Filled with Joy

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BuckyDuckman
BuckyDuckman
6,345 Followers

Jacob raked his razor across his shortened pubic hair, rinsing between each stroke created a tangled mess in the bottom of his sink. To keep his mind away from the one who got away, Jacob pushed his thoughts towards remembering his biggest secret, Rudy, his freshman year, and the dark secret Joy never knew. Many of Rudy's friends had shaved down there or sported closely cropped pubic hair. To Jacob, shaved or well-groomed pubic hair on a man suggested he might be gay or bisexual.

A hard-on made shaving both easier and more difficult. Raking his razor around his cock was easier while it was hard, pointing towards his navel, and out of the way. However, shaving above his cock became more challenging with his fat prick in the way. Because of Joy, he had learned the secret to shaving his balls: pulling the wrinkly-crinkly flesh of a nut sac tight against the nuts produced a smooth area that made it easier.

Sometimes, he wondered if he should have told Joy about his freshman year. Did she need to know about those nights when he drank deeply from another man instead of tasting the salty treat from his own cock? Did she need to know how much he had enjoyed sucking on one man while another awaited his eager, straight-guy mouth? She had enjoyed teasing his sexuality while they played, questioning how straight he could be if he liked it up the ass so much. "You are so gay!" she would gleefully crow. "Are you sure you're straight?"

Yes, he was sure. He knew he could never love another man in the same way he loved a woman. Guys were interesting sexual partners, but never romantic lovers, at least not for him. He loved women too much, their taste, scent, and softness. He enjoyed the tone of their voices and how a woman's take on the world came from a different way of being conditioned. Women were the flowers of mankind's garden in Jacob's mind.

Jacob examined his work in the bathroom mirror. His swollen cock ached for attention Jacob didn't provide. He had promised he would abstain from an orgasm until after his modeling session. After failing to keep his mind away from Joy, it was just as well. While the intervening years cushioned her memory with a thick layer of dust, his heart had ever healed. That was then and ever since, he had grown accustomed to living without Joy.


There were several cars parked in front of Amy's small, two-bedroom bungalow where she created her art. She greeted Jacob at the door much as one greets an old friend. Thick braids remained on either side of her head. The thin, crocheted headband had reappeared around her forehead and Amy looked giddy with joy as she mentioned they were waiting for just one more model.

She led him into a living room with an eclectic sense of decor. Every inch of every wall was covered with some kind of artwork without concern for its style. A charcoal sketch of a female nude happily hung between an intricately rendered landscape and a very abstract piece of work that looked like nothing more than splatters of paint. Four other men sat around an old door transformed into a coffee table. The furniture was a hodge-podge consisting of a chair made from webbing like a hammock, a couch that most college students would pass-by if they saw it sitting curbside, and an antique wooden rocker old enough to have been used by Betsy Ross while sewing the American Flag.

Music throbbed with a heavy dance beat, lavender incense scented the air with wispy, erect trails of smoke, and lesbian porn played on the very large TV hung among the artwork. Jacob wasn't sure which surprised him more, the explicit action on the TV or that Amy even owned a TV. She struck him as the sort of person who would shun something so pedestrian. He said as much and she laughed. "Old movies. They're art, too."

"Interesting programming choice," he said.

"Just doing what I can to put my models in the mood," she said before returning to the door to greet her last remaining model.

Jacob gave the other men that little nod guys exchange that says, "Wassup?" or "I see you." or "How's it going?" The four men were evenly spaced about the room, one in each chair and the two sitting at opposite ends of the couch, leaving only the space between them available. "Jake," he said as he moved towards that remaining empty spot.

"Keith," announced the man to his right, offering a firm handshake. Keith looked half a dozen years older than Jacob and had thirty extra pounds packed on as pure muscle.

"Liam," said the man to Jacob's left, offering the opposite kind of handshake, a limp, rather feminine touch of his fingers inside Jacob's hand. Liam wore a big, friendly smile and it was easy to guess he was glad someone else close to his age had arrived since the other two men were closer to Keith's age or beyond. Liam was a skinny man and moved in a way that suggested his preferred sexual alignment without asking. Jacob hated making that assumption, but was sure he was correct. Liam was surely one of the gay guys Amy had suggested might be there.

Flanking both sides of an end table made from a shipping crate sat the oldest looking model. "Mason," he announced with an easy going grin. With his gray goatee and mostly gray head of hair, Jacob placed Mason's age as fifty-ish. The older man wore the button down shirt of a businessman and khakis. He looked fit and if Jacob had was forced to guess he would say Mason enjoyed running marathons.

Frank sat in the chair made from hammock webbing, and looked as generic as a guy could come: average height, average weight with a bit of a belly, and without easily identifiable, distinguishing attributes. He could blend into the background nearly anywhere.

"Honey? We could use another chair," Amy called from the doorway while welcoming the last of her models. Jason noticed how she kept her arm around the tall man's waist, holding him tight and leaning against his shoulder. "This is Terry," she announced. "And if he looks familiar, you're watching one of his movies." The well-tanned man offered a bright white grin.

Confused, Jacob glanced again at the porn playing on the big TV still showing two very attractive women engaged in very explicit sex. "Are you the blonde or the brunette?" Mason asked.

"Good one," Terry said with a big grin.

"Wait, you're Ransom Steele, aren't you?" the skinny gay guy sitting next to Jacob's left asked. Terry nodded, looking pleased that someone recognized him. "But I thought you did gay erotica?"

"Straight, gay, as long as there's a paycheck, it doesn't matter to me," Terry said, flashing his bright white.

But that wasn't enough of answer for Liam. "So, are you straight, gay, or only gay-for-pay?"

"I'm for what feels good," Terry replied, which earned him an extra squeeze from Amy and a big kiss on his cheek.

Harold walked in carrying a dining room chair followed by a pretty girl carrying a second one. "Everyone? Meet Blaze, our bartender, caterer, and DJ for today."

"I'm setup in the kitchen and if you can name it, I can mix it," Blaze promised, setting down the chair she carried and giving everyone a wave. Jacob wouldn't have been surprised to find the words "club girl" and "hipster" inked somewhere on her overly tattooed body. She had two full arm sleeves and the suggestion of more hidden beneath the open collar of her shirt. Of the several colors to her hair, Jacob couldn't decide which one was closest to her natural color. The mix of primary colors suggested none of the colors occurred naturally. Without seeing, he could guess she had more piercings that the eight he counted on her head.

"Where's Honey?" Amy asked, signing the words as she spoke them.

"I'll get her," Harold said, signing his words as he spoke them. It was the first time Jacob had heard the big man speak and he did so in that exaggerated tone of the completely deaf.

Blaze controlled the music with her cell phone, lowering the volume as Amy welcomed her models. She was still working on providing names with faces when Honey swept into the room wearing a big smile and a slightly frazzled look. "And my apprentice slash protégé slash intern, Honey," Amy said with a sweep of her hand towards the woman.

Jacob felt his heart skipping a beat as soon as he saw the tall, willowy thin girl wearing a t-shirt and Daisy Duke shorts that looked as if they remained around her narrow hips by magic. Her tight t-shirt looked two sizes too small, even for her tiny frame and didn't quite meet up with the waistband of her low-slung shorts. Though she had lightened the color of her hair from plain brown to a shade of amber wheat, Jacob instantly recognized her.

"Joy?" he asked, fighting off the impact of an uncertain heart suddenly beating too fast.

"Jake?" she replied with wide-eyed recognition before squealing, "Oh-my-fucking-God!" She climbed over Liam and into Jacob's lap, showering the startled man with kisses from his forehead to his lips. "What are you doing here?"

"Modeling," he said, smiling on the outside while his insides twisted and twirled as if he had stepped onboard the latest in super roller coasters designed specifically to double as test equipment for astronauts. His heart pounded out a losing effort to keep up with the questions swirling in his head. What was she doing here? How did she know Amy? Where had she been? Why was Amy calling her Honey?


Though it was only four in the afternoon, storm clouds had cast a shadow over his dorm room dark enough for him to turn on his bedside lamp. Jacob checked the time of his text message and saw an hour had passed without an answer or a reply. He pressed the dial button. Sometimes Joy was too busy to reply to a text, but she always answered her phone. It rang twice before she purred, "Mm, hi baby." Then she giggled and told someone else, "Cut it out for moment, it's my boyfriend."

"Some boyfriend," said a man's voice in the background. "I thought I was your boyfriend."

"You used to be," she told the other person before cooing again, "So what's up?" She sounded filled with sunshine.

"I sent you a text earlier and never hear back," Jacob said, half tempted to hang-up the phone. The noises he heard in the background sounded wrong. He didn't recognize the male voice, but could guess it was Mark, Joy's last boyfriend. The guy who had broken them up once before. He committed to his more fearful guess, "What's Mark doing there?"

"He popped by to see how I was doing," Joy said, her voice caught halfway between a giggle and a squeal. "He has a new place, in my building." Joy lived in an apartment off-campus; a large, older home divided into four efficiency apartments. While she had claimed living in dorms cramped her artistic integrity, Jacob believed she found having a roommate inhibited her hedonistic lifestyle.

"We're gonna be neighbors!" Mark yelled loud enough for Jacob to hear.

Ice filled the cracks left behind by Jacob's breaking heart. "I didn't mean to interrupt," he said. "Not ever."

"Wait, what does that mean?" Joy asked. Before he could answer, she sharply told Mark, "Will you cut it out for one second, please?"

"Just what I said," Jacob said with a heavy sigh. "Have fun with Mark." He disconnected the call, turned off his phone, and looked out his single dorm room window in time to see the first flat splatters of rain splashing against it. That's how he was sitting two hours later when, Dan, his junior year roommate came back.

"Everything okay?" Dan asked.

"I think I just broke up with Joy."

"Dude, that sucks."

"Yeah, I really liked her," he said, knowing he should have used a stronger verb that started with the letter L.

He kept his phone off until morning, not turning it on until he left for classes. He hadn't missed a single call or text message from her. Not a day later, week, month or years. Joy was gone from his life.


"How's Mark?" Jacob asked the smiling blonde on his lap.

"Mark?" Joy asked, as if she had to think hard placing the name from her past. "Oh, Mark! Gosh, he was four or five guys ago. I have no idea how he is."

Jacob realized they had an audience of two as Liam and Keith looked on. "I was six boyfriends ago," he told Liam, who looked most interested.

"Damn, girl," Liam said.

"How many years ago?" Keith asked.

"Six?" Jacob asked, trying to remember when he had pushed Joy from his life. As he remembered, he would have been twenty-one while they were dating, both finally old enough to legally drink the bars.

"Six years and only five boyfriends," Joy said with a nod. "And the last guy lasted two whole years." She gave Jacob a smile as if reporting on a personal best. For her, she probably was.

"Oh snap. Well, then never mind," Liam said, correcting his earlier comment.

Amy interrupted the unexpected reunion. "Honey? Are we okay?"

"Sorry," Joy said, climbing off Jacob's lap with a parting smile. "Old friend."

A cloud passed over Amy's usually cheerful face. She directed her question to Jacob, "Are we okay? I can work without her."

"It's fine," he said, uncertain if he was lying.

Amy's gaze lingered on him until she was convinced. The broad smile returned to her face and she aimed it at the group of men sitting in her living room before shimmying her way between her makeshift coffee table and their legs. Blaze kept the music low enough that everyone could hear Amy's words, except Harold, of course. She moved in front of Mason, the businessman with gray hair in the button-down shirt. She brushed her fingertips across his face, tickling him beneath his gray goatee. "You are so fucking hot," she said as he returned her big smile. "I'm serious. I love your button-down look and I can't wait to see your hard dick."

She slipped in front of the guy sitting in the hammock chair, Frank. "Did your wife ask why you shaved?"

"No, but I think she likes it."

"Does she know you're here?" Amy asked. Frank shook his head. "Does she know you like to suck dick?" His face went red as he shook his head again. "Are you going to do that today?"

"Maybe," Frank said, his eyes flicker past Amy and glancing around the room. "If that's part of the thing for today."

"Mm, whatever it takes to keep you hard," Amy replied as she crossed to stand in front of the bodybuilder. She squeezed Keith's large bicep. "You haven't been working out your man muscle, have you?"

"No ma'am," Keith said. "I've been saving it for you."

"Not me," Amy corrected, sidestepping in front of Jacob. "Maybe for him?"

"Maybe," Keith agreed, his eyes locked on Amy.

"You and Terry have something in common," she told Jacob, confusing him. "Honey has seen both of you naked and hard."

"Joy has seen lots of guys naked and hard," Jacob said, not meaning anything by it.

"Does that make you jealous?"

"It never did. It only made me want her more."

"Good boy," Amy said, leaning over and kissing his lips. When she stood up, she looked directly at Joy and said, "You should have never let this one to get away."

She finished her circuit in front of Liam. She straddled him, sitting on his lap and pulling his face between her modest cleavage while telling the rest of the group, "Don't be fooled by this one. He's a top and will eagerly fuck any one of you."

"And Amy's a bitch," Liam said when he was released from her grip. "She's been trying to get me naked since we first met."

That left Terry, the tan, well-built porn star. Jacob glanced at the TV and realized the scene had changed from the two girls going at it to a scene that included Terry in all his glory. Terry was banging the hell out of one of the girls while the other watched and waited her turn. "Let's see it," Amy told him with a nod at his midsection.

"Sure thing," Terry said, pulling off his shirt and revealing the even coloring of his deep tan. He held his shirt while kicking off his shoes before carefully folding his shirt on top of his footwear. He unzipped his jeans and pulled them off as if doing nothing more than changing at the gym. His long cock dangled, half-hard until he began stroking it. He was smooth skinned, gorgeous, and hard within moments.

"Damn, dude," Mason muttered from his front row seat.

"In my profession, getting hard on command is a requirement," Terry said, unashamed of his hard-on or embarrassed by the roomful of eyes looking at him.

"Who's next?" Amy asked.

"Shit, I might as well disappoint," Frank said, standing, pulling off his shirt, and exposing a pasty white chest and a big belly. He worked off his pants and whitey-tighty underwear, too. His legs were as white as his midsection. His cock was as average as the rest of him, not embarrassingly short, but nowhere near the porn star proportions of Terry, though he was hard, too. "I took some Viagra," he admitted.

"You're beautiful," Blaze said wearing a huge grin. "I used to dance for guys like you and Mason. Guys like you were always nicer. Let me know if you need help staying hard."

"Really?" Keith asked. "Is that allowed?"

"Whatever it takes," Amy said, smiling as the rest of the guys got the message that it was time to strip, too. She moved towards Mason and worked the buttons on the front of his shirt while apologizing for Blaze's comment. "You know she didn't mean anything by that."

"It's okay," he said with a smile, groping his crotch while she unbuttoned his shirt. He kept looked at Terry. "He makes me hotter than rainbow hair girl."

"You can touch if you want," Terry offered, moving closer. Mason did, caressing the porn star's hard cock and breaking the ice about what was and wasn't allowed.

As far as Jacob could tell, nothing would be off-limits. He stood and worked on his clothes, wishing he was harder as he pulled off his boxers. Group situations were always difficult for him.

"Yummy," Liam said, with his eyes locked on Jacob's mostly flaccid prick. "Do you need some help there?"

"Sure," Jacob said, unsure what kind of help Liam was offering until the naked man began fondling his balls. "Okay if I return the favor?" Jacob glanced past the small man and saw Joy watching. He smiled as his cock grew began growing hard.

"Please," Liam said, facing Jacob and offering his shaved cock and balls. All the men were shaved bare.

Jacob cradled Liam's junk, gently pulling on his shaft before caressing the skinny man's smooth balls. Liam's cock grew in girth and length, attracting Jacob's touch to his veiny, full prick. Nearly ten years had passed since freshman year, since the year of Jacob's awakening that sex could include more than just women.


From their first week as roommates, Rudy had made it clear he was gay.

"Do your parents know?" Jacob asked, trying to wrap his innocent mind around the concept of being gay.

"Oh yeah, I'm out. Fuck the haters."

"Yeah, fuck them," Jacob laughed, filled with inappropriate questions. He couldn't resist the biggest one, "Have you always known you were gay?"

"I didn't want to be," Rudy confessed. "I tried not to be. I jerking off to straight porn, but I only watched the guys. Who was I kidding? I wasn't looking at the girls, I just wanted to see what that guy's hard dick."

"Guess that means it won't matter if I'm naked around you." Jacob replied, unsure what to make of Rudy's confession.

Rudy looked surprised. "You know, most straight guys feel the opposite way. They're afraid I might check them out."

Jacob considered that for a long moment. "Does it matter? I mean, don't all guys look?" Jacob knew he had. While he had never stared or gazed upon another man as a potential sex partner, he had glanced to see what other guys were packing. That didn't make him gay, did it? He asked as much.

"Some guys think it does," Rudy said with a shrug. "But then, most guys are idiotic homophobes."

"I don't think I am," Jacob said, faced with analyzing himself in ways high school had never required. "I don't want to make out with another dude. Does that make me a homophobe?"

BuckyDuckman
BuckyDuckman
6,345 Followers