Final Love

I knew I would never see him again; it was a love that could never be. His lips were so soft; I dream only to have them touch mine once more. That will not come true, for he had another set of eyes to gaze into, another pair of thighs to caress with his warm, smooth fingers. Just to hear the sound of his soothing voice; oh I miss him so much. I wonder if he thinks of me ever; or if he even remembers me.

I knew our souls had bonded to each others from the moment we met. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before, almost like the scenes from a movie where two people lock eyes from across the room. His gaze was as playful as the tone of his words. I remember thinking that he was awfully nice for someone so good looking. And he seemed interested, more than interested. I can recall the ripples of muscles along the expanse of his throat, as he drank his vodka tonic and I, a margarita. My pink tongue teasingly licked the salt off the rim of my glass, I took another sip, my wide brown eyes always remaining on his. It was heaven as he stroked his fingertips back and forth over my knuckles to which I responded with a stroke in his lap. A faint flush of rose showed across his cheeks as his man hood rose between his legs. I was in love from that moment on.

I felt like this was some kind of dream come true; some crazy dream and I was content to savor it rather than try to wake up. I liked just looking at him, one of God's great masterpieces. I knew I wanted him and I felt some kind of achy desire not only in my chest, but deep in my loins for him as well.

All too soon though the night had to end. He drove me back to where I was calling "home" for the night in his sleek 1989 silver Subaru, G.T. with midnight black interior. As we sat in the parking lot of my hotel, he stroked my long dark hair, now gray with age and experience. Only when he drew me near to hold me close did I catch another glimpse of that heavy ring of guilt around our fingers and realize that nothing could ever become of our forbidden relationship. We both knew that the person waiting for us at home would never fulfill that empty ache and pain that we did for each other.

No words were needed. We were sharing the same thought. He crossed over the shifter and I pulled my skirt up to invite him in as I took hold of the lever to lay my seat back. His mouth was cool, but I was too warm to care. I felt his pulse under my fingertips rapidly increasing. I knew I should have left before I got even more attached to him. The shadows of the passing cars, have permanently etched the sadness of his face in my mind as his lips slowly left mine knowing what could never be.

But as he drew me close once more for a hard thrust, I fought the urge to leave. I should have listened to my thoughts and not my heart or the gratification being received. He lifted my chin to kiss me, and I responded with a low guttural moan of pleasure. He brought his lips lower to the long curve of my neck, and as if he knew just what to do to get me to never want to leave, he playfully taunted my collarbone with the surface of his teeth and his hand cupping the pink flesh of my chest. But when my lips reached his once more, it was more than just a kiss; it was tentative, and long and as if to say he would never leave my embrace. His mouth soon warm with my love for him. His emptied himself into my warmth as he let go all inhibitions. Our one last touch had to end much too soon. I had to leave, our time together couldn't last any longer even though we wanted very much to keep that night going forever. And as I left him sitting there in his loneliness, I knew we each had to go back to our "loved" ones. A force stronger than our illicit love made me leave him.

To this day many years later, I don't know where that force came from nor have I ever felt a love so deep. What I have to remember him by lies in the eyes of my 25 year old son. Last thing I heard, JoN and his wife moved to London and have twin daughters who would now be 23 years old. That night things changed; time seemed to have stopped. And now that he is gone I realized I'd fallen in love with him right then and there, something I know I can never have ever again.