Falling

I looked at her breathlessly, "Well, so it looks like I only need to fuck you 30 or 40 more times and we'll have this college thing figured out..."

Chapter

She left that night, and I spent the night alone. I wondered if that should bother me. It didn't. We made an agreement to meet in the morning for breakfast. I wanted to spend the day with her, but she told me she had errands to run with her family. I was okay with that. I loved hanging out with her, but some quiet time was starting to look pretty good right about now. I wondered what that said about me?

In the morning she picked me up and we went to chain restaurant for breakfast. She ordered pancakes, I got an omelet. The food was excellent. The company was better. About mid way through the meal she casually asked me, "So what are your plans for tomorrow, when are you going to see your family? Do you need a ride?"

I looked to her, a forkful of food halfway to my mouth. "What are you talking about?" I asked her.

She looked at me like I was stupid, "Tomorrow's Christmas. When are you going over to your family's house?"

I shook my head like she was stupid, "I'm not."

Now it was her turn to stop mid bite, "What?"

I looked at her, chewing my food. "I told you, my mom's not really interested in being a mother. I don't even think she's in town. My dad is pissed at me. I don't think he's really all that interested in busting out the eggnog and celebrating."

She looked like I had hit her with an axe handle. I raised my eyebrow. "What?"

She finally spoke after a long pause, "So what are you doing about the holiday?"

I shook my head, trying to chew my food, "I'm probably going to watch a couple movies and make myself a nice dinner. Try to get some rest, I have a big tournament coming up and it's going to be important that I do well in it."

She looked stunned. If I had told her I was gay I don't think she'd have been more surprised. She finally started shaking her head, "No you're not."

I raised my eyebrows at her and put another forkful of food in my mouth. "Yes. Yes I am."

Her eyes got really angry then, "No. You're going to come over to my house, and you're going to spend the holiday with us."

Her mood didn't improve when I laughed at her... "No, I'm not."

Her jaw clenched tight. "You are not spending the holiday alone. I won't take no for an answer."

I shook my head at her. "You're going to have to because there is no way in hell that I'm imposing on your family on the holiday. I've already imposed enough as it is."

Her look turned deadly serious... her jaw jutted out, her eyes flashed, there was even a bit of a flare to her nose. "One night of breaking down is not imposing on our family."

It hurt to have her remind me of that night, and it didn't approve my opinion of the topic at hand. "It is. Also, I'd rather be alone than impose on someone's family holiday."

That one really pissed her off. "So you'd rather be alone than spend the holiday with me?"

That broke my heart a little. I cocked my head at her, "That isn't fair. I would love to spend the holiday with you, I just can't put myself in the middle of your family just so I can feel a little better. This is not that big of a deal..."

She took a deep breath. "You are starting to really piss me off."

I could see how upset she was. She just didn't understand...

"You would not be imposing on my family if you came over." Her look told me she didn't want to argue any more.

"I would be. I know it's not that big of a deal to you. To your family, it would be a big deal. I won't impose myself on someone who doesn't want me." She started to interrupt me and I held up a hand. "You're about to tell me they won't care. You'll talk to them about it. But they will care. This is a family holiday. Come and talk to me on the 4^th of July, then I'll spend the hell out of a holiday with your family. Even Thanksgiving I would be negotiable about. Christmas is about family. Yes, you can force the issue, and yes, your family will probably nod and say they're fine with it, because they are nice people. It won't change the fact I'm unwanted though, so I won't be there."

My head started to hurt. I didn't want to have this conversation. Everything I said was true, but that didn't mean it didn't still hurt. I needed to make her understand, being alone I could handle, being rejected... I pushed my plate away, rubbing my hands together and then I got an idea.

"I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that if I'm alone, I'll be lonely. That will hurt me in your mind." I held my hands up, palms first to her. "What do you see?"

She looked at me like I'd gone crazy. "Your hands."

I nodded, "Be more specific. Please."

She shook her head in frustration. "I don't know. Strong hands, fingers, joints..."

I held my hands out to her. "Good enough. Now feel my hands. Describe them."

She gave me a look of annoyance and ran her fingers over my palms. "Rough skin." She got to the point where my fingers met my hands. "Calluses."

"Describe them." I told her.

"Rough, and hard. Like little strips of leather in your palms." She was searching my eyes for some sign of understanding, what I was talking about.

I nodded, "And do you know how I got them?"

She shrugged, "Working out in the weight room for years?"

I again nodded. "Exactly. Do you know why they form?"

She looked at me like I was stupid. "Yes, they are formed due to damage to your hands..." she stopped. She was starting to understand...

I ran my thumbs over them. "You would think they'd be sensitive. They're not. I can still feel them. But they don't hurt. I can work the skin there until it bleeds, and it doesn't hurt. I hurt myself so much that my body created an armor. I put my finger to my temple. It's the same here. Damage happens, scars form. And eventually things callus over. Do you know they itch?"

The sudden turn of conversation threw her. "What itch?" she asked.

"My calluses. If I don't work out, they itch. Like crazy." I raised my eyebrows up at her again. I once gain pointed to my temple. "It's the same here. I don't mind being alone. Not the way everyone else seems to. Not anymore. That part of my mind has callused over. Do I love spending time with you? Absolutely. Do I have to be around someone?" I shook my head, "No."

She sighed at me, "I don't care."

"You're alone for a really long time and it hurts. After a while. It just shuts off." I told her.

A single tear fell down her face, "I know what you're trying to say. I just don't care. All I know is you'd rather be alone than spend the holiday with me."

I smiled at her. "Then you don't understand. I'd rather be alone for a thousand years than to cause you pain. You think I'm causing you pain by choosing not to be with you. In truth, I'm sparing you the pain of causing problems with your family because you try to spare me pain. I won't let that happen."

She shook her head at me. "You're so stupid."

I gave her another weak smile. "I know I am, but I'm still right."

Chapter

She dropped me off at home, still pissed at me. I started to get out. Disappointed in myself for letting her down. For not being able to explain myself well enough. Now she would be angry at me through the entire holiday, and it would be nearly two whole days before I saw her again...

I started to get out of the car, and she stopped me by grabbing my arm. I turned back to her, "I'm sorry." I tried weekly.

She grabbed me and wildly kissed me. "I'm coming over tonight. I'm staying the night."

I started to tell her she wasn't but she put her fingers on my lips. "Okay. I'm coming over tonight, and I'm staying until midnight. Then you and I are going to celebrate our own Christmas. Only then do I go home."

I nodded at her. "Okay."

Chapter

I heard footfalls on my steps and ran to the door, eager to see her. I opened the door and was faced with Marsha Kay, Karly's mother. 'Oh shit...' I had time to think before Karly burst through the door and hugged me.

'Ambush!' my brain screamed at me.

Karly stepped back from me and gave me a serious look. "You do realize that you've lost already right?" She winked, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said in far too merry of a voice, "I'll pack you a bag!"

I started to argue with her and looked at Mrs. Kay. "Ma'am...."

I was going to add, "please don't do this to me..." but she didn't let me.

She smiled. "Like Karly said. You've already lost sweety. Karly told me that you have no family for the holiday. You're coming home with us. You're going to enjoy it, and you're not going to argue about it."

Just then Karly squealed from the bedroom. I ran into the room. 'Oops.' I had hidden her Christmas presents in the closet. She had gone into my closet to get my clothes. I was suddenly very grateful I had wrapped them, especially one in particular... I really didn't want her mom to see that one.

She turned. "All but two of these are for me? Why are there so many presents in here for me?"

I smiled at her. "Because I love you baby girl..."

Her face went soft. "All that shoveling...?"

I smiled at her and gave her a hug. "I'd do every bit of it again."

She grabbed me and kissed me hard. When I came up for air I looked at her, "Sorry Mrs. Kay."

She waived her hand, "I've seen worse." Then she gave me the biggest smile I had ever seen. "Come on, you're coming home with us."