Finding You Bk. 02: Paradigm Shift

Would sex with Marcus always hurt this much? She wondered, relieved at the way the heat of the water soothed her sore muscles. She sighed in pleasure when Marcus' wet fingers trailed up her slippery belly and held her breasts, rolling her nipples and gently kneading the supple flesh.

"I love your tits, angel," he murmured in appreciation. "Next to your pussy, I think they are one of my most favourite things to play with." He gave one of her stiff nipples a pinch that sent shockwaves of arousal directly into her clit. The muscle spasm in her pussy made her bite down on a whimper as the abused tissue inside her protested with a sharp stab of pain.

He hummed and played with her breasts for a few minutes more before letting one of his hands drift under the water to cup her bare mound. "But this...this was worth the wait." His finger easily slipped between her folds and zeroed in on her clit. A simple rubbing motion with the calloused pad of his index finger soon had Tabby quivering with the need to cum.

Marcus' hot breath tickled her ear as he nibbled her ear lobe, making her moan and writhe under his hold. "Do you like it when I touch you here, angel?" His finger slipped to her entrance and dipped inside. Marcus groaned as her pussy contracted around his fingers and squeezed him, reminding him with both a flash of desire and a stab of regret at how tight she had been when his cock had entered her.

Why hadn't he noticed?

He should have stopped and questioned her before plowing ahead like a battering ram. His anger swam dangerously just beneath the surface of the calm mask he wore and cracks were beginning to appear. Marcus pulled his hand away, shutting his emotions down in hopes of retaining his control. Suddenly the idea of the bath didn't seem like such a great idea after all. Having her so close threatened to break him - he needed her like he needed oxygen to survive, but what she had done and had left a deep wound and there needed to be an accounting for it.

Marcus had no choice; he had to confront her with what she'd done and offer her a choice. Either she accepted a punishment or he would drive her home and they would be over before they had begun. It would kill him to sever ties with her, but if he couldn't make her see the damage that her lie had done, then there was no foundation to build a serious Dominant/submissive relationship. Without complete trust and openness, they had nothing.

Punishing her or releasing her - Marcus wanted to put his fist through a wall just so that he had a physical pain that he could understand, to distract him from the emotional wrenching twisting his heart into knots.

Tabby floated in the hot water, supported by the solid bulk of Marcus beneath her, carried away on waves of bliss caused by his touches. Oblivious to the decision Marcus had just come to, she lost herself in the wonderful sensations until his hand disappeared and she found herself abruptly sat up.

There was a new tension in his voice when he spoke. "Let's get you cleaned up."

"Is everything alright, Sir?" she asked hesitantly, confused at his sudden change in mood.

Marcus didn't answer, only lathered up a washcloth and began to clean her body. When he finished her upper body, he had her stand and cleaned the rest of her, barely touching her pussy except to give the surface a quick, dispassionate wipe with the cloth. Tabby submitted to his ministrations, confused and alarmed at the way he had disassociated himself from her. He didn't make eye contact or speak, except to tell her to sit, stand and rinse. When he had finished bathing her, he stood up and helped her out of the tub before stepping out after her. He quickly yanked the plug up to let the water down then wrapped her in a towel and dried her off.

The entire time, Marcus had not said a word to her or barely looked at her and it unsettled Tabby greatly.

Wrapping his hips in a fresh towel, he opened the door. "Go into the living room and kneel by my chair in your Waiting position. I will attend to you shortly."

Tabby gave him a questioning glance and Marcus' face darkened with anger. "Do I need to repeat myself, angel? There will be a consequence if I do."

She flinched at the aggressive growl in his voice and bowed her head meekly. "N-no, Sir."

"Then what are you waiting for? Go and do as you were instructed."

Tabby scampered out of the bathroom, relieved to be out of the oppressive atmosphere. She tore past the bed and in her hurry to exit the bedroom, didn't notice the blood stained sheets that still lay on the bed. If she had, perhaps she would have had a clue as to why Marcus was so upset with her.

She ran, barefoot and naked, down the hallway and into the living room, dropping to her to her knees in front of the leather chair, her legs shaking with apprehension and her heart racing a mile a minute. Her nervous eyes kept darting over her shoulder looking for Marcus, and her ears strained for the sounds of his footsteps. Her nerves had her jittery and on edge, to the point where she felt sick with the fear brewing in her stomach. She couldn't figure out what she had done to change his mood so drastically. He had been so gentle and loving when they had first gotten into the tub, caring for her and touching her with such tenderness that she had completely relaxed.

Then something had changed after he had touched her pussy. Maybe the sex with her had been disappointing and he was regretting it? She thought.

Maybe she'd done something wrong and made him angry, but it had really looked like he had enjoyed himself.

Tension had stiffened his muscles beneath her back a split second before he had sat her up and began to treat her like a stranger. She shivered, now worried about what was going to happen when Marcus came to her and realised with a shock that she hadn't gotten into the proper Waiting position as he had requested. Not wanting to give him another reason to be angry with her, Tabby straightened her back, spread her knees apart then crossed her wrists at the small of her back, she closed her eyes and trying to calm herself enough to wait for Marcus without giving in to the urge to flee before he arrived.

CHAPTER 53

In the bathroom, Marcus paced and fumed, not wanting to have to discipline Tabby so soon in their fragile relationship. If she was going to progress as a submissive, she needed to learn about consequences and the value of trust in a D/s relationship. The punishment for an infraction as serious as the one she had committed, had to be swift and decisive. He wasn't going to enjoy punishing her. His cock would, being the deviant bastard that it was, but Marcus was already bracing himself for the emotional backlash that he would suffer because of it.

He dried himself off quickly, strode into his bedroom and pulled on a pair of black denim pants without bothering with underwear. A thick, black, leather belt hung off the back of the chair and Marcus picked it up with his fist clenched around it. He could feel the vines that he had hand tooled into the leather press against the flesh of his palm and had a feeling that once this night was done, he would never want to wear his favourite belt again.

He threaded the tongue of the belt through the loops on his pants, buckled it around his waist and adjusted the fit. His eyes strayed to the light glowing in the doorway from the hall and he took a deep breath. What he would give to go back to the moment they had first entered this room.

He had planned to make love to her all night. Showing her the depths of his feelings and claiming her as his own. Now, in order to teach her, he was going to have to hurt her, knowing that she leave him, probably hate him, and he'd never see her again.

He felt sick to his stomach.

There was no choice for him; he couldn't afford to listen to his heart right now. Tabitha needed to understand the severity of what she had done and pain would help reinforce that lesson. He turned to take one last look at the bed where he had finally found a shred of happiness, knowing that it would be the last time he'd feel that peace.

The dark stain on the sheets caught his eye and the sight caused knives of loss to cut through his chest. With swift, angry motions, he tore the soiled sheets from the bed, removed the stained mattress protector and balled everything up in his hands. He wanted to burn them, to destroy the evidence of her lie so that he could pretend it had never happened.

His heart felt as bare as the mattress looked. If, by some miracle, she remained after he administered her punishment, she could help him remake the bed.

He stalked down the hallway, stopping so that he could see into the living room and his breath caught at the sight of her pale back and tiny wrists crossed at its base. His eyes tracked downward to the fleshy globes of her ass and his cock twitched in notice.

She was so fucking beautiful and he was going to ruin everything.

Turning left into the kitchen, Marcus passed through into the laundry room and dumped the stained sheets into the washing machine. He added soap and an enzymatic stain remover in hopes of salvaging the sheets. After setting the temperature to cold, he left the laundry room and lingered in the kitchen, surreptitiously watching his angel from the doorway.

Every so often, a shiver would travel up her back but that was the only movement she made. He was impressed with her posture, knowing that she was probably scared out of her wits. He couldn't help but marvel at what a truly amazing submissive she would make, if only they got through the rest of this night together. Sighing, Marcus' hand unconsciously went to his belt and grabbed a hold of it.

Tabby felt him enter the room and her pulse immediately increased. He passed by her and the leather chair creaked as it accepted his weight.

"I wish you could see how beautiful you look right now, angel. My cock aches to be inside you again. But there is something wrong with this picture, isn't there?"

Tabby's eyes flashed open and she chanced a quick glance at him, eyes wide with alarm.

"Nothing to say? I would have thought that you'd have something to tell me, angel." His voice turned hard and he leaned forward. "Perhaps something that you should have told me earlier?"

A shudder ran up Tabby's back. He knows! "No, Sir," she said, her voice quavering and refusing to meet his intense stare.

"Don't make this worse by continuing to lie to me, Tabitha!" he bellowed. "Did you think that I wouldn't notice? The blood on the sheets told me everything that you failed to do so."

Faced with the truth of her deception, Tabby withered in front of his anger. "I-I'm sorry..."

"Sorry?" he barked out, incredulous at her answer. "That's all that you have to say for yourself? Did you hear nothing of what I tried to tell you about how important it was for there to be complete honesty between us? You had ample opportunities to tell me that you were still a virgin!" Marcus practically spat that word out at her as if it disgusted him, his anger and disappointment lashing her like a whip. "Why, angel? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't!"

"Why!" he roared. "Did you not trust me?"

"I was afraid and embarrassed...and she told me that you wouldn't want someone who wasn't experienced. I was afraid that I'd lose you if I told you." Tabby sobbed.

Marcus was confused and gaped at her. "She? Who told you that?"

"Lydia."

"Fuck!" He swore and pounded a fist into the arm of his chair. "I told you not to trust anything that shrew said. She wanted to fuck with your head, Tabitha!"

"I was already embarrassed about it, Marcus! You and Cooper...you were both experienced way beyond anything I could have comprehended. I didn't know how to tell you. Please believe me, I never wanted to hurt you by keeping that information secret, but I've carried it for so long that I didn't know how to tell you."

"But you did hurt me and because I didn't know," his voice broke and he choked on regret. "I ended up hurting you! Something that I swore to you that I would never do!"

"I'm so sorry, Marcus," she whispered through her tears. "I didn't want to disappoint you."

Marcus stood up, strode behind her and paced out of her sight. "If I'd known, I would have gone slower, angel. Made sure you were ready and I would have warned you before I took your virginity. I would have held you tight and comforted you through the pain and then I would have made you feel so good afterwards, that you would have forgotten how much it had hurt. But you deprived me of that."

"Fucking you was the most amazing thing I had ever done. Being inside you, angel, feeling how perfectly we fit, I've never felt anything like that before. After, watching you sleep, I thought how lucky I was that you'd accepted me." He sighed and came around to sit back in his chair. "Then I sat up and saw the blood and figured out what you'd kept from me. Do you know how I felt then, angel?"

Tabby didn't answer. With her eyes averted, she couldn't see the pain twisting his features, but she could hear it twisting his voice.

"Answer me!" he roared.

She recoiled. "N-no."

"I felt like a fucking rapist, Tabitha! That's what keeping your secret cost me! What happened in that bed wasn't a joining of two people...it was fucking rape! I fucked you while you were in agony and you didn't stop me. I fucking came inside you while you were bleeding! What kind of animal does that make me? Explain that one to me because right now, I can hardly stand myself for what I did."

"You didn't do anything! It was my fault and my choice. You didn't rape me, Marcus. It wasn't your fault."

"But that's how it feels, angel," he shook his head sadly.

Tabby panicked. "Please, Marcus! This was on me, not you. Blame me. I'm so, so sorry. I should have trusted you, but I was too scared and too ashamed to tell you."

She tried to catch his eye, but he wouldn't look at her. When he didn't say anything more, Tabby got to her feet and began walking slowly away from him.

"Where do you think you're going?"

She turned soulful eyes at him, her cheeks soaked with her tears. "I'm going to go get dressed and then I'll leave. I don't want to cause you anymore pain."

"I won't stop you if leaving is what you truly want to do, Tabitha. But if you walk out that door now, there is no coming back," he warned, with his heart lodged in his throat, knowing that his ultimatum could end up biting him in the ass.

"How can I fix this then?" she dropped back down to her knees and put her head in his lap. "Please, Marcus...tell me what to do to make this right."

He covered her hair with his hand. "You made a serious mistake, pet. In a D/s relationship, there are consequences for our actions. Are you prepared to accept yours for not trusting me with your secret?"

Without thinking, Tabby looked up at him and nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Punishment won't be pleasant, Tabitha, and once begun, there is no using a safe word to stop it. If you bail on a punishment, you are essentially ending our relationship. Are you sure that you really want to do this? It's not too late to leave." He had to give her the out even though he would die inside if she took it.

"I can't take back my actions, Sir. If submitting to your discipline will somehow atone for the mistake, then I am prepared accept my punishment." Even as the words flowed past her lips, Tabby's nerves began to jump with anxiety, and doubts hidden under her brave words forced their way into her mind.

What the hell had she gotten herself into?

How bad was Marcus' punishment going to be?

Was she strong enough to endure it?

When it was over, would he still want her?

CHAPTER 54

"So be it then, angel." He removed her from his lap, stood up, and looked down on her. "Tabitha, you've kept vital knowledge from me, that as your Dom, I was entitled to have. Doing so has caused harm to both of us. Because of the serious nature of your infraction, you have earned yourself a punishment. As this is your first infraction, you will receive ten strokes to your ass with my belt. Are you prepared to accept your punishment?"

The cold, official way Marcus pronounced her sentence, chilled Tabby to the bone, ratcheting up her fear. She was paying attention to his words, until he reached the part as to what form her punishment was to take, then her brain stuttered and froze.

Ten strokes of his belt! Oh my god! Her mind railed and she began trembling.

Ten. With a belt.

Could she endure ten strokes with a leather belt? Tabby honestly didn't know and that terrified her. Not because it was most assuredly going to hurt, but a sinking feeling of dread told her that she had to endure it or else she would lose Marcus...and Cooper. The dreams that had just begun to become possibilities would evaporate all because she didn't have the courage to tell him the truth in the first place.

Her lie would cost her everything that she'd never dreamt she could have.

Faced with what she had to lose, Tabby knew that she had no choice. She could endure ten strokes...would endure it...no matter what. For the sake of her future with these men, she had to.

She bowed her head solemnly. "Yes, Sir. I am ready."

Marcus was surprised. He had honestly expected her to balk once he told her what he was going to do to her. Once again, he stared in awe and amazement at the tiny woman at his feet - she was facing her punishment with her back straight and a subtle strength in her posture. He could see the determination in the set of her shoulders telling him that she had chosen to fight for their relationship instead of taking the easy way out.

She was willing to accept the pain in order to heal the rift in their bond.

He wanted to hug her to him, never letting her go, and tell her how proud he was of her, but that would have to wait until after he had administered her punishment. He scanned the living room, looking for an appropriate place to do it.

Over his knee would be too personal and the position wouldn't give his arm the leverage he needed to swing the belt with suitable force. His eyes drifted to the hall and the room with the black door that waited at the end. There was a spanking bench in his playroom, one he'd built with his own hands, but he didn't want to introduce her to his private haven in this fashion. He wanted to keep it as a place of decadent pleasure and the punishment would taint her memories and destroy the allure of that sacred place forever for her.

The playroom was definitely not an option.

The back of the sofa was the only thing in the living room that would support her body and position her ass at the right height, so it would have to do.

"Stand up, Tabitha," he commanded and stepped aside to give her room to get to her feet. "Follow me."

He led her behind the sofa and stopped, pointing to the floor. "On your knees, Tabitha."

At the sound of her name, Tabby flinched. It wasn't lost on her that Marcus had stopped calling her angel and had reverted to using her full name. She hated it, surprising herself with how much she'd come to love the endearment. Every time he had called her angel, she'd gotten a thrill that had felt like a secret kiss coming from him. That connection was missing and now he felt more like a stranger to her than he had ever done in the past.

Whenever he spoke her name, she could feel him distancing his emotions from her, removing his comforting presence from her soul and leaving a vacuum in its place. It hurt in a way that no physical punishment could ever hurt. She'd broken the fragile link between them and her heart wept for the loss.