Fantasy Should Stay That Way

Thoughts started to fill my mind, none of them were good ones either as my previous arousal and sexual tension were dissipated and replaced by insecurity, regret and fear. I feared for my relationship with my wife. Yes we had fantasised but don't most people? How had I let it get so out of control? How had she allowed it to progress the way it did?

I realised there were tears sliding down my face as I started to formulate my thoughts and ask myself the difficult questions that in the cold light of day seemed reasonable yet the answers were most definitely not. I didn't like what I was starting to think. I thought back to last night and how things had progressed, how Alan seemed to have homed in on us as a couple, He seemed to know what buttons to press, were we both that obvious?

I looked at the clock, time was still passing with no call from Cindy. I needed to talk to her about how we got to this point and decide what we were going to do about it. I had concluded that I wanted things back as they were. My worry though was would she?

I picked up my mobile and saw no missed calls, I called up Cindy's number and called her. I listened as the tone filled my ear, after several rings it went into her voicemail.

"Cindy, call me, we need to talk, make it soon." I followed that with a text message. It was possible she couldn't hear her phone ring of course but I thought there was a reason for that. I wiped the tears from my eyes and forced myself to think the unthinkable, what would I do if she didn't want to come back or go back to the way we were before?

Standing in the lounge I was at a loss at to what I should do, I wanted to go over to the pub and see if they were still there, I suspected they were already at Alan's place hence the voicemail.

I wandered around the house for the next half hour, I was fidgeting and could not settle. My thoughts were filled with images of Alan fucking my wife in his bed. He could take his time before sending her home when he had finished with her, the longer it went on the more I was thinking I had lost her for some reason. It was just the playing out of a fantasy after all, or was there more to it? The odd thing was that the images and thoughts did not have the same effect on me as they did when it happened, all they did was reinforce my insecurity and heighten my concern for my relationship with my wife.

Walking slowly up the stairs I looked into our bedroom, the bed was neatly made and the room was aired and tidy. There was no hint of what had taken place the night before. The laundry basket was empty sheets and clothes had been put in the wash this morning so no trace was left to taunt me or remind us of what we had gotten into. As I opened my wardrobe door and I thumbed through my clothes I somehow seemed to have made a sub conscious decision to start to pack. I didn't realise I was doing it until I pulled clothing from my drawers and tossed it into my holdall. As I seemed to be packing for some reason I seemed to speed up and soon I was filling my holdall with no thought of what I was doing or where I was going.

Glancing at the clock it had been over two hours since I left the pub, my heart sank a little further as I felt my wife had moved a little further away. I carried my bag down the stairs and tossed it on the sofa as I gathered my laptop and chargers together. As I looked round the lounge sadly I saw the photos of us in happy times, our wedding day and a collage of holiday photos all triggered good memories. I wasn't feeling any good vibes at this moment though. I breathed a deep sigh as I looked round, then as I listened to the silent house I knew I had come to a decision. I took our wedding photo and placed the frame on the coffee table, it was a large picture so it would be seen straight away, I slipped my wedding ring from my finger and placed it in front of the picture. It was dramatic I suppose but it was how I felt and I felt it was over. I had not only lost her but I had played my part in giving her away too maybe.