tagReviews & EssaysFake Breasts: A Male's Perspective

Fake Breasts: A Male's Perspective


Fake Breasts or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Body

Fake breasts, they're everywhere. They're in girly magazines, movies, on the streets and in our homes. In the last decade we have been inundated with these ugly, gravity defying, unnatural attachments to the female form, and this blitz of ballooning busts seems unlikely to peter out in the near future.

In 1990, a Congressional hearing declared that over one million women had been implanted since 1962, in which time no human studies were ever recorded concerning the safety of implants. After the onslaught of controversy died down, the early 90's saw the market flourish with activity. Nowadays deemed safer, using either a saline or silicone-based implant, hundreds of thousands of women receive breast implants every year.

The health risks that may occur are all-too-evident and often ill-acknowledged: infection, gel bleed (in silicone implants), dislodgement or rupture of the implant, and then there are the heinous surgeries performed by doctors with the credentials and know-how of the insane, mad-as-a-hatter Dr. Victor Frankenstein.

We've all seen the carnage on current affairs television programs and inside magazines targeted mainly for the female readership, featuring grotesque images of how horribly wrong these operations can go. The graphic nature and explicit detail of these photographs should instil nightmares into any woman who has had, or is thinking of having, a breast enlargement. But, as with the anti-smoking campaigns that illustrate the harmful effects of tobacco, the message still doesn't get through.

Medical ramifications aside, most men that I know agree wholeheartedly that implants - otherwise known as 'fake tits' whenever discussed - are a huge turn-off when it comes to the female body. Rarely do they resemble natural breasts - they hang lopsidedly or at funny angles, are the wrong shape, feel hard, break all the conventional laws of physics or are separated by a gap wide enough to land a Boeing 747 jumbo jet on their breast plate.

Despite all of my male acquaintances' and friends' objections to women increasing their bust sizes through the means of surgery, there emerges a glaring contradiction that leaves me perplexed - the pornography industry. The most successful female performers in the business are ones who not only have implants but have also surgically altered their faces, which is another area of discussion, albeit similarly themed. Fake breasted stars such as Jill Kelly, Stacy Valentine, Brianna Banks, Jewel de' Nyle and Jenna Jameson have all concreted their queen-like status in the sex industry, quite often most, if not all, dominating the DVD/VHS sales in almost every online sex shops' Top Ten list.

Even if most men find implants just a fraction less inviting than the real deal, why is it that naturally big-breasted starlets like Avy Scott, Christy Parks, Taylor St. Claire and Tera Patrick flounder in virtual obscurity when compared to the women I've mentioned above? These women are not only beautifully rounded in all the right places, they also come accompanied with gorgeous faces and sexual appetites that match, if not exceed, the falsely bosomed porn stars that reign supreme. It simply doesn't make sense, especially once you consider the fact that nearly one hundred percent of the porn industry is catered to men.

The problem may very well be that the male species has initiated a rolling snowball that has grown beyond their control. Have many of us merely accepted this blatant slap to Mother Nature's face, having resigned ourselves to the notion that this deformity of female beauty is a runaway train that can't be stopped?

One argument I've heard debated time and again is that some women don't enlarge their breasts to please men, but in fact do so in order to feel more comfortable with their bodies. Therefore, I must ask the logical question: why would any woman feel self-conscious about having smaller breasts? The answer: because society - ergo men - has continuously driven home that larger breasts are more appealing. Bigger is better. Size means everything. What a crock.

Like many other men, yes, I do find a nicely proportioned woman very alluring. However, I do not under any circumstances discriminate against those who are underprivileged in the chest department, because breasts are merely a tiny portion of what I look at when analysing a woman's external beauty. I like to think that I'm not a solo artist on this viewpoint, that there are plenty of other men out there who are attracted to ladies with breasts of all sizes, be it large or small.

A lot of women similarly desire their men to be endowed with a larger package, yet most of the women I know wouldn't kick a guy out of bed if his equipment didn't measure up to a certain length. It's universal. Larger is nicer, but in the long run it doesn't really count towards the whole picture.

In closing, I would just like to say one thing: I love women and their bodies. To me, women are the most complex, interesting and utterly infuriating creatures on the planet, managing to drive males absolutely bonkers with a simple look, touch or gesture. What's more, I adore women in their natural state - minus makeup, flashy clothes, jewellery and unnecessary surgical alterations. Real beauty can't be applied from a jar or constructed on an operating table; it starts from the inside and works its way out. In its naked state, the female form is a truly glorious sight and can only be tarnished by the assistance of outside input.

For any woman considering implants, thoroughly investigate the dangers involved and know that there are plenty of men in the world that love your body just the way it is. I'm one of them.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^

Interestingly enough, although I hardly get the time to read erotica anymore, I can't recall any story written by another author where a character had breast implants. I'm sure the stories are there, but that is another indication that men - and women - prefer the ladies to be nice and natural.

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