Fearful No More

My fears are many and I battle within constantly. With him, my best friend, my soul mate, I want to banish it. He is so loving, so thoughtful and generous. I know this fear is misplaced. Finally, scared, but ready to fight, my desire to be completely free with him is overwhelming. I have spent years imagining the way we could be if I could let go.

This gentle man...tall and strong, could treat me in any way he saw fit. He knows, without a doubt, I gave him my soul. I have begged him to be rough, command me. Instead, he holds back. He does not want to make me relive any trauma, he loves me.

So, one day, I smile that one goofy smile he knows so well. "What?" he giggled at me.

I flushed. He had to notice it, because his eyes glittered and lit up and he grinned, "Now, you HAVE to tell me!"

I swallowed hard and trembled deep within. "No," I said. My eyes teared. My chin quivered.

"Honey, you can tell me. Please." he pleaded sweetly.

I sighed, nauseated at myself for even having these issues. "Okay. You know how I have trouble opening up to you sexually, especially compared to how I was as a teen?" We were lovers off and on for nearly 2 decades before we started dating and eventually getting married.

"Yes." he said a look of caution washed over his face.

"I was hoping you could...help me."

He looked relieved, but also genuinely concerned. "Help you? How?"

"I want to work with you to open up. You can lead me in just sitting with one another nude and exploring each other."

"Like how? Touching you, kissing...?"

"However you prefer, but just sweet and gentle. Taking each other in, letting our judgment toward ourselves fall away as we play lovingly with one another."

He seemed curious. "How will I know when to stop or if you don't like something?"

"We stop when we are ready. We tell each other what we enjoy and what we don't. I have to learn to talk to you in every circumstance, even sexually. I need to be fearless."

He swallowed hard now. He has his own insecurities. I knew he'd address his in time, but asking him to do so with me was asking a lot. What if he wasn't ready? I'd thought about that. I asked anyway, hopeful.

"Is that all?" he asked.

"No, but it's where I'd like to start."

He nodded. "Ok."

Time passed. Kids and life make real, quality time a rarity. I trembled every time I thought about it. I wondered if I would cry, maybe hide, go quiet. Doesn't matter. It must be done.

Finally, we had some time to spend alone. We stood face to face, looking into one another's eyes. My breath quivered. I touched his fingertips with mine and said, "I think we should undress first. Slowly."

"Ok..." the word trailed off as he removed his shirt. I grinned.

I removed my shirt, looking him dead in his eyes. I could feel my chest tighten as my nipples hardened from the cooler air.

He bit his lip softly and gave me a sexy grin.

Nervous, I moved my shaky fingers toward the button of my jeans. I lingered there, feeling foolish. He touched my hand in reassurance. I flashed an uneasy smile and popped the button and pulled the fly to the side, allowing the zipper to peel open. I stopped.

He removed his ass-hugging jeans and tugged at the waist of his boxers teasingly. I pulled my jeans off slowly and somewhat clumsily. I felt my face flush.

I was standing there awkwardly, completely naked. I looked up from my feet and into his eyes as his boxers hit the floor.

There we were-vulnerable to each other and to ourselves. It was time to enjoy my body. It was time to fully appreciate the gift that he is.

My heart fluttered with my fears screaming in my mind, self-disgust lacing the venom.

Stealing me from my mind-prison, his touch sent chills down my spine as his fingertips danced over my neck. His hand encircled my neck and squeezed ever so lightly before tracing my spine down to my ass. His fingertip moved slowly from my tailbone, between the cheeks, and hovered over my wetness.

A deep breath escaped me as I touched his chest. I ran my fingers up along his neck and around to the back. I teased his ear and kissed his chest. His hands traced my hips, caressed my stomach, and firmly squeezed my perky little tits.

Every time my mind tried to entertain the fear, I pushed back by focusing on my very sexy husband standing before me.

I walked behind him. I massaged his shoulders and scratched my nails over his back and down to his perfect ass. I squeezed it, then teased by tickling the cheeks. My middle finger pushed between them and teased his puckered asshole. I pushed in very gently and all of his breath left his body. He chuckled breathlessly. My other hand reached around to caress his balls before firmly taking his cock in hand.

My hand tightened around it and loosened as I stroked him a few times. He took a deep breath and pulled me in front of him. He kissed me hard and deep. My knees wanted to buckle.

As if he felt it, he stilled me. Then, I felt his hand running through my hair. A sudden, sharp pull and my head was back, neck bared as if awaiting a sensual bite.

No bite was given. His eyes took me in slowly. I looked up into his deep blue eyes and 2 fingers entered my now soaked pussy. He did not fuck me with his fingers, though. He held me still, one hand in my hair and the other inside me.

I closed my eyes in submission. He kissed my neck passionately. My breath began to quicken. His fingers slowly slid in and out of me. His other hand released my neck and traced my breasts before pulling me closer to him by grabbing my ass.

I kissed and licked his chest, down his sides, over his stomach. My hands caressed his legs as I got to my knees.

My hands meandered over his legs, around his balls, and stroked his engorged cock. The head was red and swollen, just aching for my mouth. I sucked just the head and teased it with my tongue. His head fell back and he moaned. I took his hardness entirely into my mouth. While one hand was stroking in time to my sucking, the other was teasing his asshole.

I got lost in giving him pleasure. I was ravenous. His legs shook. Not wanting to come, he stopped me and got me on all fours. He caressed my ass before expertly spanking each cheek. Behind me, he also got down on his hands and knees. Before I could look back, I felt his tongue thrusting into my tight, dripping pussy. He used one hand to rub my clit. I began to rock against him with a deep moan escaping my lips.

His fingers took the place of his tongue and he started eating my ass. I flushed hot. I reveled in that feeling. I wanted him to fill me. I started to play with my clit and rock against his scruffy face. My honey was soaking him.

I puckered for him and loosened a little. I felt his finger enter my ass and begin to slowly fuck me. I moaned.

"Take this ass, Baby." I moaned gutturally.

He gently removed his finger and began to work his thick prick into my ass. I continued to tease my clit. The sensations caused me to loosen, letting him fill me. His fingers entered my pussy. I was so full and writhing in breathless pleasure.

Our moans edged toward climax, as did our momentum. I felt his hot load fill me as my pussy soaked him, clenching rhythmically in orgasm.

After a time of peacefully melting into one another, I said, "You know, I think you did most of the exploring."

He grinned.

(Pt. 2 to follow)