Fateful Evening

It was an evening like no other. The events which changed my life forever. While now I may start at the end of my journey, I feel that it is important to do this tale justice, in remembrance of my Master.

He was my life. He captured my heart and soul and understood me so well, unlike any other individual past or present. He loved me, I enchanted Him, He was all that was good and just in this world. He led me with an iron will, and embraced me as if I were His long lost lover.

I first met Him, on an online chatroom, usual conversation and exchange of pleasantries. Even from the first moment when we spoke I knew that He was the one who I would spend my life with. Almost a year we chatted, role-played, shared pictures, spoke on the phone, learnt about each other in ways that may not have seemed as realistic as we weren't together as flesh and blood.

The moment came almost a year later when in my private mailbox, my secret one, that delivers my personal mail, I found a small envelope. It wasn't postmarked or addressed in any way, just a simple white envelope. I still have the envelope and its short note hidden within my favourite collection of poems. I am a Walt Whitman fanatic from long back. I opened the envelope thinking it was some mistake, or perhaps a form of advertising or junk mail as some countries call it. There within lay a small white card, "Sweet one, for it is time for Me to call upon you where we are to be made as One." Seeing that in His sweeping handwriting, knowing that He was calling me, summoning me, breaking the barrier between online and real life. I immediately went home to my computer, after a while He knew my routine, at what hour I went to check my mail, get home from university, worked and use the computer (well I was still an undergrad at the time, happily to say I have finished my degrees now.) He was indeed online, as I knew He always would be. It was as if He could sense my tears, feel my heart exploding between us. He knew what I was feeling, how I was feeling, it was something that always amazed me.

That night I was to go to Him. He gave me His address and instructed me to be at His door at 8pm in the attire that He so often told me to present myself to Him in. He was always a gentleman. Taking care of my needs, and yet being the one in control, the one to be respected and loved. I was never trashy, or ugly in His eyes, although I felt it constantly. He always chided me on my low self-esteem and lack of pride. From His perspective I was His, that I was worthy to be His love, His creature, His submissive.

I remember Him to never have scolded me in anger. He always ensured he was calm and focused. He made me kneel before him, with my head lowered. He always told me of my wrongdoings and showed his disappointment by merely the change of His tone. It wasn't often that I forgot things, but sometimes in the rush of one's life, you tend to slip up occasionally. He punished me, not severely but enough to show His displeasure. The notion of even doing one single thing wrong, for Him to even consider me a failure in His eyes, was the harsher in my mind, than that of the physical punishment.

I believe in my most humblest opinion that I served Him well. I loved Him, and He of me. I can never forget the pride He had in his eyes, the smile that played across His lips, when I walked into a room, in an elegant gown, of His choosing and specifications I still remember His face smiling at the nods and glances and the attention I was getting. Knowing that I was His and His alone.

Within half a year of being by His side on no interesting night in particular, He sat from His chair and motioned to me to view a white rectangular box. Upon opening it He instructed me to dress in this beautiful dark blue dress, the material felt so sheer, so silky that it seemed to glide upon me and caress my skin. I wore thigh high stockings and black heels encrusted in little diamantes. The dress seemed to hold my breasts into place nicely, He said I need not wear lingerie. He told me that He had a special gift for me, and that it was up to me if I were to receive it. I looked at Him, and dropped to my knees instantly, formal attire and all. I remember Him chuckling, and patting my head affectionately. He presented to me another box, much smaller, rectangular, but it was black. "Shut your eyes dear one." I remember Him whispering to me. I heard the box snap open, and felt something cool against my neck. "Open your eyes, my love."

His hands were still around my neck. He then leaned back on the chair. "You look so beautiful like this." It was a sterling silver chain, in a single loop, the chain in a twisting pattern. In the middle it was held together by a simple sterling silver padlock, with a small diamond enhancing it. On the lock were my Master's initials. "Child...it is time for you to make a decision. If you are to clasp this chain around your neck, you are to be Mine and only Mine for as long as this chain is in your possession." I remember stumbling and blushing many different shades of red, dumbstruck, my eyes shining my love and trust for Him. "Sir, I...Yes Sir, I will devote myself to You and only You Sir, my mind, heart, body and soul is bound to You and is Yours to do with what You will from now, and forever. I love You Sir." He smiled as I clicked the chain into place. "Come, child, kiss your Master, and let Him hold you in His arms, now and always."

From that moment on I was His and His until His last day. He was my father, mentor, teacher, lover and friend. He was all I knew of that world. He opened my eyes and taught me so much about the lifestyle. Most of all He taught me how to rediscover myself, that I too am an individual with needs, ambitions and aspirations. For it was He who gave me the confidence to continue my university education, who, even in His passing made me continue and graduate to what I have become today.

I write this here in tribute to the man who I called Sir, to the man whom was my Master. For He loved me and made me for what and who I am today. When I stand upon that stage and collect my two degrees, I shall think upon Him, and visit Him to where He rests and always let Him know that I loved Him and that He meant the world to me.

Master died two years ago in a car crash at the age of 33. I recall I was at a lecture at the time. I always remember Him instructing me on attending all my classes, however mundane I thought of them to be. That I would even without realising learn something. The emotions that I went through those 24 hours or so, I care not to describe here. Even now as I type this, tears well in my eyes. I want Him to be remembered, I want this to be known, perhaps I too can bridge the gap in my own pain and start to heal.

Memories. I recall were when I came to His door ringing the doorbell at the designated time hearing His footsteps across the floorboards of His house. Him opening the door and seeing the expression on His face, smelling His cologne, breathing in His essence. It always made me feel so much in love with Him, and proud that I was His.

Kneeling before him in submission, in the way that He taught me how. Feeling His eyes upon me, hearing His footsteps, His breathing, His movement encircling me. My being always ready and willing to please Him.

Moments when He picked my outfits for the evenings that we were to spend together. Going out as a couple together, to the theatre or even just to dinner, it was exhilarating and special just to be walking beside Him, holding onto His arm, knowing that I was His and that He loved me.

I still visit His grave, now and then to replace the flowers and to make it presentable, for he was always a meticulous and proud man. Just to let Him know that I am still there. I tend to His flowers, and bring new ones when I can. I talk to Him, tell Him of the people whom I have met, those whom I speak to. I speak to him of my class, of my school where I teach. I hope He is still proud of me. He was my first Master. I do not know if I can mentally and physically submit to Another, but only time will tell. I may add more memories and poetry here as it comes to me, if anything this may be an outlet. I will read this to Him tomorrow. It is a befitting moment, as it is my birthday. Perhaps we can find closure together on that day.

Thank you to those who have read this, it means a lot to me to share this story with you.

24th February 2005