Failing Upwards

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"I'm also sorry I tried to manipulate you."

I set about my work. It was oddly disturbing to find that free thought was really just a mixture of chemical messengers.

Moisture welled up in her eyes and tears rolled down her cheeks. A woman expressing anything other than annoyance was uncharted territory for me.

"Is this good crying or bad crying?" I asked.

"What do you think?"

It was definitely bad crying. Knowing how was quite different than doing. I muttered to myself as I began again.

Her eyes dried but her face took on a harder cast. My first warning was her lips pressing into thin lines. The second was her ripping the right arm rest off the chair. In a shower of self-assembled Scandinavian furniture she was on her feet. With one arm she lifted me off my feet via my throat.

As my feet feebly kicked beneath me I grabbed her wrist for support. While pretending I didn't need oxygen I scrambled to remedy the situation. If my jaw was working I would have sworn.

A splash of neurotransmitter A, a dash of B, a pinch of C, and the thought soup was ready. Or so I hoped. I was sure my face was purple. It sure felt purple. The harshness in her eyes melted into dark, liquid pools.

"I love you," she said in a low husky voice. She pulled me to her and kissed me.

Despite my rather numb lips, it was still warm and deeply soothing. With a flick of her wrist, she pushed me over backwards and straddled my hips before I rebounded off the floor. Her hands were on my shoulders as she leaned in and kissed me for a second time. She smelled like fresh from the oven oatmeal cookies. I found myself both excited and a tad hungry.

With a sharp tug, Megan pulled my shirt over my head and clean off my body. She offered a smile with wicked undertones and grabbed the waistband of my pants. Another tug popped all the buttons. Little metallic pining sounds echoed around my apartment as bits of the buttons impacted. In a matter of heartbeats I was naked.

Megan sat tall on my hips, pulled her arms out of her costume, and began to peel it down her torso. She paused as it rested low across her breasts and offered a sly smile.

"Please," I croaked. My mouth had gone dry. Megan gave a brilliant smile. With slow, sinewy movements she slithered out of her costume. She leaned over me. Her hair fell around her face and shrouded it in soft light. Her eyes gleamed. A hand slid below my waist and she gave an approving look. It was polite of her to lie. Megan positioned herself and eased downward. We both gasped and arched our backs.

With sure, controlled movements Megan pushed herself up and down alternating with circular motions that ground against my pelvic bone. Her nails gently raked my skin. Everything she did excited me. Blood roared in my ears and my skin felt feverish and tight. These strong sensations caused me to turn my attention inwards. I was awash in pheromones again. Even in her current state she was still working her talent. This woman was unstoppable.

Megan laughed as she flicked her head side to side tossing her glossy hair. I relaxed and enjoyed the ride. Well, I was the ride and with her superior strength there was nothing I could do about it.

"Hey, what's going on out there?" called Blondie.

Megan was busy making pleased noises while I was busy thinking about baseball and my summer internship at the landfill in an attempt to keep myself from being premature. Easily, the best minutes of my life passed exquisitely slowly.

The time arrived when I couldn't hold back any longer. My hand brushed Megan's knee and I used my new found prowess to initiate her climax. Her toes flexed, she shuddered from head to toe, and dug her nails into my skin. I was partly in awe that it wasn't a myth. She made such cute squealing noises, I triggered three more. That was a handy trick I needed to remember.

Megan slumped against my chest. Even hot and sweaty she still smelled fantastic. If it was possible she smelled even better. As she pressed against me, she was a tantalizing combination of both firm and soft. I enjoyed the feeling of her nipples as they rubbed against my chest as we both gasped for breath. My first impulse was to roll over and go to sleep. Being pinned in place, I settled for passing out.

My mother sat at the head of the table. She passed the plate of shepherd's pie to Megan, who sat on my left. To my right was Blondie.

"So, Dorian, introduce me to your friends," my mother requested.

I bolted upright, covered in a cold sweat. After two cycles of rubbing my eyes I realized I was still in my apartment. Megan was stretched out on my couch, snoring softly. I dredged up some clothes and made a cup of mint tea. Chocked full of confidence and antioxidants, I entered the other room and pulled the hood off my second guest.

"I'm so going to kick your ass," Blondie growled.

I took her head in my hands and focused. Anger was a stormy tumult in her head. It took me a while but I was able to soothe and then restrain that dominant emotion. As I opened my eyes and backed away she looked calm, but her eyes were unreadable.

"I'm going to untie you. Are you going to be good?" I asked.

"Yes."

With unusually efficient movements I untied her wrists and ankles. She absently rubbed at her wrists as we booth stood and considered each other. Her hands came to rest on my shoulders an instant before her knee impacted my groin. I grabbed at my hurting kit as I dropped to my knees and slumped forward. A sharp blow to my behind knocked me onto my side.

"Told you," chimed the rabidGlee refugee.

In between gasping breathes I considered the possibility that someone didn't love little Miss Death-by-knee enough when she was little. In time, the dark splotches floating across my vision and shooting pains in my abdomen quieted enough that I could attempt to repair myself. My naughty bits had been so happy only hours before. I tried to take comfort in the fact that at least I wasn't repairing my nose for the third time in twenty-four hours.

Stark fear slapped me upside the head. The honey-blonde groin killer was free. I made it to my knees as Megan, still naked and downright glorious, entered the room.

"Lose something?" she asked.

The mock cheer sweater had been pulled over Blondie's head so that it trapped her arms behind her back. Megan had a firm grip on the sweater and forced my junk's nemesis to stay bent over at the waist.

Rare success had gone to my head. Hubris had earned me a knee to my fellas. With my pride cowering in a dark corner of my soul, I crawled over to the pair. With a snarl Evil Cheerleader kicked at me. I grabbed her ankle with my left hand and took a hold of Megan with my right. With a heavy sigh I went to work. My second time through the process was easier. Megan's ability was the catalyst that allowed me to push my target where I desired her to go.

Tears fell onto my cheek as I looked up into the halo of blonde hair.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she sobbed. Megan gave me a questioning look and I nodded. She let go of the sweater and Blondie fell forward taking me with her. My head bounced off the floor and rebounded, forcing my nose directly into the path of her descending forehead.

"Son of a bitch!"

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4 Comments
AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Just plain weird and just plain hilarious.

—the years later commenter

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Quite Hilarious!

I laughed multiple times!

ms60cutterms60cutterover 11 years ago
So, so good

Loved it. Funny, well-written, and deserves exploration.

tazz317tazz317over 11 years ago
A WHOLE NEW OUT LOOK

on the phrase "Cant win for losing". TK U MLJ LV NV

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