Fiction v Reality

This is my entry in the Valentine's Day 2021 competition. Please read through the other entries and vote and comment as you wish.

Almost everyone in the office would have preferred a Christmas Party, but instead the partners, no doubt spurred on by a handful of the secretaries, decided that a weekend team-building exercise in the middle of January would be a much better idea. We had gathered in the hinterland where it was slightly cooler than in the city where we all worked, but it was still high summer, and the flies and mosquitos knew we were easy targets.

To make things worse, we were staying at a church-run campsite that did not allow alcohol, and someone had decided to have the weekend catered as if we were staying at a health retreat. Half the office had been given Friday off in preparation, the rest of us had Monday to recuperate and I had already planned with my colleague, Janet to head out Sunday night to drink and eat fried food.

Some of the team building games had been entertaining and it had been relaxing playing Monopoly with some of my colleagues the night before. I was now an associate in the practice specialising in Family Law and had a large clientele, many with stories that made me realise why I was nowhere near married at almost 30.

"Hmm Val, I can't believe any of these are true, they all seem so farfetched!" Rhys, one of the partners was looking at my 'Two truths and a lie' contribution. "I find it hard to believe that both your parents are doctors, your brothers are all doctors, and their partners are all doctors. Surely there must be some diversity in there?"

"I will neither confirm nor deny."

"I do like this one and I suspect it has to be true because it is the least incredulous of the lot. You probably do live with a cat and three goldfish in a purpose-built condo overlooking the ocean."

"I'm not going to give you any hints, even Janet has been slightly baffled by my three options!" This was a slight stretch of the truth and I did have my fingers crossed behind my back as I said it.

"Well, I doubt that both of your parents were born one day either side of Valentine's Day, married on Valentine's Day, all their children are February babies, and they are both Valentine's mad holding a Valentine's party each year."

"I will admit yours are fairly straightforward Mr Partner... I'm pretty sure you do live on a boat, yet it may not be called Serenity because that seems too calm almost, I'm willing to believe you have been married and divorced, however, you do not strike me as being someone who was raised by hippies- you're too refined for that! I suspect your father at least is in the law and you've lived a life of privilege."

"Well, we'll find out soon enough! Look, they're trying to gather us together again already."

I found Janet and we sat in the large circle that had been set up for the weekend. I had to admit it had not been all bad and checking our phones in as we arrived, whilst terrifying at the time, had been quite pleasant and helped me, at least, be in the moment.

"Thanks, team let's bring it in one last time! I think we can all agree that it has been a productive weekend. We had some changes last year with some long-serving staff moving on or retiring and some new staff joining us, especially Rhys Evans as a partner and it would seem that although Max assured me it would be Rhys who would be the most elusive in 2 truths and a lie, he has just been pipped at the post by Ms Valerie Hartman who has baffled us the most and considering you've been with us what, 5 years now?"

"About that Katherine, yes, but I'm still not prepared to say which was the lie!" I was amazed I had fooled so many of my colleagues and wondered which they thought most likely to be fictional.

"Good on you, Val!" the team laughed and soon we were gathering our mobile phones and packing the last things into our cars.

I had caught a ride up with Janet. We met at uni and have been firm friends since.

"Are you right to go out tonight or would you rather spend the evening with Penny alone?" Penny was Janet's partner and the two were perfect together.

"Would you mind? I mean without phones and contact and all, I missed her so much."

"Not at all! I must admit I am feeling a little perkier after all the healthy food and one more night of it won't hurt me! I might even make it to yoga tomorrow evening."

I listened to my voicemail messages, all from my family. Mum was reminding me the Valentines gala was coming up. Henry, my middle brother, who, like his partner Ken, was a psychiatrist had called from a trivia night suspecting I would know the answer to a question on constitutional law. Emily, my best friend since childhood, who was a GP and was married to my youngest older brother, Boyd, who was almost a paediatrician rang just to see how I was, even though I heard baby Issy in the background crying. Finally, Giles, my oldest brother who was also a cardiologist like my parents had rung to remind me he'd be in the city this week and wanted to confirm dinner one evening.

"All good?" Janet asked as I hung up.

"Yeah, it's Mum and Dad's birthdays and their 40th wedding anniversary this Valentines and they've organised a huge gala to raise money for the Cardiac Department at their hospital. They hold a party every year and this gala every 5, and this year is it. It's like, bigger than Ben Hur. Mum, Dad, Boyd, and Emily all have ideas on guys I should meet, of course, all doctors, and will be hinting not too subtly at me to settle down. I can't help that I keep meeting losers."

"Well, why don't you get in first and tell them you're bringing someone?"

"Like who? My last relationship was a disaster, but luckily none of them met Craig. I'm hardly able to just take one of the guys I pick up occasionally home to Mum and Dad, am I?"

"Well, why don't you ask someone like Rhys. I mean, he's a partner so that would be good in your parents' eyes, he's bloody hot, even for a dyke like me and, as far as I know, he's single. He'd be the perfect pretend boyfriend."

I wondered to myself if Janet had a point. I adored my family, but I was definitely the black sheep of it refusing to study medicine. When I told Mum and Dad that I was going to study law they told me that at least I could still marry a doctor. The gala was a huge event, and it did raise a lot of money. I hadn't spent Christmas with my family knowing I would be spending Valentine's Day with them and I knew deep down I missed them all terribly.

After Janet had dropped me at home, a humble worker's cottage that was so far away from the modern condo I knew Janet and Penny lived in, I decided to try some of Janet's advice.

"Hey Mum, yeah, sorry. No, I'm just home from a team-building weekend. How could you begin to think I could forget about Valentines? Yes, it is in my diary! Well, I'm sure he is, but I'm sort of seeing someone. I mean, no, it's early days and all, but he's just lovely. No, Mum, no, I really don't want to... Mum, as I said it's early days...ok, I'll ask him, but he's probably going to be busy. Gee, thanks Mum, you think I'm that desperate I must invent boyfriends now? Thanks a lot."

Mum was married at 23 and had had 3 sons by her 30th. I have never been able to work out if I was an 'oops' or if I had been carefully planned when I came along a few years later as the long-awaited girl. My parents doted on each other even after 40 years of marriage.

I met Giles for dinner Thursday evening as planned, alone, despite him asking to meet my new 'beau.' Giles is 9 years older than me and has always looked out for me, despite our age difference. He met Bridget at medical school and the two have been married for almost 15 years. Their daughters, Millicent and Amelia are growing into beautiful young women and I love it when they fly down to spend time with me in the school holidays.

"I flew down to shadow a colleague for a week as we try to finalise the design on the new stents we have been developing. But you don't want me to talk shop, do you?"

"That's why you're my favourite big brother!"

"You say that to Henry and Boyd too!"

"Yeah, maybe I do! So, what are we going to get Mum and Dad for their anniversary?"

"Bridge and I thought we could send them away for a week to an island or something."

"That sounds ideal and Mum would love that."

"Boyd reckons we get them a selection of sex toys, but I reckon he's got blue balls with the baby and all."

"Issy's almost 6 months, it may have become less frequent, but surely...I mean, Emily would be gagging for it more than him I reckon! What about Henry and Ken?"

"They like the idea of a holiday for them. Hen also suggested some professional family photos which sound nice too."

"Yeah, whatever. Just tell me how much I owe."

"So, tell me about this new bloke of yours. Mum seems excited."

"It's just a guy from work. I'm not sure if there's anything in it really."

"You could start a new branch of the family, what's his surname? You know Hartman and whoever, partners in law or at law or whatever you legal eagles say."

"I'm not telling!"

"Well, Boyd's got a surgeon lined up for you. He's got a huge nose."

"Is that code for he's hung?"

"Valerie!"

"Well, my brothers have all got small noses and Emily has commented..."

"Oh my God, what has she said?"

"I'm not sure about you or Henry, but apparently Boyd is hung like a fucking donkey!"

"It will be good to have us all together again," Giles said laughing, "You're flying up on Thursday, right?"

"Yeah, Thursday lunchtime, out Monday evening."

"You really should see if that fellow of yours could join us, we'd all like to meet him. I mean, it's been years since you've even mentioned a man in your life."

I knew my brother had a point. I dealt with broken marriages in my day-to-day work and the statistics were that a third of marriages would end in divorce. I looked at my parents and my brothers and decided long ago that I was probably going to be a statistic and that thought did not excite me very much.

Grabbing a coffee the following morning I was surprised to see Rhys in the building.

"Don't you usually work from home?"

"Yep. It was part of my stipulation when I moved here. I often meet clients at home too, but today I had to see someone in an office, and I need to check Rob's actually here and working."

Rob was Rhys's legal secretary. I appreciated that Rhys had a male secretary and had brought him with him when he joined the firm.

"Rob would have to be one of the hardest working secs in there! I mean, he keeps all the women on their toes. It might have been nice if we had had a Christmas Party and we could have seen who he would have brought with him as a partner!"

"Well, he would have brought my sister as the two of them have been together for years and years!"

"That's nice. My brothers have all been married for ages too."

"All doctors married to doctors?"

"Are you still on about lies and truths?"

"Maybe!" Rhys smiled as he sipped his coffee and leant against the bench as I stirred milk into mine.

"Well, actually, Janet suggested this, but can we grab an office to have a chat?"

"Sure! I am most intrigued!"

We found an office at the end of the hallway where we knew we would not be disturbed.

"So, I live in a cottage if that helps you work out the truth from furphies."

"No way! Wow!"

"Yeah. So, my parents are hugely into Valentines. It is their wedding anniversary, their 40th this year in fact, and Dad turns 65 on 13th and Mum turns 63 on 15th. And me, being the stubborn strong-willed woman, I like to at least pretend I am, refused to come on my due date and came a week late and turn 30 on the 21st. I was meant to be their 10th anniversary present or something, but I still wonder if I was planned or an oops!"

"Hence you got Valerie!"

"Don't laugh, it means strong or brave, it doesn't even mean love! Mum wanted Valentina to begin with. If I was a boy, I would actually have been called Rhys because apparently, that does mean love."

"Interesting, I was always told it meant enthusiasm or passion or something! So, you're the baby girl after 3 boys?"

"Yeah, and I turned out to be a tomboy -- so much for that!"

"Now I have a meeting in 5 minutes, what can I help you with?"

"OK... so this is Janet's idea and not mine and it doesn't mean anything so please don't read into it or anything. My younger years were spent up north and every 5 years Mum and Dad organise a huge Valentines gala evening where they raise money for the cardiac department at the hospital where they both work. Mum and Dad, well, especially Mum keep harping on about me still being single and she and my youngest older brother and his wife, who was my best friend growing up, are always trying to find a doctor to marry me off to."

"OK, I'll do it."

"But I haven't asked you!"

"You want me to be the pretend boyfriend for the weekend?"

"Well, I mean, I was thinking you wouldn't have to attend, and we could skype them and pretend we were together or something. I mean, you've probably got a girlfriend or something anyway."

"Nope, I don't, but it sounds like it could be fun. Count me in."

"Dad is still fairly conservative, so we'd have separate rooms and all that no doubt. Are you sure you're up for this?"

"Why not, but I do have a few stipulations."

"OK..." I had not thought Rhys might have some ideas on the subject.

"We need to get some stories straight beforehand so we aren't caught out so we will need to spend some time together prepping."

"That sounds fair enough."

"We keep this quiet. No social media, no rumours around the office."

"Perfect by me, I mean come 16th February or whenever you fly home, it will be all over anyway, and we go back to being colleagues."

"Thank-you. That was my third stipulation- an end date."

We shook hands and it was done.

"You look happy with yourself!" Janet poked her head inside my office later in the morning.

"Shut the door!" I commanded and ushered Janet to a seat, "Rhys has agreed to be my pretend boyfriend for the gala, but no one at the office is to know, ok."

"Excellent! That should at least get your Mum off your back!"

I hoped it would.

Needing to plant seeds to make this deception work I decided I would bypass Mum and go straight to Emily, after all, she was my oldest and dearest friend.

"Hey, Mummy of the year! How are you? I can't hear Issy in the background, is she sleeping?"

"Yeah, she is and typically Boyd's at work so we can't make the most of it!"

"Well hopefully, tonight then."

"Yeah, maybe."

"You don't sound too hopeful, Em, is everything ok?"

"You haven't rung to hear of my woes. Tell me some good news, please."

"Well, I don't know if Mum told you, but I've been seeing this guy from work and he's agreed to come up for the gala with me."

"Oh wow, that's awesome news! He must be pretty special."

"Yeah, he is. His name is Rhys Evans and he's a partner in the firm and his specialty is maritime law. He lives on a yacht and he's pretty bloody easy on the eye." Rhys was indeed handsome. Tall and lean with short dark hair that verged on black, and the bluest eyes I had ever seen. I knew many of the secretaries talked about him and tilted their heads or bit their lips as he walked by.

"You went through that sailing phase as a teenager. Don't tell me, if the boat's a rocking --"

"Shut up! Enough about me, how about you?"

"I think Boyd's having an affair." Emily burst into tears, "He never wants to touch me, and we haven't had sex since Isobel was born."

I thought back to my conversation with Giles.

"This is Boyd we're talking about. He's had a crush on you since we were like teenagers. He adores you." Boyd and Emily had been together for over 15 years and married for the last 8. They had travelled together and spent a few years undergoing IVF before Isobel came along. Boyd had always worshipped the ground Emily walked on. "Have you talked to him?"

"I tried, but he's working so much, and he has his final exams coming up and a new paediatrician is working with him and she's just gorgeous and I know she's single and she was all over Boyd at the Christmas party. I don't know what to do. But enough of my woes, I want to hear more about your man, he sounds too good to be true!"

"Yeah, perhaps he is. I mean, it's early days and if it wasn't for Valentines you probably wouldn't get to meet him until Easter, and it might be all over by then anyway."

"Why? Are you doubting yourself already? Don't Val! You're an amazing woman and would be the perfect catch."

"Well, maybe I don't want to be caught. I don't know."

"He must be special if we are all meeting him. Hills will have you engaged by the end of the gala."

I had no doubt my mother would try something like that, but I also thought Rhys and I were smart enough to figure out ways of diffusing things. I was concerned about Emily and Boyd's relationship. Emily and I talked for a little longer before Issy woke up.

'If I find you have been screwing around on my best friend, I will not only cut off your cock with a rusty knife, but I will make sure she has the best legal advice she can get, and she will hang you out to dry. Remember, I do this for a living and if it comes to it, she is closer to me than my brothers so watch it.'

Although I felt a sense of satisfaction texting my brother I did wonder if I had gone over the top. In less than a minute my phone rang.

"Val, it's Boyd," I heard between sobs, "How could you think, I have been unfaithful to, the, most perfect, woman in the world?"

"Come on dickhead, deep breaths."

"I'm sorry. I just can't do anything right."

"What do you mean?"

"For ages, I'd hold her and just snuggle, but then she told me I was suffocating her. Then I tried to do more around the house and it never seems to be enough."

"You're not going to get a fucking medal for doing stuff around the house, idiot! The idea of men's work and unpaid women's labour is long gone! So, you aren't screwing the new paediatrician at work?"

"Who? Melody? Fuck no! Never stick your dick in crazy!"

"Well, Emily seems to think..."

I could never cheat on Emily. She's my only, always, and forever. I adore her to bits."

Deep down I knew I should not have doubted my brother.

"Well, she's gagging for it and she thinks you must be getting it elsewhere."

"But I'm scared I'm going to break her."

"For fucks sake! I'm not a doctor and I know that many people manage to have sex after a baby is born. How would you explain Henry, you, or me otherwise? Talk to Giles or something, I'm sure he can help or even Bridget, I mean, she's the obstetrician in the family."

"Thanks, Sis. Can you tell her how much I love her when you speak to her again?"

"Tell her yourself! Bloody hell!"

A few days later there were flowers on my desk with a card from Issy saying 'Thank-you for helping Mummy and Daddy. Mummy really appreciates it!'

"Knock, knock!" Rhys was leaning in my doorway with his arms crossed across his chest, "Nice flowers, in fact, they're gorgeous. Are we still on for this project, or has a real-life replacement been found?"

"They're lovely, aren't they? They're from my niece, well her parents really as I doubt a 6-month-old can order such gorgeous blooms. You're back in the office again; people will start to talk! Are you still ok with the plan?" I was sure Rhys would have thought about it more and realised what a stupid idea it was after all.

"No," Rhys smiled, "I mean, yes, all good with it all, although I was thinking we should perhaps start it this weekend. How does dinner on Friday sound, nothing flash, just a bite to eat."