Field of Blooms: The Beginning Ch. 04

"I'm not going out there!" Austin protested a bit louder than he expected.

"I will pick your ass up and toss you over, your boyfriend just made the winning touchdown for the home team; this is a time to celebrate!"

They leapt onto the field. Eric came running over, picked up Austin, and swung him around ending in a big kiss.

Becka playfully punched Eric in the arm, "Way to go you big dumb jock."

The rest of the team came over, scooped Eric up and carried him off the field. As Becka and Austin were walking to the parking lot, he received a text from Eric saying there was a victory party at Tyler's house and that he better be there. Austin wasn't fond of the idea of going over to Tyler's knowing how he felt about him, but he knew that he didn't have a choice in the matter. So, he asked Becka if she would tag along with him and she gladly accepted.

They decided to stop by Austin's house on the way so they could wash off the face paint. By the time they got to Tyler's everyone was already there. A roaring bon fire was out back where Eric was talking to some of his teammates. When he saw Austin and Becka walk around the house he made his way over to them with a huge smile on his face, but when he tried to kiss Austin, Austin shied away and his smile faded.

Becka being quick thinking stepped in, "Eric that was an awesome victory touchdown! I think that could be one of the best games I've seen, and coming from Texas that is saying a lot."

"Thank you very much; it did help having my superman watching me." Eric smiled at Austin. "Come on, the fire is nice and warm."

"Do you know where the bathroom is? That soda from the game finally hit me." Austin questioned.

Eric told him it was just off the kitchen, down the hall on the right. Austin made his way through the group of people and to his destination. As he was leaving the bathroom and making his way down the hall he overheard two partygoers talking.

"I can't believe that Eric would actually date someone like Austin."

"I know, right? The only thing I thought he would be good for is bending over and taking it up the ass."

"I'm sure he's been passed around half the football team by now." The statements were cutting but the boisterous laughter was like salt in an open wound.

As the voices faded away, Austin wiped the tears from his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to get out of there but he didn't want to walk through the party alone, so he turned around and went back to the bathroom locking the door behind him. As soon as he was safe, he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Becka to meet him ASAP. Moments later there was a knock at the door.

"What the fuck is wrong?" Becka asked as Austin let her in the bathroom.

"I want to get the hell out of here. It was a huge mistake coming to this party." Austin started shaking.

Becka could see there was something seriously wrong with him, "Talk to me, what happened?"

"I overheard some people talking about me, and basically calling me a slut." Austin sunk to the floor.

"How in the hell did they basically call you a slut?!"

"They said the only thing I would be good for is taking it up the ass." Austin buried his head in his hands with embracement.

"Who the fuck were they?!"

"I don't know I just heard their voices. Can you please get me out of here?"

Becka led Austin out the front door and over to her truck. As he was getting in the passenger seat, Becka sent a quick text to Eric telling him Austin wasn't feeling good and that she was taking him home. It wasn't until they where half way to Austin's house when she got his reply asking if he should head over. She lied to him and told him that everything was going to be okay and that he should stay and enjoy the party.

When they got to Austin's house, he thanked her for taking him home. She offered to stay until Eric showed up, but Austin told her he was really tired and just wanted to be alone for a little while. Before leaving she told him that if he needed anything to give her a call. He made his way up to his room where he stripped out of his clothes and took his pill, before climbing into bed and wrapping himself in the covers. Laying there in the darkness, he began to shiver as his mind reflected over the events of that night. Soon his medication started to set in and carried him off to sleep.

He was in such a deep slumber that he didn't even feel Eric climb into bed with him. It wasn't until Eric kissed the back of his neck that he started to stir.

"Hey superman, I didn't mean to wake you. Is your stomach feeling any better? I brought you some ginger ale just in case you didn't have any."

"My stomach?" Austin asked puzzled.

"Yeah, Becka told me that the hot dogs didn't agree with you and that's why you left."

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry this drug makes me so groggy."

"Okay superman, get some rest and we can talk in the morning." Eric said as he started to rub Austin's back.

Eric had a strange feeling that Austin wasn't telling him something. He didn't sleep much that night wondering what was really going on. He was going to find out though someway somehow.

The next morning was a grey, rainy day, the perfect kind to spend watching movies on the couch. Austin's mood had not improved by lunch time and Eric was starting to get annoyed because he knew that something was bothering him.

"Austin, is everything okay?" Eric asked as he handed him a sandwich.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Because I have this feeling that something is going on that you are not telling me."

"There is nothing going on, Eric." Austin replied sharply.

Eric was taken aback by Austin's tone, "Then tell me why ever since I kissed you at the party you have been acting different. Honestly, it seems like all week you've been distant."

"I just don't want to talk about it right now, is that okay with you?" Austin snapped back.

"I don't know why you are getting fucking snippy with me! I only asked you if everything is okay!"

"Is everything okay?! Do you really want to know the truth?!"

"It would be real fucking nice to know!"

"Okay where should I start?" Austin slammed his plate on the coffee table, "How about the kiss in front of the school for everyone to see or how people have been calling me a slut behind my back, oh and let's not forget me getting shoved into my locker. It was only the first fucking week of school and I'm sick of the drama. You promised me that this year wasn't going to be like this!"

"Excuse me?! How the fuck is any of that my fault?! You're the one who didn't tell me any of this shit was happening, how was I supposed to protect you?!"

"Protect me?!" Austin was on the verge of a complete meltdown, "What the fuck am I, a porcelain doll?! I don't need protection; I just fucking need people to stop treating me like some low class piece of shit!"

"Oh my god! Here we are back at this class crap again! I thought this was done and over with but apparently you have the problem with it, not everyone else!"

"Oh really?! Because you were the one who spent over a thousand dollars on clothes for me just so you wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen with me!"

"Fuck you, you ungrateful little bastard! After everything I have done for you this is how you repay me?!"

"If you hadn't been such a fucking asshole that night at your house, I wouldn't have gotten the shit beat out of me and have to suffer with this fucking PTSD! For the rest of my life I'm going to have to take a pill so I don't jump at every dumbass sound, quick movement or flash of light!"

"You act like you are the only one with fucking problems, Austin! You have no idea of the shit storm you caused at my house but I didn't tell you because I knew it would upset you."

"You fucking asshole! How dare you yell at me for keeping secrets when you've been keeping them all along!"

"What the fuck do you mean by them? It was only one!"

"Just one?! I guess you forgot how you kept me a secret while you had a girl friend! Maybe everyone is right, I am just a trashy slut!"

"Well you are the one who knew I had a girlfriend and still went along with it, so don't cry victim to me slut boy!"

"Get the fuck out of my house!" Austin stood as the tears filled his eyes.

"Fine you stupid drama queen! The next time you have one of your stupid little episodes, don't fucking call me!" Eric shoved Austin onto the couch, then turned and walked away.

The moment Eric was out of his sight, Austin was consumed by a horrific anxiety attack leaving him shaking and crying uncontrollably. His breathing began to shallow and he soon started to hyperventilate. His body was completely enveloped in anxiety to the point he couldn't move and his breathing was so erratic that soon the world went dark as his passed out on the floor.

A few hours had gone by before Austin started to regain consciousness. His head felt like a semi truck was sitting on it. His body so weak from the massive attack, that when he tried to stand, he collapsed right back onto the floor. After a half hour had passed, he regained enough strength to make his way up to his bed where he collapsed and fell into a deep sleep. With his parents working double shifts, he spent the remainder of the weekend in bed.

That week when Eric was walking the halls, it felt like part of him was missing without Austin by his side. The few times he would pass Austin in the hall, it looked like the life had been drained out of him.

It was about halfway through Friday when he realized that he hadn't seen Austin at school. Just as he was about to pull out his phone, Jennifer came up and leaned on the locker next to his.

"Hey Eric, how are you?"

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"Ready for the away game tonight?" She smiled, "You know we will be cheering you on."

"Yeah I guess." Eric said as he scrolled down to Austin's number.

"You don't seem like it. You remember how I used to get you ready for the games?" A devilish grin crept across her face.

"Are you suggesting what I think you are?"

Licking her lips, "We can sneak off real quick, just like old times."

Eric closed his locker, put his hands on her shoulders and whispered in her ear, "Fuck off. I'm with Austin, not you."

Completely surprised at his comment, she turned around in a huff and stormed off. Eric's mood was ruined for the rest of the day; it even showed in the game as he was more aggressive towards the other players.

During the game he kept looking towards the stands for any sign that his superman showed up, his heart ached when he didn't see him. By half time their team was down thirty points and the team's mood was going south.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Mason?!" Tyler yelled as they walked into the locker room. "Quit dropping the goddamned ball!"

"Fuck you Tyler!"

"Oh I bet you'd like that, huh queer?!"

"I don't like sloppy seconds." Eric turned and started walking to the other side of the room.

"Fuck you faggot!"

Eric turned around, charged across the locker room and slammed Tyler into the lockers almost ripping them off of the floor, "Say something stupid again and I'll shut that fucking mouth of yours! I've had enough of you talking shit about me and Austin! I will fucking break your jaw!"

The entire room erupted as everyone was screaming and yelling in each other's faces. Tempers rose to boiling points until Coach Davis walked in and slammed the play book on the ground causing the room to fall silent.

After looking around the room he finally spoke, "I am very disappointed in everyone right now. Not because we are down thirty point, because you boys are not acting like a team. When things get bad we are not supposed to shift blame on each other, but pull together and do the best we can. Now let's pull together, act like a team and win this game!"

They played their hearts out in the last half of the game, only to lose by one point. The bus ride home was quiet, the eerie type of quiet that made even the bus driver feel like he was in trouble. Once they got back to the school, speaking not a word to anyone, Eric walked over and got in his car. His emotions were in overdrive between losing the game and missing Austin. He knew that he had royally fucked things up with Austin; he hurt someone who depended on him for protection. Pulling out his phone, he scrolled down to Austin's name and sent out a text hoping it wasn't too late.

"Are you still up?"

A few minutes passed before he got a reply. "Yeah."

"Would it be okay if I stopped by? I really need to see you."

Another few minutes passed. "If you want."

Eric shouldn't have been to surprised at how cold Austin's replies were. It was the first time since the fight that he had said anything to him, deep down inside he knew that he shouldn't have let an entire week go by. Looking at the clock he wished there was a florist open so he could get some flowers, the only thing open at eleven o'clock was the supermarket. As much as he hated grocery store flowers, he didn't want to show up empty handed. He drove over to the store and walked over to the florist area, picking out a decent bouquet of mixed wild flowers. Before heading to the checkout lane, he made a detour down the candy and card aisle. Picking out the candy was easy; Austin's favorite was Lindor Chocolate and they just so happened to have Peppermint. The card was a little harder to find since they don't make one that says "Sorry I was a complete asshole". Finally he picked out a beautiful card with a romantic poem in it.

My love for you is like the ocean waves.

Sometimes it is big and strong.

Sometimes it is small and gentle.

No matter what the season, just like the ocean waves, my love is always there.

On the drive over he kept hoping and praying that it wasn't too late to fix things with Austin. When he pulled up to the house, it was completely dark. He was relieved that Austin's car was the only one in the driveway; his parents must have been working late. His heart was racing as he walked up to the door. Just as he was about to knock, Austin opened the door. For the first time in his life he didn't know what to say, and then he just started rambling like a nervous school girl.

"I am so sorry Austin. I know there is nothing I can say to take back all the hurtful things I said to you last week. I was a stupid jerk for letting this week go by without apologizing to you. Can you ever forgive me?"

Austin just stepped to the side, "Do you want to come in?"

"I got these for you." Eric said as he walked in the door holding out the chocolate and flowers.

"Just put them on the table." Austin closed the door, walked over to the couch and laid down.

"Is everything okay?" Eric noticing Austin's solemn mood and expression.

"I went to the doctor today and had him up the strength on my meds." His voice was shallow and soft.

"Oh my god, what happened?" Eric sat on the edge of the couch as he looked into Austin's glazed over eyes.

"My anxiety was getting to much and I was having a lot of episodes."

The last words he said to Austin came flooding back to his mind. Guilt came crashing down on Eric like a ten story building crumbling to the ground. He looked a little closer at Austin and saw his arms were covered with bruises. Eric wondered how many episodes Austin endured alone. He should have been there; it was his fault that Austin had those bruises. If he hadn't let his anger get the better of him none of this would have happened. Tears started to fill his eyes as the guilt was becoming too much, he needed to get out of there but it was time that he stopped running away from his problems.

"Would it be okay if I stayed with you tonight?" Eric asked as he reached out and placed his hand on one of the bruises.

"If you want too." Austin replied almost in a whisper.

"Let me just run home and grab some clothes."

"I'll try and wait up for you." Austin yawned and stretched.

"If you need to, go ahead and sleep babe. I can always let myself in."

Eric was dialing Becka's number as he was walking to his car.

"Hello?" Becka answered in a voice that let Eric know she was asleep.

"I fucked up big time Becka." Eric closed his car door and started the engine.

"You don't say." The sarcasm oozed out of the phone.

"I take it you know about the fight?"

"Eric, if you only knew how much Austin had to beg me not to kill you when he told me, it would make your fucking head spin! The Hindenburg was a fuck up, the Titanic sinking was a fuck up, but what you did completely fucked Austin's mind up! You were his entire world, the sun rose and set by you. The things you said to him were beyond wrong. I don't know if he will ever forgive you, and if by the grace of god he does, I doubt I ever will!"

"I stopped by to see him, why is he acting the way he is?"

"Do you know how strong of a dosage he is on now?!"

"No, I don't. He did mention that he had the doctor up it but never told me how much."

"It is the highest he could be on without being in a mental hospital! How could you fucking call him a slut?! You must be brain damaged to even think of saying something like that to him!" Becka's rage at that point was palpable.

Eric started to cry, "I know I fucked up. I know I hurt him and I don't even know why I said what I did."

"Ugh, lord Jesus! Stop fucking crying buttercup. You need to man up to what you did and find a way to fix it."

"What can I do?"

"That is something you have to figure out for yourself, no one else can tell you."

"You don't have any ideas?" Eric asked as he pulled in his driveway.

"No, and even if I did I sure as hell wouldn't offer even one to you. I'm going back to bed."

"I'm sorry Becka." Eric said, struggling to hold back the sound of his voice breaking.

"I am not the one you need to say that too. Oh and one more thing, you hurt Austin again, and no matter how much he begs I'm going to break every bone in your body."

As Becka hung up he overheard her mumble, "Asshole" under her breath.

She was right, he had fucked up big time, Eric thought to himself as he rummaged through his closet. This was going to take a lot of work on his end to fix the damage that was caused. He had never seen Austin in such a bad state before. The image of those lifeless eyes kept coming to mind as he shoved some clothes into his bag. On the drive over he was trying to think of ways to make amends with Austin, but everything he thought of just didn't feel right. Then it came to him, he was going to write Austin a letter.

He had a strong feeling that Austin would be asleep by the time he got back, and he was right. Austin was sound asleep curled up on the couch. Eric looked through the house until he found some paper and a pen. He sat down and thought long and hard about what he was going to put in the letter.

Dear Austin,

I don't even know where to begin. I have caused you so much pain from the nasty things I said to you that day. I know there is nothing I can say now that will ever make you forget. I just hope that over time you can find it in your heart to forgive me and give me another chance. I have failed you in so many ways. I am supposed to be the one who makes you smile, the one who you can come to about anything. Not the person who causes you heartache. Looking back on that horrible day I remember seeing the pain in your eyes. I never want to see that look again. I am going to do everything in my power to make sure of that. This week without you has been so hard, I never should have let so much time go by without saying I'm sorry. I really can be so stupid at times. That fight was not your fault. If I had been a good boyfriend I would have noticed that something was wrong in school and taken care of those bullies before it ever got so bad. I really should have done something sooner. I want us to have a happy life together like we did before school started. I've decided to tone down the kissing and hugging at school. It never even occurred to me that it was making you uncomfortable. I want you to come to me and tell me things like that. The last thing I want to do is to ever upset you. I love you Austin and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I hope you do too.