First Love, Last Love

"I did care for Ryan a lot," she said. "But we never got back together. It wasn't meant to be. It shouldn't have matter a year later when we started dating again."

"But it did," I said smiling sadly. "Because you loved someone more than you loved me."

"You don't know that! If you loved me, you should have fought for me," Jodie said, her pain plain on her face. I shook my head.

"I would have fought to protect you," I said. "But not for your heart. A heart has to be given freely or what's the point?"

"So, you married a woman you didn't love?" Jodie asked in disbelief.

"Oh, I loved Faith," I replied. "She's a good woman, better than I deserved."

"But you didn't love her more than you loved me," she said knowingly. I shook my head sadly.

"No," I sighed. "I tried to rationalize that I did at the time, but as the years went by it became harder and harder to stay convinced. That's why the marriage eventually failed. You were my first love and I don't think I'll ever love someone like I love you."

"You once told me that I might find someone I loved more, but I'd never find someone who loved me more," Jodie said slowly as she remembered.

"Exactly," I smiled sadly.

"But you still married her," she said in confusion.

"I had a choice," I said with a shake of my head. "You and I started dating. I thought that we might actually have a chance of getting back together. Faith and I were supposed to be going steady, so I broke up with her again."

"Again?" Jodie asked.

"It was the third time in two years," I replied.

"I would never have put up with that!" she snapped.

"I know," I smiled sadly. "Faith put up with all my shit and still loved me no matter what. I was her first love."

"Wow," Jodie said, finally acting as if she understood what I was saying. "You married Faith because you could relate to what she was feeling."

"No," I snorted. "I didn't marry Faith out of pity or even empathy." At least I hoped I didn't.

"Then why?"

"I married her because I viewed it as the better of two choices," I said with a sigh. "I could either wait and hope to marry you or marry Faith."

"I wasn't worth the wait," she asked.

"It wasn't that either," I said, remembering. "It came to me one night after we started dating again."

"What?"

"You would have been settling if you married me," I said, speaking the words out loud for the first time. It hurt to say them. "I couldn't live with that. You deserved better. I deserved better!" I stood, fighting back the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me. I left the room quickly before Jodie could reply and slipped out of Kyle's house unnoticed.

I made it home in record time, but this time I didn't even bother trying to go to sleep. I felt like such a fool! I should never have told Jodie the truth. I didn't feel any better. In fact, I felt worse. My admission didn't change the facts. All it did is make me feel lousy.

* * *

I was home alone still feeling horrible three days later. I made myself go to work on Monday and Tuesday , but I had problems focusing. It got so bad that earlier today my boss suggested I take a couple of days off. She was a good manager. She didn't pry, but her concern was real and I realized my mood was affecting my friends and coworkers. I left at lunchtime.

"Just another Tuesday," I said aloud as I finished my second beer. It didn't work. I knew it was Valentine's Day. How I hated the day!

I had music blaring trying to stop myself from thinking too much. It wasn't working. Neither was the beer. That didn't stop me from going to the refrigerator and grabbing another.

Kyle called me and left a couple of messages. I didn't bother returning them. I wasn't really mad at him. I just wasn't in the mood to talk. I was showered and dressed to go out, but I knew that in the end I wasn't going to leave my house.

A knock on the front door drew my attention, but I decided to ignore it. The only problem was that with the blaring music and my car in the driveway, it was pretty obvious I was home. The person was persistent. I realized that it had to be Kyle. I was still tempted to ignore the knock, but we were friends for too long for me to do that.

"I'm coming!" I hollered as I stood and went to the door. I threw it open and grumbled, "Shouldn't you be out with Shelly by now?"

Yet, instead of Kyle, Jodie was standing there. I hadn't realized that it was raining, but it was and she was soaked. The weather was unseasonably warm, but that meant rain and some rather nasty wind.

"Come in," I yelled so that I could be heard over the music. I felt almost numb as I turning and walking toward the bathroom. I returned with a towel. Jodie was still standing by the door but it was closed now and she was taking off her coat. I threw her the towel and went to my stereo. I turned off the music. For a moment the silence was almost deafening.

"You were wrong, you know," Jodie said slowly as she finished drying her face. She didn't even bother to say hello.

"About what?" I asked.

"I didn't love Ryan more than you."

"But..." I began. Jodie stepped close and stopped me from speaking by placing her fingers on my lips.

"That day by the pool was only a week after Ryan and I broke up. The hurt was fresh," she said. "I was in pain and you were there for me."

"Like a friend," I sighed sadly.

"Yes!" she snapped. "Like a friend! There's nothing wrong with that. I needed a friend and you were there. I told you things I never told another living soul!"

"I remember," I said glumly. "You told me how amazing sex was with Ryan, unlike the fiasco that happened with us."

"I did say that," Jodie said with a shake of her head. "And I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I sighed. "The truth is the truth."

"Do you remember our first and only time," she asked.

"Please, what a horror," I laughed, not really feeling any joy. "You and my parents dropped me off at college. They left us alone and we fumbled through a quick grope session. I'm not even sure we actually did it! In my defense, I was pretty clueless back then and we were rushed."

"Exactly!" Jodie cried, surprising me. "Not only that, but I wasn't really all that cooperative. I wasn't sure what I wanted to happen."

"What's your point?" I asked.

"Only that I doubt very much that your still clueless and I know what I want to happen this time," Jodie replied. I was tempted, sorely tempted. I wanted Jodie. I always had, but I still couldn't bare the thought of being someone she settled for. I moved away.

"I need to think," I said as I started pacing. It was all so surreal! It was almost as if I was afraid to take a chance on being happy. Jodie sat there watching me. I looked at her and she smiled.

"Come on," she teased. "You know you want to!" I burst out laughing. It was my first real laugh in days.

"Yes, but will you still love me in the morning?" I joked. Jodie grew serious.

"You were my first love too, you know," she said. "I never stopped caring and I never will. You need to believe that you are the love of my life also!"

I looked at her carefully and then shook my head and sighed. I was having a problem accepting what she was saying. I'd spent too many years sure that she cared more for Ryan than me.

"Why don't we just see what happens?" she asked with a smile as she leaned forward, obviously waiting for me to kiss her. Her meaning was plain to see.

I couldn't believe I was going to pass this chance up. Jodie was still the hottest women I'd ever met. I always dreamed of a second chance to make love to her. I screwed up so badly that first time! Yet, I couldn't do it. Not just for the sex. There was definitely something wrong with me!

"I need more than that," I finally said. Jodie frowned in surprise.

"Are you saying you don't want me?" she asked. I started laughing, almost hysterically.

"You've got to be kidding!" I cried. "I want you more than you can ever imagine!"

"Then what's the problem?" she asked. I moved close and looked into her eyes. Leaning forward, I kissed her. Our lips fit perfectly. I broke the kiss reluctantly. I was afraid it would be our last.

"I want all of you," I finally answered. "Body and soul. I want you to be my Valentine today, and for the rest of our lives." I made eye contact, trying to make her understand.

"Did you just propose to me?" Jodie asked, completely stunned. Her reasonable reaction bothered me.

"Why the surprise?" I asked with a shrug. "I was ready to marry you when we were eighteen. The years haven't changed that."

"But we're not even dating again, yet," she replied. I nodded sadly. Her reaction wasn't what I hoped for, but it was what I expected.

"I know," I sighed. "But if you truly felt the same way that I do, then it wouldn't matter." Jodie looked at me and we stood in silence for a couple of seconds.

"Sure, easy for you to say!" she finally grumbled. "You don't have to explain it to my mother!"

"And that would be your reason for not accepting my proposal?" I asked sarcastically. I knew she wasn't going to marry me, but she could have been more honest about why.

"Possibly," Jodie insisted, causing me to frown. She was not looking at me anymore, nor was she making sense.

"Oh come on!" I cried, "If that's the only reason, then I'll tell your mother!" Jodie looked at me suddenly and smiled.

"Deal!" she said.

"W-What?" I asked incredulously.

"If you tell my mother we're getting married, then I'll marry you," Jodie replied succinctly.

"But..." I began. Jodie cut me off.

"What the matter? Didn't you mean your proposal?" she asked. I shook my head, trying to clear it.

"Of course," I said. "But why would you want me to tell your mother?"

"Because her first reaction will be to say 'I told you so!' and I don't want to hear it!" Jodie replied.

"Your serious!" I said in surprise.

"Yes, you'll have to tell my mother," she replied.

"No!" I snapped as grabbed both of her arms and made her face me. "I mean you serious about marrying me." Jodie gently took my hand in hers and made me release her.

"Of course, that's not something a girl jokes about," she said softly as she looked into my eyes. "Only, please be sure that you want this. I've already had one failed marriage and I don't want to go through another messy divorce."

"Jodie," I said carefully. "I've always known that you are the love of my life. I'll never let you go if you marry me."

"Well then," she said. "Let's get married."

"Are you sure?" I asked. Jodie laughed.

"Of course," she said. "You're the reason I moved back to town. I told my mother that I wanted to see you and see if the magic was still there. She said that if I did we'd be engaged by the third date. I didn't believe her. I should have known better," Jodie smiled and I laughed.

"There is only one thing we need to address before making this engagement formal," she added. Her tone was light, but there was an underlying seriousness that concerned me.

"What?" I asked nervously.

"Well, there is the whole sexual compatibility issue we've yet to resolve." I felt relieved.

"Is that all?" I laughed.

"Aren't you concerned in the least that we won't be able to fulfill each other in that area?" she asked in surprise.

"No," I said succinctly, taking her by the hand and leading her toward my bedroom.

"But..." she began, laughing nervously. I shushed her. I knew that there was no way I wouldn't be satisfied by Jodie. I also knew that I'd do whatever it took to satisfy her. I wasn't an inexperienced boy anymore and God wasn't that cruel.

We entered my bedroom and I pulled Jodie to me. She was still a little uncomfortable, but I kissed her passionately until she relaxed.

"You were always a great kisser," she sighed. I smiled.

"You too," I said, and then grinning added, "Now take off your clothes."

"Oh, very romantic!" she said laughing nervously.

"I've never seen you completely naked," I smiled. "I've dreamed about it for years."

"No pressure!" she grinned. I looked at her and finally realized a truth I'd been missing.

"You're not comfortable with your body," I said in amazement.

"Who is?" she asked with a forced laugh.

"Oh come on!" I said with a roll of my eyes. "You're the hottest woman I've ever known! Other women would kill for your body!" She looked at me nervously, but she was smiling.

"Maybe when I was eighteen," she said dismissively and looked away. I took her chin in my hand and forced her to look into my eyes.

"Take off your clothes and let me see you," I insisted.

"But what if you're disappointed?"

"That's impossible," I answered confidently. Jodie looked into my eyes and saw the sincerity there.

"Can I have a glass of water?" she asked. I could tell she was stalling, but that was okay. I wasn't in a rush.

"Sure," I replied and made my way to the kitchen. I took my time trying to give her a chance to come to grips with the situation. I grinned when I returned because Jodie was already in my bed with the covers at her neck. I looked and saw her clothes thrown over a chair.

"Here is your water," I said.

"Put it over there, shut the light and come to bed," she smiled. I put the glass down and moved to the bed. "The light," she reminded me. I shook my head.

"I like the light," I said as I started undressing. Jodie watched me, once again looking nervous. I smiled because I saw her bite her bottom lip when I was left with only my underwear. I hadn't been shy in years. I took them off in one smooth motion. She looked away quickly, but not before she saw my semi hard cock.

"You can stop being so shy and embarrassed," I said. "It's only you and me here and no one will never know what we do together."

"I'm trying," Jodie said, forcing herself to turn back toward me. "I'm just not used to this."

"How can you say that?" I asked. "You were married for years and then there was Ryan and whoever else."

"Don't be a jerk," Jodie sighed. "There was only my ex, Ryan and you. My ex preferred the darkness."

"And Ryan?" I asked.

"Well," she replied with a shrug. "To be honest we were both pretty drunk the few times we did it."

"You're not drunk now," I said.

"I know," she laughed nervously. I took one of her hands from the clutched blanket and moved it to my dick. Jodie took it tentatively as I stood beside the bed.

"Tell me what you're thinking?" I asked. Jodie looked up and met my gaze for the first time since I reentered the room.

"Well, for one thing," she smiled. "You're bigger than I remember."

"That's because you never really touched me except through my pants," I replied before asking, "What else are you thinking?" Jodie hesitated, but then shrugged to herself.

"Your also bigger than either my ex or Ryan."

"That's nice to know," I laughed as I felt her really take hold of my cock and start stroking it.

"I also like the way it feels and looks," she said. "I've never really done this with a light on." She looked at me and smiled timidly.

"Your welcome to look as much as you like," I smiled. "I wouldn't mind if you kept touching me as well."

"I'm sure," Jodie laughed, release some of her tension.

"Do you want to know what I'm thinking?" I asked with a grin.

"I'm not sure," Jodie replied uncertainly.

"Well," I replied. "I'm wondering what it would feel like if you used your mouth." Jodie looked up and me and blushed deeply, but her eyes also sparkled.

"Let's see," she said as she leaned forward and took the head of my cock into her mouth.

"Very nice!" I moaned.

"If you liked that," Jodie said, looking more comfortable for the moment. "Then you'll love this!" She then proceeded to use her other hand to caress my balls while she tried to take my entire cock into her mouth. It didn't quite fit, but if anything, Jodie seemed more excited by the fact. She continued for a while before switching to licking and sucking my balls as she used one hand to stroke my dick. I couldn't take much of that.

"Jodie, I'm going to cum if you don't stop!" I cried. She looked up at me and smiled hotly before taking the head of my cock into her mouth once more. That was all it took.

"Cumming!" I cried. Jodie moaned as my orgasm hit me. My cum sprayed into her mouth and she swallowed it all. I pretty much fell into the bed once I was done. Jodie rested her head on my shoulder as I caught my breath.

"Your turn," I said, reaching for the covers that still covered her body. Once again Jodie laughed nervously.

"You can't possibly be ready so quickly!" she said. I smiled and shrugged.

"I'm not," I replied. "But it won't be long. Especially not after I see you naked!" I tried to pull the covers off of Jodie but she fought me. I laughed and wrestled them from her grip. She fought so hard that I had to literally throw the covers off the bed.

"I'm cold!" she complained, trying to reach over the edge of the bed and grab the sheet while simultaneously trying to cover her body with her hands. I took them both and pinned them over her head. Jodie stopped fighting and looked at me nervously. I smiled and took a long slow look at her nakedness.

"Holy shit!" I said as I held her still. I finally got a chance to appreciate Jodie's body. "It's even more amazing then I expected!"

"You're just saying that!" Jodie snapped. I leaned forward and kissed her. I thrust my tongue into her mouth and she readily accepted it.

"Feel this!" I demanded, rubbing my hardening dick against her belly. "Do you think I could get hard so quickly if you weren't so amazing?" Jodie's eyes lit up.

"I want to feel you inside of me!" she said suddenly. I grinned.

"Soon," I promised, moving down her body and trailing kisses from her lips to her chest. I was still holding her arms over her head. She was stiffened again. "Just relax!"

I kissed the sides of her breasts and slowly made my way to her prominent nipples. I licked one and Jodie gasped. I looked up and saw her watching me. I winked and then growled as I gently took the nipple between my teeth and nibbled on it. I continued until I could smell her excitement fill the room, then I let go of her arms and started kissing my way down her body again.

"Where are you going?" Jodie asked in surprise.

"Where do you think?" I replied. She looked at me in disbelief.

"You're not going to kiss me down there, are you?" she asked. I shook my head silently. It sounded like she never had a man do this to her before. What kind of fool was her ex?

"Just be quiet and enjoy," I said as my tongue found her nest.

"Stop that!" Jodie cried, once again trying to push me away, but she wasn't nearly strong enough. My tongue found her slit and she gasped.

"That's so nasty!" she cried, but she stopped pushing me away. "You shouldn't be doing that!"

"Don't be silly," I replied, taking my mouth away from her pussy briefly. "I should be doing anything and everything that gives you pleasure. I love you and bringing you joy is my job."

"You're serious. You'd do anything?" She half stated and half asked.

"At least once," I joked, and then asked, "Is there anything special you want me to do?"

"No," she said quickly, but then she smiled and added, "Just keep doing what you're doing!" I smiled and refocused on her pussy. I purposely stayed away from her clit for a time. Her pussy was already steaming hot and it accepted my tongue hungrily.

"Oh my God! Your tongue is wicked!" she cried a few minutes later. She then gasped and added, "I'm going to cum and you haven't even fucked me yet!" She sounded amazed. I grinned and let my tongue drift to her clit. She grabbed my head and mashed my face into her pussy.

"I'm cumming!" she screamed. I drove my tongue deep and was reward when her cum sprayed into my mouth. Jodie cried out and thrashed about for quite a while. She lay there catching her breath afterward. I took her into my arms.