Finding Love after a Broken Heart 02

Chad's Point of View

He was filling in for another police officer which had called in sick. I went through the security check and just about tripped when I noticed him. I don't know how his uniform didn't rip, it wasn't that he was fat, oh God, he wasn't. He was built. His biceps were something else, I'm sure they were bigger than my thighs. And let's talk about his thighs and butt, all I can say is WOW!

I made the excuse to one of my coworkers that I forgot my phone in my car so I could leave the building and come back through the security line. I wanted to see what his name is and I hope the cop that called in sick is out for a few days. I left the building and waited a few minutes and came back in. I waited my turn to go back through security and caught his last name, it was Disano.

He smiled at me, but I'm sure he didn't even notice me. I know the officers come on duty at seven-thirty in the morning, and I start at eight, so I might have to make it a point to get here a little earlier each morning so I can watch him come in. I wonder what time he walks from the parking lot. I know officers, park in the west lot, where I'm required to park in the east. So if I come I would have to sit on one of the benches between the two buildings.

During lunch, I always generally sit out on one of the benches. We take shifts for lunch, there are six people in my office and half goes at eleven and the other half at noon. I take my lunch at eleven every day, so I'm hoping he's still at his post. I walked down the main stairway and exited the building. He wasn't there, so he must have his lunch at eleven also. I walked out of the building taking my lunch bag with me and sat down on one of the benches.

He walked by me, I don't even think he looked at me. He walked back up the steps to the front of the courthouse turned around for a few seconds before he went in. I finished my lunch and smiled because at least I will get to see him once more today, I know someone else will be manning the security check when I leave today. All I can hope is he has to work again tomorrow, if not, I hope I get to see him in the mornings. God I can't believe I'm going to stalk this guy just to see him. Not stalk, who says I can't show up to work an hour early every morning.

The next morning, I was too late, I showed up at seven-fifteen. I thought I was late, but I was stupid and stopped for coffee this morning. I'll have to remember if I stop for coffee I will have to do it earlier or make my own. Making my own would probably be better but hopefully I will see him walking in tomorrow. I sat there until seven-forty-five because I don't usually make it here until ten to eight. I was reading the newspaper I grabbed at the coffee shop this morning when someone ran by me. I looked up and it was him, he was running over to the courthouse. I smiled, God did he have a body, I don't know what was happening I had to meet this man, I really need to find a way to talk to him. But for now, I was happy I will get to see him again.

When I went through security, he was wading someone, so I didn't even get to look him in the eyes. When I came out at lunch time, he was standing with a few other officers near the station. I could hear him laughing, he had a wonderful laugh. I wish I could figure out this draw I have to him, I don't even know if he's gay. He probably has a cute little girlfriend at home, God do I envy anyone who gets to drape themselves on his arm. Sometimes I think he was looking right at me, he is always wearing his sunglasses and I can't see his eyes. But you know how you get the feeling you're being watched, every once in a while I would get that feeling.

From that day on I made sure I was manning my bench by seven, he would come strolling in from the parking lot anywhere from seven-ten to seven-fifteen. He was always fully dressed with his side arm on, sometimes it wasn't, and he would carry a backpack slung over his shoulder but usually, he was already armed. He always wore his sunglasses, even if it was cloudy, so I could never see his eyes in the morning. Sometimes he would walk in with a few officers sometimes just by himself.

One morning, oh God, I was so glad I arrived earlier than normal, he jogged by me. He was running, he must have come in early and was going to shower in the station. God I wish I could be a fly in the shower room, I would love to see what he was packing. But he jogged by me, his running shorts, I don't know how he couldn't give himself a ticket for indecent exposure. They were your typical running shorts but I just wanted to stop him and rub my hands all over his exposed thighs and the muscle shirt he had on. The scrap of material which was covering his chest, he had the triangle top half, wide muscled shoulders and a very tapered waist and his ass, again I don't know how he wasn't ticketed for indecent exposure, I could've fainted looking at him.

One afternoon I was standing talking to Mark, an officer which is permanently assigned to the courthouse, when another officer walked up. "Hey Ryan, how are you doing today?" Mark asked.

"Not bad, are you coming tonight for poker?"

"No, wife will kill me if I miss going to dinner with the in-laws tonight."

"Shit, we need you." He laughed. "We need to win your money."

I went to walk away telling Mark to have a good day when he stopped me. "Ryan, do you know Chad?"

"Only know of him in passing."

"He is a pretty good poker player."

"I wouldn't say that, I'm only marginal." I didn't want to boast.

"You want to come, the more the merrier, and you might actually like playing with us. If you can handle being around a bunch of cops." Ryan said.

"I've no plans tonight, so why not." Yeah like I would mind being around a bunch of good looking cops.

We talked a few more minutes until I really needed to get back to my office, Ryan gave me his address and told me to be there by six or so. He also stated depending on his wife, it may turn into a social event, but he was hoping it was straight poker. He did let me know it was for money, so I had to remember to stop at the ATM on the way home.

I arrived a little after six. They had a table set up in the family room which the family room lead out to the back of the house, there were already quite a few people and the poker game was getting ready to start. I asked what the normal start amount was, Ryan told me sixty bucks and then laughed saying generally Jack and Eric were on their second sixty by nine. We played a few hands, I won a couple of them.

Just before eight-thirty I folded and said I was hungry, I asked where I could put my chips and they just pointed to the mantel. I walked outside to grab a burger and was pulled into a conversation. When I walked back in at nine, Eric made the wisecrack I was back to win more of their money and all I could do was look at him, not Eric, Officer Disano. He was looking up at me and he had a black eye but he made some joke which I didn't hear and the next thing I knew he was pushing me towards his chair and he left out of the room at lighting speed. God did his hand in the middle of my back feel wonderful, it was like a piece of the puzzle I had been missing since I was born. It Felt Right.

"Who was that?" I asked Eric when I sat down, I would've asked Ryan but he jumped up and followed Officer Disano.

"Oh, that was Tony."

I was dealt into the next game, Ryan and Tony never came back and I was starting to wonder if Tony didn't like I was there. When we played another game, I folded and told them I needed to get home, it had been over thirty minutes since Tony left to go get a chair from the basement. So I knew he really didn't want me around. John told me to stay but I told him I really needed to get home. John walked me to the door and watched me leave.

I had a crappy weekend, I had spent three months watching Tony and he turned out to be a dick. I had found out through the grapevine, he was gay but didn't date. I thought he would at least be social, but he left the room and didn't come back. I know I shouldn't have cared so much, but there was still this draw to him and it depressed me that he didn't live up to my expectations.

I didn't show up Monday morning to watch him come in. I decided I needed to start looking for someone else, I had been alone now for a year and I had just turned twenty-three. Officer Disano wasn't wanting anything from me, so I need to quit him. It was hard not showing up, he was like a drug to me, I found myself in the parking lot early every morning that week, and I was yelling at myself not to get out of the car. I made it the entire week, by staying in my car. The next week was a little easier, I didn't pull in until seven-thirty, but it helped on Tuesday night my cousin Mike came for a visit.

I told Mike all about Tony that I was stupidly in love with a stranger and what happened at the poker game. Mike told me, it was okay to be stupid sometimes but now I know he was a dick it was better that I stopped obsessing over him. Easier said than done, but maybe since Mike will be here until Sunday, it will keep me from going into work early.

Wednesday night I took Mike out to dinner, we walked in and I stopped dead in my tracks. "What's wrong?" Mike asked.

"That's Tony." I just glanced in his direction.

"Laugh like I just told you a funny joke and grab my arm."

I did, I laughed and grabbed Mike's arm, I was watching Tony in my peripheral vision, and I could see him drop his head when the hostess walked us near him to a table in the back. He didn't stay long after we sat down, I know he still had more than half his dinner still on his plate.

"Oh, he's interested in you." Mike offered.

"How do you know?"

"You might have not been staring at him when we passed but I was, he couldn't keep his eyes off you."

The next day, I was in my office when Ryan came in and asked if I wanted to do lunch. I told him what time I could go and he said he would be outside waiting. We went to a little diner around the corner, it was just on the other side of the west parking lot.

After we ordered Ryan looked at me seriously. "I'm only going to ask this once, are you interested in Tony?" I was shocked he was so blunt about it. "Chad, I need to know this now?"

"Yeah, but he isn't interested in me." I hung my head.

Ryan sighed, "I'm going to say this once and if you ever repeat it, I will deny it." He looked me in the eye. "Tony has some issues with commitment, they are solid reasons and I'm not going into them with you today. He's interested in you and he can be a bonehead, dig your claws in and hang on. Do you hear me?"

"Yeah, I do." I smiled, Tony was interested in me.

"What are you doing tonight?"

"My cousin is in town and has been most of the week, so just hanging with him."

Ryan laughed and I looked him. "That's who you were with last night, why don't you bring him over to my place tonight?"

"Yes." I smiled. "Who's going to be there?"

"John and his wife Sarah, Anna and myself, and I was going to invite Tony over."

"I don't know."

"Do you want to see if you could have a relationship with Tony or not?"

"Yes." I conceded.

"Then come over, Tony will be there, he can't say no to my wife and please bring your cousin." He smiled at me.

We finished lunch and walked back to the courtyard through the west parking lot. Ryan waved to me as I walked towards the courthouse and he walked towards the station. I called my cousin on my way to my office and told him what happened at lunch and we were going over to Ryan's for dinner. Mike just laughed at me and asked what time, I told him we have to be there at six.

When we arrived at Ryan's there was one other car, I hoped it would be Tony's but when John answered the door, I realized it had to be John's and frowned a little. We were ushered in, it was weird being around all the officers, they tended to be tall and built, not like Tony but still had some muscle. I was so small compared to them, and Mike he fit in, at least in the height.

"Sorry Mike and Chad, we seem to be running a little late here." Ryan stated.

"And if Tony doesn't get his ass over here, I swear to God I will drag his ass over by his ear." Anna chimed in.

"Give him time to do his normal after work routine Anna, you know he has to put a little lifting in or whatever that blockhead does." Ryan responded.

"You're giving him too much credit, blockhead, more like dumbass." Anna responded.

I had to laugh these are his friends, bad mouth him in front and behind his back. We were talking when Ryan yelled out, "It's about time you came over." I didn't even hear the door. Then he walked into the room wearing tight jeans and even tighter t-shirt. I saw him scan the room and his eyes met mine and I smile for a second then I remembered I was mad at him and frowned.

Damn why him, what's this draw to him and Ryan said commitment issues, what could they be. No relationship ends that badly that you wouldn't want anything, or is he just a field player and does like me but is staying away because he doesn't want to hurt me? He has the looks, he's only in his late twenties I'm sure. But Ryan said to dig my claws in and hold on, why, I was so confused.

Ryan introduced my cousin and me to Tony, he shook both of our hands. The feel of his hand in mine, felt good. Every time I touch him, this draw or want for him gets even stronger.

We all walked outside so Ryan could start grilling, we sat around the huge table, drank ice tea and beer. We had a wonderful dinner, chicken, grilled potatoes and corn on the cob. When Mike asked where the bathroom was, everyone else decided to make themselves busy all of the sudden and left Tony and me at the table alone. I refused to look at him, I didn't want to show how interested I was.

"Chad?" Tony spoke, I could tell there was hesitation in his voice.

"Tony, you don't have to freak out. I can tell you don't like me. Mike and I will go." I spat back at him. "Thanks for at least being nice to me in front of my cousin."

"Chad, I do like you." He leaned forward in his chair. "It just scares the hell out of me."

"Why? You just take the chance. Haven't you been in a relationship before?"

"Yeah, Chad, that's why it scares the hell out of me." I looked at him, now he was completely confusing me. "Chad, come with me for a few minutes so I can show you something." I still continued to stare at him. "Please." He stood up and held his hand out to me, I looked for a second before I took it and then he led me through the gate over to the house next door.

He walked me up to the front door, pulled out his keys, opened the door and then led me into the living room. I watched him walk over to the fireplace and he pointed at a picture. So I walked over and look, 'OH MY GOD' my mind was screaming. "You're married?"

"Was. I'm a widower. Freddy was my life. I lost him a little over three years ago." Shock couldn't begin to cover it, understanding hit and remorse. I looked him in the eyes. "It's okay. It's has been a while. But I know I need to move on and it's hard. Chad the day I saw you was like a new light for me, but sometimes I'm too stupid to act on it." Oh did I soften, if he would've asked me to go to bed with him, I would've right that moment. "I can be a blockhead, Chad. I know this," he laughed. "Freddy would tell me that all the time. I like you, and I would like to see if we could have something."

"Are you asking me out?" I wanted clarification.

"Only if you're accepting." I smiled, pulled him down and kissed him on the cheek, God did he smell wonderful, I had to step away from him, or I will climb him and have my way.

"Yeah, I am." I grabbed his hand and pulled him back towards the door. "Let's go back over, before they miss us."

"So, do you have any plans for Saturday night?" Tony asked on our way back over, we stopped outside the gate. I told him no and he smiled, I pulled out my phone and asked for his number and I quickly called it so he'd have mine.

"It didn't ring."

"Yeah it did, I felt it." He smiled at me, as he opened the gate and led me through with his hand on the middle of my back. Oh God did that just make me hard, he let go as soon as we were through the gate and we sat back down at the table to resume our conversation with everyone like we never left. A little before nine I looked over at Mike, because I knew if I didn't go home and get to bed I would not be up in the morning. And now I had a reason to be up early, I wanted to be there when Tony walked from the parking lot.

We bid our farewells for the evening, I could see Tony try to leave too, but Ryan and John held him back, I smiled and got in the car with Mike. "So, what happened?"

"He was married."

"He was what?" Mike looked at me in shock, I know he was thinking, it was to a woman.

"His husband has passed away, his name was Freddy and I could tell how much Tony loved him. My heart actually broke for him, it just makes me want him even more now. Does that make any sense? Oh my God, when he showed me their wedding picture, I could see the pain in his eyes. I can't tell you what has drawn me to him, though Mike. Ever since I saw him a little over three months ago, there has just been something about him. I can't put my foot on it. Oh God would I like to put my foot on him, but there is this connection that I feel for him. That I just knew he was the one for me, he made my heart just come to life and now I know he really wasn't trying to be a dick to me. That he just didn't know how to express he would like to ask me out and he was basically being a blockhead as he called himself, I just..." I looked over at Mike when I was at a red light, he was smiling at me. "What?

"Take a breath." He laughed at me. "Oh shit, I hope that you didn't go off on a rant with him like this. He's going to think you're crazy with a capital C."

"Do you think he will like me? There is a good five years difference in age, if not more." I got a little self-conscious.

"Chad, you're funny, you didn't notice how much he drooled over you before he took you over to his house."

"No, I was trying not to look at him."

"Well that is all he was doing, was looking at you. Once he found out I wasn't competition, he couldn't have cared less about me."

I was smiling all the way back to my apartment. I told Mike I needed to sleep so I could get up early, he just laughed and dropped down on the couch. The next morning I stopped off at the coffee shop, I picked up a coffee for Tony and me. I just ordered a black coffee since that is how he took it last night and I ordered a latte for me. I hope he likes that I picked him up one.

This morning was different, I was there by seven. I had just sat down when I saw him coming from the parking lot. He smiled as soon as he saw me, and he wasn't wearing his sunglasses this morning, they were on the top of his head. He walked up to me and sat down. "Good morning." He said and I smiled and handed him the coffee. "Thanks."

"Well, did you have to answer a ton of questions last night? Because I had to," I laughed, I didn't have to answer anything, I rambled too much for Mike.

"A few. Are you coming to poker tonight?" I nodded my head and he smiled again, so he's trying to remain a mystery to me? I wanted to ask him so many questions but I can wait until our date on Saturday, I'm hoping he won't mind.

Poker was fun, we sat next to one another and took most of the pots. I don't think the other guys were happy with us. I would ask to be dealt out of sometimes just to watch Tony. I know he sort of noticed, but all the guys did. John and Ryan would hit someone if they started to say something to me or Tony. Mike laughed at me a lot when he walked through, he didn't play poker but he was having a nice time just eating and socializing with the others.