Fear Falls Away

The next day, our class together was cancelled because our tutor was sick. I looked around for James and found him on campus by the café. He was standing on his own with his back to me, drinking a cup of coffee, so I walked up behind him.

"Guess who?!"

James spun around. He looked shocked at first but then he smiled. "Hey."

I reached for his hand and he let me take it in mine. "I was looking for you. Turns out we have the rest of the afternoon free. So..." I paused. "What are you up to?" I was hoping he'd want to spend the afternoon with me, and found that my heart was beating hard as I waited for his response. I'd never felt this way about anyone before.

"Nothing. I was just finishing this." He threw the coffee cup into the trash. "And then I was about to come looking for you, actually." So he did want to spend the afternoon with me! I had to stop myself from responding like a love struck teenager.

"So, do you want to come back to my apartment?" I asked, aiming for nonchalance but failing miserably.

"Ur, sure." He squeezed my hand a little and smiled. Gosh, he was so beautiful and even more so when he smiled. My heart actually fluttered. This wasn't something that usually happened to me, but I was falling. Falling hard.

*******

When we entered Burn's apartment, he led me over to the sofa and pulled me down to sit next to him. I leaned into him. I had spent all of last night wishing that I had kissed him or that he had kissed me when I had been with him yesterday. Burn was trying to make me feel comfortable and safe, and I really appreciated that. But I wanted to feel him close to me and I knew that meant I'd have to leave my safe little bubble and put myself out there.

"I'm glad you're not as shy around me as you were before," he commented.

"Things are easier when I'm around you." I admitted with a blush. It was true -- even though I was still nervous, it was in a good way. Even though I still blushed and found myself short of breath with sweaty palms, I didn't mind. I'd never been able to act this way around anyone else. Burn looked straight into my eyes. I briefly wondered if the giddiness I felt when he did that would ever wear off.

"You're beautiful, you know that right?" Burn's voice was only just above a whisper. He brushed his hand through my hair and I leaned into his touch. There were no words to describe how I felt at that moment.

"I'm nothing compared to you," I whispered.

I cast my eyes away for a moment. Burn cupped my chin in his palm and lifted my head up until my eyes met his again.

"Don't ever doubt how amazing you are James. Not ever."

He leaned in for a kiss. This time, unlike that fateful evening where I stupidly misread everything, Burn did not pull away. He kissed me deeply, holding my face in his hands. As his tongue slid in and brushed against the roof of my mouth, Burn relocated to straddle my thighs. I was unsure of what to do at first, my anxious mind fully trained to avoid situations like this. I ignored its yearning to get away and followed my heart. I reached up and wrapped my arms around Burn's neck, pulling him closer. I could feel his erection pressed against me. He was as hard as I was. I pulled back slowly and let my fingers gently caress the stubble across his jaw line.

I was in new territory -- things like this just never happened to me. Not because I didn't want them to, but because I had always been so scared to let them happen. I avoided intimacy despite how much I yearned for it. Part of me felt glad that I had been that way -- it made my time with Burn more special. Part of me was ashamed of my inexperience.

Lifting up his arms, Burn pulled his shirt up over his head and threw it to the floor. He began kissing my neck and I pulled him closer to me yet again, arching my back and turning my head to the side as he kissed further down my neck and across my shoulders. I couldn't believe how free I felt; my anxiety was gone, all I could feel was Burn and the emotions that he had awoken within me. I moaned with pleasure and at the realisation of how free I was.

Burn lifted my shirt up at the front. I resisted at first, insecure in myself and my body. He didn't push the matter and put his hands over mine. "What is it, babe? What's wrong?" He asked.

"I don't know. I don't want you to see my body and think... you know..." I felt stupid just saying it. I wanted to be exactly what Burn wanted, and I was suddenly worried that I wouldn't be good enough.

"Didn't I just tell you how beautiful and perfect you are? I mean it, J. You are perfect. You must be able to see that. And not just in looks. You're smart, charming, kind, and ambitious -- you're everything I wish I was."

He pulled up my shirt again and this time I let him. He leaned down and gently grazed his teeth across my left nipple. I moaned and arched my back further. I had never felt pleasure like this before. I also realised in that instant that I had never let anyone get this close to me before.

"Burn --"

"Are you okay? Should I stop?" He looked genuinely concerned and the intensity of his stare caused me to blush.

"Yeah... I mean, yeah I'm okay, not yeah I want you to stop..." I was getting muddled. Burn smiled a little. "I don't want you to stop...it's just..." I stopped talking. I wasn't making any sense.

"I won't hurt you, J. I only want to make you happy. Tell me if you want me to stop, and I will. I promise."

I believed him. He leaned back down to graze my right nipple.

"Oh... my God." I gasped. Burn laughed lightly and came back up to kiss me passionately on the lips. I was so hard, and with my restricting jeans, it was starting to feel painful.

"I need to get out of my jeans." It was almost a whimper. I was finding it difficult to construct coherent sentences. He gave a low chuckle and backed off of me. Taking my hands, he pulled me up from where I was seated and led me into the bedroom.

It was the first time I had been in this part of the house, but I was hardly in the mood to observe the décor. Burn took off the remainder of his own clothes and then began to do the same for me. He was slow and gentle, making sure that I was comfortable as he did it. My heart was pounding and, when I was finally standing naked before him, I clamped my eyes shut whilst he looked me over.

"Babe." His voice was at my ear, and he was gently caressing the skin at my neck. "You're beautiful. Open your eyes."

I opened my eyes. Burn was so close that I could feel his breath on my face. He kissed my cheek and then lightly kissed my lips before taking a few steps back. We stood there for a moment, admiring the sight of each other. Burn was beautiful, and his cock was a similar size to my own, a good 7 or so inches.

Standing at the foot of the bed, Burn leaned into me and rested his forehead into my shoulder. "I can't believe how much I want this, James."

I ran my hands through his soft dark hair and he lifted his head up to find my lips. He began yet another assault on them, his tongue swirling against my own. My pulse increased in speed with the intensity of the kiss. Gently, Burn placed his hands against my bare chest and pushed me back. I lowered myself onto his bed.

As I lay back, his hands wandered across my body, exploring as much as he could reach whilst still kissing me intensely. I wrapped my arms around him and brushed my hands up his back, pulling him into me. I felt safe with Burn. He hadn't rejected me; Burn wanted me. I wanted him. I yearned for more than groping and kissing.

As if sensing what I needed, Burn's lips left mine and he slowly began to lower himself down my body until his face was level with my erection.

"I can't believe I'm doing this. I've never done anything like this before." I whispered the words. Burn looked up at me, placing his hands on the inside of my thighs and moving them across the skin in a soothing motion. "If you're not ready, we can wait. I realise that we're moving fast, but I want you and I care about you so much already. But James, please don't ever be too worried to tell me how you feel."

I nodded in reply. "I trust you and I'm ready for this, Burn." I trusted him completely.

I didn't have time to worry or feel shy and self-conscious before Burn took my dick into his mouth, and then all I felt was intense pleasure. I arched my back and groaned as Burn went slow just to tease me. The sensation was completely new to me; I had never expected to be this at ease around another person. Burn picked up the pace, pushing his hands under me to pinch and squeeze my ass. My cries became more frantic. Burn continued to suck as if his life depended on it; he had my whole length in his mouth. I was almost blind with pleasure. I began thrusting forward ever so slightly. I wanted him inside me. I couldn't wait much longer.

"Burn, please, fuck me."

I couldn't believe I had said the words. I had never said such a thing in my life. It seemed so crude, and yet I was enjoying this too much to care. Burn released my cock and gave a low chuckle, clearly pleased with the reaction he had teased out of me. He leaned over me to the side of the bed, opening a bedside drawer. He pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom.

Looking me in the eyes, Burn brushed his fingers softly against my cheek. "Are you sure, babe? You know that this can hurt your first time, right?"

I nodded and kissed him desperately, wanting to show him how much I needed him. "I've never wanted anything this much in my whole life." Burn returned the kiss passionately before pulling away and opening the bottle of lube.

Flipping me onto my stomach, Burn applied some and without messing around, inserted the first finger into my hole. It was tight but I adjusted quickly, pushing myself back to get him further into me. He chuckled again at my response and leaned against me to kiss the top of my back and my neck. He added a second finger, and after I had adjusted to that, a third. By this point, I was desperate to feel him inside me. I was moaning, and Burn was breathing heavily behind me. I needed him, right now. I knew that it would hurt, but I didn't care. I wanted to feel Burn's dick filling me - I needed to feel him come inside me.

"Please, Burn, please..." I panted. "Do it..."

"I'm worried about hurting you." He leaned down to kiss my neck and brushed aside the strands of hair that were sticking to my skin from my own sweat.

"I need you so much. I'll tell you if you hurt me. Please, just do it."

I heard him fumble with the condom and the bottle of lube, so I raised my ass to give him better access. My heart was pounding and I was nervous as hell, but in a good way. It was as if my anxiety had been pushed aside and all that was left was Burn, myself and this room.

Burn's hands rested against me and I felt the tip of his cock rest against my hole. "Ready?" It was barely a whisper and I simply groaned in response. Burn pushed forward and I gave an involuntary gasp as the head popped in. The mix of pleasure and pain was so intense that I couldn't make a sound. It hurt, and Burn stopped moving instantly, allowing me time to adjust. He kept still for a good minute before I relaxed and he moved again, but I couldn't wait that long.

"I don't care if it hurts, please, just do it." I panted.

Burn only hesitated for a moment before he gave one large thrust and filled me. I cried out, a mix of absolute pleasure and pain. Burn held still for about a minute before he began to move in and out, picking up pace with each thrust and kissing my back. It wasn't long before he was pumping himself hard into me and I was on the verge of my release. I wanted to warn Burn, but I couldn't seem to make a sound other than my frantic moans. We were both groaning and crying out, our hot sweaty bodies slapping against each other. I reached for my cock and came hard the instant my hand touched it. I hadn't known an orgasm could feel this good; my whole body was shaking. I was gasping for air and within seconds, Burn was shooting his load into the condom.

Burn collapsed on top of me, pulling himself out of me and wrapping me in his arms. He pulled me against his chest and kissed the back of my neck. I was exhausted, completely spent. I leaned back against Burn's sweaty body, and turned my head so that I could kiss his lips. "Thank you," I managed to mumble before I fell to sleep.

There was no doubt about it, I was in love.