Finding Miss or Mrs Right

"Perhaps I have my moments?"

"I expect you do. You mom appears very nice and I wouldn't expect you to be much different. I guess you thought she was trying to set you up to date me?"

"Something like that."

"Right, that's it. Open your pliers slowly and pull them away without knocking the earring. That's it. You can go now. I'll tidy up and follow in a couple of minutes. Pick this up off the bench at this time tomorrow and then treat it normally. Solder takes 24-hours to attain full strength."

"God is there anything you don't know?"

"I'm not very good at handling women."

She giggled and went off, saying thanks; it looked to be an excellent repair.

Gerard biked home after a well-hosted evening and a beautiful meal. The parents were great but he couldn't understand the daughter. She said very little during dinner and then said she was going off to her room and had to be called back by her mom to say good night to their guest.

"Good night and thanks for mending my earring."

Gerard wanted to scream to her that he had a name but bit his tongue, thinking what was the use. She appeared to be even more self-centered than he was.

He biked because he'd found no use for a vehicle, being within walking distance or bike ride distance of practically everything.

Ten days later Julia called Gerard at work.

"Mom said to call you because I want to go to a party and I'm expected to arrive with a date because it's a dinner party. Will you take me?"

Gerard knew he was just being used so decided some aggression was required.

"Okay but will we fuck?"

She didn't appear to be surprised at that crude request and that rather threw Gerard and so he didn't press when she replied she supposed she could think about it.

Julia said she would collect him, driving her mom's car. She told him to dress smart casual. He asked Mrs Harris what that meant and she said no tie, good quality clothes and looking attractive – dress pants, loafers, long-sleeve shirt and leather jacket or sports jacket but definitely not anything denim.

Gerard had left home traveling light and so for the dinner party he bought a dark gray two-button herringbone sports jacket and light gray wool pants and a pair of charcoal loafers.

Julia arrived and called through her window, "You look very smart."

"Thanks," he said, going around the blue Ford Focus and jumping in. He looked at her strapless dress and asked politely, "Pull the top down to show me your great breasts."

"Great breasts?" she said, almost panting. "No."

For a second Gerard thought he hadn't said that, he couldn't have said that, that no guy in his right mind would say that to a women he was dating for the first time and at the point of first contact. It would be insane.

She hadn't remonstrated so perhaps he really hadn't said that but his split-second relief was over when she hissed, "God you are foul."

But she made no effort to toss him out of the car. In fact she almost smiled although he noticed a slight jut in her jaw. Take it easy, he told himself; keep your comments depersonalized.

He noticed she was wearing the repaired earring set but made no comment.

He said he wouldn't know anyone at dinner and she said no.

Gerard tried again and asked had she had a good week and she said no.

That left him wondering about her purpose in life. And then she told him.

"I'm bored shitless."

Oh hello, he mused. Was that the explanation why almost was nothing right with her and for her and why she was such lousy company? She deserved to be stimulated mentally.

"Do you fuck?"

He waited... and waited... and waited.

Finally she said yes. "My problem is so many times I feel I've been exploited, being treated as a receptacle for a semen-filled condom and then when the guy rolls off me I feel he's already thinking of who will be next."

Amateur sex therapist Mr Evans said with great deliberation, "Ah so you experience no repeat performances or perhaps only a few?"

"Exactly," she said.

"Ah then you would tend to regard male penetration of your body as brutish, in the sense of inhumane or lacking sensibility?"

"That's it, that's exactly it. Until now I have never heard a male describe it with such understanding. How is it you know?"

"I've heard woman discuss it at dinner conversation."

She sighed and muttered why couldn't she be invited to dinner parties with conversations like that.

For the rest of the way to their destination their conversation wallowed mundanely.

It appeared quality guys or interesting guys or interesting guys of quality were in short supply in the city because Chloe their tall brunette hostess with apparently no tits kissed him and cooed, "Christ Julia you've landed a delicious import."

Emma and Ashley floated in beside Chloe and said practically the same thing but over dinner Gerard had concluded all the guys appeared okay although none of them appeared to be great looking or have standout personalities or said much that interested him.

Then his heart skipped a beat when he overheard Julie whisper to Chloe, "He asked me to show my tits as soon as he got into the car" and he heard Chloe say breathlessly, "Omigod Julia I want him after he's shafted you."

The message was clear: Unattached females in this city considered a guy was not interested in them unless they shafted her on more than one occasion and the guy was unlikely to get the second chance of re-entry unless he was interesting. How fascinating. It must be part of a selection process unique to this city. Elsewhere in Gerard's experience young women just wanted to be fucked and it didn't appear to matter whether guy had personality or intelligence or money or prospects.

Ah, he grinned. He had it all worked out.

Julia dropped him off at his rooming house and moved away when he attempted to kiss her but she remained pleasant. What the fuck? He hadn't intended screwing her on the first date but he had at least expected a kiss and a bit of a grope. Jesus she was turning back the clock and expected to be courted? Surely not. What a fucking waste of time.

Before he closed the car door Gerard said, "Lunch tomorrow?" and was almost surprised when she replied yes.

She drove away before he could nominate a time and how they would meet.

Oh crap, his dick was crying out for a piece of Julia and here she was acting like an early 20th Century maiden.

Gerard was quite shaken by this experience. In bed he decided not to masturbate in case that violated the code of something that Julia apparently observed.

CHAPTER 2

Gerard cycled up to the Hogan's house next day without having any understanding of what was to happen but arriving at noon seemed an intelligent time to be arriving to commence a lunch date.

He found Julia waiting with her bike and she said her parents were still at church. She handed him a backpack that she said contained their picnic lunch and she had the wine and glasses in her backpack. Gerard noticed the rug strapped on the carrier of her bicycle and they set off to what she said described as her favorite spot beside the Lassie River.

"It's where I'm usually seduced," she smiled.

The very experienced cyclist called Gerard Evans almost fell but managed to hold on to his bike for support.

"I-I haven't brought condoms. I-l didn't think..."

"I have them," she smiled sweetly and rode off.

Gerard scrambled and missed the left pedal but quickly recovered. She was wearing one of those top things with a built-in bra and knotted at the front and low-cut shorts. He could see the start of her crease low down on her hairless back, Teeth-clenched Gerard focused on that crease and went after it like a man possessed and only just avoided ramming Julia's back wheel.

"Are you okay? You look very red-faced."

"I'm quite okay," he grunted, falling in beside her and feeling his passion subsiding.

"You have highly developed calf muscles and appear slightly bandy. Are you a hugely experienced cyclist?"

"It has to be that or else I've seduced a great many women."

Julia's laugh tinkled Gerard's senses and his increased grip on the handlebars turned his knuckles white.

"Let me see you sprint," she said, stopping and propping with one leg on the ground.

"Providing you show me your tits," he said provocatively, knowing he was saying it.

"Okay."

Julia pulled her top up and out spilled two great-looking puppies. Ten seconds later she began stowing them and probably noticed Gerard was red-faced again.

With her two-pack arranged to her satisfaction she said, "Come on we start as fast and I can and when I shout sprint I want you to put everything into it."

She shouted sprint and he was away.

Gerard waited for her at the end of the half-mile straight.

Julia arrived, red-faced and breathing heavily and said he was a real goer, very impressive.

Gerard rather liked her describing him as a real goer because that fitted what he had in mind.

They rode on a scenic road on the side of the Lassie River. That finished at a track and when the track petered out they rode over a meadow until coming to a secluded grove of trees on a fenced off slope down to the river.

"Here we are," Julia said. "Please remove all your clothes.

Noting she was stripping, Gerard obeyed.

"You really are an unlikely companion for me but are eminently suited for an afternoon of sex, judging by the look of your piece."

Encouraged by he words and actions he invited, "Hold it."

"No thanks. I'm about to eat."

Gerard said nothing until he'd spread out the rug. He then took her around the waist and said, ""No let's fuck and then eat."

Julia sighed and grabbing his dick said perhaps he could now understand why she didn't see them as being compatible. They were opposites.

"And that's the way it's meant to be," he leered, folding his lips round a fat nipple.

Before too long he had Julia whimpering, "Put it in, put it in".

He had no problem obeying that command.

"I want to be on my back."

"I want you on your side. Lift your upper leg."

"Omigod I can really feel you going in. It's so afferent."

Gerard assumed that meant he was strumming the right message to her nerve centers and grinned in satisfaction. Fuck a babe well and she'd stick to you for at least a few days.

"Push back at me," he coaxed.

"I can't, all my weight is on my bottom hip."

"Rock into me on my forward stroke."

"Omigod, Omigod."

He munched on a tit and she erupted but scarcely paused before she was rocking again.

"Bite my tits but don't mark me. I won't mind if you slobber."

Hearing that thrilled Gerard because it indicated she knew how to be fucked!

They went at it quite well in synch for a couple together like this for the first time. He began tiring and she squeezed and he filled her, er filled the end of his condom.

He ripped it off and without tying it threw it into the backpack with their picnic. She sighed.

After a five minute rest she asked was he ready to go again. He yawned and nodded.

"I've decided I don't require you to wear a condom unless we decide on anal.

Anal?

At that thought Gerard almost blew his nuts without touching her.

"That was heavenly," Julia sighed, toweling off sweat and other drying liquids. "And you were right in delaying lunch, I now feel like eating a horse."

Gerard assumed she was exaggerating.

Julia set out cold pasta salad and that almost had Gerard drooling because it was one of his favorite lunch dishes. She pulled out whole-meal bread rolls and then a thick apple pie. Jesus, had she been talking to his mother about his favorites?

As they ate Julia said she was thinking that it did appear two opposites could mesh. "You have left me sexually fulfilled, you looked worn out and happy, I enjoyed making this picnic and you wolfed your share down. It has been so near perfect. Will you find time to fuck me tomorrow?"

"Yeah sure. I'd like that. It would mean you'd continue to go with me."

She looked at him strangely as if he were saying something he shouldn't know about.

They arrived home to find a note on the door: 'Visiting my sister. Please stay for dinner Gerard. XXX Thelma.'

"Oooh come inside to my bed and we can fuck."

They were in the bath with Julia attempting to get Gerard hard again for a foot fuck when where was a knock on the door, giving Julia just enough time to throw a flannel over the half-inflated dick before Thelma walked in with two white wines and two slabs of fruit cake.

"Hi darlings. We're home early. I thought you might like this to energize," she said, staring at the red bite marks on her daughter's breasts.

* * *

Six weeks after Julia and Gerard's first date his resignation from the depot took effect. He and Julia pooled some cash and purchased a preowned Ford F150 with a lockable canopy over the tray so they could keep their bicycles reasonably secure. With weeks of cycling and fucking they were both looking lean and fit and to her parent's delight their daughter's mood had changed completely and she now practically wore a perpetual smile and everything she said she so positive.

Thelma waved them off alone because Mike was away for a week

"I'm so happy for you guys," Thelma wept copiously. She was anxious the kids had no plan except to drive slowly and enjoy whatever they saw. They had camping gear but if the weather looked bad they would stay at cheap motels. They had enough money between them to last for perhaps six months.

Towards evening on the second day, when they were only 225 miles away from the Hogan's house, Gerard spotted a guy treed by a horned bull that was pawing the ground and foaming at the mouth.

Gerard turned off and went in to the ranch house.

"A bull in the roadside pasture had a guy up a tree. It's foaming at the mouth," he said to the woman who came out to greet them.

"Oh god, that's my husband," she said.

"Grab a rifle and ammo," he ordered.

The elderly woman rushed back inside.

The woman got into the pickup and Julia, being lighter sat on her knees. Gerard said he wasn't very familiar with rifles. He worked the bolt and brought a cartridge up into the chamber. He then asked what were their tactics.

"The bull has been acting strangely for some days and all morning remained lying down. Dave went over to check it out about two hours ago. I was beginning to worry that he hadn't come back. You may have to shoot it. It's old so we'll just bury it. Try to shoot it head-on, pumping bullets into its chest. Don't try for the head because it's a smaller target."

"Yes ma'am."

"Call me Milly. Have you fired a rifle to kill?"

"Yes Milly but only at rabbits."

"Well don't attempt to do this unless you are confident. Bulls can run very fast and if you loose your nerve it could be all over for you."

"I'll be fine. This rifle is powerful enough to bring down a bull."

"Indeed it is. Dave uses it to dispatch badly injured cattle."

"Be careful Gerard."

""I'll be fine thinking it's just a giant rabbit and running at me instead of running away from me. Milly direct me to the gate into the pasture. When we get in there you take the wheel. If the bull should knock me down you charge it with the vehicle."

"Oh god," Julia sobbed.

"Don't distract him dear. He has to approach this unemotionally."

They entered into the pasture and although the bull looked at them it went back to snorting at the ground beside the tree.

Gerard got out and Milly took over the wheel. "Do nothing to distract me ladies."

As Gerard approached the bull turned to watch him, snorting and drooling.

"Walk slowly son. Don nothing to make him charge. When about forty paces away shoot high into his chest."

It went like clockwork. Inside forty paces away Gerard waited until the bull had lifted his head and fired one shot and it dropped to its knees and toppled over. It gave a couple of snorts and shook a little.

The rancher called down to Gerard, "Walk up closer son and if anything moves shoot it."

The rancher climbed down, said thanks and took the rifle. He went right up to the bull and said, "It's dead. Thanks for saving ammo."

He embraced Gerard and said thanks again and they walked over to the women.

Back in the house, the women had been served sparkling wine and the men beer, Dave said, "Cheers Gerard. If one of my neighbors had to come to my rescue I would never heard the end of it. What you did was good. You have a level head."

"You know one of our farmhands stupidly knocked into that tree and did eight hundred bucks damage to the tractor," Milly said. "Dave went out to fell the tree but the chainsaw wouldn't start and he never got round to it. Now isn't that just fate?"

Milly invited them to stay the night and called her daughter to report the incident.

Kitty came racing over with her husband Jack and they stayed for dinner and the drinks flowed and the guests ended up with job offers. Jack offered Gerard a job selling cars in his dealership and when Gerard said he wasn't a salesman and Julia said he was a mechanic he offered Gerard and job in the workshop but was turned down. Kitty offered Julia a job in her business bureau but Julia said it seemed Gerard wanted to keep moving on.

Really wanting something good to happen for them Dave finally made then accept a check for $1000 and gave them a letter of introduction to his son Tom in Los Angeles.

A month later when the duo arrived on the coast, bored with doing nothing but occasional temporary jobs and running out of money Gerard called Tom who welcomed him to LA.

"Dad told me what you'd done for him and I'm grateful. Look come and stay with Lynn and me for a few days."

"Aw we can't impose like that."

"Gerard let me tell you this. My dad at sixty-one still has a short fuse and my thinking was before hour three up in that tree expired he would have come down and attempted to outwit that bull, probably unsuccessfully. If you don't think you did much for him but pardon me, I think you did. Please allow us to host you for a few days."

"Well you push hard. Okay then."

Julia and Gerard arrived at the quite substantial home to be greeted by Tom who was thirty-seven and Lynn was thirty-two. Lynn was also from the Midwest so they were not at all like big city folk. After the guests had unpacked the joined Tom and Lynn beside the pool for drinks.

"Julia I can perhaps offer you temporary work," Lynn said. "I'm director of finance for a smallish company and we are under resourced in our department at the moment. If you come into the office I will explain what we do, show you around and then talk about your suitability for two positions that are available."

"Oh that would be lovely. Thanks Lynn."

"Sorry pal but my business appears to be heading down the tubes. If I don't sell to a competitor soon there won't be much left to sell."

"That's fine. I'll find something. What kind of business is it?"

"A home-handyman equipment rental and I have quite a strong clientele of self-employed home maintenance guys but my costs are running away on me, sinking the business."

"That's a shame if you've put in the hard yards only to see it go down the tubes. I'd be interested in taking a look at your operation?"

"Be my guest. If you are thinking you might be able to offer management solutions then I'm afraid you'll be disappointed. I've already had an expensive consultant in and what he suggested was, well frankly, outright crap. Lynn made improvements to my admin structure and as a result I was able to drop one accounts person but all that has done is to hold off my business collapse."

"Gerard has worked in ranch and town equipment hire," Julia said. "That's where I met him. He was assistant manager."

"You don't say. Well for what good that will do, let's put my operation under the microscope tomorrow."