Farewell, My Lyn, Farewell

3 years later

We are side by side on the beach at Porquerolles. White sand trickles between my toes as Lyn lies with her head on my stomach, stretched out at right angles to me. She is wearing a swimming costume, as am I. Nearby a young woman is playing with two children, one about two and a half year's old, the other barely a year. The young woman is James's wife Case: they've been married for a year now. The children are both Lyn's, one fathered by Ben, her first love, and the other by Matthew, Kirsty's husband, out of a decision Lyn made and carried through with her usual thoroughness. Ben is now living with Sam, her sister, in Macclesfield.

Lyn has been living alone with her children but sees Kate and Sarah and their partners often. She works part-time teaching French to children in primary schools in Dover. Kate has divorced Mark and has just had a child by Rob Timpson whom she married this spring after their child was born. They are both living in Norwich running an asset management planning service aimed at local farmers. Rob understands Kate's nature and welcomes Lyn to their home and they all renew those experiences that began up in the hills that summer, when they first met. I'm just so happy now to be with her again after a period of uncertainty in my own life. I tease Lyn:

'Don't you tell stories any more?'

'It's been a long time,' she answers wistfully. 'I don't think anyone's been listening.' She shook her long auburn hair and smiled at me, raising herself on an elbow.

'Would you like a story?' she asked.

'Yes, let me meander again through your past, Lyn.'

'Give me a while to organize my tale, assemble the cast and wake them from their slumbers.'

She seemed to doze and I thought she had indeed gone off to sleep. Then she stirred and sat up properly, leaning into me and placing a hand gently on my thigh. 'Are you ready to listen? You see, there are sad times and happy times, as in all lives. But life is ultimately good to me, you know. Happiness, your own personal made-in-heaven-just-for-you happiness, is out there somewhere, you just have to believe it is and hope you will stumble on it in the end. You can't go looking as you don't know where to go. But don't close your mind to the new: the possibilities are always endless,' she finished, looking into my eyes as she raised her face to mine. I bent mine to hers and kissed her fondly.

'Ready?' she asked.

'Yes,' I said. 'Tell it as if I was a total stranger who didn't know or share our past.'

And so for, well, almost the very last time, my Lyn began to weave once more that tapestry of tales she began so long ago. And as the patterns became clearer I finally understood the meanings of her love, as you will see...

I had known in my heart for a long time that Case and James were destined for each other, just as I learnt to accept that Ben would slowly come to recognize his feelings for Sam, my slightly younger sister. But you know who she is, of course. Sometimes I think of the story as if I was telling it on the radio or something to other strangers who don't understand...

I found that the hurt lessened and evaporated. I still love Ben, but differently and I am happy for them both. Not long ago I visited them so he could see his child. They've got a nice place in Macclesfield. Sam made it clear she wanted Ben to sleep with me whilst I was there and that was nice of her. I spent just one night with him. I didn't need sex as much any more. Perhaps it was since I had my first child or perhaps it was a more deeply rooted sadness that Sam, Ben, Case and James had found their dreams and had seized hold of them. I was still attached to them all but my dream was like a kite whose cord had broken. The kite had escaped me but it was still flying out of my reach.

I went to stay with Kirsty and Matthew and kept my word to Matthew.

'My word' is perhaps not quite right as I don't think he actually knew of the promise or pact I had made with myself. Kirsty told me she could never thank me enough but I did it for myself really. I wanted to show I could make a decision and carry it out, accepting all the consequences. Matthew's child, Sasha, was born just nine months later and he and Kirsty both attended the birth.

Summer holidays continued much the same and at those times I would sample again the delights of previous partners and friends as we shared our love. Rob Timpson was around a lot and we met the Jenkinsons from Chester. I liked Sally very much and she has been to stay with me in Dover. Her family encouraged her to come down and she and I had a wonderful time together.

Then not long after Sasha, my second, was born, Gail fell ill. It seemed to take a long time for anyone to diagnose what was wrong and anyway Dave and Gail didn't tell us for a long time that there was anything the matter. Gail became worse as doctors battled to control something wrong with her blood. She was on steroids, then chemotherapy. I went to see them as soon as Dave told me there was something seriously wrong. He was panicking now. When I arrived in my little Fiat car packed with baby stuff I was completely shocked by what I saw. Gail looked so weak. I knew she was dying.

I took her in my arms and held her. That night I lay in bed with her, warming her.

I had to get back to Dover for Tuesday morning and, tragically, I never saw her again. She died at home with Dave. We all met together for the funeral, everyone, but it was a sad time. Dave seemed a cavernous hollow of himself - inert, silent and brooding on the past. We felt guilty somehow, almost believing that our rejection of normal conventional relationships might be the cause of retribution being visited upon us. That was rubbish, I decided, and threw such thoughts from my mind. I wondered however if Dave struggled more.

Preoccupied by both Sasha and by young Nicholas, I kept myself to myself, hearing now and then from my sister that all was not well. Dave had taken on extra responsibilities at work, ploughing himself into his work, and was likely to undertake some fairly lengthy foreign trips on behalf of his firm. He hadn't taken to drink or anything like that: he'd just lost the will to communicate with the rest of the family. He couldn't be bothered any more. He and Gail had loved each other very much and she was always a foil to his desires and she supported his fantasies willingly as he had accepted and understood her desires sometimes for female company.

It must have been just before the half-term break in June. I had just gone back to work and Sasha and Nick were at their respective child care or nursery placement. I was glad to get back to work both from a financial point of view and because coping on my own was turning me into an emotional zombie deprived of adult company. This had been the worst of times for me; I didn't remotely regret having had Matthew's child and he had been very supportive. Matthew and Kirsty gave me monthly financial support for Sasha as does Ben for Nick.

I planned to spend some time with Matthew and Kirsty later during the long summer break if all went to plan and provided we were all well: they had made it clear that they wanted this and Kirsty told me on the phone that she hoped I would enjoy 'being' with her and Matthew again. I knew what she was suggesting and that too boosted my esteem. I tried to take a bit more care of myself and worked on my figure to make sure I wasn't going to seed. Most of all I realized I needed a partner, someone constant in my life to run alongside my appetite for diversity.

Anyway I was looking forward to the week's holiday when one evening, just after I had got both the kids off to sleep, my mobile phone rang. It was Rob Timpson. Apparently he and Kate had mentioned me coming down this half-term to stay with them in Norwich when we spoke on the phone at Christmas but I certainly had no recollection of it. He asked again if I would go.

'Bring the kids, of course,' he said. 'Then there'll be three of them!' he laughed.

A multitude of thoughts ran through my head, mostly the practical ones of getting myself and the children packed in the car along with all the other infant clutter. But I needed adult company and adult company with whom I would be comfortable and open. Rob and Kate would be the tonic I craved.

'Yes, Rob. I'll come. I'll see you Saturday, early afternoon, ok?' I suddenly felt better. Since Gail's death and Dave's absences and silences my own loneliness had grown more real and seemed more of a threat to my happiness. I wanted more from life.

After a mad 48 hours I was just about organized by Friday evening and everything was in the hallway of my flat. The children were asleep but I didn't expect that to last for long as Sasha was excited at the idea of going away - Nick was still too young to understand.

I slept like a log as I was exhausted, so if Nick cried for me I didn't hear. But I expect with mother's instinct he would have woken me. Who cares? When I did awake it was a sunny June morning and we were off!

The journey from Dover to Norwich is quite tricky and I am easily confused at motorway junctions and can shoot off at the wrong exit tempted/confused by words like East or North! It was pretty busy too but I kept calm, kept thinking about how nice this break was going to be and also my thoughts drifted back to that day several years ago when Dave, Kate, Rob and I did some filming in that sheltered hollow in the hills in France.

We set off at about 8 o'clock in the morning and I hoped to avoid some of the heavier Saturday morning traffic. I made good progress along the A20 and the M20. in fact the motorway was pretty busy but I was content to maintain a steady 50 mph in the inside lane. Under the Dartford tunnel we went although I panicked momentarily wondering whether I would find the one pound coin for the toll. I did. It was after this that I really started to find the route finding tough: A282, M25, A1023, A12, A14, A140, A47. Mind-boggling! So many road number changes. I pulled over a couple of times to look at my Reader's Digest Book of the Road. It was a few years out-of-date but it served me pretty well and signs for Norwich were soon giving me confidence that I would make it for lunchtime.

All in all it was just over four hours, including a couple of stops, since I left Dover that I arrived at Rob and Kate's. Rob was at work but hoped to be home mid-afternoon: he had a couple of farmers to meet out towards Ipswich. The children were getting fractious so we got them into the house and gave them some attention. Soon they were playing happily and Kate and I sat down on their sofa to watch over them. Kate hadn't really changed much: her red hair was perhaps shorter than ever and she retained that boyish look that is so seductive to me. Her figure had filled out very slightly: her breasts were bigger and she soon told me how she had battled to remain as waif-like as Rob liked her to be. Kate had always liked to be dominated sexually and Rob had learnt to please her in this way whereas her first husband had had a cruel streak. Any cruelty from Rob was faked to arouse her and meet her needs and desires. She had grown more mature too, maybe since we broadened her sexual mind and experience that summer in France.

We chatted and soon I realized we were leaning in towards each other. I put my hand on her left leg and turned my face in to hers. We kissed briefly on the lips, tongues hesitantly touching. Kate got up to see to her baby [Angie] who was crying in her pram. She slumped back into the sofa, tumbling against me, pushing a hand up into my crutch to support herself. Then she left it there and I put my hand back on her leg, higher up this time, on the inside of her calf.

'I've been dreaming of this all morning,' she said. 'I was looking out of the upstairs window for you when you arrived. I'm very excited, Lyn: Rob knows what I want.' She stopped a moment and I moved my hand to her crutch. Now we were both groping each other's denim clad cunts, massaging firmly: we kissed again, lingeringly. Kate moved away and then bit me hard on the neck. I reached up and nibbled her earlobe -not very gently- she winced. We relaxed and grinned at each other.

After a couple of minutes Kate said: 'We'll take the kids' stuff upstairs soon: they've each got their own room.' She paused again and then blurted out: 'I hope this is all right but we haven't given you a room, we want you to sleep with Rob and me.' She added: 'Not just sleep.' And stopped and waited.

'The reason I wanted to come was that being alone with Nick and Sasha can drive me almost insane due to a lack of an adult to talk to. I'm not blaming anyone but I'm the only one of us all who hasn't, you know, seized the dream. I need to be back in the grown-up world. That's why I was desperate to come. And I mean back in the grown-up world in every way, Kate.'

'You can't always seize the right dream first time, you know, Lyn,' Kate said, softly.

'I know. I let Ben go. I thought he was the love of my life. I still love him but I found and lost the love of my life. I think of me like a kite who's escaped from its ties.' I reflected and shrugged any sadness off me. 'You left Mark but you and Rob are good aren't you?'

Kate looked into my eyes and smiled. 'Yes, we understand love and share. Did you know you and Dave taught us that? Love and share. You brought us together and I knew, I knew that night. I decided. But I want you again, Lyn. I'd like Dave again one day and I ..'

A car horn sounded and Kate jumped up. 'That's Rob,' she said. We went out through the back door to the yard and garage.

'What were you about to say, Kate?' I asked as we went.

She said very quietly: 'I want to watch you and Rob tonight. I need to.' She finished and kissed Rob briefly as he got out of his car. We embraced and he held me really tight. I didn't hesitate to grind myself into him as he pushed himself against me. It felt nice.

'Where are all the kids?' he asked.

'In the lounge. We'd better get back inside.'

ooo000ooo

In the lounge Rob gave all three children some affectionate attention whilst we chatted about my journey and the children and all that sort of stuff. It was like a rehearsal for something heavier: getting the trivia out of the way. Rob and Kate seemed very relaxed together and she put a hand back up near, but not quite at, my crutch as we chatted, still sitting on the sofa. Rob clearly saw but showed no reaction until he said:

'Why don't you two take all Lyn's stuff upstairs? I'll be fine with this lot.' He was now sprawled on the floor with Sasha playing with a doll. Rob picked her up in his arms and came over to me as I was about to leave the room with Kate. He put his free hand gently on my bottom and I turned back to him.

'There's no need to rush back; I'm fine. Take your time, both of you.' He gave me a little push on my behind and I followed Kate upstairs.

I ran up the stairs after Kate and went into the bedroom I thought she had disappeared into. As I entered I said: 'Did you hear what Rob said, Kate?'

I turned and saw her to my left. She was standing, waiting for me. She was naked to the waist and I could see she had pulled her top off and thrown it on the floor.

'Yes, I heard, Lyn,' she answered with a tender, almost shy smile.

I walked over to her and stood before her. 'May I?' I asked.

'Mmmm,' she replied as I placed my hands on those perked up pink breasts and little pink areoles. The enlarged nipples enticed me to bend and lick a moment. Kate pulled me up and kissed me pulling me fully against her.

'Wait,' I said, tugging on my t-shirt.

'Let me, please, Lyn,' she said and I stopped. Yes, I wanted this. I wanted Kate to strip me, slowly. I stood still and whispered: 'Touch me, touch me everywhere, Kate.'

She pulled my t-shirt over my head but left it covering my head while she cupped my breasts again. It had been a long time. She pinched my nipples and, partly blinded by the thin cotton material I could sense enough to reach up and roll her nipples too.

Kate pulled the t-shirt from my head and brushed her fingers down over my breast, down my stomach to the waistband of my jeans. She moved in close and I felt her breath on my tits. She blew out softly, arousing me. Kate undid the waist button and slowly pulled down the zip, revealing the briefest black knickers I had put on that morning for her, or Rob, to take off, in my daydreams.

She worked my jeans down to the floor and I stepped out of them and then she pushed her hand down inside my knickers.

'Oh, Kate, that's so good,' I said. She thrust fingers into my cunt and pushed me back against the side of the bed so I fell back onto the bed. Pushing between my legs she grasped my knickers and pulled them down and off me. I raised my knees and parted myself to reveal my sex to her. She stood there looking at me; she unfastened her own jeans and pushed them to the floor. She wasn't wearing any underwear.

'Come here,' I ordered her.

Kate knelt down and plunged her face into my cunt, tonguing me hungrily, probing me, electrifying my clitoris and nibbling on my cunt lips. I began to thrust up and down, telling her to push. I felt her hand working round my entrance and realized she had three maybe four fingers stretching inside me. Pain and exquisite pleasure mingled intensely as my orgasm began to drive me into a delirium of sexual fulfillment.

Greedily I pulled her on to the bed and soon returned the compliment. Kate climaxed almost as soon as I fingered her, whimpering with delight. We moved so we could kiss and taste our own sex juices and play with each other. Kate told me she hadn't been with a woman for nearly two years.

'That was wonderful, Lyn. Really wonderful. Rob knew I wanted a woman and he wanted it to happen too, you know. We both love you because you're part of our story. But for you I don't think I'd have found enough within me to leave Mark and then you and Dave led me to Rob.' She grinned impishly. 'Let's dress up all sexy for him, shall we?'

I put on a very brief pale blue skirt that Sarah gave me years ago together with a skimpy little white sleeveless top. I didn't bother with any underwear: it was a warm afternoon and my appetite for more pleasure was alive and ready. I wanted to thrill Rob and, to put it at its most basic, after a great time with Kate I still needed to be well and truly.,. well, I'm sure you understand what I wanted.

Kate put on what were clearly men's pyjamas. 'I love them,' she told me, 'you can take them off easily in bed, you can just wear the bottoms or just the tops - I think they're great so I buy a small size just for me. I often wear them round the house in the evening, especially in the summer - though we probably sleep naked most nights at this time of year.'

'You look nice in them,' I said.

'I'm hoping we'll all sleep naked together tonight, Lyn.'

I think my look and my nod were enough to show my consent and desire. She blew me a kiss across the room and added:

'You look pretty 'gropable' yourself. That skirt really is unbelievably short!'

When we got downstairs Rob had his head in his hands. He looked up and we both expected some sort of reaction either to what we had been doing or to how we looked. However he said: 'I've got something terrible to tell you.'

Kate looked appalled.

'Well it's not terrible like that, Kate. It's just that Ellie, my sister, rang me on my mobile yesterday and asked if she could come for three or four days. I'm supposed to pick her up today from the railway station.'

'Oh, Rob you are terrible, you're right. You'd better ring her and find out where she is. Lyn, we'll have to get a bed across to the 'flat' as we call it. It's an old outbuilding which we've been converting as a possible holiday let. It's not fully decorated but it's got its own bathroom and electricity. There just isn't any furniture!' She laughed. 'You certainly make life interesting, Rob.'