Finding Home Ch. 03byXantu©
The insistent beeping of the alarm nagged Cassy awake. She stretched and pulled herself out of bed. The shower felt good, clearing her head warming her muscles. She dried off and put on the ointment for the first time of the day. It seemed to burn more intensely than yesterday and she rubbed hard at herself trying to relieve the pain, abruptly she felt her clit start to throb against her hand and she gasped and flinched as an unexpected climax shook her. She jerked her hand away in surprise. A wave of guilt came over her. She felt herself spinning away.
Cassy did not know how long she had been sitting in the bathroom. She felt cold. Her cunt had settled down to the familiar warmth and tingle. She grimaced and got up. Her clock said 6:30. She had not been out of it very long.
She dressed in sweats and went down to the exercise room. She ran on a tread mill for about a half hour. She had clipped the timer on her waistband and it went off. She went back to her room and reapplied the ointment. It did not burn so much this time. She rubbed it into her tissues more gently but she sensed a softness and warmth in her feelings. Her whole pelvic area seemed heavier, her muscles loosening. She was both relieved and saddened when the five minutes were up.
It hit her. She was in dread of having an orgasm. Her ambivalence about having orgasms came came a surprise to her. She had always believed she wanted to come but something was wrong with her that kept it from happening. She realized that she had been subconsciously resisting all this time.
She showered quickly and changed into her uniform. She logged onto her computer. The professor had posted her schedule for the day. He wanted to see her briefly right after breakfast. He had scheduled a massage for her in the morning. He wanted to see her for a two hour therapy session after lunch.
She opened her journal. He had reviewed it. He had edited it by changing her text to a lavender and added his comments and questions in bold black. He encouraged her to spend more time talking about her feelings and describe sensations. He prompted her to watch the video again and think about what she was feeling and why. He asked her why she called Mia, 'Miss Mia' rather than 'Momma'.
At the end he asked about her reactions to the letter from her Master, how she thought he may have been feeling when he wrote the letter and how he may be feeling now. He asked if she would like to write a letter back to her Master.
She responded to his question about calling Mia 'Momma', "I don't know. It feels weird to call someone that. I don't remember calling any of my foster parents Mom or Momma. It just never seemed right."
She answered that she had been thrilled to get a letter from her Master but the contents had made her feel awful. "What he said in the letter was true. I was fading away. I don't know exactly how or when I started doing it. It felt right to do it. It seemed like that was what my Master wanted from me, but I don't know why I think that. I would like to write him, if he would permit it. But I am kind of nervous about what I should say."
It was getting close to 7:30 am. Cassy put her timer and her ointment in her purse and walked down to the kitchen. Mia was bustling around the kitchen. "Good morning Cassy, you are my first customer this morning. We usually don't eat a heavy breakfast. We got fruit, yogurts, cereal, toast, juice... Do you drink coffee?"
Cassy shook her head and moved to the table set with plates and bowls in the dining area of the kitchen.
Mia stopped and turned. "Cassy, I greeted you in a happy, polite, socially appropriate way. It would be nice if you could return that kindness."
Cassy froze and felt horrified. "I... I am sorry Miss Mia. I forget to talk sometimes. Um... Good morning. Breakfast sounds wonderful. No thank you, I don't drink coffee." Her face was red with embarrassment.
"That is OK, apology accepted. I am just not going to let you get away with any back sliding."
"Thank you. I think I will need all the help I can get."
Cassy sat down and poured herself a glass of cranberry juice and got a single piece of dry toast. She sat nibbling on the crunchy bread and sipping at the juice. She did not feel very hungry after eating such a big dinner the night before.
Mia turned and frowned. "You are going to need to eat more than that or the Professor will be putting you on a special diet. Believe me girl you will have him in your head enough, you don't need him in your stomach. Now put some cream cheese on that toast and help yourself to some granola with strawberries and one big glass of milk. My orders. I want to see you putting some curves on over those bones."
Cassy sighed and served herself the food Mia recommended and began to force herself to eat. "I just don't feel hungry."
"Cassy, we both know that you go out of your way to avoid feeling much." The Professor's voice was soft. Cassy almost dropped her spoon and scrambled to stand. "I love working with well trained subs. They are so compliant. Sit Cassy, sit down and finish your breakfast."
The Professor moved into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee, took a sip and groaned in pleasure. "Heaven pure heaven, Momma what would I do without your coffee in the morning." He wrapped his arms around the rotund cook and kissed her on the top of the head.
William came in and smiled and stammered, "Goo... good morning." He sat down and helped himself to a bowl of cereal.
The Professor spoke softly with Mia for a while and then turned to Cassy. "Cassy, after you are finished eating wait for me in the library."
"Yes, Professor sir." He nodded, smiled and walked out of the kitchen.
Cassy forced herself to eat every bite and drank down the tall glass of cold milk. She grimaced at the taste. She had never liked milk.
"Miss Mia, thank you for breakfast. And thank you for keeping me from back sliding."
"Us girls got to stick together."
Cassy knew that she was referring to their shared loneliness. "I don't know where the library is."
"Its just across the hall, dear. It looks just like it sounds. Big room, lots of books." Mia pointed at a door on one side of the kitchen. "Just through there and across the hall."
Cassy picked up her dirty dishes, brought them to the dish washing sink and rinsed them off. Mia bustled up. "Thank you, its nice when people do little things to help like that. Here just put them in the dishwasher here. Good girl." Inexplicably Cassy felt a frightening wave of sadness. She turned and hurried out of the kitchen.
The library was filled with books. But it was completely disorganized. Stacks of magazines and paperbacks covered the tables and were piled up on the chairs and couches. All the shelves were filled with oddly mixed up reference books, self help guides, medical journals, fiction and god knows what else. Cassy wandered from one pile to the next looking through them wondering how anybody ever found anything in here.
The door opened and the Professor walked in. Cassy was already standing but she put down the book she was holding and tried to stand up straighter. "Follow me." He turned and left.
He led her down to the basement and went to the locked door leading to the therapy rooms. The hallway was narrow, dark with a low ceiling. The walls and ceiling seemed to be made from heavy rough stone. Dim lights behind heavy iron grates barely lit the way. They passed by several heavy wood doors with obvious heavy locks.
As they passed by one door Cassy was startled when it shook with the thuds of fists beating on inside. Mary's voice was hoarse and raging, "You let me out of here. You can't keep me locked up in this fucking hole. I can hear you out there. My parents will sue your fucking ass off..."
The professor turned to Cassy and smiled and put his finger to his lips, then he turned to the door. "Mary if you are quiet you will hear me say this." The yelling stopped. "Your parents know exactly what is happening. They signed all of the treatment permission forms. You signed all the same forms. I can and will keep you locked in this fucking hole as long as I think it is necessary."
He beckoned for Cassy to follow. He stopped at another door and gestured for her to come close. He spoke in low voice. "I find a direct approach to confronting denial to be the most effective. Now Cassy, I invited you down to assist in Windy's treatment. She is a sad case. She had a Master but could not ever bring herself to submit to his authority. He abandoned her but when she tried to commit suicide he felt responsible and committed her here. She has turned out to be a rare thing in this world. Instead of being submissive, she is a true masochist. She wants and needs pain. When her master would punish her for her failures she found the pain incredibly reinforcing. Instead of teaching her to be obedient he conditioned her to misbehave. She also suffers from a personality disorder that makes it difficult to tell the truth, or understand the feelings and needs of others."
"Inside this room we will find Windy. She has been bound to prevent her from causing herself pain. I find that isolation and boredom to be an effective consequence for Windy when she has broken the rules. Pain is reserved as a reward. I am going to give you her reward. This will involve some very mild pain. If you start to feel like you are disassociating I want you to say "No more." I will help you keep from fading away and you do everything you can to stay in the moment."
The timer in her purse chimed. "Professor sir, Um... It is time for my medicine."
"Give me the jar. Now if this is going to be effective I need you to be a very good actress. I want you to scream and protest. I want you to beg for mercy. It would be very good if you can also let her think you are getting sexually turned on. Moans, gasps, maybe beg me to fuck you at some point. She will be blind folded so she will be imagining much more than what will be exactly happening. Do you think you can do this for me?"
Cassy nodded uncertainly.
"Words girl, words."
"Yes Professor sir."
"Good girl. OK here we go."
His voice was suddenly sharp and cruel as he unlocked the door. "I don't fucking except fucking weak excuses. Get your ass in here and fucking strip off. You better be fucking ass naked in five second or things will go even worse." He was smiling and winking, his face at complete odds to this tone and words.
Cassy tried to smile back but her lips trembled. "Please sir, are you going to hurt me? Please don't hurt me." He nodded enthusiastically and gave her a big thumbs up. She hurried to strip off her clothes, too caught up in the game to worry about being naked.
"Shut the fuck up, bitch. Of course I am going to hurt you. I am going to beat the fucking lies right out of you." He slapped his hand loud against his own thigh.
Cassy yelled, "Ow" and began to whimper.
"Get on your fucking knees and face the corner." Cassy shuffled over and faced the corner. She flinched when he touched her and silently turned her to face the room. Cassy could see that Windy was bound to a table, lying on her back. She had a blanket over her. She had a gag in her mouth and a thick blindfold over her eyes.
"Windy, you know why you are here. Your behavior last night was totally inappropriate. You know that kicking Cassy was cruel. Even if she was lying I will not tolerate violence between residents. You did not earn your reward and because I must punish Cassy I had the brilliant thought of saving myself some time and energy. I am sure it will be very infuriating to listen to your reward being given to another who does not want it." Windy began to grunt and scream through her gag and strain violently against the straps holding her flat to the table.
The Professor turned to Cassy. "Stand up bitch, put your hands over your head. He silently mouthed, "OK?" Cassy nodded. He opened the jar of ointment and gently rubbed it on her nipples and then reached down and rubbed a generous amount on her cunt.
Cassy hissed and groaned. "Oh sir, yes thats nice. I like that. Please don't hurt me. I will do anything for you."
"Punishments first, you slut." He rattled the chains noisily as he bound her standing with her hands loosely over her head.
"Oh god Sir, not so high, it hurts my arms. I can't hang like this. Let me down please." Cassy could see Windy fighting against her bindings. The Professor picked up an evil looking cat with small metal tips on the end of each lash. "Oh no, not that whip. Please not that whip. It will kill me."
"You will count and thank me prettily each time I give you a gift of this lash. I will decide when I think you have learned not to lie to me." The professor snapped the whip loudly in the air and then slapped it loudly against the wall.
Cassy shrieked and gibbered, "Oh god One sir, Thank you Professor sir." and began to sob loudly.
"Beg me for more, beg me to lash you again. Beg me to teach you your lesson." The professor casually trailed the metal tips of the lash across Windy's face.
Cassy whined, "I can't. It hurts too much. I can't."
"If you beg nice maybe I will use this flogger on you instead." He swished the softer leather loudly.
"Oh yes, please. Whip me with that. I think I could bear that. Please sir, teach me. Teach me not to lie. Please beat me." Cassy was shocked when he did hit her with the softer flogger. The soft leather slapping into her ass cheek with a thud and then a sting. She grunted in surprise and stammered, "Two sir, thank you sir." He continued to flog her watching her reactions carefully. His blows were careful, never causing much pain. Cassy continued to cry out and count, begging for mercy but began to add whimpers of nervous excitement, breathing hard. Cassy began to notice it wasn't that hard to fake being excited. Her cunt was hot and wet, throbbing like crazy. Her nipples were hard as pebbles.
"Have you learned you lying bitch?"
"Oh yes Sir, I promise to always tell you the truth sir."
He rattled the chains and let her arms down. "You stink of juicy cunt. You want to be fucked don't you."
Cassy did not have to fake the shame and eagerness in her voice. "Please sir, I need to be fucked. I need to come."
He leaned down and almost noiselessly whispered into her ear, "We can but only if you want this." Cassy swayed, suddenly lost, she felt herself starting to fade. She felt his hand on her face tapping gently and heard his voice from a distance. "You will get fucked only when you deserve it bitch. You have not earned it yet. Get dressed slut. You disgust me." He gently kissed her on the forehead and propelled her to the pile of clothing in the corner of the room.
He walked to the table where Windy lay and unbuckled the gag. "What have you to say for yourself."
"Don't beat her. She didn't lie. I lied. Beat me. I am the one that lied." Windy babbled straining against her straps to be free.
"But dear, you like to be beaten. To earn that reward you must tell me the truth."
"I am. I am telling the truth now. Beat me, oh please." Cassy was alarmed when she saw Windy suddenly bite her lip hard and a trickle of blood ran out the corner of her mouth.
"Windy stop biting your lip. You will get some pain soon. You don't have to do that. Let go of your lip and apologize to Cassy and you will get what you crave."
"I am sorry. It was my fault. You were ready. I was late. I lied. You didn't do anything wrong and I was horrible to say you did. Please forgive me." Cassy noticed that Windy did not make any promises to change her behavior.
Her voice was shaky and soft. "OK, I forgive you but I don't know if I can trust you."
Windy's voice had a soft giggle. "Don't worry about that. Nobody trusts me. I don't even trust me."
"Good girl, open your mouth so we can put the gag back in. I am one of those that doesn't trust you and I can't risk having you biting yourself any more. I will give you ten extra minutes of pain today if you are cooperative." Windy obediently opened her mouth and passively accepted the gag.
The professor pulled back the blanket. Cassy was shocked to see bruises scattered over Windy's breasts. Her nipples looked almost black and seemed to be weeping drops of clear liquid like the skin had been scraped off. "Windy sometimes has trouble waiting for her rewards. She hurt herself during dinner last night." He took the small blue jar and carefully scooped up some of the ointment onto a finger tip. He spread it over the open wounds on Windy's nipples. She went rigid. Her shriek was like a whistle going through her nose. "I thought you would like that. I will walk Cassy back out and I will come back to give some more." Windy nodded eagerly.
The professor took Cassy's arm and led her from the room. Carefully locking the door behind them. He kept a hold of her arm and walked her part way down the hall. Suddenly he stopped and pushed her gently back against the wall, pressing his body against hers. "You didn't really answer my question. Do you want me to fuck you? And don't run away from me to avoid answering." His hands were hot against her face, holding her gaze locked in his.
"Yes, Yes sir. I wanted it so much. I am sorry I faded away. I felt like crying when you said I didn't deserve it."
"Cassy you deserve all the love in the world. You deserve to be fucked and have all the pleasure in the world. Unfortunately that moment is passed but I am sure we will have many more opportunities." Cassy felt a wave of guilt wondering if she was being disloyal to her Master by wanting so badly to have this man fuck her. He pressed the little jar into her hand. "Keep using this. It will help you pay attention to your body. The more you pay attention to your body the harder it will be to 'fade' as you like to say.
Go to your room. You have a new assignment on your desktop and you may like to watch the acting session you just did on the videos. It was Oscar quality. At 11:00 a professional masseur will come to your room. Your only assignment will be go focus on the sensations of your massage. Don't fade on us pretty girl. I have a promise to keep with Windy. I will see you at 1:30."
Cassy stiffened as his lips took hers and then she melted against him, opening her mouth letting his tongue delve deep. His kiss was brief as much as it was intense. She felt herself respond and then once more she was spinning away. He held her up and gave her a shake. "What are we going to do with you." He pushed her out of the locked hallway and closed the door behind her.
Cassy leaned against the door and moaned in frustration. Suddenly she was aware of William and Acadia in the game area. They had been shooting pool, but both of them were looking at her, concern in their eyes. She rubbed her hand across her face, and put on a rueful grin. "Good morning, guys. I would love to stay and talk but the Professor has an assignment for me." About that time the timer in her bag chimed and she sped off, heading for her room.
She pulled down her skirt and unbuttoned her blouse. She lay back on her bed and began to apply the cream. She let it soak into her nipples for a minute before moving on to her cunt. Her nipples where hard and aching before she allowed her hand to dip lower. "do not pursue or avoid orgasm" She whispered to herself. "five minutes, just stay here, don't fade, I deserve pleasure..." She was trembling when she touched the cream to her tender tissues. First the icy mint cooled and then the heat began to build. "focus" She kept rubbing, gently massaging in the ointment, spreading over all her pink flesh. She thought about her Master and she felt herself start to lose it. "No, don't think, feel." She kept moving her fingers over herself. After five minutes she had not orgasmed but she had not felt so hot and sexually turned on in her life. Her hands shook as she pulled up her skirt and buttoned her blouse. She went into the bathroom and washed her hands and face and ran a comb through her hair.