Factors of Change Ch. 05

"But werewolves have a neocortex," I ended. "Because they're also human."

"Exactly. But," William continued, "we are also much, much more attentive to our instincts than normal humans are. Normal humans, unlike Weres, stopped listening to it altogether, you know. Relying on your instinct is considered rash and irresponsible for them. For every decision they make in life, they need to think it over, carefully go over every pro and every con, and make a rational decision that's usually in accordance with what they might have done in the first place if they'd followed their first impulse."

I felt myself flush at his words. He was actually describing me, and defining the whole reason I was hesitant about committing to Gabriel in the first place. "And Weres have a better instinct," I finished softly. "Is our limbic system... bigger?"

He laughed. "It might seem that way sometimes, doesn't it? No, it isn't. But we do tend to take more heed and listen to what our instincts tell us."

"So the voice I hear, my wolf," I said, and pursed my lips, "is the voice of my instinct?"

"Instinct doesn't speak in words, but in feelings," he corrected, smiling at me. "The voice you hear, Leah, it's just the Were part of you that listens to it. Humans don't have that—it's the wolf gene that allows us to hear it." He shook his head. "Instincts aim for your survival and your well-being. It would never want to do something that might hurt you."

"Why would it take the shape of a wolf in my head, then?"

"Your mind hears a voice, and it needs it to give it a shape to understand where it comes from. It's the fact that we turn into wolves that makes us hear that voice. It only makes sense that our subconscious would shape it into a wolf."

I turned a thoughful gaze back towards the small camp fire. "So it's me," I whispered. "It's not a wolf that's claiming Gabriel. It's just me."

"The part of you who can feel he's your mate, Leah," William added gently. "Do you think you can trust yourself?"

I smiled softly. "It's much easier to say yes to that, than to trust a random wolf living in my mind."

He laughed and got to his feet. "Take your time, darling. Think about it." He looked up, where the moon had reached the middle of the sky above us. "It's late," he pointed out. "You should sleep."

"I will," I said with a nod. "I'll just... stay here a bit more." I smiled. "With myself."

He laughed softly. "Goodnight then, Leah."

"Goodnight, William," I called to him as he walked back towards the trees. "Thank you." I watched him disappear into the bushes and sighed when I was alone again. I leaned back and laid on the ground, letting my gaze sweep over the starlit sky. The stars were much more visible at the compound than they were in the city, I realized—so much that there was a dizzying depth to them, as if I was actually floating among them. I shut my eyes against the feeling, and gently probed around in my mind. Are you still there?

Always, my wolf answered, a smile in her voice. A voice that warmed my heart and that I thought I recognized, for the first time, as my own.