I threw my head back down on the bed and began to laugh. "Oh my God....what a night."
"It's just starting" Baby said with a smile.
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Dialogue doesn't sound natural
I love the fantasy but it feels very rushed. Also, women don't use words like suckle, areola and clitoris outside of academic anatomy discussions. Finally, fix the typos.
That said, I think it's hot that you write fantasies for your Girlfriend. That takes a level of intimacy that would make many couples jealous. Keep writing.more...
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