long. I watched the sun set out of the perfect blue sky and I wished that Nikki had been there to share it with me. The colors were magnificent. Purples and reds splayed across the sky in patterns that were mesmerizing. It had been years since I had watched the sun set and as I sat alone I felt like a part of my soul was gone. Having Nikki mad at me was like having the sun set out of my heart. Except there were no beautiful colors or sights. There was just pain and regret.

I stayed in the yard by the pool as the sky went from blue to red to purple and finally to black. The sky was decorated by countless stars and a few light grey clouds that moved briskly with the cool ocean breeze that always engulfed the entire city. I must have nodded off on the lounge chair because the next thing I remember was Nikki waking me.

"Come inside. It's going to rain and you fell asleep out here." She whispered as she took my hand and helped me up but don't let that fool you, her mood wasn't any better than it had been earlier. I pulled my hand from hers and rested back into the chair.

I'm staying out here." I said childishly. I was, in essence, throwing myself a little pity party, a veritable tantrum, but I had a right to. I had apologized in every way, shape and form possible but she didn't care. So why should she care if I got rained on a bit.

"Tia, don't be such a drama queen. Get inside the house before it starts raining." She tried to grab me again but I moved my hand before she could reach it. I wasn't moving until she agreed to forgive me, but I didn't have the nerve to say that to her.

"No, I'm staying out here. It has a better view than an empty house. You won't even look at me." I mumbled. I leaned back and faced the stars once again. Millions of tiny white dots painted the sky in a pattern known only to the divine. I could tell Nikki was angry.

"YOU'RE CRAZY!" She yelled at me as it started to rain a bit. I was surprised. The clouds had moved and the sky was inexplicably clear. "We are going to get pneumonia out here. Will you please come inside?"

"Go inside, Nikki, I'll be fine." I closed my eyes and let the rain cover my face. Nikki stepped back under the patio covering but she didn't go inside. She kept saying that I was crazy and that I had to go inside but the rain felt magical. It was oddly warm and I felt it trickle down my body. I stood from the chair and I laughed when Nikki thanked me for coming to my senses.

"I'm not going inside, Nikki. I am going swimming." I pulled off my shirt and jeans, I intended to jump into the pool. I was in only a black bra and matching panties in the rain in the middle of my backyard. Nikki yelled even louder at me.

"Tia, get inside, I'm begging you. Please." Even though she was shouting I could sense her worry. I didn't know why. We had gone out in the rain before. We had used our pool in the back yard during small showers like that. But I acquiesced to her demands. I stomped back into the house, right past her. I stood in the middle of the living room, dripping wet, wearing only a bra and panties. Nikki entered the house and started complaining again.

"You are going to catch your death, have you lost your mind. It's freezing in here and you are soaking wet. Come on. Let's get you dried off before you get a fever." She grabbed a blanket from the couch and draped it over me.

"Don't worry about it." I said as I shrugged off the blanket. I headed to the room and tossed off my wet clothing, or what was left of it. I crawled into bed, with my hair still dripping.

"Tia, you need to dry yourself off. You're going to get sick, you idiot. You've got to stay warm." She threw a towel at me but I ignored it and closed my eyes, trying to find some peace from the aching in my head. Fighting with Nikki had always given me unbelievable headaches. "You're such a baby." She complained as she grabbed the towel and forced the sheets off the bed.

I didn't move. She started to dry my legs and ass before moving to my back and my hair. She spent the most time on my hair trying to make sure it was nice and dry. Then she pulled the wet sheets off of the bed and replaced them. It the pit of my stomach I felt guilty for acting like that. It was childish. I got up from the bed and I stared at my gorgeous girlfriend.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It was stupid and childish." I walked over to her and hugged her. "I'm sorry for the other stuff too, it was wrong of me. I'll sleep in the guestroom for a while."

I kissed her head and moved for the door but she caught my arm and pulled me back.

"I'm sorry too. I acted like a bitch. I just love you and I worry about you sometimes." She kissed me softly and I couldn't help but smile. I picked her up off of the bed and she wrapped her legs around me. I was naked but she was wearing her pajamas; boy shorts and a big t-shirt. My hands moved to her ass and I pulled her tight against me.