Finding Home Ch. 06

Testing was inconclusive, some tests indicated she had normal or possibly superior intellectual abilities but others said she was learning disabled or suffering from autism spectrum disorders.

The diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder was the most common and as far as Cassy was concerned a no brainer. The Professor was right about the psychiatrists.

In the back she found a number of copies of newspaper clippings. Someone had carefully kept a collection of the coverage of her parents arrest, the sensationalized stories of the bones being discovered, the trial, the suicide of her father, and the execution of her mother. There were pictures of both her parents.

Cassy sat a long time looking at the gray flat expressionless photos of those two people. If that was evil, evil was ugly, old and defeated. She could see the shape of her face in the the bones of the woman but little else. Neither picture stirred any emotion in her.

She learned that the bones had been the remains of two infants. One was male and the other female. Both had died before they were more than a few months old. Cause of death was undetermined. The little boy who had been around three years old and had died of strangulation, but had extensive marks of abuse on his body. His name had been Steven. For the first time she that day she began to cry. Soft steady tears flowed down her face. "You should have been quiet little brother." He had cried too much.

Her parents were named Andrea and Richmond Brasky. The press called them the Brasky Baby Killers. The trial indicated that her father had testified against her mother. That both parents blamed the other for the abuse. Both had received the death sentence. Her father had hung himself soon after, though there was some speculation that he may have had some help from other inmates. Her mother had refused to appeal and was executed by lethal injection three years after her conviction. Neither made any public statements.

Cassy found where the state had legally changed her name to protect her from public scrutiny. She wondered what bureaucrat decided on Chambers. But Chambers was better than Brasky.

Cassy had had enough. She carried the bundle of papers up to her room and resisted an impulse to throw them across the room. Carefully putting them down on the table she decided on impulse to put on sweats and to go run some. Her head was too full, she just wanted to run.

She let her body set the speed. She was going fast and it felt good. Her mind sorted out the information. Swinging from disbelief to sadness to anger she turned it over and over in her head. She had the random thought that she wished that she had never found out but then she knew that wasn't true.

She knew why she had lived. It was because she could be quiet. They tried to make her scream, but she stayed silent. Her lips had stayed shut just like the little girl in the picture. She had learned to hide inside the gray nothing. They could not kill her in there.

Windy was there in front of her. "Hi pretty thing, Acadia isn't here to protect you today."

Cassy stepped off the treadmill, wiping the sweat from her face with her sleeve. "I don't need Acadia to protect me from anything."

"Ooh, the little girl has claws?"

"Just leave me alone." Cassy tried to brush past the taller girl.

Windy grabbed her arm. "You aren't going to walk away from me without getting a taste of what I have to offer sweet thing." She yanked hard on Cassy's arm, swinging her to face her and reached down touching Cassy on her breast.

All the rage that Cassy had been trying to contain suddenly boiled over. "Fucking bitch, get your hands off me." She threw herself at the larger girl shrieking in rage, punching scratching, going for her face. Windy tried to block her but the force of the attack over balanced her and she fell backwards over the treadmill. Cassy followed her down, hitting at her over and over again, not noticing the triumphant smile on Windy's face.

The next thing she knew was she was in the air, still swinging and kicking as the Professor picked her up bodily from being on top of Windy. "Stop. Stop it now." He shook her like a doll. "Cassy stop it." She let her body go limp but she continued to glare at Windy, flexing her hands, little growls of rage still bubbling up in her throat.

"Windy go to your room."

"Why do I have to go to my room. She started it. She is crazy."

"And I am sure you did nothing, as usual. Go to your room. I will talk to you both separately."

Windy stamped her foot but went up the stairs. The Professor set Cassy down on her feet and turned her to look at him. "Give me one good reason not to turn you over my knee and paddle your ass red." His eyes were stormy with anger.

"I deserve it. I did attack her. I am getting tired of her come ons. I told her to leave me alone. She grabbed my arm and I just saw red. Go ahead and spank me."

He shook his head. "I probably will. Come on with me." He went to the door leading to the basement treatment rooms. He led her into the narrow dim stone tunnel. Cassy began to feel very nervous. He was really going to do it. She gulped nervously, all the rage suddenly gone. He unlocked a door and turned on a light in a perfectly normal room. Soft blue walls, a narrow cot, with a blue blanket, recessed lighting and a very business like looking stainless steel toilet and sink in one corner. "I will talk with Windy and then I will be back." The door clicked shut and just then Cassy noticed there wasn't even a door knob on the inside.

She went over and sat down on the edge of the bed. She felt a delighted giggle bubble up. She didn't care how much trouble she was in. She was glad she did it. It felt great. She stood up and punched a few times at the air. The Professor was right anger was powerful. She knew it would easily become addictive.

She went to the sink and ran some cold water and washed her face and hands. She still felt overflowing with energy, she wanted run some more. She tried to jog in place but it wasn't the same.

Goddamn that bitch Windy, why did she have to wreck everything. When her Master found out about this he was going to be pissed. There was nothing graceful or controlled about her behavior today. Still it had been worth it. She bounced around the room shadow boxing at her arch nemesis. "Sleeping beauty takes out the evil witch bitch Windy in one round."

"And Prince Charming is not too happy about it, in seeming stark contrast to the cocky little blond in the center of the ring." He stood in the door, his voice still angry.

Cassy tried to stand still and look contrite. "I am sorry I broke the rules. I was wrong."

"Of course you were wrong. I shouldn't have left you alone with those papers so soon after finding out about your parents. You were a time bomb and our darling Windy has a talent for pushing people's buttons."

"She keeps trying to have sex with me, trying to kiss me, touching me. I am fucking sick of her."

"You aren't as angry at her as you think. She is just an easy target. I have talked to her about her behavior. I am not sure if she is going to change much but I will expect you to handle yourself with more restraint. I will not have you getting into cat fights in my house."

"His name was Steven."

"Who?"

"The little boy, the one that died. His name was Steven. That is why I called the teddy bear Steven. Thats why I would whisper to it to be quiet. Steven wasn't quiet. Thats why they killed him."

"Cassy your mind is all over the place."

"I am sorry. Its been like this all afternoon. Its too much to comprehend. My name isn't Chambers. Its Brasky. No thats not true. It used to be Brasky. It was a dumb name anyway, Cassy Brasky. God that sounds horrible."

"Cassy stop."

"They think the guys in prison killed my father. That he didn't commit suicide. You know he told the truth, he didn't do it, it was all that woman, my mother. I know. She did it all."

She was pacing, talking faster and faster. Her arms waving, her face flushed. He approached her but she tried to avoid his hands. "You had to be quiet. If you weren't quiet she would kill you. She wanted to kill me but I wouldn't scream." He grabbed her and held her tight to his chest, rocking her. Hushing her and holding her close.

"Oh god. I am going to puke. Let me go." She rushed to the toilet and leaned over and wretched hard but she had not eaten lunch and had little to heave up. A small amount of thin sour liquid spilled out of her mouth. Finally she started to sob, deep soul shaking sobs that felt like they were going to tear her apart. He carried her to the bed and lay down with her, holding her close as she wept, wept for the little brother she had lost, wept for the childhood stolen from her, wept all the tears denied her by the need to survive.

A long time later she sighed, "Do you think Windy is right? Do you think I am going crazy?"

"Crazy? No not so much crazy, as overwhelmed. You have had a lot to deal with in a short amount of time. You will be fine eventually. The worst is over now. It may have been a good thing that Windy pushed you when she did. Getting this explosion out of the way was probably a good thing."

"What time is it?"

"Around 3:00 pm."

"How long do I have to stay down here? I am kind of hungry and I would fight a grizzly bear for a diet Coke."

"No more fighting."

"Just get me that diet Coke and peace will reign."

"You have an apology to make."

"If apologizing to Windy is half as easy as she is good at giving them, it ought to be painless."

"You are still full of piss and vinegar."

"If that is a clinical term for adrenaline, I would have to agree. So are you going to let me off this bed or make wonderful love to me. Because I am not going to lay here in your sexy arms much longer without having lustful thoughts. No kisses though. I for sure have bad breath." She giggled and tried to wiggle from his arms. "Let me go or I will breath on you."

"I am still trying to make up my mind. I don't think I could make wonderful love to you without kisses. So I guess I am forced to set you free."

Cassy felt light on her feet and practically danced around the Professor as he escorted her up the kitchen. She grabbed a diet Coke from the refrigerator. "The world is safe once more." She realized for some reason she could not stop smiling.

She took long shower and brushed her teeth. She changed into her uniform and looked at her computer. She had so much to write in her journal, but she didn't know where to start. But right now she was hungry, hungrier than she had been in a long time. She felt like she could eat that grizzly bear.

Windy was in the kitchen when Cassy came in the door. "Oh my god Windy. I am so sorry. I was already totally steamed about something else and you walked right into it. I should never have hit you. Did I hurt you?"

Windy shrugged, "Not as much as I had hoped you would."

Both girls began to laugh. "Did you get in much trouble?"

"Not much really. He took five minutes off my pain reward, saying you had hurt me that much."

"True story? I didn't hit you that hard did I?"

"Thats what sucks about it."

"I am sorry. Please don't try to have sex with me. I don't want to break the rules and I am not sexually attracted to you. You scare me too much."

"I think that is why I find you so sexy. You look so sweet and scared. At least you used to look scared, you don't look so much like a scaredy cat now.

"I think taking a punch at you helped me find my fierce side. I guess I owe you for that. No sex though sorry."

Cassy got out some cold cuts and cheese and began to build herself a sandwich. "Momma left all kinds of good stuff in here. Do you want something? Theres some different salads in here if you don't want a sandwich."

"I'm starving, nothing like a good fight to work up an appetite."

When the Professor walked in both girls were sitting at the table, their heads together giggling. "I see you girls decided to bury the hatchet."

"Hey thats a violent metaphor." Cassy was still in a giddy mood.

Windy laughed, "What did you do to this girl sir, yesterday she was a quiet little scaredy cat. Now she is more like a tiger, a tiger with a smart mouth."

"He told me something awful. It broke my heart. It totally wrecked me. Now all I can do is be silly or punch you out. I promised him I wouldn't get in any more fights. Either that or I am going crazy like you said."

The Professor had been watching their antics with an amused expression on his face. "Not crazy, just a little silly. It is a kind of defense mechanism. You have been as sad and as mad as you can tolerate for the time being. Silly is safe for now."

Windy had a concerned look on her face. "What could have been that terrible?"

The Professor looked at Cassy. "Its up to you to decide how much of your story to share and with whom. Windy might be a good person to talk with. She is just self centered enough to not be too freak out."

"Thanks for the complement." Windy tried to look wounded.

"You know its true."

"So what is so awful that only an egocentric bitch like me can handle the information."

Cassy frowned. "I never could remember my childhood but I kept disassociating. It got to be a problem, I was losing touch with reality. The Professor helped me remember that I was pretty beat up by my parents and then that I stayed in a nut house for kids for most of my life. I just found out today that my parents killed all the other kids in my family. Two brothers and a sister. I am the only one left alive."

"Son of a bitch. You want me to help you kill them?"

"Too late, they are dead. My old man offed himself in jail and they executed my mother."

"Damn. And you are in here joking around?"

"What else do you suggest. I did plenty crying and fighting already. But if things get worse maybe the Professor has a pair of boxing gloves."

"I can guarantee that I could piss you off. Its my best talent."

"Windy, why do you take pride in that? You can be a really nice person. Why go out of your way to make people angry at you?"

"Maybe its safer if you never have to get close to people. Maybe they can't hurt you if you don't care about them."

"Life sucks doesn't it."

"Totally, I am guessing we both know all about that. Maybe you should get laid. My offer is still on the table. I promise I could make you forget. At least for a little while. It wouldn't be against the rules if we get permission from Mr. Bossy Pants over there."

"Windy stop. I promise not to get too close. And if I do, I promise not to hurt you."

"You sure know how to break a girls heart."

"You are just going to have to get your jollies somewhere else girlfriend."

The Professor was watching this whole interchange with the same amused expression. He looked thoughtful and stood up and pulled out his cell phone. "It looks like you are going to get some company soon Cassy. Run up to your room. I will bring him up."

Cassy shrieked in excitement and tore out of the kitchen. She heard Windy call after her, "Take my advice. Get laid. Its great for stress."