Fear, Confusion...Love? Ch. 04

Tony practically skipped into work that evening. He was so excited. He was going to be able to tell Mark he had his money back AND that the guy who'd attacked him was going to be far too scared to go after anyone else!

"You're looking happy" smiled Mark as Tony walked into the office

"I am! I have some great news!" said Tony grabbing Mark and kissing him.

"Woah, chill out! What's going on?" Mark laughed

Tony pulled the envelope containing Marks cash out of his jacket.

"Here" he said, handing it to Mark

"What's this?"

"It's your money"

"What money?"

"The money that James stole!"

"Who the fuck is James?!" asked Mark

Tony laughed again and started to tell Mark what had happened that afternoon. He'd decided to refrain from telling Mark the whole truth. Not that he wanted to have any lies in their relationship, but this wasn't a 'lie' exactly, it was more 'economical truth telling'. He had just got to the part where he had tied James to the bed when he realised that Mark had gone white!

"What? I didn't DO anything to him, just scared the bastard" said Tony, lying through his teeth.

"I don't care whether you 'did' anything to him or not! What the Hell did were you thinking? Do you have any idea what it's like to be frightened like that? To have somebody taking away your freedom? Your will?"

Tony was stunned. This wasn't the reaction he had expected. He'd pictured Mark being excited, happy. He'd thought that it would prove what Mark meant to him. Before he could say anything, Mark continued talking.

"I hate that guy, I hate what he did to me but he was just a faceless memory. He was a thing, not a person and now, because of you, I have to face up to the fact that he's like me. He gets scared, he's not a monster, he's like me or you or anyone else"

"You hate what he did to you? If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be together!" Stormed Tony

"I did this for you! I lowered myself for you!"

"You didn't just scare him, did you?" asked Mark quietly

Tony paused. He knew that he couldn't lie. He didn't know what had given it away but it was obvious that Mark knew. His silence said it all to Mark.

"You raped him. You did to him what he did to me but you did it worse." Mark stated flatly

"I can't deal with this. I'm leaving."

Tony was frozen. He felt like a pit had opened up inside him and every good thing in his life was falling into it. He hadn't expected this, he'd wanted to bring things full circle and make Mark feel safe again but in a matter of moments, his life had come crashing down around his ears.

When Tony had handed the envelope to Mark, it felt like a pit had opened in his stomach. He knew that there was only one way that Tony had got the money back and that was to confront the man who had attacked him. As Tony had recounted the tale of what had happened, Mark had felt a growing certainty that he knew what Tony had done.

Although Tony had tried to skirt around the details, Mark had known and, even though he knew deep down what Tony had done, he could still hardly believe it. At least when he had asked Tony what had happened; he'd had the good grace not to lie about it. He hadn't said anything and that had been enough of a confession. Every feeling that Mark had tried to keep under wraps since the attack had come flooding back. He'd tried to tell Tony but hadn't been able to find the words to explain himself so he'd left. It had broken his heart but he'd had to go.

A week passed and Mark was still in a daze. Tony had tried to call him every hour of the day and had even been round to the house. Mark had told his mother that he didn't want to see him but hadn't told her why or anything about the relationship they'd had. His mother had been more than happy to turn Tony away. Mark had been more attentive to her and spent all his time with her. Deep down she knew he was hurting over something but she didn't care, her boy was in her pocket once again and if he didn't want to leave the house, so much the better in her mind!

Mark knew that this wasn't healthy, he had to get away. He had to go somewhere where he could leave the house without seeing Tony or anything that reminded him of him. In a few months time he could reapply to university and move away but that wasn't soon enough.

However, he had the money that Tony had got back for him and it was rightfully his. Mark came to a decision. Reaching for his phone, he called an old school friend who had moved about 200 miles away to ask if he could stay with him for a while. Steve had been one of those guys at school who people knew but didn't want to get to know properly as he was a little odd. Mark had always felt sorry for the guy and had made an effort to get to know him. In private, Steve was fun, outgoing and generally a top bloke, in public he was painfully shy and had a habit of staring at people in a kind of intense way which made others uncomfortable talking to him.

Steve was ecstatic to hear from Mark. He'd always been a loner until Mark had come along and they'd got on great. In fact, Steve had had a crush on Mark for years but there was no way he was going to tell him. He hadn't been able to tell anyone at home that he was gay and so he'd chosen to move far enough away to live his life in his own way. The only link he'd been bothered about breaking was the one with Mark and now he was coming to live with him for a while!

Mark put the phone down with a smile on his face and then realised that he was going to have to tell his mother. He went downstairs and told her that he was going to stay with a friend for a few days. She took it rather well, even offered to take him to the station. Mark was amazed that she was being like this

'Are you OK with me going mum?' he asked

'Of course son, it'll do you good to get out and it's only a few days, isn't it?'

'Umm...yeah, well, it might be a bit longer, maybe a week'

'As long as it's no longer than that. I'm by myself you know. Since your father died....'

Mark felt himself start to tune her out. He'd heard this speech so many times. There was no way he was going to tell her that he wasn't planning on coming back just yet. Let her get used to him being away and he'd cross that bridge when he came to it!

Three days later and Mark was on his way to the train station. He'd written Tony a long letter explaining that he was going and wouldn't be back and he'd tried again to put into words why Tony's revenge had hurt him so much. Not wanting to bump into Tony, Mark posted it to the rugby club and knew it wouldn't arrive until he was long gone.

Looking at the window, he wondered when or if he'd ever be comfortable coming back here but that was a thought for a long time in the future. He didn't have to think about right now, he just had to look forward to starting a new life and that was good enough for now.