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I'm so close now, thought Lyza, heart thumping, I can feel it.
Sara, however, was hurried. She pulled Lyza by the shoulder.
"It's a good thing you came," said Sara, pulling her about, "we had an odd number of students. Not good for pairing up, you see. I hope you don't get starstruck because your first opponent will be the Duchess..."
Lyza almost choked. "The... the DUCHESS?!?"
Sara patted her on the back. "She's a mortal, like the rest of us, so just treat her like you would anyone else and you should be fine."
She left Lyza face-to-face with the Grand Duchess of Rotham, First of Her Name, Lady Adriana Challette. She was pale of complexion and soft of face. Long, black hair flowed down to the small of her back, so glossy it reflected streaks of white light. A black fringe framed a pair of cool, icy eyes, more piercing than Lyza had ever imagined.
This was the girl she had vowed to kill.
- COMMENTS
cittranabout 10 years agoAnd in a good way.
I'm pissed at the guy who took her sword. I'm mad FOR her -- and when your readers sympathize with your characters almost immediately, you're doing it right.
Anonymousabout 10 years agoUnless your last name is Wantabe, you are the real deal. The pacing is spot on, grammar sound. You have fallen into the accent trap, to help build you characters, after this story, do not do it again, you do not need it. Your use of foreshadow is near perfect. I take my hat off to you. Okay as they say the devil is in the details, your use of the Mercy Knife is correct, but what does it look like, we know it is small and that's about it, if you are going to use a peice of obscura, you need to give it weight.
I doubt you are a novice writer, probably you are a frustrated Journyman, but you write better than some professional novelists I can name (David Drake for one).
