Finding My Way Home Ch. 04

Rhonda got on the phone and called Cindy's mother, who now lived in Florida. Her father had left and had never been seen again after their divorce when Cindy was young. And still we waited. The chairs were extremely uncomfortable and exhaustion was setting in. I was having trouble staying awake after the long day I had had.

Finally, at 4am, a very exhausted looking surgeon came into the room and asked for Cindy's kin. I stood up and walked to him, Rhonda joined me and the detective stood behind us. The doctor was a little confused at first, but the detective showed him his badge and told him that we were there for her and that he could tell us even thought we weren't officially Cindy's relatives. I don't remember the doctor's exact words. He said she died. That's all I remember. I don't remember how he said it or whether he was nice about it, just that it meant she was gone. Forever. I had just felt like I was in love with that woman and fate takes her away from me.

After that I was in shock. I was stunned beyond anything I had ever had happen to me. I can vaguely remember being led to a chair and someone holding me, but that was it. When I realized where I was, it must have been quite a while later. Rhonda was clinging to my right side and I was sitting there, tears drying on my face as the police and medical personnel kept themselves busy. It felt different losing someone so dear to me so unexpectedly in the civilian world compared to it occurring in a combat zone. It was never easy, but the shock factor felt greater back in the real world. I extracted myself from Rhonda's grasp and she looked at me, stopping her sobbing for a moment. I knew I had to get out of that hospital.

The police took me home and I sleep-walked through the trip and getting into bed. Then I slept, tossing and turning, but never coming awake. I could barely remember anything after learning of Cindy's death until I woke up the next day, about noon, 'The Dream' running around in my head. Only now it included Buck's brother and father amongst the Taliban fighters and Cindy in my platoon. I had incorporated them into my dream. I sure as hell hoped this was not going to last. I couldn't take too many dreams like that and I really didn't want to be stuck with visits to the shrink. I climbed out of bed and walked into the kitchen. My mother was there, red-eyed and sniffling. She looked up at me and burst into tears as she ran and held me. She kept repeating that she was sorry over and over and I stood there like a zombie.