First Meditation in Pain

Collect a firm chair and place it beside the bed. Gather the packets of Muji clips you purchased earlier and place them on the bedside table. You should have a minimum of three packs, or 60 clips. Place your wand or vibrator in easy reach as well.

Undress.

Pull the chair up beside the bed facing a blank wall. Sit on the edge of the chair. Hold your back straight and your head high. Allow your arms to drop beside you. Now, rest them in your lap. Sit very still for a few moments and consider your breathing. Allow your back, your bones, to hold you up.

Sit with a straight back. Feel gravity, the movement of the air on your skin and listen to the sounds of the room. Let your mind settle. If a thought, a panic or a fear manifests, say "thinking" to yourself and let it go. Now let your mind move out and up: into the room, the house, the world. Remain sitting until you feel calm, collected.

When you have settled, begin. Take the packet of clips from the table beside the bed. Remove the plastic. Set the clips, still neatly arranged on their backing, in your lap. Hold them lightly and consider their potential.

Breath slowly and remove one from its nest. Hold it up, turn it in your hands and look at it from all sides. It is small, but has great power. Take your left nipple between your thumb and forefinger. Roll it. Squeeze it. Imagine all of the lovers that have suckled there, all of those that have felt need and longing with this sensitive part of you in their mouths. When you are ready, bring the clip to the nipple and attach it directly and gently. Allow the pain to spread, paying close attention to this first sensation. Breathe and sit and appreciate the feeling of movement this creates beneath your skin.

Settle and focus on the pain, on your breathing. Remove another clip and hold it in your right hand. Let it rest in your lap while you consider direction. Spread your legs. Gather a fold of skin from your thigh between thumb and forefinger. Hold the clip open and over the fold. Pause for three full breaths. Quickly set the clip and focus on the sensation. Remember to breathe.

When you are ready, take another clip. Breathing now through your nose, hold your tongue out. Place the clip over your tongue and pause for three full breaths again. As you exhale the third, release the clip. Remember, clips fall from your tongue easily, and so you may need to re-set it. If you do lose it, do not falter or panic, simply recover and replace the clip and carry on.

Continuing to focus on correct placement, your breathing and your growing pain; continue to set the clips across your body. Do not yet attach any on your genitals or your septum. Pause after each clip is place and allow the pain to spread and settle. Soon, this will become a genuine struggle. Take a moment to scan the individual, white hot bites on your body, label the pain by saying "thinking" and carry on. Breathe. Be sure you leave three clips free.

When only three clips remain, you must pause and consider. Count sixty full, slow breaths. If circumstances threaten to overwhelm you, focus your mind completely only on your out breath and imagine the pain leaving you. As you do, consider the source of the panic: where did arise? Where does it now abide? Where does it go when it dissipates?

At the end of the sixtieth breath, take one of the three remaining clips and consider it. Draw a breath and hold it for a moment. As you let it out, move the clip up and place it on your septum. Make any noise that you need to to settle yourself, but do not stop full, regular breathing.

Pause for five breaths and collect yourself. Now take the next clip. Prepare your mental state for 10 breaths. On the tenth breath, slowly spread the lips of you vulva, find your clitoris, and pause. Stroke yourself and consider the pleasure this gives you. Consider now the anxiety the clip represents. Continue breathing and slowly move the clip over your clitoris. When you are ready, release it.

Take three full breaths and consider the agony you are now experiencing. Still shaking, turn and take the last clip. Maintain your composure as best you can. Move the last clip over your clitoris, below the previous one. Pause again for three full breaths before you release it.

Groan, scream and appreciate your suffering for a moment. Now, using the focus on your breath to bring yourself back. Continue to breath, continue to focus on the outbreath until you are able to resume a normal posture.

When you are collected, take your wand and switch it on. Consider the wand. Normally an object of pleasure, now it will be both that and a source of pain. It will be overwhelming. Holding your legs apart and still breathing regularly, slowly bring the wand into play on your clipped clitoris. Play the wand over yourself and focus on all the sensations and feelings you are now experiencing. Immediate pain, sexual pleasure tinged with sore ache, the sound of the wand, the sound of the want rattling the clips. Continue to apply the wand until you are nearly at climax.

As you approach climax, do not shy from it, but pay close attention to the sensation as it builds and grows. Also pay close attention to the way it mostly mitigates the pain. Allow yourself free movement, but maintain your breathing. You may writhe, buck, stand, do whatever is necessary, but now you must focus on attaining release. The moment you are complete, you must remove the clitorial clips. Do it quickly, without opening. Pull them off and abandon yourself to the spasms that follow.

When these have passed, continue on, removing the septum clip, and then all the other clips, the same way. Shut off the wand if you have not already done so.

Now, resume your original posture and consider what you have just experienced. Consider all the pain, the pleasure and the way in which it affected you. Hold this focus for ten full breaths and then you are released.