Faithless

I remember when I was the perfect wife. Okay, maybe 'perfect' is too strong a word, but all things considered, I was about as close as you get. Now, I'm not going to bore you with the tedious details. I hate it when people do that. But unless you know where you've been, you can't possibly know where you are going, right? So let's just say this. I'm married, I'm a college graduate, and I have a great job. I sing in the church choir too, at least when I don't sleep too late. No kids yet, but you never know. We're sort of trying, but haven't had any luck so far. Anyway, I think you get the picture. So you see, I know where I've been. Problem is, I don't know why I went there to begin with.

But that's where you come in. Well, maybe not 'you' exactly, since we don't even know each other. Still, since you are about to read all about me, by the time this ends, we won't be strangers will we? We still won't know each other, but you'll know more about me than anyone. And that includes my friends, family, and of course, my husband. You'll know all my dirty little secrets, all the terrible things I can't tell them, and once you read this, you'll understand why. Because you see, I was once the perfect wife. But we know better don't we? Yeah, soon enough, you'll know the truth too.

Truth. Funny little word don't you think? We talk incessantly about it, devise our religions and legal systems around it, and yet, most of us can't recognize it when it stares you in the face. As my daddy used to say, nothing is harder to see than the truth. I should know. I walk around all day, talking to my friends, lying beside my husband every night, and no one - no one - has a clue. They all think I'm the perfect wife, you know? But I said that already, haven't I?

Anyway, while we are talking about truth, let me explain something. Let me try to explain why I'm writing all this down, instead of keeping this a secret. Truth is, I have to tell someone. God knows, I can't tell my friends. They'd hate me. But in some strange way, just thinking about my affair turns me on so much. So now I want to tell my story. Why? I don't know. I guess I'm turned on by the idea of strangers reading about my secrets, and knowing all the details about my sex life, in full living and breathing color. So, that's why I'm doing this. It turns me on to do it, and hopefully it turns you on to read it.

Guess I should stop rambling and get to the point. Dan, he's my husband you know, always tells me that. For God's sake Natalie, would you get to the point? That's what he's always saying. Not that he always gets on to me, cause he doesn't. He's actually a nice guy, one of those really nice guys. The kind you meet and just say to yourself, wow, he is really great. And the best part is, he is so good looking. And he doesn't even realize it. You girls know exactly the kind of guy I'm talking about, don't you?

Well, in case I've lost you, it's like this. There are two kinds of great looking guys. The first are so gorgeous, that when they look at you, you can barely breathe. Thing is, they know it. God, I hate that. Now the second type, that's what gets me going. These guys are also incredibly handsome, but for some odd reason, they don't realize it. Maybe they're just shy, or don't have a great personality, and as a result, haven't had much experience with girls. Beats me. But for some reason, they're always shy around pretty girls. I think it's incredibly cute.

Dan was that way you know. God he's hot. My friends tell me that all the time too. Thing is though, he's not very confident. Plus, he's really shy around my friends. And in bed, well, let's just say he's not exactly a take-charge kind of guy. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. His IQ isn't the only thing that's large, if you get my drift. He's always satisfied me. Yeah, I'm a very satisfied little lady. And I know he's still crazy about me too. He's always telling me what a great little fuck I've turned out to be. Even after all these months, we still fuck like teenagers. Come to think of it though, we are still practically teenagers. I'm barely 22. But neither one of us has lost a thing, at least not in bed.

Trouble is, I need more. At least now I do. Either I didn't then, or maybe I just didn't know any better. But now, I need so much more than a big, hard cock. So you see, it's not the cock that's driven me to this. It's the man attached to it. No, that's not quite true either. It's the man attached to the new cock I've been fucking.

So, I guess I should tell you about this new guy, huh? That's why you are still here, right? Just get right to the juicy part. Well, I'm getting to it. Just wanted you to know I'm not some kind of slut. In fact, until Dan, I'd only been with two other guys. And I wouldn't even call what we did sex. It sure as hell wasn't fucking. I've been fucked enough now to know the difference. I'm sure you guys know when you've had sex, and when you've been fucked, am I right?

Like I said before, sex with Dan was great. Boy, does he know how to fuck. But here's the hard part. In fact, this is the main reason I think I'm such a horrible wife. I cheated on my husband. And I know how terrible that is. But the part that shames me more than anything is this - I loved every minute of it, and I can't wait to do it again. I've never felt so sexy, I've never felt so loved, and I've never felt so alive. Although I live in constant fear of discovery, that fear is what fuels my sex drive. I fuck all the time now, sometimes twice a day. Usually once with Dan and at least a few times during the week with Joey.

Joey? Oh yeah, he's the one. The one I'm having this affair with. He's the reason I'm writing this down. I don't ever want to forget how I felt at the beginning, when Joey showed me exactly what fucking is all about.

Believe it or not, it all started very innocently, if you can call an affair innocent. I've known Joey since university. He was practically my best friend, at least until he graduated. He finished a year before I did. Anyway, until he left, we were practically inseparable. Looking back now, I suppose I was a little bit in love with him. Thing is, he had a steady girl at another school in town, and I was still dating my old high school boyfriend. So we never did anything. God knows we each had ample opportunity. We did come close once, and I even slept over in his dorm a few times. But even though we were in the same bed, I stayed in a tee shirt and panties, and he always kept on a pair of shorts. To keep us honest I suppose.

Still, I know he wanted me. The first time I slept over was on a Friday night, after we had been out partying with our friends. We walked back to his place in the middle of the night, and God was it cold. By the time we got there, my feet and legs were numb. Admittedly, my short little skirt wasn't the warmest thing I had. Anyway, Joey asked me if I wanted to come up to his room and warm up a bit before I continued on to my place.

Once we were in his room, he gave me a blanket and a nice hot cup of cocoa. We started talking and before we knew it, another hour had passed and I was just about to fall over. I was so tired. Joey could tell, and asked if I wanted to stay over, although he was very careful to make sure it wasn't seen as a pass. Like I said, I like guys that are nice, and Joey was no exception.

So, he brought me out an oversized tee shirt of his, and since his room had very little privacy, I had to turn my back so I could take off my clothes. I left on my panties, pulled the shirt on, and asked him where I could sleep. Which wasn't a tough question since there was only one small bed in the room.

When he offered to sleep on the floor I told him not to be silly. I stretched out on his bed, and immediately got under the covers. I was still a bit cool, especially since I had nothing on my legs to keep me warm. I rolled to the side and closed my eyes as he dimmed the lights. But as Joey started to undress in the dimly lit room, I couldn't help peeking. He had turned towards his chest of drawers, and quietly removed his shirt, shoes and pants. When he turned his head towards me, I immediately closed my eyes again, hoping he hadn't seen me looking.

I guess he didn't, cause when I opened them again, he was naked. He had just pulled off his underwear, and was reaching in a drawer for a pair of old flannel gym shorts. And as he stepped into them, I stared at his body, his strong powerful chest, tight belly, and limp cock. An involuntary shiver passed through me. I could barely breathe. Finally he pulled the shorts to his waist, and climbed into the bed.

God I wanted him. Here we were, in a bed together, and I had practically nothing on. I had seen him naked, and he had seen me in nothing but panties. Everything about the situation was getting to me. And although I barely knew anything about sex at that time, I was getting more and more excited by the second. My pussy was already damp, and my nipples were so tight they ached. But I was also scared to death. I didn't want to cheat on my boyfriend, so I wasn't going to make a move. But it was so hard not to.

After a few minutes, he rolled over towards me. Like I said, the bed was very small, a twin actually, so there was very little room. As he rolled towards me, I shifted my body towards him a little, offering a silent invitation to spoon against me. Next thing I knew, he had an arm across my waist, and his fingers were lightly touching the side of my breast. I've never felt so alive. Every nerve ending was working overtime, hoping to feel each soft touch of his body as he pressed against me. I could tell he wasn't asleep, and the feel of his hot breath against the back of my neck was starting to overwhelm me with intense desire.

I shifted against him some more, pressing my ass against his crotch, and that's when I felt it. He had an erection. The blunt head of his cock jabbed against my bare ass, just beneath the fabric of my panties. Embarrassed, I flinched when I felt it. He mumbled an apology, and moved back, his cock no longer touching me. I reached over and took his hand to show him that I wasn't upset, and hugged his hand and mine to my chest. The position caused his hand to press into my breast, but that's what I wanted anyway.

We fell asleep that way, but sometime during the night, I left go of his hand. When I awoke, it was still dark, and if I remember correctly it was just a little after five. His hand was cupping my breast. I felt my nipple begin to respond, the tight little point pressing into the palm of his hand. I reached up to his hand again, but instead of pulling it away, I laid mine on top of his. He began to caress me, palming and squeezing my tit. God I was so hot. I was on the verge of losing control. I began to press my ass against him again, and this time when I felt his erection, I didn't flinch. Instead, I began to grind my ass against it, feeling it slip into the crevice of my ass, only the thinnest barriers of nylon and cotton separating us.

Then, he rose up on one elbow, and began to kiss my neck. He must have read my mind, cause if there is a direct path to my pussy, it's through the side of my neck. I really love that. I guess he knew that too, cause even then, when I got turned on, everyone knew it. I was starting to moan real softly, and my breathing became rapid and shallow, almost as if I'm panting. Dan kids me about it all the time. He calls it my countdown. But once I start moaning like that, I won't stop 'til I come screaming off the launch pad.

Of course, Joey didn't know that back then. Honestly, I'm not sure I did either, since I wasn't having a lot of sex at the time. But he knew better than to stop. Guess his girlfriend had taught him a thing or two. So it wasn't long after he started kissing my neck that I felt his hand let go of my tit, and start moving down my tummy. I remember how slowly he moved, how his fingers caressed me. His touch was incredibly light, and it was driving me mad with desire. I couldn't stand the wait, and shamelessly spread my thighs before he had even crossed my bellybutton. God I wanted him to touch me so badly.

Well, no one would have missed that sign. Joey didn't either. His hand continued down, tracing the contours of my flat tummy, tickling me with every maddening inch of descent. By now, my open legs were starting to tremble, as my muscles strained to assume the position they longed for. And then, he cupped my mound in his hand, and I think I died just a little. His hand pressed into my mound, pressing the soaking wet material of my panties between my pussy lips, and then he started to move. His finger lay across my slit lengthwise, caressing my most sensitive places all at once. I think I may have cried out a little. But I was so close, I knew it wouldn't take long at all.

Although I was still very inexperienced sexually, I was pretty good at making myself come. I had been masturbating forever it seemed, years before I even lost my virginity, so I knew what it felt like. And I was almost there. I felt his hand slip under the waistband of my panties, and then his fingers were all over me. Inside, outside you name it. All I needed was little bit more pressure right about there, and suddenly his fingers were exactly where I needed them. Almost immediately, I felt it, that long slow inevitable build to climax. Don't stop, don't you dare stop, were the first words I had spoken since we woke. And then I came.

I don't know what I said. Maybe I blocked it out. But then again, when I come, I tend to lose a little control, and sometimes I say stuff. Although I don't want to admit it, I'm pretty sure I know what I said. Whatever it was, it was enough to wake us both from the intoxicating reality of our situation. Here we were, his hand down the front of my panties, and his glistening purple cockhead peeking from the leg band of his shorts. We were seconds away from some incredible turning point, and at that moment, I think neither one of us knew which path to take. Then again, maybe we had reached that turning point when I said those words as I came.

Whatever it was, the moment came, and went. He smiled sheepishly at me, like he was suddenly embarrassed that his fingers were buried in my tight little pussy. Slowly, he pulled his hand from my panties. I could have died.

Joey leaned up a little, and I rolled over onto my back. I still remember him looking down at me. But I couldn't say a word. Not one word. But in my mind, I was begging for it. I spread my thighs again, and silently pleaded with him to just rip my panties off and do it. I didn't want him to ask, I didn't want him to think about it. The last thing I wanted was for him to stop. But that's exactly what he did. As he wiped his wet hand on the sheets, he noticed that his cock had worked its way into the open, and quickly reached down to tuck himself back inside. I stared, trying to catch my last glimpse of his beautiful cock, as it disappeared back inside his shorts.

I don't remember exactly what he said then. But I can tell you this much, he basically told me he was sorry, and that he never meant to take advantage of me that way. I wish I had said something. Anything. But I didn't. I just lay there, listened, and nodded my head. I was too embarrassed to say what I felt. Plus I knew he was feeling badly for betraying his girlfriend. I was also starting to feel guilty about the whole thing. You know, the way he had touched me, coming like I did, and the things I had seen. Plus, I also had a steady boyfriend too. So you see, there were lots of good reasons why we couldn't be lovers.

Amazingly, we stayed the best of friends even after that. I even stayed over with him several more times, sleeping with him in the same bed just as before. Believe it or not, I slept over even after I was engaged to Dan. But from then on, his hands behaved. I'm shamed to admit that I tried to get him to touch me again though. But the next time I put his hand on my breast, he pulled it away, saying something lame like, oh Natalie we shouldn't do that. Remember what happened last time? Which was exactly why I was doing it to begin with. I not only remember that first time, I wanted to do it again and again and again. God I wanted to fuck him so much. But I never had the guts to try any harder than that.

So, like I said, we never did anything. At least not when we were at school. That came later, much later. As luck would have it, Joey married a girl from Dan's hometown. We'd see each other occasionally, even had dinner with Joey and his wife every now and then. But until that fateful summer day, I hadn't been alone with Joey since graduation. Maybe part of me knew better, and knew what would happen if the opportunity ever arose.

That opportunity happened three weeks ago. I still can't believe it. He called me at the office on Thursday, right out of the blue. I could tell he was upset. So I suggested we meet for a drink after work, and since Dan had been working late the past few weeks anyway, I didn't have any plans. Plus, Joey's always been great to talk too. He makes me laugh like no other.

Only this time, he wasn't laughing. Apparently he and Jill had been arguing a lot lately, the kind of fights that leave deep wounds in everyone. He didn't know who to talk to, and he wanted to know if he'd crossed the line during their latest argument.

"Look Joey, I'm not exactly impartial you know," I reminded him when he finished.

"I know Natalie. Guess I'm not really looking for honest opinions right now anyway."

My heart skipped a beat. Easy, I reminded myself. Don't read too much into this. "What are you looking for then?"

"I don't know. Maybe just a friendly shoulder to cry on. Someone I can bitch too. You know."

Figured. Guess that's the price I pay for being attracted to nice guys. Even now, two years later, I was still thinking about that night. God why couldn't I have been more aggressive? And now it's really too late. After all, we are both married. The least I could do was be the friend he wanted. So I leaned in, and put my arm across his shoulders.

"C'mon, Joey, things'll get better. You just have to have faith."

Joey laughed. "I'd rather have you."

Despite his laughter, I remained serious. "You could have had me you know."

He paused, looking at me intently. I could tell he remembered everything. "What?"

"That night, in your dorm. The night you had made me come. You could have had me then. Why didn't you?"

"I . . . I thought you didn't want me to."

I stopped, knowing that he wasn't being honest. "Now hold on," I said. "There's no way you didn't know what I wanted. Come on, Joey, I had my legs spread so far apart I thought I'd split. And after coming that way, there is no way I would have stopped."

He looked down, but I wasn't going to let him off that easily. "Why did you stop Joey? Please tell me."

"Because it was all wrong. Don't you remember? I was in love with someone else. You were still dating Rod. And then, when you said that, I . . . I guess I just got scared."

It hit me like a ton of bricks. The words I'd said as I came. That was it. That had to be it.

"What did I say that scared you so much?"

"You . . . you don't remember?"

"No. Look, I say lots of things when I come. I rarely remember them. Honestly, I don't remember what I said. C'mon what did I say?"

He paused. "You said you loved me. You said you had always loved me, and that you would love me forever."