Fallen Girls and Holidays Ch. 05bySeesFourEver©
I just laughed and responded, "I think we both did!"
She gave a little giggle and we just cuddled for a bit.
I eventually looked over at her and said, "That was amazing."
She nodded her agreement and softly replied, "I knew it would be. Well actually I knew it would be good, if I'd known it would be that good I would have done it a few nights ago."
This earned her a little hug and a kiss on the nose.
"I know, I could get used to this."
I think I tensed up when I realized what I'd said. She got a concerned look in her eyes and just said, "What?"
There are some conversations you know you need to have. You don't really want to have them, but you know you need to, and if you have to have them there really isn't a better time than when you're both lying in bed enjoying a bit of afterglow I suppose.
"Its freaks me out a bit how much I like you..."
I trailed off there towards the end. She just stroked my face, looked into my eyes, and asked me, "Why?"
A sigh escaped me as I contemplated telling her something that I'd never actually told anyone else. Oh, I think a few folks have figured it out. My mom, my sister, perhaps a friend or two who knew part of the story. But I'd never come right out and said it. I don't really think I'd ever really admitted it to myself now that I think about it.
"The thing is... my dad... he left. Just packed up and walked out on my mom, my sister, and I. It came as a complete surprise to all of us. He and my mom weren't having any problems. He doted on us kids. He was literally the perfect dad and then one day he just packed up a few things and walked out. He never gave a reason, didn't leave a note, hasn't tried to talk to any of us since. At first we thought something had happened to him. We filed missing persons reports, hired private detectives, hell the FBI even got involved. They eventually tracked him down in Mexico somewhere. My uncle went to see him and they both ended up spending a few nights in jail after getting in a fight. I found out years later that they came to blows over the fact that he wouldn't give my uncle a reason."
Bree had the beginnings of tears in her eyes. I wished I could cry about it, I really did. But I couldn't, I never really had been able too. I still wasn't able too.
"How old were you?" she asked.
"Fourteen, it was the summer between grade school and high school. At first I thought it was my mom's fault. I mean, folks just don't do things for no reason, right? I figured she must have done something terrible. Something so terrible that no-one could talk about it, something that drove my father away. I was pretty much out of control that first year, I didn't care about anything or anyone. Got in fights, didn't go to class, broke every rule I could think of. I was mad at my mom and mad at the world. My uncle Carl pulled me out of it. Actually he took me out back one day after I'd said something particularly horrible to my mom, kicked my ass, and told me to man up or buy a fucking dress."
Bree gave a little giggle at this last. "Isn't that taking tough love a bit far?"
"Whatever, I needed it and no-one else was going to do it. Carl's been in the army since he was 17. He spent a few years as a drill instructor, he's mostly behind a desk now but he still thinks he's a drill sergeant. I think I was his project the summer between freshman and sophomore year. He'd take me to summer school in the morning, then pick me up and have the afternoon planned out for me. God only knows how he found the time and to this day I don't know how he convinced my mom to go along. But for all intents and purposes I was in basic training that summer. Whenever I'd complain he'd tell me to stop whining and grow a pair. I can still hear him: 'Tyler, shit happened, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it so stop your fucking whining, suck it up, and start acting like a man.'" I did this last in my best drill instructor imitation.
This got another little laugh from Bree. Just hearing that laugh made me feel better.
"Things got better after that summer. I finally clued in that it wasn't my mom's fault and we've been close ever since. Carl stepped in and at least tried to do all the stuff dad would have done. School got better, hell I even started playing football. But I had a reputation at that point, I was the bad boy, and I took advantage of it... "
This got me a raised eyebrow from Bree, I think she knew where this was going.
"Anyway, lets just say that some girls like that sort of thing and I dated more than a few of them. I wasn't all that interested in letting anyone get close enough that they could hurt me if they left. So I'd have some fun until things started to get too serious and then move on. I didn't go out of my way to hurt anyone, but I wasn't really interested in anything long term..."
I trailed off at this last and she got a rather pensive look on her face. I hated that look. I mean really and truly hated it. If there was an antithesis of everything I'd seen from her these last few weeks, of the special status I seemed to hold for her, that look was it.
This, more than anything else, made me take the plunge.
"The thing that scares me about you, about this thing we seem to have, is that I don't want to lose it."
As soon as she heard that her face softened and that pensive look turned into one of those smiles I'd grown to love so much.
"I've made this science of being in control and of not depending on anything or anyone. On not getting attached. But you head off mysteriously for an hour and I'm back here climbing the walls wondering if you're going to come back. I mean I'm not expert or anything, but I cant imagine that's the healthiest response in the world."
"Healthy is overrated!" she quipped with a grin.
I had to laugh at that. "Fair enough," I said. "But I've only known you a few weeks, and I can't believe how attached I am to you and it scares the crap out of me!"
"Well, I do bite..." She trailed off as she gently demonstrated on my ear.
This lead to a brief lull in our conversation as we each took turns biting each other here and there. Most of those 'bites' involved more tongue than teeth. It was a fun little game and we eventually ended up falling out of bed laughing as we wrestled around trying to plant little nips in ticklish spots.
After we finished our game I hoisted her back into bed, cuddled up next to her, and tried to finish my thought.
"I know I'm your exception as far as boys go. What I'm trying to say is that you're my exception too. You scare me to death, but there's no place else I'd rather be and no one else I'd rather be with. I have no idea where this is going and the idea that you might leave is right up there with root canals and shopping trips in my list of really bad things. But I'd like to give it a try and see where it goes. Because if the last few weeks are any indication, it's going someplace pretty amazing."
She just looked at and smiled for a bit, then gave me a soft little kiss and said "I know all about folks leaving and all about disappointments and all about not being able to trust. But I trust you. Don't ask me why or how, because I don't really know. I just know that no-one else seemed to fit anymore, and then along came you and you do. You fit. You feel right and we're good together and I'm not going anywhere. You've got baggage, I've got baggage. So?"
"So you carry mine, and I'll carry yours?" I asked.
"I've always been a boy carries the bags kinda girl, but I guess just this once I can help you with yours. Just don't make it a habit, okay?" This last was said with an impish little grin.
"Fair enough," I smiled back.
"So we see where this little trip takes us?" she said.
The bit about the trip was clearly said as a question. As in how about we take a trip together, you in?
Am I in? Are you fucking kidding me? I may have some issues but I'm not stupid.
"A trip sounds rather nice. Preferably a long one... " I said.
"With lots of beaches," she added.
"... and hotel sex!" I interjected with a grin.
"... and Paris, we have to see Paris." She added.
"Paris it is!" I said as I leaned in to kiss away the rest of our itinerary.