Felicity Ch. 05

Chapter 5. Divorced?

"Bob, how long have we been divorced?"

"A year or so?"

"Exactly a year today my dear ex-husband. Now tell me, what's wrong with this picture?"

"You mean the fact that we are naked and caressing each other after our second fabulous fuck today?"

"Yes, plus the fact that we have been fucking each other regularly from the day our divorce became final. Do you remember that day? Right after we left the lawyers office we went to your new home and fucked and cried the rest of the day."

"I was not crying. I have allergies."

"Right."

"I do remember confusing the hell out of our daughter when we kissed after I walked you home."

"You moved to a townhouse across from ours then you gave her and me keys to it. Of course Sammy was confused. We were divorced. Your mother and my mother still are still wondering what is going on."

"Well you never asked for my key back."

"What would have been the point? Your daughter would have let you in even if I had been in the middle of fucking somebody else. Tell me how many different women have you fucked in the last year?"

"Not including you, three. Thank you for fixing me up with them by the way."

"You're welcome. Had you noticed that the only other women you have fucked in a year were gifts from me?"

"Hmmm, no. I had not realized that."

"Take a guess as to how many men I have fucked."

"Three. The husbands of the women I fucked."

"Is that why you think I fixed you up with them?"

"Nadia said that is why you fixed me up with her, you wanted to fuck her husband."

"She was delusional, so was he. He wanted me all right but I did not want him. I wanted her. Check that, I wanted her tits. I don't know what her reasoning was to say that I wanted her husband since she complained constantly about what a lousy lay he was. She still raves about your lovemaking and pesters me trying to get you to give her a second fuck. Are you interested?"

"No."

"Thank you."

"So, the answer was two?"

"The answer is one man, four women, the three women I set you up with plus Lucy. I'm sorry, I still don't know why I don't want you near her."

"Because with her there is love, not just sex. You don't want to share. Although she would make a good match for your brother."

"Yeah, maybe so. It is too soon after their respective divorces to bring it up though. I am glad you see that possibility too."

"Do I know the man? Was it Lucy's ex-husband Asshole?"

"Hell no. Her new stepfather Ben is the only one I actually considered fucking. He reminds me of an older version of you but less crude."

"I am not crude. Your mother is crude. Amanda grabs my ass as she walks by, drinks my beer, and she is like the news channel announcing every time we fuck. Hell, her sisters call us for updates. At least we are keeping them busy. Did you fuck Ben?"

"No. I flirted with him and made it clear to him I was interested but decided I would not have enjoyed it. It would have felt like cheating."

"We are not married."

"Yeah, weird isn't it."

"So the man is....?"

"You."

"What? I am your only lover?"

"You are not my lover. You are my ex-husband. And we just mentioned the women. Plus there were several others besides Lucy. You may have noticed that sometimes I crave pussy."

"Yes, me too. We have that in common. Define several others. How many?"

"More than one."

"Like two? Jana and Shawna? After Jana's birthday bash you called me from their townhouse to come get you that next morning, remember? Jana told me she and Shawna made a sandwich filling out of you. I really wish I had been there for that.

What I want to know is why you and Lucy don't even bother making up my bed when you get done with each other."

"Yeah, well sorry about that. As you know I don't fool around at home, (except with you of course). Lucy thinks you enjoy the smells of our sex when you go to bed so she stops me from making it up. Anyway, every time we have done that you have walked across the grass and into my bed, bitched about it, then fucked me all night. You must be getting some inspiration from it."

"Well of course. But the bed would still have that special aroma if you made it up."

"You know how I am. I clean up your kitchen more often than you do. I am in fact surprised that you make up your bed at all. I have come to look forward to your late night visits so don't expect a change. Stop nibbling on my tits. You are ruining things."

"Charley? Are you going to blame me for fucking up our divorce?" That is why we got the divorce in the first place, you blamed me for everything."

"You deserved the blame. No, no. I guess now is a good time for me to apologize. It was all me. I am sorry. Your problematic bitch was born from the stress of wanting pussy but not wanting to cheat on you, not wanting you to know. Temporary insanity I guess."

"Temporary?" You are a nincowpoop. How could you even think that your pussy cravings were cause for a divorce? Half your family eats pussy, except your cousin Allen. How did you think it would come as a shock to me?"

"I know, I know. Don't yell at your poor confused ex wife. It's hell being a perfectionist when you know you are not perfect. And yes you were right, I should have just told you. Go to the other tit."

"I guess I need to apologize too. I should have seen your dilemma but lets face it, the floor has to be covered with sand dunes before I notice it needs sweeping because my guitar is gently weeping."

"I can't believe you pulled that line on me. You should be ashamed. It may be months before that stupid line leaves my brain."

"Sorry. You use the 'lie to me, lie to me' line though."

"Only when my pussy covers your face. But lets get back to our original discussion, Pinocchio. What is wrong with us?"

'We are not very bright."

"That is obvious. But the question is why not? Look at us. Look where we are."

"It proves my point. You are playing with my dick when you know full well you put it into a coma. We are having an inane discussion as the clock ticks closer to our dinner reservation. I am kissing you between each sentence. Is that any way for divorced people to behave? It's just insane."

"Exactly! What dinner reservation?"

"The fancy Italian restaurant in the resort. It is part of the all-inclusive package but you have to make reservations. Ours is for an hour from now."

"When did you intend to tell me?"

"About the time you were demanding, Lie to me, lie to me."

"Bastard."

"Bitch. You shower first. I can put the aloe lotion on your back as you put on your makeup. At least you learned a lesson and will now listen to me when I tell you snorkeling requires a t-shirt."

"It felt good to go topless."

"I and every other male and many women on the beach today thank you. l. But I swear, the barracuda looked like he wanted a nipple."

"OK, OK. I will wear a t-shirt when we go on that excursion tomorrow. Sweetheart, I can't take a shower unless you get your mouth off my tits."

"Sorry, you know I am their greatest fan."

"Thank you honey. Should I wear the black dress?"

"Yes, this is the occasion for it. There is a dance floor."

"Good. It will give you another chance to beg my forgiveness for your inability to read my mind."

"Don't hold your breath."

"Damn, that cell phone ringing scared me. I never expected it to work here. I'll get it. Hi baby. No. Yes. Bye."

"What happened? Why are you crying?"

"Nothing is wrong. I am not crying. That was our daughter. Sammy wanted to know if you had asked me to marry you yet."

"That kid is such a bother. When we get back lets sell her to gypsies."

"When did you intend to ask me?"

"Tonight, on the dance floor."

"Why should we marry again?"

"The reason our divorce was never going to work was because we have never stopped loving each other. I love you more now than I ever have. We are each other's best friend, best lover, and best opponent. But we have now learned to pull our punches and enjoy our fights. Most importantly we have an agreement on your pussy cravings. It would also give us a chance to get the next divorce right."

"Ask me now."

"Will you marry me, please?"

"Yes."

"I brought your first engagement ring. Aunt Wendy cleaned it up. Let me put it on your finger, again. Our mother's seemed to think it would be OK."

"It is better than OK. I never should have taken it off. It looks and feels like it is home. Did you by chance bring the wedding band?"

"Yes I did. Mine too."

"Let me have it."

"Saturday."

"Why Saturday?"

"It's our wedding day."

"We can't get married without our mothers and our daughter."

"We wont be. They and Lucy and Jamie will be here Thursday."

"Bastard. You just made me cry. Just exactly who planned all of this?"

"We all did. I was amazed it stayed a secret until a minute ago. Really, Sammy will be happy living with gypsies."

"What about Helen and James?"

"Your big sister said she has already been to our wedding and does not watch re-runs. We could not find James."

"He is in Costa Rica surveying some bird or frog, or something."

"Costa Rica said he took off for Belize. Belize thinks he is in Panama. Panama doesn't answer."

"Well, he saw the original version too. I worry about him sometimes."

"Now his was a divorce that needed to happen."

"Yes it did. It seems like he is himself again, Super Nerd. Thank you for including Lucy."

"She is inside the circle of the people you love most. Plus you need a maid of honor."

"I love you, I always have, I always will. Don't you ever agree to divorce me again."

"I love you. You better leave that thing alone. Even if you manage to revive it we have dinner and dancing tonight."

"If we make it to dinner fine, if not it was because we had something much better to do."

"I can live with that."