Family Guy Redux

I saw the jawline of Eric stiffen before he spoke.

"Naturally, my first reaction was to quit immediately." He smiled a bit. "Well, actually that was my second reaction. My first reaction was to head butt the old bastard after I pulled him off that slut." Eric paused to peel a shrimp. "After I left his fat ass, sprawled out on the carpet with her, I went to my office and printed out my resignation."

"And?"

"At first I was mad as hell, than began feeling sorry for myself. Then I remembered what our Dad always said about pity."

Together, at the same time, in a low baritone imitation of my Father's voice, we both said in unison. "Boys, put your damn pity in one hand and piss in the other. Let me know which one gets full first."

We both laughed for a bit before Eric continued. "Anyway, I figured why should I let those two deprive me of the fruits of my sweat and labor. The next day, for the first time ever, the most senior partner came to see me. He was "concerned" about the "misunderstanding" between me and my old mentor.

What Bullshit! I was quite a rainmaker, and that prick was just worried about me walking, and taking all those accounts, as well as all the billable hours with me. He promised me all kinds of magic beans, and I made him put them all in writing. From then on, I was not going to let anyone dictate my happiness.

I even kept that cunt around for some regular guilt fucks. She did everything to keep me. I mean why shouldn't I? It was not as if we were both virgins, or never slept with others. Eventually I got tired of just sex and dumped her. She was history. Same with the law firm, the day my contract was up, my firm was set up, space rented and equipment in place, staff...everything. I left when it worked best for me, and on my terms, not theirs."

I took my brother's words to heart. From that day forward, I did what made me happy, while staying true to my Dads advice that the children came first. Amanda became a family helpmate, not so much a wife as far as I was concerned. I was determined to keep a little distance from her. We only had sex about once a month. That became easier a few weeks later when at supper:

"Mark I have some great news!" Amanda announced at dinner. "The salon wants to make me manager full time! I'll have to start out working evenings and weekends. But I am sure you and the boys can make out OK."

This worked out perfectly, as I had had breakfast with the boys and was gone to work before Amanda awoke, and she was still at the salon the time I came home. I fixed us all dinner, fed her leftovers, and was fast asleep an hour after she came home. On her days off, I told Amanda I was in a darts league.

In reality I decided to have a few meeting with a shrink on my own. I found out I was responsible for my own contentment. Amanda's actions were out of my control. We're all surrounded by temptations. It is our own personal weaknesses and responsibility when we give in to those temptations. It helped make me stronger.

Of course I no longer trusted her, which changed the feelings I once had. If whatever she did didn't impact the kids, I really could care what she was up to. Not that she was up to anything. My hatred about her actions lost it's original intensity as time went on, sort of slid into the background. I was in this for my kids and me, period. End of story. Amanda became more like a roommate with benefits, and not many of those. She was so involved with her job, I do not think she even noticed me withdrawing.

Meanwhile, the boys and I were having a great time. I took out a huge home equity loan on the house, and put in a swimming pool, outside deck, plus turned our basement into a true "man cave." I got rid of my boring car and bought a massive SUV that got shitty gas mileage. My boys and Kathy's kids all traveled in comfort as I purchased prime seat season tickets to every sporting event. I became the kid's team chauffeur, as the damn SUV could squeeze in the whole team, plus equipment. Win or lose, each game resulted in a trip to the local pizza parlor, or ice cream place on my dime.

Kathy often accompanied us on our excursions. People often mistook us for one big family

Amanda generally begged off, because a couple of years later she bought the beauty salon business, and her work hours went up even more, so she was "too tired", or wanting to "relax" on her day off.

In fairness she took the boys to plays, ballet and classical music concerts, fairy stuff that held no attraction for real men, but I figured sports, hunting and fishing were more interesting and would keep 'em straight. I took them camping in the woods where they could see unspoiled nature and we had a great time, Amanda took 'em to weekends in New York and Washington, so they could see how crowded and dirty the cities were. The kids got lots of attention, and I knew they'd spend most of their time with me after the shit hit the fan!

When my oldest boy and Kathy's firstborn son went off to the same college I set up a partial scholarship to enable her boy to attend. I didn't tell Kathy so she wouldn't feel she had to pay me back.

Three years later the same scene was repeated with the last of our offspring. This brings us to the present day and my current dilemma, stay or go? Move on, or the status quo?

++++

Amanda was on our deck, enjoying the last of the summer evening, overlooking the pool with a glass of wine. I saw the price on the bottle, damn $25 for a short quart! I popped a can of beer and joined her.

Amanda had her eyes closed as I took a seat in a lounge chair across from her. She yawned and stirred languidly:

"Mark, doesn't the house seem so empty now with the boys gone." Amanda sipped some more of her wine. "I've been thinking, we're both ready for a change in life."

I had finally made up my mind, and thought to myself "Oh wait Honey, you are gonna get a change, all right! Gonna destroy your cheating ass! Your happy days are over!"

"Hold that thought, I'll be back in a minute."

I came back from my truck and dropped the divorce papers on the glass topped table between us.

"Amanda, I do not feel we should be together any longer. I would like a divorce."

Amanda sat straight up, nearly spilling her wine, her eyes wide open, and grabbed the papers, scanning through them quickly and muttered:.

"No shit!"

"Amanda, these are signed copies of the petition for divorce. As soon as you get a lawyer to go over them with you, I need you to sign them too and we'll file 'em. As you can see I have been quite fair, the savings are..."

"Quiet, give me a minute, hon, I'm trying to read this. Yeah! Yeah, Good. Good! Yah, it looks OK. You've been more than fair."

I tried to be calm, knowing the tears and sobbing would start as soon as it hit home.

"We both make about the same salary, with roughly the same amount in our retirement accounts." That much was true as I had deferred a big pay raise by asking it to be a bonus. Neither of us had much in our 401Ks after raiding them to pay for my sons' college."

"Ok Mark, I said it looks fair to me too. I'm good with it."

I was shocked and delighted when she rummaged in her purse and pulled out a pen.

"OK I sign and date here, that's you're copy, and here, this is my copy. There! Done! Like civilized people, and no lawyers. I can't tell you how relieved I am. Frankly I'm fond of you, and I was really afraid you'd take divorce badly, you don't roll with the punches very much, so I'm delighted you came to the same conclusion on your own. I was afraid I'd hand you the papers and you'd start carrying on and on, spouting those bromides your father used to tell you. He was full of corn ball philosophy, and he was right on about half the time, but the other half...total fucking bullshit. So how does it feel to be free of me? Got somebody lined up?"

My vision blurred for a moment, I was starting to black out. She was happy! She wanted a divorce? She should be howling and begging...what the hell!

"You OK Mark? You look like you're about to pass out. So who do you have lined up? You've been working up to this for a hell of a long time by my reckoning."

"Sadly I am still married to you until the Judge says it's final. Only then will I look for companionship with another woman. I'm not a slut with no morals."

That would hit home, right to her heart, emphasizing who was a slut! Then I placed the pictures on the table one by one on the table, photos of her and Josh in the most disgusting pornographic of positions.

"Where the bloody hell did these surface from? Oh Mark! I am so sorry you saw those, it must have been really hurtful to you. Josh showed them to me years ago. He promised to destroy them, 'cause I sure in hell didn't want them. Fucking Josh! Well what can I say, they are what they are. It was fun at the time.

"You know, some marriages can sometimes survive bad sex or no sex if there is affection and companionship. In my case I needed sex, and wasn't getting it. On that companionship thing, you were good at it in the early years, but you've withdrawn from me for...what? Years and years! Your not really here any more.

Knowing this was coming, I've been going with a guy for the last eight months who's a wonderful companion, and he can also fuck me hard standing up against a wall, and just as I come down from a howling orgasm, get me laughing so hard I piss all over the two of us and then he fucks me to another high."

"Amanda that's filthy and disgusting! I'm divorcing you..."

Mark, I've got some pent up anger towards you too, and that...that slipped out. I said that just to push your button and gross you out. I shouldn't have done it, it served no useful purpose. I'm sorry I said that."

"It was awful is what it was, and I'm divorcing you because you are a gross, disgusting, cheating no good fucking whore! I have never cheated on you in my life. Never! My dad use to say that a man wouldn't..."

"Your father was a good man, a very good man, but he was also a closet case. In those days, you either became a priest or became a confirmed bachelor, what ever the hell confirmed means in that situation. Your mother got knocked up by somebody right after high school and he married her to save face for both of them. There's a reason why she didn't get pregnant again. You never saw them kissing, or putting their hands on each other, did you? Remember the family vacations? The two rooms? You boys and your dad were in one room, and your mom had her own room because she was 'a girl'? Sound normal to you?

"They took turns taking care of you boys. Whoever was sleeping in the single room was free to satisfy their sexual needs. She picked up men, and they fucked the shit out of her while your father was reading you kids stories in the 'man cave.' The next night, he'd go out 'to relax" and she'd take her turn with you guys. It's the truth! Your mom and I talked about it. What can I say, they both liked dudes."

"You lying piece of shit! He wasn't like that! He was a man's man! No, no, not that kind of...he was a real man!" I was really pissed at her.

His face was flush, scrunched up in a rage.

"Mark! Being a man, being honorable, loving your kids, taking care of family has nothing to do with sexual orientation. He was a kind and considerate man, an excellent father, very much like you. I'll not say a word against him."

"You just did! You called him queer! My father wasn't like that! It's an insult to him to even think that! Me, Eric, Mom we loved him!"

"You should add me to that list. I loved him too. As far as your mom knew, he didn't openly have sex with men until you boys were living away from home. Look, it was the arrangement your parents made with each other, and it was no one else's business. It was a sacrifice for both of them, they did it for themselves and for you boys. They did love one another, they just didn't have sex together. Much like us for most of our marriage."

"Jesus H! You are calling me a queer? Oh fuck, I feel like shit!"

My heart was pounding, and my guts were turning to water. I just sat there in a daze what the fuck was going on.

"Mark, look I'm not complaining. We both went along with things as they developed with us, and maybe we made a mistake not talking about it. You're not gay, but after the first year or so, like a lot of people, your libido went south. Sex became totally vanilla, once a week, or less. When it dropped to once a month or less I was desperate. I tried everything I could think of to fire you up, but to you I was this sainted mother-Madonna, someone to occasionally make, delicate, sacred love to, not someone to fuck the shit out of sometimes. But I loved you. You were a good companion, good father, so I stood by you all these years."

"Right! You stood by me because you needed me. Your youngest child isn't even mine! That bastard Josh is, but it's only a guess, I wasn't involved, was I. You were screwing him for a long time, weren't you!"

"Mark's not yours? You're kidding! You sure about that?"

"DNA doesn't lie, unlike you, you slut!"

"Well, I didn't know that. Really! Well I guess he could be. Josh was the first bit I had on the side. He wasn't good for much else, and I certainly wasn't going to run away with him. And not just besides he liked the bottle a lot more than he liked me. We fucked about once a week for...a long time, but like most of them, he was just a stiff and willing cock whenever I needed one."

"Oh Jesus, 'most of them?' Amanda, how could you do this to me? How many?"

"Look Mark, I know you're not going to understand because you're not like me. I was miserable, trapped with love and kids and no sex. I only had two choices, divorce you then and there, which would rip up both you and the family, or do what I had to do to make staying married bearable, which was get some fucking on the side while keeping my role in the marriage. Meanwhile I hoped our sex life would improve so I could close what for me was an open marriage. Much like your folks, I did it because I loved you and the kids. I'm sorry, but it was what I had to do to preserve our family.

As to how many? I have no idea, I wanted a good fucking a couple of times a week, but I absolutely needed it once a month or so. I never found another Josh, and I was afraid of becoming attached to them, so I'd fuck 'em a few times and move on. I never did it with anyone from around here, and other than Ron, none of them knew my real name. I even had a fake driver's license and stuff if they looked through my purse."

"Like Vietnam, you destroyed the village to save it. This gets worse and worse, who's Ron?"

"We both knew when the kids left home, our reasons for staying together were done. I met Ron Willard almost a year ago, and...I know this is sudden, but I'm moving in with him in two weeks...the end of the month. I'll try to do it sooner if you like. I'm serious about him...Look, Mark, I hate to dump this all on you at once, I know it's hard, but look, you really deserve better than me! We're just not compatible in bed, the fire went out years ago, and even the companionship died. You're fine! You're a really good man! Somebody like Kathy would be great for you. She rarely...ahh rarely misses her husband, I think you two would be fine together."

"Kathy knew all this? She has the hots for me?"

"I don't know, she and I aren't that close. I know she likes you, but like you, she would never make a move while we were together. I just was using her as an example of someone who's fairly compatible with you, at least as far as I know."

I'm not ashamed to say I started crying. It's OK for a man to cry, that is what dad...shit, this was not what I expected, at all. None if it! She's the one who should be crying and sobbing, not me, for god's sake!

"Oh god it's all, all screwed up, isn't it. You can't mean dad was gay! No way. You're way way wrong about that! I looked up to him all my life! I would have known!"

"Mike. He was like you, a real man. You are both old school men! He took care of your mom, and you and Eric. Think of what he suffered, decades without a sex partner, for you! For you and Eric! I went through your mother's papers, you know? I saved them because I thought they were important. Later on, when your mom went on cruses by herself, and your dad went fishing with his buddies up in Central Pennsylvania and Maine? They'd write letters to each other, they talked openly about their lovers, it wasn't cheating. And they really did love each other and could be open about their experiences. It was really beautiful, what they had."

"Amanda, I have to go lie down. I feel awful...sick. Sick!"

++++++

I lay there on the bed, my mind in a jumble. Like in twenty minutes my whole life crumbled. Amanda didn't even apologize for...for anything that she did. How could I not know? About any of it. Was I really living in a bubble? All I really know is one of the boys is mine. My father isn't dad! Well that's not fair to them. The four boys, Kathy's and mine, I brought them up and I'm their father, just like dad's my father. All this time I thought I was punishing Amanda, getting revenge for what she did to me, to us. But it's like we were in alternate universes. Love, hate, despair, pity, pain shame, rage, and wretchedness whirled in my head, over and over again until sleep covered it all.

When I came down stairs then next morning, it was like the storm in my head was gone, but left me facing a world of cold drizzling rain. I called Eric, hoping it was all lies about mom and dad...the bastard! He had known for decades, and then tried to tell me it was no big deal! Just let him think about the things dad must have been doing!

The boys took it pretty well. I guess with all their friends having stepdads, stepmoms, two moms, or two dads and "blended families" it was not a big deal to them. We didn't talk about the reasons for the divorce, but Mike Jr. said they knew neither of us was happy for a long long time.

Amanda was quiet, but I knew her well enough to see that unlike me, she was at peace inside, eager for the future.

I did what every middle aged man does when he stumbles from his marriage, I sold the house and rented a crummy apartment short term while I figured out what to do with my life. The house went under contract quicker than I thought, so I was trying to sell off the stuff neither of us wanted. We got a little cash out of the deal.

Naturally, I also joined a gym to try to get back in shape, or at least give me something to do in the evenings. I hate even the thought of going to the gym, but exercise helps depression and my belly was sagging down and my cholesterol was edging up. I was standing at the reception area dreading the free first session with my personal trainer when I heard.

"Mark! Oh My God, it's so Good to see you!"

I turned around to spot my old neighbor Kathy. She looked great. Kathy was dressed in skin tight leotards with the gyms name displayed across her chest and back. Kathy gave me a hug. Damn she was firm everywhere, and I felt myself getting firmer too.

"Kathy you look...outstanding." I said as she released me from our embrace. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here Mark. Well part time anyway at least." Kathy looked down at a clipboard she was carrying. "Also lucky you, it looks like I am your personal trainer this evening. So what are you goals, flexibility, cardio, weight training? Where do you want to start?"

"Ah...how about the vending machine?" I offered. "I'll buy you the candy bar of your choice."

Kathy gave a laugh and dragged me into a slew of devices that could have been at home in a medieval dungeon to extract confessions. I saw none of the machines I recalled from my high school gym days.

I tried not to show any weakness, but after 90 minutes, I had vomited once and had to stop twice to catch my breath. Like any pseudo macho male, I lied and explained away my rushes to the bathroom on too much coffee at the office. The place must have had metric weights, because I know pounds were never that heavy.